Closer #3
“Yes,” Patel said calmly. “He is. You’re not, and I thank the goddess every day for it.
But you are also deeply besotted, and you’ve just had first contact with nectar.
The psychotropic effects of nectar are a carefully guarded secret that is only divulged to trusted royal handlers.
I had no intention of ever telling your brother about sacred biology, and I’m only telling you because I know you would never hurt Ardor, especially not over something he can’t control. ”
Sindar’s righteous outrage slowly drained out of him. “Psychotropic?” he echoed.
Patel sighed. “My boy, I know you think what you feel is real. I understand better than you know. And for what it’s worth, no one is happier than I to see Ardor with a consort who properly cherishes the divine.
That’s as it should be. But there is a dimension of your affection that you don’t understand. ”
“Go on,” Sindar said, as what was left of his outrage turned to disquiet. “Just tell me already.”
“Flowers have been imbued with divine properties by D’ruth.
Their scent naturally arouses and attracts compatible mates—royals.
Most people know this. What most people do not know is that their nectar has intensely potent mind-altering properties.
As your mother explained it to me, the goddess, in her wisdom, provided her children with a self-defense mechanism.
Once a consort has been exposed to a Flower’s nectar during breeding, they become intensely protective of their new mate.
For most Flowers this is a good thing. It ensures they will be protected when they are most vulnerable, and it increases the likelihood they will only have one consort during any given breeding period.
Flowers normally get pregnant relatively quickly, often in the first or second ceremony.
Thus, the effect they have on their consort is short-lived and often goes unnoticed by outsiders. ”
“Mind-altering,” Sindar echoed. “It all comes back to besottment. You don’t believe my feelings are real. You think I’m being manipulated.”
“Not intentionally, but yes. You are being manipulated, and you’ve done nothing to dispel rumors to that effect.
Your obvious infatuation with Ardor has attracted attention and speculation.
Your staff enjoy the romanticism and find it endearing.
The court… not so much. It was bad enough when you were besotted by scent alone, but nectar is far more potent. ”
There was no point in wasting energy arguing about his feelings. Instead, Sindar focused on the more malleable issue: the optics. “I will stop visiting him outside the ceremonies, then.” Even as he spoke the words, he knew it was impossible.
“It goes beyond that. These contract changes are a serious problem. There’s absolutely no reason for Kysan to renegotiate such a lenient contract, especially when we haven’t secured a single heir yet.
I’ve convinced them allowing the champion access to the palace is a good-faith negotiating tactic, but I can’t explain away this.
The court will believe Ardor has manipulated you into this request and that you are compromised. ”
Sindar put his face in his hands. He loved Ardor more than life itself.
This was no besottment or “mental alteration.” He loved that man.
There was no point in trying to convince Patel or anyone else, though.
All that mattered was keeping Ardor safe.
He finally lifted his face and said, “If you don’t tell me where he is, you’re out. ”
“For fuck’s sake, boy,” Patel said. “Did you listen to a word I just said?”
“If he comes back, Ardor will suffer. He will make sure Ardor dies as quickly as possible. I want him gone for good, and I don’t trust anyone else to do it!”
“Did you want to kill your brother last week?”
“Does it matter?” Sindar spat.
“It matters. Answer the question.”
“No, I didn’t.”
“But you want to kill him now. What has changed?”
“Now I know he wanted to hurt Ardor!”
“What’s changed is you had a mind-blowing sexual experience with a man you’re passionately in love with, and you’ve lost your head and all reason.
Sindar, you are hopelessly smitten with this man to the point you will ruin yourself over him.
If you kill your brother now, you will deeply regret it.
If you fire me, you will regret it. And mark my words—if you do anything to make the court more suspicious of Ardor than they already are, you will profoundly regret it. ”
His mentor’s stern face and voice cooled Sindar’s fire.
Growing up, Sindar’s father mostly ignored him.
Lord Patel was the one who yelled at him when he was foolish, or scolded him when he misbehaved.
He was more a father than the old king ever had been, and those years of paternal guidance left their mark; when Patel spoke, Sindar listened.
“What do I do?” Sindar asked finally.
“Accept you’re not impartial and heed good advice. That is precisely why we are here—to advise you when you are out of your depth. I can get you the champion. You’ll have to trust me regarding the rest and be patient.”
“You understand why I want these terms, don’t you?” Sindar swallowed. “Patty, my mother… Please. I can’t watch it happen again. Not with the bearer of my children.”
His mentor’s stern face softened. “My boy, I understand completely. When we are on more secure footing with Pavar, we will improve Ardor’s situation contractually. You’ve already improved his life significantly. You’re a devoted and empathetic consort, and I couldn’t be prouder of you for that.”
Sindar looked away. The words, “I love him, I love him,” were eternally lodged in his throat.
Were they real? He knew what he felt, but he could not deny his attraction to Ardor was instant and absolute.
The moment he’d smelled Ardor’s perfume the first time, he was lost. He’d never been attracted to men before.
Was this feeling somehow against his nature? Was he being manipulated?
“I can’t accept it,” Sindar said finally, touching his chest. “Pheromones, psychotropic effects… I don’t care. This is real. It’s real, Patty. It has to be real.”
“You care for him. I believe that. But when this is over, and you’re no longer under the direct influence of a Flower’s aura, you may find your feelings are not nearly as powerful as you thought.
” Patel sighed. “Sindar, trust me, you are not the first to go through this. A great many consorts have come out of their besottment embarrassed, confused, even angry. The realization that the intensity of one’s passion was augmented, even a little, can take the shine off it.
It no longer feels magical. The honeymoon is over, as they say.
Even if you understand sacred biology, and you’ve prepared yourself for the change, the loss can be devastating.
To feel so intensely, only to learn those feelings were not solely a product of your heart, is… difficult, surely.”
Already, Sindar was ordering his memories, shuffling things into the “before nectar” and “after nectar” categories.
This morning, he hadn’t wanted to breed.
He’d been emotionally incapable. And for the first time, Ardor shared his bloom.
Surely that was no coincidence, but the nectar was not the reason he wanted Ardor.
Even before Sindar touched the bloom, he’d come for his Flower. He’d burned for him.
The nectar had made his feelings more intense.
That he wouldn’t dispute. But he was begging long before his finger slipped into that opening.
Ardor’s breath on his ear, his curiosity about his consort’s body, and the press of his fingers against the back of Sindar’s hand…
those were the things that set him aflame.
His feelings were genuine. He wanted Ardor, and he came by it honestly. He could accept that nectar augmented his feelings as surely as coca and booze did. That didn’t mean the underlying feelings weren’t real.
“Do you hear what I’m saying?” Patel asked.
His tone was sympathetic. He truly seemed to understand, and something about that nagged at the back of Sindar’s brain, as though there was something in plain sight he wasn’t quite seeing, but he had no energy to spare for it.
As it was, he was wholly consumed by Ardor.
“I hear you,” Sindar said. He sighed. “I have to fix things with Ambani.”
“She’ll come around,” Patel said.
That wasn’t good enough. Sindar was through screwing up and waiting until everyone else accepted his flaws and “came around.” He had to do better.
He would do better
He was a king, damn it.