10. CHAPTER TEN #2
On the plane home, I sleep. When I wake up, Benson is across the aisle reading something on his phone. Stanley is unconscious with his mouth open. Blue has headphones on.
My phone has one message.
Gianna: Proud of you guys.
I read it once.
Then again.
I don’t know why that one lands differently.
Maybe because she doesn’t say sorry. Maybe because she doesn’t try to tell me it was secretly a win. She watched. She knows. And she’s proud anyway.
Me: You at Hawthorne later?
The answer comes while we’re taxiing.
Gianna: Probably.
I put the phone away.
We’re back in Camden before dinner. By seven, Hawthorne has filled itself again.
Not with a party. Just people. The girls are here.
Food is on the counter. Somebody has a game on.
Percy is getting more attention than he wants because of the forty-one saves, and every time Stanley tries to compliment him, Percy tells him to stop.
Gianna comes in with Mara. She sees me almost immediately and smiles.
I don’t know what I’m doing with that smile. I know I like it. I smile back, but she’s already moving to the kitchen where she disappears with the girls.
For the next hour, I keep finding her without trying to. At the counter. On the floor beside Lucy. Standing behind the couch talking to Melly.
Every time I look at her, I remember those words tumbling out of her mouth. Somewhere between Thursday and now, the information has stopped feeling strange. It feels good.
She isn’t acting any differently either. She told me she likes me and then kept being Gianna. If anything, I’m the one making it weird by watching her all the time. It genuinely never occurred to me that she could like me.
Around nine, the house starts thinning out. Mara leaves first. Melly and Blue go upstairs. Percy disappears with Penelope. Benson and Lucy are in the living room arguing quietly about a movie. Stanley is in the shower.
Gianna is in the kitchen rinsing a glass.
I walk in for water.
She glances over. “Hey.”
“Hey.”
I open the fridge while she shuts off the tap. There’s nothing awkward about this until I become aware that we’re alone. Then apparently she becomes aware of it too.
She dries her hands on a towel. “How are you?”
“Fine.”
She tilts her head. “You’re sore.”
I look at her. “How do you know?”
She shrugs. “You look sore.”
I grab a bottle of water. She doesn’t leave. I twist the cap off while she leans back against the counter.
“Can I ask you something?” she says.
I end the sip and nod. “Yeah.”
“Do you wish I didn’t tell you?”
The question catches me off guard. “No.”
She looks at my face like she’s checking the answer. “No?”
“No.”
She looks down at her hands. “Okay. Because I’ve been thinking maybe I shouldn’t have.”
“Why?”
“Because you didn’t know.”
“That doesn’t mean I wish you didn’t tell me.”
“Those feel related.”
“They’re not.”
She looks up at me.
I put the bottle down. “What did you want me to say?”
“I don’t know.” She folds her arms. “Do you have something to say now?”
I think about it.
Actually think.
Not because I’m trying to make her wait. I genuinely don’t know what the answer is supposed to be.
Do I have a crush on Gianna?
I don’t know.
That word doesn’t feel right.
Do I like being around her?
Yes.
Do I think about her?
Apparently constantly now.
Do I want her to leave when she’s here?
No.
Do I want her closer when she’s sitting next to me?
Yeah.
And there is one other thing that has been bothering me for two days.
I look at her mouth.
She notices. Her lips part slightly. That answers something.
“I keep thinking about kissing you,” I say.
Her entire face changes. “That’s not––”
“It’s what I’ve got.”
She stares at me, then lets out a quiet laugh. “That’s extremely inconvenient.”
“Why?”
“Because now I’m thinking about you kissing me.”
I step closer.
Her eyes widen, not scared, just aware.
“How long?”
She knows exactly what I mean.
“Shut up.”
I smile. “How long, G?”
“You’re getting cocky.”
“I’m asking a question.”
“And I’m declining to answer.”
I take another step. There isn’t much room left between us. She tips her head back. I can hear Benson in the living room. The TV. Water running through the dishwasher. Everything normal.
Gianna isn’t.
Or maybe she is, and I’m finally paying attention.
Her eyes drop to my mouth. Then come back up.
“What?” she asks quietly.
I don’t know why she’s whispering.
I do it too. “Nothing.”
She gives me a look. “Now who’s annoying?”
I put one hand on the counter beside her.
Her breathing changes. Small. But I hear it.
I look at her mouth again. This time I don’t pretend I wasn’t.
“Rowan.”
“Yeah?”
Her eyebrows lift.
That makes me smile.
She puts one hand against my chest.
Not pushing.
Just there.
My eyes drop to it, then return to her face.
“I don’t know what this is,” I tell her.
Her expression softens. “Me neither.”
“But I want to do this.”
“Do what?”
I look at her.
She smiles because she knows exactly what.
“Make me shut up, Laurens.”
I laugh under my breath. Then I lean down.
The first touch of her mouth against mine is softer than I expect. For maybe half a second. Then she laughs. Actually laughs into my mouth, blowing air into it. I pull back.
Her eyes go huge. She squeaks, “I’m sorry.”
I stare at her.
Then I grab her face with both hands and blow air straight into her mouth.
Gianna jerks backward with a sound somewhere between a laugh and a scream.
She looks at me in horror. “You did not.”
I laugh.
She shoves both hands against my chest.
I don’t move.
She whispers, “Rowan!”
“What?”
“That was horrible.”
I laugh and say softly, “You laughed in my mouth.”
“I was nervous!”
“You told me to kiss you.”
“That doesn’t mean—”
I grab her again and kiss her for real this time.
She stops talking immediately. This one isn’t soft.
Her hands stay against my chest for one second and then slide up over my shoulders, and she comes onto her toes to get closer.
My hands move from her face to her waist. She fits against me differently than I imagined.
I hadn’t imagined it until this week. Now I’m imagining more. A lot more.
Her mouth opens under mine, and I kiss her deeper.
She makes a small sound.
That does something violent to my concentration. I pull her closer. Her back hits the counter. Neither of us cares about the sound. Her fingers slide into the hair at the back of my head, and I get one clear thought through everything else. This is better than thinking about it.
Then Benson laughs loudly in the other room.
Gianna freezes against my mouth.
I stop.
We both listen.
No footsteps.
Benson keeps talking to Lucy.
Gianna looks up at me and starts laughing silently.
I press my forehead against hers. “Your brother is right around that corner.”
She’s flushed. “I know.”
“You seem very relaxed about that.”
She shakes her head. “I’m not relaxed at all. I’m freaking out.” Her eyes go to my mouth again. “Are you going to do it again?”
I kiss her.
This time she smiles into it instead of laughing.