|57| • Everest
"You, are an idiot, Simon."
Gabe's voice blared through the speakers of my phone, I could already imagine how he'd look at me if he were here -- like I'd grown a new head. Rolling my eyes, I put the phone on speaker, laying my head on the bed with a groan. I didn't need anyone telling me that, I knew I screwed up.
When I got back yesterday, Amelia simply forced a thin-lipped smile at me, before leaving for her room. That was all the interaction we had. I wanted to call her back and explain but she was avoiding me. The locked door was proof enough.
This morning, I woke up feeling like a thousand pounds were on my shoulders. So I picked up my phone to dial Gabe, hoping for some comfort. When I explained everything to him, he let out the loudest snort before calling me an idiot. Now here we were.
"No, no. Say it with me. This needs to be internalised. I...am an idiot." Gabe continued, his pauses dramatic. I scoffed, covering my face. My heart felt heavy. I knew Amelia was angry with me, I guess I was just too cowardly to face her right now. "Gabe, I'm serious here."
"So am I!" He snapped. "Penelope would literally have my head if I came home after that.
Seriously? Shit man, I can't believe you did that.
" My friend muttered, the irritation clear in his voice.
Narrowing my eyes, I soaked in the guilt.
"I just thought it'd be better to see her physically and end whatever was going on. "
Gabe clacked his teeth against his gum, "I thought I advised you not to pick up her call?
She had nobody else to turn to than the guy she dumped eight years ago?
" His question made me regret this even more.
If I was feeling bad, I could only imagine how Amelia was feeling.
"Simon, that honestly didn't seem suspicious to ya? "
Quietly, I shook my head, "I guess I wasn't thinking straight."
"Darn right, you weren't. And you proceeded to tell Amelia you were going to see your ex?
How did you expect her to welcome you back?
Hm?" The more he spoke, the heavier I felt.
The questions he threw at me remained unanswered.
At that moment, I didn't want to add Amelia to all this drama. I wanted to sort it out myself.
Perhaps I shouldn't have approached things that way. "I know I screwed up." To say the least anyways.
"Why didn't you take her along?" Gabe asked after a minute of silence. Take her along? "Why would I do that?" I asked, drawing my eyebrows together in confusion. The last time Florescent and Amelia were together, the latter teared up and left. Why would I want a repeat of that?
"Why not? She's your woman, isn't she? If Florescent or whatever you call her wanted to talk with you and see Amelia, things would have gone smoother than they did. She wouldn't have tried to kiss you or make you drunk with wine."
"She didn't try to get me drunk, Gabe."
"Sure she didn't. A few more glasses and you'd be telling me a different tale."
I huffed, massaging my temple. "I didn't think of it that way. I just wanted to protect Amelia from her charades."
"And how'd that work out for you?"
I remained silent, thinking about what he'd said.
"You need to make this right man. Don't worry, I'll put your stubborn ass in my prayers tonight.
" This made me chuckle, taking my phone from the bed as I stood up.
He was right, I needed to sort things out, leaving the air tense would do us no good. We were living together now.
"See you, and thanks, man." I meant it, he was one of the only people I knew I could turn to. Gabe chuckled, saying he was here for me before I ended the call.
Now that I was alone again, the nerves slipped in, was Amelia going to give me the time of day?
What if she avoided me the whole day? I turned to look at my reflection in the mirror.
I wasn't able to sleep much last night, there were bags underneath my eyes, and my head was starting to ache from too much tugging.
I was scared to face her, wasn't I?
Walking to the bathroom, I undressed and stepped into the warm beads of water. Putting my head under, I tried to calm myself. After what happened yesterday, a comment Florescent said stuck with me. It taunted me even.
"You need help."
I'd always pushed the thought aside, I thought I could handle it, yet a cork popping got me flinching.
How irritating. I didn't want to be seen that way in front of Amelia.
The pitying look, I despised it. I knew Amelia was worried because of the nightmare I had when she'd slept beside me.
I tried to dismiss it but I could see the concern in her gaze alone.
Help.
Would that mean I'd have to go through counselling? That made it seem as though I was unhinged.
Turning off the shower, I let the water trickle down my face.
My thought was beginning to get louder these days.
I thought I had things all under control, maybe I didn't.
Stepping out of the bathroom, I strolled lazily to the wardrobe, looking for what to wear.
Pulling out a pair of sweat-shorts and a polo.
Even if I was staying home, I still wanted to look presentable for her.
With a bit of gel, I ruffled the strands of my hair, not bothering to style it.
"Okay. Lord help me." I whispered to myself, slowly opening my door.
The living room was empty, and her bedroom was closed.
Was she in there? Taking a deep breath, I made my way to the kitchen, almost stumbling on my feet when I saw her smaller figure in front of the counter, her hips moving playfully.
Darn, did I always feel this nervous when I saw her?
My chest constricted a bit, I could feel goosebumps on my skin.
From where I stood, I could hear her hum, a loaf of bread on the counter beside a bottle of jam.
It was as though she felt my presence because her movement stopped.
So I decided to speak and not watch her like a stalker.
"Hey, sweetheart."
Amelia didn't turn, she just continued making her bread and jam. "Good morning." Was her gentle reply. It wasn't as cold, but still curt. I felt a lump in my throat. "Good morning," I said back, a hand on my neck.
"I made more than enough, you could help yourself if you want,"
Amelia uttered lowly, going around the counter to drop the bread and jam back in its place. The four pieces of bread and jam lay on the white ceramic plate. She'd made some for me? Goodness, now I felt worse.
"Amelia..."
I called out, she was avoiding my gaze, walking around to get a glass cup and orange juice, she then separated two sandwiches on another plate, keeping hers on a tray.
"Baby," I tried again, moving closer to her.
Amelia was now in front of the counter, her back facing mine. She'd stopped moving around.
"Could we please talk?"
"We're talking right now." Her words were rushed out, quickly, my lady grabbed her tray, about to move around me in an attempt to escape. Before she could, I held it, looking at her. She didn't return my gaze, hers were focused elsewhere.
"I want to eat Everest. Please let go."
Everest? Darn. How could my name sound foreign against her lips?
"Please Amelia, I know I shouldn't have done that. I shouldn't have gone over to her house." Amelia let the tray go, looking down to the ground. I needed to see her eyes, needed to know she was listening to me. "Ten minutes. Just spare me ten minutes to explain."
A pregnant pause swelled in our midst.
"Okay," She whispered, going to the living room. Quietly, Amelia sat on the double couch, shifting to the edge like the entire space was taken.
I dropped the tray on the table, sitting on the couch as well. Would she spring up if I sat too close? Damn, I hated being this cautious around her, my heart felt weird.
"So, I..." I didn't know what to say, where would I start from? She kept a significant space between us, her hands intertwined.
"Did...did anything happen between you two?"
My heart ached at her question, of course, she'd be worried about that. "Amelia, nothing happened. Okay? I promise nothing happened between us." With this, she hesitantly looked towards me, her eyes glossy but tears not forming.
"Baby..." I couldn't help the words that came from my mouth when I saw her sad expression. "Okay." She mumbled, narrowing her eyes once more.
I shifted closer to Amelia, taking her palms which rested on her lap. "I only agreed to go because I needed to tell her to stop contacting me. I didn't realise how bad it may have looked to you." She tried to pull her hands from my grip but I didn't let her, instead, I brought her palms to my lips.
"Get mad at me, Amelia."
Her eyes widened a bit, a light scoff coming from her lips. "What?"
"Don't push me away, I'd rather you get mad at me, scream at me. Shit, even punch me." I couldn't take her being this reserved, not wanting me to even hold her hand. Amelia grimaced my way, not saying a word.
Her hard stare was admittedly intimidating. "What did she want?" Amelia asked, not breaking her stare. Relieved, my shoulders relaxed. She was willing to listen.
"Florescent said she needed cash to get back to Paris, as well as to get herself out of a tight spot." Amelia pursed her lips when I said, "That's why you drove to her place? To transfer money? Or did she request paper cash?" Her tone oozed sass, the question jabbing my heart.
"She...she said she needed to explain face to face, so I just went."
Amelia smiled, shaking her head. "Cool."
"Amelia,"
"What the hell do you want me to say? It's obvious you're wrapped around her fingers, so why are you pushing me to understand?" Amelia snapped, her voice loud, this made me shrink back in surprise. Well darn, had I pushed her enough to curse at me? That wasn't good.
The best thing to do was keep quiet, so I did. Hoping she'd vent at me more.
"I...I know I shouldn't have picked up your call.
But why did you get so defensive? You acted like I'd just called your wife.
" I winced at her words, was that how it seemed?
"Before I could even understand what was happening, you were going to her home.
For what? You didn't even explain. You just kept saying you wouldn't be long! "
Amelia was angry, I could see it in the way she gesticulated, her voice going up a few pitches. Her movements were as though my body was made out of lava, when I tried to touch her lap, she swatted my hand away.
"Like that's meant to reassure me." She finished with a scoff, looking away. My throat was dry, and the lump in my throat felt more sizeable now. I loved that she had expressed herself to me, but darn, I felt naked now, with all my wrongs out in the open.
"The way I acted yesterday, it was uncalled for.
You're right. I'm sorry that I got so defensive about it.
Honestly, I don't have an excuse for that.
" I began, digging my nails into my palms. "And about me going there without explaining.
.." Why was it so hard to express myself without repeating the word 'sorry' like a broken record?
"It made me feel like a child, Everest. A child being sent to their room so the adults can have their conversation." Amelia added, pouting at the end. A harsh breath left my lips. "I'm sorry. I did that because I didn't want to upset you."
She pulled her eyebrows together, making me rephrase my words.
"I mean, I didn't want to get you involved in my mess. Florescent can be pretty nasty so I tried to keep the two of you far away from each other."
"B-but I told you when I had issues with Darrick. Every time it happened." Amelia had a point, she did tell me these things. Putting my head to my palms, I sighed for the umpteenth time. "Being left in the dark wasn't okay for me, Everest. It was as though you were simply stringing me on."
"I..."
"You're sorry. That's all you seem to be saying.
" Amelia muttered, cutting me off. "Baby, I don't what else to say," I admitted, feeling embarrassed.
She hummed, resting her head on the couch.
Her hands were open, as though she asked me to hold her.
Hopefully, I did. This time, she didn't pull away, her smaller ones laid limp into mine. I cupped her hands, kissing her thumb.
"I'll cut off all communication with her once I send the money, and if she does message me one way or the other, you'll be the first to know. I won't go see her again unless it's with you." I so much as promised her, my thumb caressing the back of her palms.
"It's not just her, I...I want you to set boundaries, I also want you to tell me things before it happens. Carry me along, you know?" She explained, seeming more mature and expressive than before.
"I will, I promise."
Amelia chuckled, her eyes glistening with unshed tears, her faded green iris searched mine as though she was searching for the sincerity in my words. She took a deep breath, steeling herself, and spoke softly.
"D-do you mean that?"
"I do, baby. I don't ever want to make you feel this way again."
Amelia leaned on my shoulders, letting me wrap my arms around her, pulling her body closer to mine. "Then, I believe you." Whispering softly into my ear, her hushed words brought me comfort. The heaviness on my shoulders dissipated, leaving me feeling lighter.
"Can I hug you?" I asked, still cautious. Her shoulder heaved as a giggle bubbled on her lips. "I thought we were already hugging. But okay." After this, I pulled her on top of me, snaking my arms around her waist in a warm hug. Amelia hands encircled my neck, letting me hold her.
"I missed you." Amelia muttered under her breath. Those words warmed my heart. She did? With my head on her neck, I inhaled her scent, caressing her sides.
"I missed you too, sweetheart. I especially miss you calling me Evie." I admit, flustered. Amelia looked up, giggling. "Well, you messed up, of course I'm not gonna call you that." She sassed, rolling her eyes. Smiling, I touched my forehead with hers.
"I'm sorry for that, again."
"It's fine. I forgive you, Evie."
Grinning, I pulled her chin foreword, placing a kiss on them.
Amelia hummed, kissing me back. "My sandwich would turn stale if we keep this up.
" She whispered after pulling away.
Oh right, the bread she'd made for both of us was still sitting patiently on the glass center table.
Nodding, I kissed her soft lips once more.
"Right, I should probably let you go."
Her lips tilted up, inches away from mine. "Probably." Such simple words sounded sultry with such a tone. Licking my lips, I was honestly locked in her gaze. Her eyes drew me in.
I couldn't imagine how my life would be like now, without her by my side. Darn, I was pretty much obsessed at the point.
I guess I'd have to marry her now.
Amelia scrunched up her face, making a goofy expression. "Why're you staring like that?" She teased, sneaking out her tongue to lick my lips. I smirked, pulling her closer.
"I want to kiss you again." I whispered when close to her ear. "What's stopping you?"