9. CHAPTER NINE #3
And I lean against my counter in my empty apartment and laugh like an idiot. Which does absolutely nothing to solve the problem. If anything, it confirms it. I like him enough that being embarrassed in front of him is still fun. That has never happened to me before.
Then Lucy walks out of the hallway, and I scream.
“What!” she gasps.
I laugh, hunched over. “I thought you weren’t home.” I hold onto the counter and laugh out the emotion.
She has a bag on her shoulder. “Hawthorne?”
I stand straight. “What?”
Then I realize she doesn’t know I like Rowan. I can’t start acting weird.
She ties her hair up. “Benson asked me to come over. You always come, so I waited for you to get off work.”
My first instinct is no.
My second instinct is absolutely.
I can’t be weird.
“Yeah,” I say. “Give me ten minutes.”
Lucy looks at me, and I walk to the bathroom. I shower, put on new jeans, my clean hoodie, and throw my wet hair into a low bun.
I walk out with my bag. “Ready.”
“Your lotion smells good,” she says, and then we go.
Hawthorne is warm when we get there. Actually warm like they didn’t turn the heat off this morning.
They left it on this time. Stanley is telling Blue what he needs to improve on the ice.
Melly is listening and agreeing whenever Stanley puts him down.
Benson is on the couch. He perks up when he sees Lucy. He’s such a simp for her.
Percy and Rowan are at the dining table. Percy has a book. Rowan has his laptop open in front of him and a pencil tucked behind one ear. The pencil is new. His hair’s a little grown out, dark in color, and healthy.
He looks up when Lucy and I walk in. His eyes find Lucy first. Then me. And they linger.
“Hey,” Lucy says.
Benson walks in. Lucy walks to Melly and starts talking.
I glance at the table. Rowan is still looking at me.
I lift my chin. “Hey.”
“What’s up, G?”
Normal. Completely normal. Great.
I keep my hoodie on even though it’s a little too warm in here.
Stanley looks over from the kitchen. “G, tell Golding the way through anger is better control.”
I look at Blue. He’s leaning against the counter with his arms folded, already annoyed by the fact that Stanley has apparently dragged him into a conversation he did not ask to be in.
I nod once. “He’s right.”
Stanley points at me triumphantly. “Thank you.”
“But who are you to talk about self-control?”
The room goes quiet for half a second. Then Benson starts laughing.
Stanley looks genuinely hurt. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
I shake my head. “You have the least amount of self-control of anyone in this house.”
Stanley argues, “That is categorically false.”
“Stanley, you bought a popcorn machine off Marketplace because you drove past a movie theater and got nostalgic.”
“That was an investment.”
I say, “You ordered six pizzas because the place had a buy-three-get-three deal.”
“That’s called financial literacy.”
“You bought Aspen flowers, cookies, a stuffed bear, and balloons because she said she had a bad morning.”
Stanley lifts both hands. “That was romantic.”
“You drove forty-five minutes for milkshakes because somebody mentioned them once.”
“That was for morale.”
“And you see how you keep replying to everything I have to say?”
That shuts him up.
I grin. “You have no self-control, Ermington. Don’t preach what you don’t practice.”
Blue gestures like a bomb has dropped in the kitchen. “Thank you, G!”
Melly, Lucy, and Benson are laughing. Percy even stops reading his book. Stanley is stunned.
I keep going. “Stan, you bought matching slippers for everyone in this house.”
“That was a nice Christmas gift, Gianna.” When Stanley says my name like that in that tone, I start laughing.
Percy says quietly, “They are comfortable.”
That sends everybody over the edge.
Even Blue laughs.
Stanley looks around the room like he has been betrayed by every person he has ever loved. “I have incredible self-control.”
I nod solemnly. “Sure.”
I can feel Rowan watching me again. I refuse to look. That self-control lasts approximately twelve seconds. Then I look.
He’s smiling at me.
I narrow my eyes at him.
His smile gets worse.
Jerk.
I walk toward the table. “What?”
He looks back at his laptop. “Nothing.”
“You’re smiling.”
He looks up. “You’re funny.”
I put both hands on the back of the chair across from him. Benson and Stanley are talking loudly now. Percy looks at me and Rowan for a second.
“You shouldn’t smile at me like that,” I whisper.
His face stays straight, but his eyes don’t. “I haven’t done anything.”
I pull the chair out and sit.
That makes him laugh. I hate how much I like making him laugh now that I know I like him.
That is new information. Bad information.
I lean forward to look at the screen. “What are you doing?”
“Nothing interesting.” He turns it slightly toward me without me asking.
I read two lines. “Yeah. Never mind.”
He stares at me. I stare back.
The room keeps moving around us. Stanley yells something. Benson laughs. Someone opens the fridge. And for the first time since I said it, I let the words exist between us without trying to shove them back into my mouth.
I like him.
He knows.
I have no idea what happens next.
And somehow that feels a lot less terrifying with him sitting across from me, smiling.