Chapter 12 #3
“You’re not the only one good at masking your true feelings,” he shouldn’t have said it, but the truth spilled past his lips anyway.
“Save your breath.”
Right, he wouldn’t believe him now. He may have faked a lot of things, but Shiloh’s trust issues were very real. And it wasn’t like Sarang had given him much to trust, now that he’d found out about the life-bond.
“I was angry at first,” Shiloh told him. “I almost wanted to hurt you.”
“Do so if you wish.”
“Don’t be a martyr. It’s too late for that angle. Ask me why I was angry, Rang.”
“Because I lied and betrayed you.”
“Because you made me feel,” he corrected, sneering the word with obvious discontent.
“Because I’d bought into the bullshit and thought you felt something toward me that wasn’t based off a bid for money and power.
Romantic love isn’t real, but I thought you loved me in your own way.
I thought I could play off of that and convince you I was worthy to commit to. ”
He thought he was the one who’d needed to be worthy?
Sarang shook his head, but the omega wasn’t finished.
“But it turns out, you’re only slightly better than the rest. Sure, a lesser man would have claimed me that night, but you did the respectable thing and held back. Points for that, I suppose. Sticking around, making me believe you care? That’s fucked up.”
“I do care about you,” he said. “That’s why I’ve never allowed myself to have you.”
“You think rutting strangers who smell a little like me is a show of care?” Shiloh laughed. “You’re mistaking love for lust.”
“Even though we can’t recall it, we slept together after I healed you. You mentioned it yourself just before. Trauma connections. I was worried that’s what this was.”
“You think you want to fuck me just because—”
“Not me,” he cut him off. “You.”
Shiloh stared at him silently for a moment. “So you were aware of my crush.”
“Not consciously.” He’d never allowed himself to go there, shut those thoughts down whenever the omega did something that made him think maybe it was possible.
“There’s no telling what type of effects the life-bond has on you.
That, coupled with the trauma connection…
Your feelings are misplaced. A byproduct of what happened to you that weekend. ”
“I always praised you for your intelligence,” he drawled, “but I was wrong. You’re the biggest idiot on the planet. Perhaps even in the entire galaxy.”
This was getting them nowhere, so Sarang pivoted.
“Saving your life that night isn’t enough for you to forgive me, because you’ve never valued your life,” he supposed. “Both then, and recently in the parking garage, you welcomed death.”
“I had nothing to live for.”
“Had?”
Shiloh shrugged. “Now there’s you.”
“Prince.”
“Did you find our fucking such a hardship?”
“Prince.”
“Don’t worry,” he said. “I’ll give you time to realize how wrong you are.”
Sarang felt a prickle of panic when Shiloh moved for the door. “Wait.”
“You’ve had enough close proximity to strengthen the life-bond,” Shiloh stated. Then he paused and cocked his head. “I always wondered why you’d seem like the energy was zapped out of you sometimes. Now it all makes sense. I understand why you really came to get me on Synastry last month as well.”
Last…month?
He’d been out of it for at least two weeks then.
Sarang would have to deal with that later, right now, he needed to keep Shiloh here. Keep the conversation going.
The fear of losing him was too great.
It was selfish, but Sarang was still too greedy not to hold on.
“You can access my qi from great distances, yeah, but not from another planet,” Shiloh concluded.
He didn’t appear to be hurt. Not even angry, like he claimed he was earlier. The omega was calm. Despite all of his words to the contrary, he didn’t appear to be bothered by any of this at all.
“I don’t know who you really are anymore.” Sarang may as well be staring down a stranger.
“Ditto, alpha.”
Fair.
“What other lies were there?” Sarang asked.
“Too many to list,” Shiloh replied.
“I only had the one.”
“Did you?” He clicked his tongue. “Think long and hard about that one. Your lie had a trickle effect, same as mine.”
“Everything I did for you, I did because I wanted to,” Shiloh swore. “It had nothing to do with the bond. I went to Synastry because I was worried about you. No other reason.”
“I don’t believe you.”
“I can go over a month without needing to stabilize the life-bond, Shiloh.”
“Didn’t seem that way.”
“I was injured these past couple of weeks, that’s why. If it’s bad enough to be life threatening, having my partner physically present helps speed up the process.”
“So you need to keep me close in case you’re hurt.” He nodded. “Noted.”
“You’re twisting my words.”
“You’ve made it very easy for me to do so.”
“Shiloh—”
“Enough, Rang. I think some time apart will do us both good.” He placed his hand over the doorknob. “Stay here and be a good alpha for me, won’t you?”
“Shiloh, damn it!” He pulled against his chains, but it was no use.
The omega turned his back on him and walked out.