Chapter 36
“Your Grace, I have some rather unexpected news,” Hawkins said, lingering in the doorway of the breakfast room.
“Say what you have to say, Hawkins.” Prudence didn’t look up from the toast to which she was busily applying jam. “I have a busy day ahead.”
Prudence hadn’t allowed herself to sit still after those first two days of distress.
Today’s ambition was to visit the gardens and come up with a new plan for their design.
She hoped to integrate more color into the flowers.
It was an area of the house Leonard had never given much attention to, and she’d had a mind to begin working on it for some time now.
It had always been her plan to do this once Leonard left for the country, but she had allowed herself to forget that plan in hopes that he might stay after all.
But now that he was gone, she would return to her goal. And when the garden was ready to go, she would have a big party to celebrate her achievements. That would give her something to look forward to in the days to come.
“I understand, Your Grace,” Hawkins said. “It’s just that we have a visitor. Or… perhaps visitor is not the appropriate word in this instance.”
“What do you mean?” A shiver ran down her spine. Not a visitor? Someone who belonged here, then? But that had to be Leonard! Had he thought better of his plans and come home after all?
A figure rounded the corner.
It took Prudence a moment to process what—who—she was seeing. At first, the only thing that registered was not Leonard, and she was filled with a bitter disappointment.
Then she placed him. “Peter.”
“Your Grace,” he said, bowing to her.
“You’ve come back.”
“I have.”
“You’re too late, I’m afraid. Leonard is no longer here,” she said. “But I can tell you where he’s gone.”
“No, Your Grace. I came to see you,” Peter replied.
She raised her eyebrows. “To see me? You and I have nothing to discuss, do we?”
“I think we do, as a matter of fact,” he said. “You see, I’ve already been to see my brother, and I know the state of things between the two of you.”
“I see,” she said slowly. “Are you here to reprimand me, then?”
“To reprimand you? Of course not. Why would I do that?”
“Perhaps you feel that I let you down,” she suggested. “Maybe you think I didn’t do a satisfactory job in my marriage to your brother. Obviously, I failed to make him happy.”
“A Herculean task if ever there was one,” Peter said. “You forget, I have known Leonard all my life. I never expected him to be happy in a marriage. In any marriage. I wouldn’t blame yourself, Your Grace. I don’t think anyone could have done more than you did.”
“You don’t need to call me Your Grace,” Prudence told him. “You’re Leonard’s brother. You and I are family in a way. And besides… I would say that the two of us have been through enough together by now that we can call one another…”
“Call each other what?” Peter smiled wryly. “Were you going to say that we’re friends?”
“Perhaps we are,” Prudence told him. “It’s been a long time since the day I confronted you on a balcony. At the very least, we’re co-conspirators, aren’t we?”
“Yes, I think that much is fair to say,” Peter said. “And as your co-conspirator, I think it’s time I was honest with you about some things I’ve been keeping to myself up until now.”
“What do you mean?” Prudence asked.
“May I come in? I’ve had a bit of a journey to get here.”
“Oh yes, of course, come in, sit down. There’s more than enough food,” she said. “The staff has been preparing enough to feed a family of four since Leonard left. I think they’re worried about keeping my spirits up, bless them. So, there’s plenty here for you and me. Help yourself to anything.”
“That’s kind,” Peter said, taking some toast and a few pieces of bacon. “I wonder where to begin.”
“You’d know better than I would,” Prudence told him. “Seeing as I have no idea what you’ve come here to say to me.”
“Yes. Well, you know I didn’t want to marry you,” Peter began.
Prudence laughed. “You know how to spare a lady’s feelings.”
“Forgive me if that’s too blunt…”
“Not at all,” Prudence assured him. “I didn’t want to marry you either. I suppose it’s fair for the two of us to speak openly about it since we’ve been doing that right from the start.”
“I agree,” Peter said. “But what you might not be aware of is my reason for not wishing to marry. It had nothing to do with you.”
“No, I didn’t think it did,” Prudence agreed. “I assumed that you wanted to remain single in order to keep your freedom.”
“Not exactly. You see, I’m in love with someone else,” he told her.
Prudence couldn’t have been more surprised if he had told her he was selling hats in the marketplace. “You’re in love?”
“Yes. It took me a very long time to realize it. I don’t think I fully did realize it when Leonard tried to arrange our wedding.
I only knew that something about it felt very wrong—felt impossible to bear.
The thought of being married to you felt like a trap closing around me.
It had nothing to do with you and everything to do with the lady I would be giving up. But I realized that far too late.”
“It’s the lady I saw you with, isn’t it?” Prudence murmured. “Out on the balcony. The lady you were with when I confronted you. She’s your love, isn’t she?”
“I don’t know if I can rightly call her that.
She’s not mine in any sense, nor would she be if I asked her.
If I asked her again, that is. I’ve gone to her.
I’ve confessed my feelings. She wants nothing to do with me, and I don’t blame her for that because the truth is that I have been an awful rake.
Everything you must believe about me is true, and the change in me has come far too late to make me worthy of my love. ”
“That’s awful,” Prudence murmured.
“Is it? You have a lot of sympathy, given that I have never shown you any particular kindness, Prudence. Why are you being so good to me?”
“As I said, I suppose I consider you to be a brother,” Prudence said. “And besides, if you’ve been to see Leonard, and you know how things stand between the two of us, then you know friends are something I have in short supply these days.”
“I suppose that’s true.”
“What’s more, I understand something of what you must be going through—thinking you wanted one thing, only to realize that you wanted another,” she said. “It’s a struggle I’ve dealt with myself in recent days.”
He nodded. “It’s good to know that someone can relate to the way I’m feeling,” he said. “And it’s especially good that it’s you, I think.”
“Why is that especially good?” she asked.
“Well, I’ve been thinking over our situations. Both of our plans seem to have turned out rather badly,” he observed. “Your marriage to Leonard isn’t what you hoped it would be. Is that fair to say.”
“More than fair, I think.”
“And my own romantic endeavors are clearly going badly. So, I think the best thing to do is to rethink the marriage we both began by rejecting,” he said.
“What if you and I were to marry after all? We have much in common. What once seemed like a mistake to both of us might be for the best after all. It might prove to be a way for both of us to be happy. I think I could enjoy a life with you, Prudence.”
“We aren’t in love with each other,” Prudence objected.
“No, we’re not. But should we be condemned to loneliness?” he asked. “When there is hope for us to find an enjoyable future together? Why shouldn’t we have that?”
“Well… because I’m already married,” Prudence pointed out.
“If you had approached me this way from the start, I might have agreed to it. You’re right that it doesn’t sound bad at all.
” She gave him a smile. “But how could I possibly agree to this now, given that I’ve already taken vows?
I’m married to Leonard, for better or worse. ”
“But if Leonard was willing to annul your marriage,” Peter suggested.
“Wouldn’t that be better? Just think, Prudence.
You could be married to someone who was willing to build a life with you.
You could marry someone who would spend his days with you instead of fleeing to the country. And wouldn’t that make you happier?”
Prudence felt cold. “Why are you asking me this?” she wanted to know. “It’s all an imaginary idea, isn’t it? All made up. Why are you coming up with this story now?”
“Because it isn’t imaginary,” Peter said, leaning forward across the table to look her in the eye. “I’ve spoken to Leonard about it, and he has agreed.”
Prudence was shocked to her core.
He agreed?
Leaving her for the country was one thing. Even refusing to grow close to her she could understand. But telling his brother that he would annul their marriage?
Why would Leonard do such a thing?”
“You…y ou must really want this to have asked him to annul our marriage,” she managed, feeling like the words were gravel in her throat.
“My brother has always gone to such lengths to provide for my happiness,” Peter explained. “I want him to be as happy as he wants me to be. It’s my priority in this life.”
And marriage to me makes him unhappy. That couldn’t have been stated any more clearly. She closed her eyes briefly.
She’d believed that a distance from Leonard might actually be a good thing for the both of them. She had told herself that there was a possibility she could find happiness once he was gone. But this—this was more than she could face.
After everything, he wants to cut the bond we have to one another. He wants to end our marriage.
She couldn’t deny him. He had tried as hard as she had to make things work. It was an unfortunate truth that they had simply gone beyond help. And Prudence was far too proud to remain where she knew she wasn’t wanted.
“Very well,” she said. “I want Leonard to be happy too. I’ll agree to the annulment if that’s what will make him happy. You’re right, Peter, and so is he. Leonard and I should never have married.” She swallowed hard. “But once our marriage is dissolved, I won’t marry you.”
“Do you still think so little of me?”
“It isn’t that at all,” she said quietly.
“You seem to be a good man, in spite of my initial misconceptions about you, and I would like to see you find happiness. You are in love with someone else. You believe today that she’ll never love you, but you might be wrong.
You can’t give up. You can’t marry me because things don’t appear right now to be going the way you want them to.
You have to keep trying. And as for me—I will never again marry out of necessity or out of hope of avoiding something unpleasant.
I doubt I will marry again at all. Perhaps, one day I will find love, and if that happens, I will say my vows.
But unless that day should come, I’ll never accept another husband.
She rose to her feet. “Once this marriage has been annulled, I will either marry for love or not at all.”