Chapter 38 Amber
AMBER
Roman: I’ll be in the control room with Sergei for a few hours today.
I bounced Emily on my hip as I prepared a bottle for her. She grabbed at it and I laughed. “You hold your horses.”
A beep on my phone on the counter indicated that I’d sent that talk-to-text.
“Oh, no…” I said, laughing.
Sure enough, the text showed up to Roman. Then the oh, no as well.
I handed her the bottle and tapped the icon to disable the talk-to-text function.
Roman: Are you telling me to hold my horses until I can get back to you?
Roman: Or are you saying you’ll hold your horses until I’m home?
I grinned, picking up my phone and swiping to reply.
Amber: Both?
Amber: I’ll be here waiting for you.
Roman: That will never get old.
A thrilling glee filled my chest as I thought about him thinking about me. I bet this was what some couples called the honeymoon phase. When things were still so fresh and new and everything seemed that much more exciting.
But we’d already gone through so much. The long nights with the twins. My slow adjustment to living and working here. Then that slow build of tension while we’d tried to deny the attraction that bonded us together.
And then the kidnapping attempts. Times two. And the abduction. And telling him about my secrets. And then realizing our family was growing whether we were ready for it to or not…
“Lots of things happening around here,” I told Emily as she happily took her bottle as I put her in her bouncy chair. Henry thrust his arms up at me, and I scooped him off the floor just as the elevator doors slid open.
Claire walked into the penthouse, all smiles. “I swear to God, if Sofia says she’s pregnant next, it’s going to be a baby bonanza around here!”
I laughed. “How’d you find out?”
“Roman. He blurted it at a meeting this morning and Mikhail told me.” She gathered me in a hug and squeed a little. Henry joined in with her enthusiasm, giving off a baby version of an excited sound.
“A meeting where they discussed how things are going in terms of the people in your past,” she added as she sat, clearly settling in for an unannounced visit.
My mood soured, though, as it usually did at the mention of William or my rapist. “Oh.” I sat in the other chair, and Henry wiggled to be let back on the floor.
He was so determined to be mobile as soon as he could, already working on pulling himself up with his hands on the coffee table.
I held my hands behind him to spot him if he managed to get too high up and then fall.
“It’s going, uh, productively,” she said with a cringe. “Progress has been made.”
I nodded, watching her closely.
“I don’t like to know the details,” she admitted.
I appreciated that about her. She wasn’t born into this lifestyle. She probably still struggled to think of herself as a Mafia wife.
“But as far as my tolerance for violence and killing people goes…” She glanced at me, as if checking this wasn’t too rough of a topic for me. “I’m not as bothered when it relates to certain pedophiles and the people who finance them.”
“Likewise.” I winced. “Does that mean… he’s…” I mimed slashing my finger across my neck.
“The man who assaulted you when you were a girl is.”
I sagged back against the chair cushions. “Oh, thank God. I mean, thank Roman and Mikhail and all of them.”
“Actually, it sounds like the Popovs sort of pushed it into motion.”
I raised my brows. “Huh?”
For the next hour, she told me what she’d heard from Mikhail.
It still seemed like a watered-down version of the account.
But in the end, with all the fighting at the prison, it only mattered to me that the man who’d let himself into my room and stole my virginity was dead.
Finite. Done. He—and no one else, for that matter—would never be able to expect to purchase me.
“I’m sure if you ask Roman about it, he’ll tell you more. If you want.” Claire shrugged. “Whatever is best for you to process it and be able to have closure.”
“That’s good to know.”
She put her hand on my knee and smiled. “And it’s good to know that you’re making great strides with your post-trauma issues.”
“It feels good,” I admitted. I hadn’t wanted to talk to a therapist when Roman suggested it, but I wasn’t against texting one. I tried that this morning, and I didn’t feel weird about having actual help in a way I should have over ten years ago.
Roman had proven since day one that he would be here for me when I struggled.
I came to be his nanny, but he’d shown up to be my support system too.
It was inevitable to get a sense of partnership with our helping the twins together.
All those hard nights and fussy spells of not consoling Emily and Henry brought us close.
But that was just part of it. We came together for the twins, but there was so much more beneath the surface that linked us.
The friendship and trust.
The promise of the future that we were building together.
Even if I needed help with the flashbacks and memories that I wanted to have true and proper closure on, he would be there. He wouldn’t let me go through it alone ever again.
Claire stayed with me for a while, and she of course gave me advice about the pregnancy.
“We’ve got a frequent flyer sort of thing with the Ob-gyn now,” she joked.
Armed with so much information, about what appointments to plan on and so many different prenatal vitamins to try—since, according to her, they didn’t taste great—I felt prepared to embrace motherhood.
I already had. I felt like I was Emily and Henry’s real mother, but now, I’d be going through the lead up to when we’d greet the next baby boy or girl to call this penthouse home.
After she left, I tried to get some things done while Emily and Henry napped.
“Oh, boy,” I teased myself with a whisper, getting my phone to text Roman.
Amber: I just realized that we’ll need to coordinate another nap schedule soon.
Roman: Two more nap schedules.
Roman: You’ll need your rest too.
Amber: You are too sweet.
Roman: Only on you. Did you order those clothes yet?
I laughed once to myself. He’d been reminding me to replace more of my wardrobe, but I was slow to bother with it.
When I stayed here all day raising the babies, I didn’t need to look like a model or anything.
I only ever wanted to dress up for him, but he claimed that my best look was when I was naked and in his bed.
So, in that regard, the fewer clothes I had, the better.
Now, though, I’d need to account for maternity clothes.
I bet Claire and Natalie and Sofia will have some too.
Wait.
They can’t give me theirs.
They’ll need them too.
I grinned wider, in awe that I had sisters with me here. And that we’d all be pregnant so close together.
Roman: Because Emily is already too big for her onesies. Henry won’t be far behind her in needing the next size up.
We’d mentioned to each other how fast they were growing. It was on my list to make an order for a delivery for them.
Amber: I have the cart waiting for you to look at.
Roman: Just buy them.
The implied trust was there. As I clicked the Buy Now button on my laptop, I sighed with the acceptance of my role.
I wasn’t just the nanny. I wasn’t here to be Roman’s lover.
I was his partner.
Roman: While you’re busy with that, maybe start looking at the site you liked for the baby furniture.
I smiled.
Amber: For another nursery? Wouldn’t we just move Emily and Henry to another room?
Roman: Whatever you want. We have enough room to spare for all of us.
I never needed to doubt him again.
He was so quick to say we or us, never letting me feel left out.
I was included and had a place to stay here in his life, and I couldn’t have asked for anything more. As I leaned over on the couch to catch a few minutes of a nap, though, I realized that wasn’t true.
I’d ask for William to meet the same fatal end as his friend had.
And I wouldn’t feel guilty about thinking like that.
Not for one second.
I dozed while the twins were napping. I didn’t think that I was tired enough to sleep for long, but when I woke it was to the sound of Roman’s voice as he talked to Emily and Henry in the kitchen.
He was back already, and it sounded like he was making us dinner.
I stretched as I slowly stood up. Arching my back took out the kinks from sleeping so weirdly on the couch like I had.
“Did you have a good nap?” he asked me from the kitchen.
Emily greeted me too as I approached, babbling while Henry banged a bowl on the tray of his highchair.
“I did,” I replied, going to get a water bottle from the fridge. As I got one, he wrapped his arm around my waist and tugged me close for a kiss.
I smiled against his lips. “Did you have a good day?” I asked.
He replied by picking me up and setting me on the counter. “We had a good day.”
I sat with him standing between my legs, his hands on my sides. As the meaning of what he said sank in, I blinked quickly. He’d been in the control room monitoring a situation with Sergei. Claire told me it had to do with Ivan Popov and William… and if Roman had a good day, then…
I sucked in a breath. “Is he…?”
He nodded.
“He’s…” I glanced over my shoulders at the twins, as if I’d be scandalizing them if they heard me. “He’s really…?” I framed his face and adored his smile.
The confidence on his face. The joy of being able to tell me this news.
“He’s never going to hurt you again.”
I kissed him, sinking against him and relishing the profound wave of relief that filled me.
Now, and only now, I could relax.
Roman kissed me back, his lips possessive and warm on mine as he set his hands on my sides. He scooted me closer to the edge of the counter, but he didn’t try to make this more heated and overly intimate while we were a family in the kitchen.
Nothing could wipe the smile off my face as I pulled back from him.
Staring into those intense eyes that always made me feel so dizzy with desire, I sighed heavily. “I am so glad.”
“Me too.” He kissed my brow as he gathered me in his arms and slid me off the counter so I could stand again.
“Thank you.” I stole another kiss in case he tried to tell me that I didn’t need to thank him at all. “Because now, I feel like I can finally start living.”
He lowered to steal my lips again, like it was a promise.
And I can’t wait to start living the rest of my life with you.