Chapter 13
Dear Sienna
Sienna couldn't sleep.
She tossed and turned for what felt like hours before finally giving up around six in the morning.
Running had always helped clear her mind.
Even as a child, she'd found comfort in the rhythm of her feet hitting the ground. It gave her a chance to think—not only about the past, but about whatever came next.
This morning, there was only Cole.
Their conversation from the night before replayed in her head as she ran through the quiet village.
No promises.
She'd meant it.
At least, she thought she had.
The village was nearly deserted at this hour, except for the main bakery, which had just opened. The smell of freshly baked bread drifted through the air, and Sienna made a mental note to stop on her way home.
She continued toward the water.
In the distance, lights twinkled around the boat dock.
Something about the view drew her closer.
Maybe the ocean would give her the clarity she desperately needed.
As she approached the bridge connecting the dock to the village, Sienna slowed to catch her breath.
Then she saw someone.
A man sat near the edge of the bridge facing the horizon.
There was something familiar about his silhouette.
Sienna knew before she saw his face.
Cole.
She approached slowly.
He must have sensed her because he turned.
Then stood.
"What are you doing here?"
Sienna didn't bother hiding her surprise.
Cole smiled.
"I came to watch the sunrise."
He nodded toward the empty space beside him.
"Care to join me?"
Something about his smile was almost innocent.
Sienna couldn't resist.
She sat.
Cole lowered himself beside her.
He wore gym shorts and a fitted shirt, with small beads of sweat along his hairline. He'd apparently been running too.
"What are you doing here?" he asked.
"Couldn't sleep."
Sienna kept the answer deliberately short.
A long silence followed.
She could feel Cole looking at her.
Sienna kept her attention on the horizon, waiting for the first brilliant streaks of sunlight.
Then Cole spoke.
"You're never going to forgive me, are you?"
Her chest tightened.
It was a fair question.
And for some reason, being brutally honest felt easier here.
Maybe it was the ocean.
Maybe the sunrise.
Or maybe she was simply tired of lying to both of them.
"I don't think I can, Cole."
She finally looked at him.
"I'm not sure this will ever work. Even if it did..."
Sienna swallowed.
"We're worlds apart."
There.
She'd finally said it.
Cole lowered his head.
The words hurt him.
She could see it.
But he didn't argue.
Didn't try to convince her she was wrong.
After a moment, he looked toward the horizon.
"Can I have one sunrise with you?"
Sienna's eyes filled.
"You're already here."
A small smile touched her lips.
"Sure."
They sat side by side as the sun slowly appeared over the water.
Neither spoke.
They didn't need to.
The brilliant orange light spread across the horizon until the ocean itself seemed to glow.
For a few minutes, everything was peaceful.
Then Cole stood.
"Thank you."
Sienna looked up.
He was leaving.
She rose too.
"I'm sorry, Cole."
Her voice trembled.
"I thought I could get past it. Believe me, I've tried."
"You don't ever have to apologize to me."
Their eyes met.
Both were dangerously close to tears.
Cole stepped forward and kissed her softly on the cheek.
"Goodbye, Sienna."
Her heart broke.
Again.
She watched him walk away.
This time, she didn't stop him.
* * *
Cole spent the remainder of the morning trying to change his flight.
He wanted Montana.
His house.
His lake.
His dock.
The quiet life he'd built because solitude was easier than admitting how miserable he was without Sienna.
Fortunately, he managed to get his original flight back.
He showered.
Packed.
And tried not to think.
As he zipped his suitcase, something fell onto the floor.
His journal.
Cole froze.
The small black book stared up at him like an accusation.
He'd almost forgotten he'd brought it.
For nearly a year, that journal had been the only place he'd allowed himself to tell the truth.
Things he'd never said aloud.
Things he'd never intended anyone to read.
Every entry had been written to her.
Sienna.
Cole picked it up.
He should destroy it.
Throw it away.
Burn it.
Instead, he carried it to the small desk near the villa entrance.
He found a piece of paper and wrote:
Sienna,
I wanted you to have this.
I've never been much of a writer, but this journal was the only way I could keep you close.
It says everything I never had the courage to tell you.
—Cole
He wrapped the note around the journal and tied it with a piece of twine taken from a nearby flower arrangement.
His boat was leaving soon.
If he hurried, he could drop it at her villa and still make the dock.
Cole walked quickly down the path.
By the time he reached Sienna's porch, he had less than ten minutes.
He placed the journal beside her door.
Then left.
Fast.
As though putting enough distance between himself and those pages might somehow make what he'd written hurt less.
With every step, Cole forced another emotion down.
Until eventually, he felt nothing at all.
* * *
Sienna spent the morning keeping herself busy.
She called people she hadn't spoken to in months.
Cleaned a kitchen that was already spotless.
Reorganized a cabinet that didn't need reorganizing.
Anything to keep herself from thinking about Cole.
She told herself she'd done the right thing.
She could return to her peaceful life now.
No uncertainty.
No risk.
No one capable of breaking her heart.
Being alone was safe.
And she was proud of herself for not crying.
By her third phone call, someone knocked.
Sienna checked the time.
Groceries.
She'd arranged for a delivery around noon, and knowing Mama Two, the order had probably arrived early.
Sienna opened the door.
Johanna stood there holding a large burlap sack.
"Perfect timing."
Sienna kissed her cheek.
"Thank you."
Before she could close the door, Johanna stopped her.
"This was by your door."
She handed Sienna a small package.
Sienna frowned.
"Do you know who left it?"
Johanna shook her head.
Sienna thanked her again and carried everything into the kitchen.
She set the groceries on the granite island.
Then examined the package.
A small black journal.
Wrapped in twine.
She untied it.
The note was underneath.
Sienna read it.
Once.
Then again.
Her heart began to pound.
She opened the journal.
The first page was dated nearly a year earlier.
Dear Sienna...
She flipped to another.
Dear Sienna...
Another.
Dear Sienna...
Nearly the entire journal was filled.
Dates spanning almost a year.
Page after page.
Cole had written to her.
About Montana.
About Pit.
About his guilt.
His loneliness.
His dreams.
His memories.
His love for her.
Sienna closed the book.
She couldn't breathe.
All this time, she'd believed she'd been the only one suffering.
But there it was.
In black ink.
Proof that Cole had been hurting too.
She walked to her wine collection and poured herself a generous glass of Merlot.
Then stared at the journal from across the kitchen.
Eventually, curiosity won.
Sienna returned to the island and sat.
She picked up the journal as though it were made of glass.
Her mind told her to start at the beginning.
Her heart chose differently.
She flipped toward the back and stopped randomly.
Through tear-filled eyes, she read.
Dear Sienna,
The weather today is beautiful. The trees are turning orange, and the air is crisp enough for a jacket.
I had that dream again last night.
We went skiing together.
You kept making fun of how clumsy I was and throwing snowballs at me. Somehow the snowball fight ended with us running into the cabin to get warm beside the fire.
We made love.
You fell asleep in my arms.
Then I woke up.
I reached for you, and you weren't there.
The only comfort I have is knowing I'll see you again in my dreams.
Sienna lowered the journal.
Tears slipped freely down her cheeks.
Love wasn't supposed to hurt this much.
Was it?
For almost a year, she'd tried to convince herself that Cole had moved on.
That she'd mattered more to herself than she'd ever mattered to him.
But the journal told another story.
She looked toward the door.
Cole was leaving.
The realization struck her like lightning.
"Oh my God."
Sienna jumped from the stool.
She grabbed her purse, shoved her feet into shoes, and snatched a pair of sunglasses from the counter.
She was probably already too late.
But she had to try.
Journal still in hand, Sienna rushed toward the front door.
She yanked it open—
And ran directly into Cole.
The impact sent her stumbling backward.
Cole caught her.
For a second, they simply stared at each other.
He was breathing heavily.
As though he'd run all the way back.
"I couldn't leave."
His words came fast.
Desperate.
"Sienna, I couldn't leave like this. This isn't how it's supposed to end."
Her heart pounded.
"I know you think we're worlds apart, but what if we're not?"
Cole stepped closer.
"What if we go our separate ways and spend the rest of our lives wondering what would've happened if we'd just—"
Sienna dropped her purse.
Then kissed him.
Hard.
Cole's arms wrapped around her immediately.
He lifted her, and Sienna locked her legs around his waist.
Every ounce of restraint they'd exercised disappeared.
They were starved for each other.
Clothes hit the floor between open-mouthed kisses as Cole carried her farther inside.
He lowered her gently onto the nearest rug and spread her legs.
His mouth traveled down her body, leaving a trail of kisses along her skin until his tongue plunged directly into her pussy.
Sienna's stomach constricted from the pleasure.
Her hips lifted instinctively.
Nothing else mattered.
Not the past.
Not the future.
Only Cole.
His tongue grazed her clit, sending heat racing through her body.
Sienna cried out and grabbed his hair, holding on as the pleasure intensified.
Cole continued until her body trembled beneath him.
Then slowly kissed his way back up her body.
Her thigh.
Her stomach.
Her breasts.
Until they were face-to-face again.
Sienna could smell herself on him.
His lips were wet and swollen.
Cole brushed the hair away from her face and kissed the corner of her mouth.
"I've dreamed of this moment."
Sienna's mouth curved.
"Did this happen after our snowball fight?"
Cole froze.
His face turned bright red as he realized she'd read the journal.
Sienna smiled.
She reached between them and wrapped her hand firmly around his cock.
He was already hard, pre-cum coating her palm as she stroked him.
Cole buried his face against her neck.
His breathing grew ragged.
Then suddenly, he shifted them.
Cole lay on his back.
Sienna straddled him and slowly lowered herself onto his shaft.
Both moaned at the connection.
She rode him slowly, watching his face while intertwining her fingers with his.
Cole knew he wouldn't last long.
There was no point pretending otherwise.
He'd spent a year dreaming about this woman.
Dreaming about touching her.
Holding her.
Being inside her again.
Cole slowly sat up, careful not to break their connection.
Sienna wrapped her arms around his neck.
He cupped her breast and kissed her deeply, sliding his tongue into her mouth.
She tasted exactly as he remembered.
Emotion overwhelmed him.
Tears burned behind his eyes as his body tightened.
He came hard inside her, burying his face against her skin.
Sienna held him.
Neither moved.
It was raw.
Messy.
Beautiful.
Everything they'd spent the past year trying to forget.
Cole eventually lifted his head.
His eyes met hers.
"I think we're worth giving a chance."
Sienna touched his face.
This time, there was no hesitation.
No fear about tomorrow.
No promise that everything would be perfect.
Just the truth.
"I think we are too."
Cole kissed her.
Sienna wrapped herself around him, and they remained together on the rug long after their breathing returned to normal.
Neither seemed willing to be the first one to let go.
And this time, neither of them said goodbye.