Chapter 22 #2
“Should I tell you why?” he asked casually, like this wasn’t also part of his plan.
Like he wasn’t doing all of this to probe Shiloh and lead him to the conclusions he wanted him to have.
In the past, he would have felt burdened by guilt over his deceptions, but not now.
There was no reason for him to feel ashamed for tricking the younger man.
The omega wanted to be his.
Sarang was merely complying.
Besides, Shiloh could handle it. Deserved it, honestly. Years fooling others was bound to come back on him karmically.
“Why?” Shiloh was far too interested in hearing the answer. It was cute.
Very akin to the inquisitive person he’d always been around Sarang.
So that was real as well. His need to understand and piece together emotional responses.
How they happened and why. His inability to recognize the cause and effect even within himself.
Shiloh was too hypervigilant. He had a one-track mind—a crafty one, but one that only saw the forest for the trees.
“You like me, omega.” Sarang watched closely for any minute change in his expression.
“Duh.” Shiloh set his cards down. “I’d say ditto, but since the Shiloh you liked is a person who never existed, I guess the joke is on me this time around.”
That was the perfect leadup. He was making this easy without even knowing it.
Another thing that hadn’t changed.
Shiloh had always let his guard down around Sarang. He just hadn’t realized it.
“It’s your turn.” Sarang collected the cards and began shuffling, even though they hadn’t finished this round. When Shiloh gave him a puzzled look, he elaborated. “I suggested we both admit we were wrong, remember?”
“I already agreed that I tricked you.”
“Not that.”
He frowned, the first spark of annoyance flickering to life in his blue eyes. “I’m not following, Rang. Speak plainly.”
“There was enough truth mixed in with the lie that you aren’t as big of a stranger to me as you think.”
“If you insist on believing that, I can’t stop you,” Shiloh drawled, “But you’re wrong. Same way you were wrong about me liking you because of the bond. You’re a master at twisting things to fit your narrative.”
“I think you should look in the mirror, omega.”
“Give me one and I will.”
Sarang had known it would be difficult to get Shiloh to see he wasn’t as heartless as he’d convinced himself he was.
Maybe that perception had been cultivated by his mother, maybe it’d been mere survival instincts kicking in when he’d been young and vulnerable, and the only way to live was by being brutal and vicious.
Kian was friends with the Imperial Heir, Altair. But he wouldn’t run into a burning building to save him if it put his own life at risk.
Something told Sarang his omega wouldn’t react the same in a similar situation.
“If Bishop was trapped in a blizzard, would you go after him?” Sarang asked.
Shiloh’s brow furrowed. “Uh, yeah. Why wouldn’t I?”
“Even if there was a good chance you’d freeze to death?”
“Bishop would risk his life for me without a second thought. Of course I’d do the same for him.” He fisted one hand. “Have you done something to him, Rang?”
“Would you choose him over me?”
“I wouldn’t choose anyone over you. But you would never ask me to.”
“No?” Sarang was curious why he thought that.
“You aren’t a cruel person.”
“Tell that to the dead men who were trying to kidnap you at the café.”
“They shot Rhovan,” he said. “They deserved it. But Bishop doesn’t. Everything he did to you he did under my order. Don’t hurt him for simply doing what you’re asking me to do.”
“Which is?”
“Be good.”
Now that he’d confirmed without a shadow of a doubt that Shiloh truly cared for others, Sarang was confident he could proceed.
“Do you think the Lefthand loves you?” Sarang questioned, only for his omega to roll his eyes.
“He’s loyal because he owes me a life debt. Love doesn’t have anything to do with it.”
“Because you don’t think it’s possible for anyone to love you?”
Shiloh gave him a strange look. “…What are you actually getting at here, Rang?”
“You claimed you lied to try and get me to like you, but that isn’t true. You don’t want me to just like you, omega. You want me to love you. Only, you don’t think that’s possible, do you?”
Could Sarang blame him? His mother, sister, and brother all lacked traditional emotion responses and connections, same as him. He’d grown up abused and pushed past his limits, stuck in an endless cycle of proving his worth and fighting for the respect and attention of those around him.
But love?
It made sense Shiloh wouldn’t recognize it. Not in himself, or in others.
“Bullshit.” Shiloh crossed his arms. “Love is irrelevant. I just don’t want you to hate me so you’ll give me the bite. You don’t have to love me to claim me.”
“Why do you want me to claim you?”
“Because I like you.”
“If I promised to give you the bite, but told you I would never like you back, not ever, you’d be fine with that?”
“Of course—” Shiloh slammed his mouth shut and clenched his jaw so hard Sarang feared he’d crack teeth. “Is there someone else, alpha?”
“If there is?” There wasn’t. Never had been. Never would be. Sarang had accepted that.
“You swore you wouldn’t sleep with another.”
“And I won’t. But that doesn’t mean I can’t think about them.”
“While you’re fucking me?”
Sarang shrugged like it was no big deal, smirking when a rush of pissed off omega pheromones hit him in the chest. A wave of dizziness momentarily overwhelmed him, but the second he set a warning glare on Shiloh, the pheromones fizzled out and then were cut off.
He’d always known Shiloh was a dominant omega, and therefore had the ability to subdue his weaker alpha nature, but experiencing it…
“Why didn’t you ever use your pheromones against me in the past?” he wondered.
“I used them all the time,” Shiloh surprised him by admitting. “You’ve been subjected to them constantly for four years straight.”
“You were acclimating me.” This was new knowledge he was going to have to sit with once he was alone. Turn around and see how he really felt about it. A part of him had known, since he’d obviously smelled it, but the omega had perfected the art of being subtle. “You have impressive control.”
Sloane’s comment about imprinting returned to him. She’d been able to sense her brother’s claim by the way Sarang had recoiled at her scent. A dominant of their species could do this to a potential mate, but it wasn’t well known or common, a practice best left in the past with their ancestors.
The fact Shiloh had known about it and had actively been using it on Sarang, silently ensuring he’d find other omegas unpalatable, was just another peeled layer.
It explained why Sarang always found it so difficult to settle on a partner during Den Nights or events like it.
What he’d mistaken as instincts recognizing incompatibilities in potential mates was really the imprint doing its job, attempting to wreck any other physical connections so that Sarang was forced to rely on Shiloh’s embrace to get through his ruts.
Years of guilt and shame, thinking he’d been the one manipulating Shiloh with his Gray power, only to learn it’d been the opposite had him fuming. He contained his fury, knowing now wasn’t the time to unleash it, lest he want to undo all the progress he’d just made.
Laying the groundwork so he could walk Shiloh down the path toward him was too important to botch over hurt feelings.
Especially when Sarang held knowledge that he would be punishing Shiloh for every insult and slight soon enough.
“The trick is coating your skin in my pheromones instead of pumping you full of them,” Shiloh stated, unaware of the dark direction of Sarang’s thoughts.
“Do you get why I wasn’t offended when you tried to tell me my feelings were fake?
It’s because I’ve been feeding you my pheromones all this time, ensuring you prefer me over others without even realizing why. ”
So his omega wasn’t a hypocrite. That was something. Sneaky, and unable to feel remorse, but capable of acknowledging his own faults without trying to hide.
“I’ve always liked your scent,” Sarang said.
Shiloh perked up slightly. “You didn’t jump me at the salt fields when we first met. And I was in heat then.”
“Is that what gave you the impression I needed to learn to like it?” Sarang grunted. “It’s called self-control, omega. I was merely exercising it that day.”
“The fact that you were able to, that you could resist the instinct to mate me, had to mean you weren’t all that interested.
You made a comment the other night about the omegas downstairs.
If I went down while in heat, do you think any of the alphas there would be able to resist?
No. I’d be gangbanged and probably torn apart.
” He smiled wistfully. “What a way to die.”
“That isn’t funny.”
“I wasn’t trying to be.” Shiloh sighed. “Everybody dies, Rang.”
“What if I died?”
He froze while reaching for the offered cards Sarang held out. “Why would you die?”
“You just said—” Sarang was cut off by Shiloh snatching the entire deck from his other hand and throwing it across the room.
Cards fluttered and twirled, cascading around them, but the prince hardly noticed, too busy staring Sarang down with an eerie intensity.
“I’m doing everything you want,” he said darkly. “I’m being fucking good. Here.” He tossed the blankets off and shifted onto his knees. “Let’s do it now. You don’t even need to give me a heat inducer.”
“Omega.”
“I told you. I’m confident in this. With a little practice, I’ll be able to take you just fine.”
“You’re still torn.”
“So? Got a thing about blood?” He went to crawl forward, and Sarang shoved him back, bristling when Shiloh hissed in pain.
“We’re talking,” Sarang growled, “not fucking.”
“But if you fuck me you’ll want to stay.” There was so much certainty in his voice, it gave Sarang pause.
“…You think your ass is so incredible, it’ll make a man want to live for it?” Sarang found this line of thinking enlightening. “Why? Because—”
“Den Night,” Shiloh confirmed before he could finish. “After that, you wanted me.”
“I wanted you before that.”
“Not enough to do something about it.”
“If you recall, you’re the one who forced yourself on me in the parking garage, not the other way around.” He wouldn’t lie and say he didn’t expect his omega to put out. He very much so did. But not like this, and not out of fear that Sarang was going to leave him if he didn’t.
Although, he could see how he’d helped fuel that assumption. By telling Shiloh about his plans to get revenge using the same inducers on him, he must have confused him into thinking a part of this test was in seeing if they were still sexually compatible.
They were.
He didn’t need to try again to know.
“I’m not planning on dying, omega,” he reassured. “But you see how I feel every time you make comments like that?”
“It upsets you that much? Still?”
“Why wouldn’t it?”
“Because you’re not sure if you like me anymore,” Shiloh said. “As a person.”
In the beginning, Sarang had simply stuck around due to guilt, a sense of duty, and the visceral need to be nothing like his father. Over time, however, those feelings had altered, developed. It started to become less of a duty to take care of the prince. He’d started to enjoy it.
And not because of pheromones or physical attraction. Shiloh’s curiosity, his loyalty, the cute, almost euphoric expression he made when he was eating dessert…those things had reeled Sarang in.
But his favorite moments had always been the times when Shiloh had dropped the collected prince role and been a brat toward him.
Those were the occasions when Sarang had felt like he could allow himself to pretend he wasn’t merely a bodyguard or employee, that there was a real relationship between them.
Finding out Shiloh wasn’t a good person was actually a blessing in disguise.
Because now there was nothing holding Sarang back from giving into his alpha nature.
He’d always had the same drive as the rest of his kind to mark his territory and claim his mate.
His proclivity to be rough in the bedroom had led him to the false belief Shiloh wouldn’t be interested.
That the delicate prince who needed to sleep on silks and took his coffee at a precise temperature would be appalled if Sarang tried bending him over and fucking him crudely against the first flat surface available.
But Shiloh wasn’t upset that he currently couldn’t sit still. That his ass was beaten and bruised, or that Sarang’s cock had literally ripped through him.
The same way he’d seemed pleased with the marble, Shiloh seemed happy whenever he brought up the pain.
Physically, he was more than a match, and while his personality was chaotic, abrasive, and often cruel, there was still an underlying softness that called to Sarang.
It was in how Shiloh had stuck up for his friends.
How he’d risked his safety several times over in attempts to gain Sarang’s affections—acts that also pissed Sarang off, because how dare he put himself in danger like that, but still. Shiloh might not be a nice person, but he was loyal.
And held too strong of an aversion to love.
Hell, he’d made it obvious he didn’t even think love existed.
That wouldn’t work. Sarang was too greedy for it to. Too greedy to settle for anything less than all of the omega. Since he’d pushed him to this point, had all but shoved him off the ledge, Shiloh was going to have to adjust his mindset.
If what he felt toward Sarang right now wasn’t yet love, it would be.
Sarang stood suddenly. “I think that’s enough for today.”
“What?” Shiloh tried to get up, but Sarang pushed him back down.
“Stay.”
“Rang?” He swore when Sarang turned and headed out the door without another word.
It was one thing to imagine Shiloh fascinated by him, but with an extreme personality like his, that fascination could eventually run its course. As soon as the chase was over, and Sarang gave in, there was the very real possibility that the omega changed his mind.
But that wouldn’t happen if he fell in love with him.
If he could acknowledge love was the emotion he was feeling.
Sarang would have to do the one thing no one in Shiloh’s life had ever even so much as attempted to do.
He was going to have to teach, both how to love, and how to be loved.
His work was seriously cut out for him.