Chapter 12 #2
I found her sitting on a rock at the outskirts of our pack’s territory, her legs curled beneath her.
She must have smelled me approaching—I could tell by the way she stiffened slightly.
It was still strange to think about how we could pick up each other’s scents so distinctly, how her own was already starting to change and become stronger as her turn came closer.
I shifted behind her, the sound of the familiar crack of bones rearranging into place fading as I pulled on a pair of pants.
"You knew," I said simply, my voice low but firm.
Rose nodded, her back still turned to me.
"You knew," I repeated, stepping closer, "and you let me go on and on about how I was going to make Lexia my luna?" My tone hardened, accusation slipping into my words. "Were you laughing at me the whole time? The alpha too blind to even know his own pack’s rules?"
She turned then, her gaze locking onto mine. For a moment, I forgot what I was saying—forgot everything, really—because she looked so damn beautiful, flushed from running, her wild mahogany waves catching the sunlight.
"It’s not like that," she said vehemently, beautiful green eyes flashing. "I... I felt bad for you. You want Lexia, and you’re stuck with me," she choked out, voice thick with emotion.
I saw the way she looked down at herself. Like she thought she wasn’t good enough. As if she didn't have any idea how fucking stunning she actually was.
My instinct to reassure her that she was perfect bubbled up inside of me.
“You can stop worrying about me," she went on, her voice bitter now. My hands itched to fold her into me reassuringly. “I can only imagine how hard it must be for you to keep your hands off Lexia, all because you’re afraid it might hurt me physically. I’ve seen you two kiss. It doesn’t hurt me; I don’t think you both sleeping together will hurt me either.
If it does, I’ll figure a way around it. You can stop being celibate."
The venom in her voice was impossible to miss.
I was silent for a long moment, just watching her. She stood there defiantly, pink-cheeked and furious, and I—goddess help me—found myself drawn to her. Maybe it was because I had just shifted back from my wolf, but everything about her seemed... heightened. Alluring. Beautiful.
I turned away abruptly, pretending to scan the perimeter, hands on my hips. I had to look away from her to gather my thoughts.
"You know..." I said, mostly to myself. "That’s not all that defines my relationship with Lexia. I’m not with her just for a quick roll between the sheets. When two people really care about each other, it’s not the only important thing."
Yeah. I was trying to convince myself I was still in love with Lexia.
"Seemed like it to her," Rose snapped.
I turned back, smirking despite myself, trying to lighten the mood. “Why do you seem so upset? Can you blame her? I’m a beast in bed."
"Stop trying to change the subject. The last thing I want to discuss is if you’re good in bed."
I stepped forward, lowering my voice. "There’s no ‘if,’ Princess."
She scoffed. "I can’t believe I’m having this conversation with you."
I watched as she barely came up to my shoulder, refusing to meet my gaze.
"So what are we going to do?" I asked, standing close—too close.
"You could step down to be with Lexia," she whispered.
I let out a bitter laugh. "If the person you loved asked you to give up your dreams, would you? Would it be worth it?"
She was quiet. That was answer enough. Then, finally, she spoke.
"It would never be worth it. To give up your life’s ambitions and goals for someone would only end up making you bitter. It’s one thing to put your plans on hold to help your other half, but it’s entirely another thing to forgo your ambitions."
I stared at her, taken aback. She said it with such certainty. And she was right.
"We... we could do the mating ceremony," she offered hesitantly. "You could keep seeing Lexia. I mean, as long as—"
I laughed again, shaking my head. "I guess my mom didn’t tell you everything. Do you even know what a mating ceremony entails?"
"It’s like the equivalent of marriage for werewolves," she said, her eyes sincere.
Mine, on the other hand, were full of derision.
"You mate," I said flatly. "Some do it in their wolf form during the ceremony for everyone to see—"
"No!" she gasped, horrified.
I smirked at her reaction, wanting to completely scandalize her sensibilities. Maybe then she’d stop offering herself up like a lamb for slaughter. She deserved so much more than what I could give her.
"Some do it in private," I continued. "But the ceremony isn’t complete until you mate and mark each other."
"You could mark me. Maybe that would be enough," she suggested, wringing her hands.
"That’s something extremely intimate. Why do you think I haven’t marked Lexia?
In a lot of ways, it’s more personal than sex.
" I held her gaze, making sure she understood.
I would have to be blunt with her. "Once you mark your mate, you become completely in tune with their feelings, their thoughts. You can see inside each other’s minds.
.. relive memories. Would you really be okay with that?
With a sham mate? Me marking you while still seeing Lexia in secret?
" I scoffed. "Is that really what you want?
Are you really that desperate to be luna? "
"It’s not about me wanting to be luna!" she snapped. "It’s for you! I don’t want you to be miserable! Don’t you see? I’m just trying to help you stay alpha but still be able to be with Lexia in some way."
I studied her, exhaling slowly. She deserved so much better!
"I want to be of use to the pack," she whispered. "You know my past. It feels good to... to belong. They have my back, and I want to have theirs. If that means I have to fulfill a role as their luna, I’ll do it. No matter what it costs."
My stomach clenched. She is going to be a formidable luna. The thought came unbidden, and I shook it away.
"What happened to the girl who said she wanted to fall in love?" I challenged.
"She still does," she murmured. "But she’s grown up. She’s learned that love doesn’t only take the form of a lover. It can be the love of a parent, of a mentor... of our pack," she finished softly. “A friend."
A strange emotion gripped my chest. Could we ever be friends?
She was willing to sacrifice her happiness for this. And what kind of man would I be to use her, knowing that? To take everything from her and give nothing in return?
Not for the first time, I remembered what she had said to me in her car...
Don’t I deserve a chance at happiness too?
Something deep inside me—something primal—recoiled at the thought of Rose finding happiness with someone else. Of her in someone else’s arms.
I let out a slow, heavy breath, feeling the weight of it all settle onto my shoulders.
"I feel things," I admitted quietly. "Things I shouldn’t be feeling when it comes to you. It’s the mate pull, compelling us to bond, but... it’s not fair to Lexia. I haven’t even wanted to... to sleep with her. Not like before, anyway."
I didn’t know why I was telling her this. Maybe because it felt right. Because she wouldn’t judge me.
"So it’s not just your fault if I’m abstaining," I added.
She nodded, understanding.
"I need time," I said finally. “To think."
And before she could respond, I turned away, shifting into my wolf, my clothes tearing as I did. My wolf glanced back at her, almost longingly, before I ran into the woods.
And Rose didn’t call me back, just watched me leave.
She let me go.