Chapter Eleven
Brooke
A knock at the door pulls me from the mirror.
Gabe and I are having dinner here tonight. I spent all afternoon cooking, and I’ve just finished getting ready.
After checking the peep hole, I open the door. There’s no trace of his usual happy demeanor as he walks through the threshold and stands awkwardly to the side. After closing the door, I spin around, trying to read him for any clues as to what’s bothering him.
He stands before me, sadness marring his features, worry in his eyes. I just saw him this morning, but he looks like he hasn’t slept in days, his clothes wrinkled, his hair disheveled. “Gabe, what’s wrong?”
His gaze meets mine, and I see his eyes turn distant and cold. I take a step towards him, but he retreats.
What the fuck is going on?
Something is seriously wrong.
I try to speak again, but he holds his hand up. “This thing between us has to end, Brooke.”
My blood runs cold at his words. “This thing?”
His eyes dart away, and I know something’s happened.
We’re happy together. He wouldn’t end things like this. I know he cares about me.
“Why are you doing this?” My voice trembles as a pit forms in my stomach.
“I’m doing this because it’s for the best. We can’t be together.” He’s still avoiding eye contact, and I know he’s hiding something.
Anger surges through me and I snap. “What the fuck, Gabriel? I thought you cared about me. You’re just going to walk in here and end it without any kind of explanation?”
He finally looks at me with haunted eyes. He’s keeping his emotions hidden, but I know him.
“Please, Gabe. Talk to me. We can figure this out.” I take another step forward and he doesn’t move. My next step puts me right in front of him. I reach out, gripping his hands with my own. “Whatever it is, just tell me. I can’t help if you won’t talk to me.”
He stares at our hands, his posture deflating. “Everything I’ve ever told you is the truth, Brooke. I’d never lie to you. You mean everything to me, and that’s why I have to walk away.”
Snatching my hands from his, he eyes me cautiously. He looks terrified, but I can’t sympathize with him when he’s ripping my fucking heart out.
Tears spring forward, but I swallow the sobs threatening to escape. “I can’t believe this. I let you in, Gabriel Layton. I fucking trusted you. I’ve given you every part of me.” My breath hitches as I lose the battle with my emotions. “You’re a fucking coward.”
Rearing back as if I slapped him, his bloodshot eyes widen. “Brooke.”
“No. You don’t get to say my name. Fuck you! Get out!” I can’t take this. My knees are about to buckle, and I think I’m going to be sick.
I need him the fuck out of my sight.
He takes a step towards me, and I brace myself against the wall with one hand. “Get out now!” I scream, my body shaking uncontrollably.
He stops in his tracks, his shoulders falling like I just shattered his world. Meeting his gaze, there’s regret and it only adds to the confusion.
He’s the one doing this.
“I hope you’ll forgive me, Brooke.” He turns his back on me, walking towards the door. He gives me one last painful look over his shoulder. Holding my breath, I lose sight of him. The click of the door solidifies the ending.
The end of us.
My chest cracks wide open as I slide down the wall, my ass hitting the floor with a thud.
I wish the ground would open and swallow me whole.
My heart is breaking into a million pieces, and they scatter across the floor, never to be fitted back together again.
A heavy weight settles over me, and I can’t breathe.
Nausea threatens and I’m about to vomit the fragments of my shattered soul.
How could he do this?
How can one person have the power to break me like this?
Because I love him.
He’s the air that I breathe.
He’s the adrenaline coursing through my veins, keeping me going.
He’s the trust I thought I’d never find again.
He’s the fire that keeps my soul burning.
And he just walked out the door.
What am I supposed to do? My love for him is so different than what I felt for Brian.
Gabriel earned it.
He did everything right and showed me what true love looks like. He helped me open up and live my life again. The past month has been an unbelievable whirlwind. Whether the journey had been fast or slow, the result would’ve been the same.
I’m Gabriel’s girl.
His good girl.
He’s ruined me for anyone else and now that he’s gone, I want to hate him.
This is misery.
Instead of talking to me, he left. He fucking left me on the floor, holding love for a man who’s no longer mine.
Anxiety grips me with a firm hold and my chest heaves with choppy breaths. The ground shakes beneath me like an aftershock from an earthquake.
But it’s not.
The ground is cold and still like Gabriel’s eyes when he broke my heart. The tremors are my body refusing to release the pain. If I keep it inside, it isn’t real.
This is all a dream.
It didn’t really happen.
He’s gone.
My head falls into my hands, and I finally unleash the tears I refused to let him see.
Opening my eyes, they’re stiff and swollen and I’m quickly reminded of last night.
Gabriel ended things between us, and I’m left with more questions than answers.
Bastard.
I cried until I passed out on the floor. Waking up a little while later, I dragged myself onto the couch, crying some more. Every moment I’d spent with him played through my mind and it hurt like hell. He treated me like a queen, only to sucker punch me when I least expected it.
Fucking asshole.
Groaning with an emotional hangover, I lift myself off the couch and walk into the kitchen. The plates are still on the table, the pots filled with food are still on the stove, and a warm bottle of wine sits on the counter.
A lovely dinner for a breakup.
Eyeing the bottle of wine, it seems like a good choice for breakfast.
Hell, why not?
Reaching for a coffee cup from the cabinet, I fill it to the brim. Gulping it down, I sit the empty mug on the counter. I’ve never been much of a drinker, but this seems like a fine occasion to start.
Glancing around the room, my despair turns into anger.
He fucking lied to me.
My arms fly across the table, dishes shattering as they hit the floor. Empty wine glasses explode against the wall. Pots and pans clatter as I throw them in the sink, slinging food all over the countertops.
A guttural scream rips from my throat, and I curse the man who made me believe in love again.
Fuck, that felt good, but the feeling only lasts a moment before my heartache returns.
Once I’m finished destroying my kitchen, I pour another mug of wine. Heading back to the living room, I plop down on the couch, grabbing my phone from the charger. Swiping at the screen, I gasp.
Gabe: Please forgive me.
I opt for a simple “fuck you”, but I decide silence will gripe his ass more.
Why does he care if I forgive him?
He threw me away last night and I’m surprised I heard from him at all.
Tossing my phone onto the coffee table, I close my eyes, breathing deeply. After a few moments, I open them to find that life still hurts like a motherfucker right now.
Realizing my cup is empty once again, I head back into the kitchen, exchanging the mug for the bottle.
Taking up my spot again on the couch, I turn on the television and find a comedy re-run.
I’m not paying attention to the show, but it’s a comforting noise in the background to drown out the silence.
It makes me feel like I’m not alone.
Drinking straight from the bottle, I keep sipping until it’s empty and sleep finds me again.
Waking up later, the same show is playing, and I realize it’s late afternoon. Pulling myself up off the couch, I begin cleaning the mess I made in the kitchen this morning.
I’ve never loved anyone the way I love Gabriel. He broke through every wall I built around my heart.
I let him in.
I let him see me.
We fit together perfectly, and he walked away.
A little voice whispers in the back of my mind that things aren’t what they seem.
He loves me. He would never walk away from me. Something happened that caused him to do this.
Ignoring the whispering bitch, I wipe down the counters and start the dishwasher.
If he loved me, he would’ve told me what’s going on. He promised he wouldn’t keep me in the dark anymore.
He lied.
Tears threaten to fall, and I refuse to shed any more of them. I won’t cry over him again.
Reaching for another bottle of wine, I sit my ass back down on the couch and drink until I pass out again.
Day two without Gabriel fucking sucks.
I woke up with a crick in my neck from sleeping on the couch. Once I was able to get up, I checked my phone.
Nothing.
My heart broke all over again, and I cried like a baby.
Between my excessive drinking and sleeping, I haven’t gotten any work done. All the romance manuscripts will make me think of him. I’ll read the happy endings, and it’ll shatter me because mine was taken away.
Great.
Now I’m jealous of fictional characters.
I’m all out of wine, and I don’t feel like leaving the house.
I guess I’ll have to be a fucking adult, and deal with this shit like a big girl.
I spend the day cleaning and reorganizing the kitchen cabinets. It’s ridiculous, but I don’t know what to do with myself.
Once I run out of things to do, I make myself take a shower. Standing under the spray, I imagine Gabe here with me. The image crushes my soul, and tears mingle with the warm water trickling down my face.
When it runs cold, I quickly get out, throwing on an oversized shirt and panties.
Glancing at my bed, I still can’t sleep in it. Not with his scent lingering on the sheets.
Getting comfortable on the couch, I flip through the channels looking for something to watch.
A random thought hits me.
I need a dog.
They’re loyal and love you unconditionally. They make good cuddling buddies, too. I haven’t had one since I was a kid. I’ve always loved animals, but Brian hated them, so I never had another.
Why haven’t I gotten one since leaving him?
It’s just me now.
I can do whatever the hell I want.
Mind made up; I’m getting a dog soon.
My mind feels broken. Random thoughts only hold my attention for a few moments before they go back to him.
Everything leads back to him.
Just as I doze off, there’s a frantic knock on my door. Jumping off the couch, I hurry to the front door, looking through the peephole.
My body goes rigid and my jaw clenches.
Gabriel.