Chapter 7 Roman
ROMAN
Iwasn’t tracking the time by anything more than an hour. Get through this hour. Make it until the next morning. And so on. Dates ceased to matter as I accepted fatherhood.
But when Emily and Henry hit their second month, I realized that meant Amber had been in my home, in my life, and had been my saving grace for almost six weeks.
In all that time of sleepless nights and fussy cries and changing diapers, she’d carved a purpose here. Quick to help, so good at calming the twins, and so at ease with pitching in like she wasn’t the hired help but instead a member of the household and invested in making this a home.
But I was no closer to figuring her out.
No closer to understanding her secrets, because I was more than determined that there was a lot more to her than what met the eye.
What I saw hinted at a woman with a backstory she wouldn’t unlock.
Her flinches. Her passiveness. Her flickers of fear when she was surprised.
More than anything, though, was her reluctance to leave the building.
“It will be fun!” Anya said as we all got ready to head out to one of the restaurants for a family brunch to celebrate Sofia’s birthday. Even Esmeralda, her cousin with advanced cancer, was feeling well enough to join the family.
Amber gave her a small smile. “I’m sure it will be a great time,” she agreed.
I snagged her hand and led her aside. “Why do you say that like you won’t be there?”
“Because it’s a family thing. And I’m not family.
I’m the nanny, remember?” She smiled too quickly for me to believe it.
“Plus, I’ve got more laundry to do from that blow-out last night, and then I was hoping to find the four-month clothes for Emily since the two-months are already getting tight.
I can’t believe how quickly they grow. Like weeds! And—”
I put my hand over her mouth and frowned. “You’re making excuses.”
She replied behind my hand, all the words muffled.
“You’re making excuses.”
“I’m giving you reasons I shouldn’t go out—”
“Aha.” I snapped my fingers. It wasn’t only some weirdness she was making about being hired to help, not that she wasn’t a family member. She belonged, dammit. “You don’t want to leave.”
She raised her brows. “Um. Yes. That’s what I said. You guys all go ahead. Anya already said she’ll help with the twins—”
“She said she’d help us with the twins. As in she’d let us have a chance to eat too.”
She frowned again.
Feeling like I was getting somewhere with her hesitation and how nervous she seemed, I pulled her further from where everyone was getting ready. Anya and George, a bodyguard, were there to help us get Emily and Henry in their carriers and bring them down to the garage.
“This is the first time I’m asking you to go anywhere. The twins’ first time out and about.” With Claire literally next door, it wasn’t as though the twins had to leave for checkups or anything. “Are you nervous to leave the building?”
Her eyes opened wider but she masked it immediately. “Well, yeah. Taking two babies in public and trying to eat out sounds like a challenge.” Her weak laugh didn’t appease me.
“Amber.” I tugged her hand so she’d face me fully. Having her so close like this emphasized the brilliant bright specks of light green in her eyes. Mesmerizing. But the fear in her gaze bothered me. “Are you afraid of—”
“No.” She cleared her throat. “No, I’m not.
It’s fine. If it matters so much, I’ll go.
I just thought that with all your family there and Anya helping, Lorne too, that you wouldn’t need me to help.
But it’s not a problem. I’m not slacking or trying to let you down.
I’m on the clock and of course, I’ll be there to help with the twins. ”
I growled, closing the distance between us to cup her face and tip her chin so she’d lift her head and face me. “Amber, where the hell do you get off with thinking that I don’t need you?”
She blinked, stunned, and licked her lips. “Um. I… Sorry. I just—”
Lorne walked closer, but as soon as he saw us standing close together off to the side, he winced without making eye contact. Dipping theatrically, like he was dancing, he uttered a whoops, raised his brows, and spun right back out of sight as if he didn’t want to interrupt.
Amber took that moment to back up out of my reach. “Sorry, Roman. I’m not trying to be difficult.”
“I didn’t say you were.”
“I’ll get ready to go.”
“But why are you so—”
She was gone, telling Anya she’d be ready to come with us in a couple of minutes.
I frowned, going back to the living room where Lorne, George, and Anya were getting the twins strapped in.
“What’s up, Kid?” Lorne asked.
I shook my head, not wanting to discuss my concerns in front of Anya. She was a blabbermouth and she’d tell Claire, Natalie, and Sofia anything she heard here.
All through the brunch, where Amber relaxed more with how preoccupied we all were as a group, I couldn’t stop thinking about what she said. About how I needed her.
Until now, until that conversation where I wondered why she seemed reluctant to leave the penthouse where we’d been staying exclusively while taking care of the twins, I hadn’t thought too deeply about how I needed it.
Just that it had to be clear that I needed her.
Period. Her calm and compassion with my son and daughter.
Her easygoing friendship that we’d forged over feeding schedules and changing countless diapers.
She didn’t only help the babies stay fed and healthy.
She made me feel more grounded in a way no woman ever had before.
I was committed to my children. Sitting there with my family and smiling at Amber as she held Emily up against her chest, rubbing her back, I felt a deep sense of pride that they were mine. That Emily and Henry would always be my children and I would provide for them and protect them.
With that, though, by hiring Amber as a nanny, I’d started down the path of committing to her sticking around. I’d gotten used to relying on her and compromising with her. It was us two against two babies, teaming up seamlessly in a way I never imagined being able to with any one-night stand.
Sure, she had the purpose of being the nanny. It had gotten deeper than that. She was a roommate, too. Other little things were accumulating to trick me into envisioning her always with me.
How she’d cover me with a blanket if I fell asleep on the couch, and how she noticed me doing the same for her. How I already knew her food preferences for takeout and groceries, and vice versa. How we could pick up after each other and how she had places for her things.
Admiring her soft smile as she peered at Emily, though, I was hit in the chest with something bigger. Something stronger.
This wasn't a simple attraction I’d been trying to dismiss.
It was lust. Need. Devotion.
The more time we spent together, the less I could quickly talk myself out of wanting her. Every accidental brush against her. Each secret look we shared. All those heated moments of awareness when the twins were asleep and it was just the two of us living together.
I’d noticed her from the first second she stood in front of me for her interview. That chemistry was only growing and intensifying, though, and that was why I felt like she’d punched me in the gut when she said I didn’t need her.
I did, with my children.
But I’d interpreted it another way.
I’d been slowly accepting the truth that I’d been gradually yearning for her all this time.
“Hey, Kid.” Lorne leaned closer to me, also included on this big brunch because he was more like family than hired help. Same for George and Oleg, other Orlov soldiers who were assistants or bodyguards. Same for Renee and Susana, too, the maids in Andre and Sofia’s building.
I slanted toward him. “Hmm?”
“There’s some things waiting for you at the office at the hotel,” he said. “Nothing major, but since we’re in the area, what if you stopped there while you’re out and about?” He seemed to notice me still watching Amber. “She could ride back with the twins.”
I shook my head. “No. They can come with me.” For a quick stop in the office to look at paperwork? That wasn’t anything serious or too time-consuming.
He nodded and got his phone out to arrange for the security detail for me and Amber to walk down the street toward the hotel.
Amber was surprised when I told her we’d stop in my office for a couple of minutes, but she tamped down that instant fear too quickly for me to comment on it. Lorne and a couple of other guards would be with us, anyway.
Walking down the sidewalk with her felt so normal, yet different. Lorne pushed Henry in a stroller while she wore Emily in a baby carrier contraption, something that both of the twins enjoyed.
Lorne was a godsend, talking about this and that.
I saw it for what it was. Chatter. Small talk.
He must have noticed her nerves too. He helped to make this seem like a casual stroll on a nice mild fall day.
And it was. Casual. It felt good to move.
We got fresh air at my building, on the patio or the balconies. But this was different.
It was different in the office too, because it was too damn easy to picture this again. Amber coming to visit me with the twins. Or all of us stopping in here while we were out.
It felt… good. With Amber in my life, I was balanced.
But all too soon, my former responsibilities intervened.
Dino knocked on the door and entered. “Mr. Orlov. Some guests have come to speak to you.”
I furrowed my brow, not following.
“They insist,” he added with a graver expression. When he glanced in the direction of where Amber was holding Henry as she looked out the window with him, I got his meaning.
Insistent people who wanted to speak with me?
He wasn’t talking about the hotel guests.
I nodded. “Where’s Lorne?” I asked curtly. He’d stepped out, but if anyone was barging in here and demanding to talk to me, Lorne would be my backup, too.