5. Chapter Three
CHAPTER THREE
MICHAEL
I sit here, trying to process what Rylee just told me. I can’t be around my mate? How am I going to survive not being around her? I stand up from my chair, bow slightly, and head towards the door.
“I’ve got to go,” I say.
Before Xavier or Rylee can respond, I am already out the door. I speed walk to the front of their house and make my way outside. I run straight toward the forest and shift into my wolf.
Running and working out always help me calm down. It’s a release, a way to get out all of my aggression and frustrations.
I can’t wrap my head around the fact that I can’t be around my mate. That’s one of the worst things you can do to a werewolf.
I run straight to the pack gym. I shift near a tree and pull clothes out of a duffle bag, putting them on before I walk into the gym.
We keep duffle bags lying around the territory in case we shift and need clothes. It really comes in handy in moments like this. I normally tie my clothes to my ankle, but that’s when I’m not angry. When I’m angry, there’s no time to think clearly, so my clothes shred when I shift.
I make my way to the punching bag. Everyone in the gym stops what they’re doing and watches my every move. They know not to mess with me when I’m angry. I’m not the best warrior for no reason. I train ruthlessly and have killed several people in my life.
Without even putting on any gloves, I start hitting the punching bag as hard as I can, focusing on every hit as I let out all of my frustrations. I know sparring with someone would help, but no one will want to spar with me right now. I don’t blame them. I wouldn’t want to spar with an irrational, unconsolable beast.
That’s one way to get sent straight to the pack hospital.
The whir of the punching bag is steady and loud. This bag is worn from constant use, and I know it could break at any moment from the force I wield with each strike. The owner of the gym has several extra punching bags in the back, and anytime I break one, he orders another.
By the time I release all of my frustration and anger, I have destroyed three punching bags. I sit on the bench next to me, trying to catch my breath.
I look down at my hands to see a bloody mess. My knuckles busted open after a couple of hits, but I welcomed the pain. The pain helps with my wild emotions. It shows me that I’m still alive and that I have so much more fight in me.
I hear someone approach me and sit down. I don’t have to look up to know who it is.
It’s the owner of the gym.
He’s around fifty and almost like a father figure to me. He helped take care of me when I was in the orphanage. He mentored me and encouraged me to discover healthy ways to unleash anger.
He saved my life when I thought I wasn’t going to make it to my fifteenth birthday.
“What happened to make you annihilate three of my punching bags?” he asks, setting the first aid kit beside me.
I clench my jaw. I don’t want to talk about this and become angry again. My nerves have finally calmed down, and exhaustion is weighing down on me. Everyone in the gym is long gone. It’s only Bruce and me now. I take some gauze from the first aid kit and start to doctor my hands.
“You can tell me. It might help to say the words,” he says.
I sit up straight and look at Bruce. He’s someone I can trust, and I know whatever I say will be kept a secret.
“I found my mate today,” I state.
His eyes widen, and he exclaims, “If you found her, then why are you here with me?”
“She’s afraid of men. Luna Rylee is with her right now. I, well...she’s also deaf. I don’t mind that she’s deaf, but I don’t know any sign language, and I can’t communicate with her.”
I hear Bruce take a deep breath as I say she’s deaf. Being deaf isn’t the problem. Not being able to share anything with her is. How am I to get to know her or to form a bond with her when she is terrified of men, terrified of me, and we don’t even know the same language?
“She’ll come around, eventually. I bet she’s already starting to feel the pull, and in no time, she’ll start to feel safe around you. As for not knowing sign language, you better start learning it. I bet it will impress her that you are at least trying,” Bruce says. “It will show that you care about her and want to be able to communicate with her.”
I nod in agreement. There aren’t many that know sign language. I hope she will realize that I actually want to get to know her and am putting an effort into it.
“Now, go back to your house and get some rest. You have a full day tomorrow watching over the luna with the added pressure of your mate. Take a book on sign language with you in case you get stuck waiting outside of a room,” Bruce encourages. “It’ll keep you somewhat occupied, and you’ll learn a few things.”
“Thanks, I owe you one. Sorry for breaking three of your punching bags,” I state. “I’ll pay to replace them.”
“Don’t worry about that. I’m just glad you aren’t going off killing people. You can break as many punching bags as you need to if it means you won’t hurt anyone.”
I give a tight smile, walk out of the gym, and head toward my house. Bruce has never approved of me killing people. It’s not like I had a choice. They were rogues and were going to hurt people. Xavier told me to get rid of them, which means to kill them.
I couldn’t go against Xavier.
I’m one of the few people Xavier trusts to get the job done. Not a lot of people have the guts for it, but I’ve grown up killing from a young age. I don’t kill innocent people, only the guilty. I have a constant nagging in the back of my mind, but I don’t pay attention to it much. I push all my emotions away to keep numb.
I make it back to my house at one in the morning. Even though I’m exhausted, I hop in the shower really quick before getting into bed. I know tomorrow is going to be tough being around my mate but not being able to talk to her and having to keep my distance from her in general.
I think I’ll grab a book or two on sign language from the library in the morning so I can start learning how to communicate with Mae. With that thought, I fall asleep.
“Do you have any books on sign language?” I ask the librarian.
She looks at me, confused, before nodding her head. She walks into the back and returns with a couple of books, handing them to me to look at.
“This book is about the basic alphabet and how to sign a few words. The other one is a little more advanced. After you read both, come back, and I’ll give you another two. Then, if you want, while you’re going through the second two books, you can practice signing with Calvin,” the librarian says.
I take the second book and head to the door.
“Thank you!” I say in appreciation as I walk out the door.
I have a little skip in my step as I make my way out of the packhouse to Xavier and Rylee’s house. The alpha had mind linked me this morning, asking me to watch over the two girls today and reminding me to keep my distance.
I stand in front of their door and push out a deep breath before I knock. Today is going to be a long day if I can’t be near them. I won’t be talking to anyone, just sitting, keeping watch.
At least I have something to keep me a little occupied.
“Michael. Come in,” Rylee says.
I step into the house, and my eyes land on Mae, who’s sitting on a couch. I immediately turn to Rylee.
“How is she?” I ask.
Rylee smiles a little. “She’s okay. Still won’t say much, but that’s okay. I’m hoping that Alexander and Violet can make her more comfortable. My mom’s dropping them off soon.”
Alexander and Violet are Rylee’s kids. They are a handful. Alexander is three and Violet is almost a year old. So much for trying to read today, Alexander will be all over me.
“Don’t give me that look. I see those books, but maybe playing with Alexander will show Mae that you aren’t a threat. She wasn’t as scared of you as she was Xavier, but she still held some fear when looking at you,” Rylee says.
“Yeah, yeah. I’ll be sitting in the kitchen reading until your kids come,” I grumble.
I slowly walk toward the kitchen, trying not to scare Mae with any fast movements. She stares at me the whole time until I sit down in a chair. Rylee gets her attention and starts to sign.
I relax into my chair and open the first book. The first thing I see are hand signs for the alphabet. I raise my hand and slowly mimic the sign for each letter. I go through the alphabet twice, and then turn the page.
“Uncle Michael!” I hear a little voice yell.
I place the book down and turn toward the voice. Alexander is running to his best ability toward me. I bend down to his level and scoop him up in my arms. I tickle his stomach, and he squeals before going into a fit of laughter.
The only people who have seen me interact like this are Xavier and Rylee. Mae’s eyes soften a little as she watches us. I hope that Rylee is right and me interacting with kids will help Mae trust me some, not see me as a threat.
Placing Alexander on the floor, he looks around the room, his eyes landing on Mae. He ducks behind my leg and peaks out at her. He’s a shy kid when he meets someone new, but once he gets to know you, he’ll never leave you alone.
Mae looks up at me before looking back down at Alexander and waving. I give Alexander a little nudge toward Mae, and he bashfully makes his way over to her. I smile and watch them interact.
He waves to say hi, and she waves back. Alexander asks what her name is, and she looks at him, confused. Alexander quickly looks at me.
“Alex, she’s deaf, so she can’t hear you. Her name is Mae,” I explain.
“How do I speak to her, then?” he asks.
“By using your hands. By signing. Your mom knows some.”
He looks at Mae with concern but with a twinkle in his eye. He turns to his mom, who just finished speaking with Mrs. Brown. Rylee smiles at Alexander reassuringly, walks over to me, and places Violet in my hands, and then makes her way to Mae and Alexander. She picks Alex up, places him on her lap, and asks what he needs.
While they’re talking, I pay attention to Violet, who’s making baby noises. I coo at Violet, and she grabs onto my finger. For almost a year old, she has a very strong grip.
Probably the werewolf genes in her.
After a little bit, my arm starts to get tired. I pull my finger out of her grip and move her around into a better position. Violet starts to cry so I rock her, trying to calm her down.
Once Violet calms down, she starts to fall asleep. I sit down in my chair and pull the sign language book open. I don’t know how long I sit here with Violet in my arms, but I know it’s been a long time.
I worked through more than half the book, and my arm is asleep.
“Here’s your lunch. Sorry it’s so late, I hope that’s okay. You can hand me Violet so I can feed her,” Rylee says.
I look up at her, placing my book down. It’s almost three in the afternoon. Rylee had gotten distracted playing with Alexander and talking to Mae. I don’t mind having a late lunch because I got carried away with holding Violet and reading the book.
“Can I feed her?” I ask.
When I’m in Xavier and Rylee’s house, I’m a different person. I don’t let the pack see this soft side of me because they know me as a cold and emotionless person. I have a reputation to keep, and showing them that I am actually a softy will ruin it.
Rumor will spread, and people won’t be scared of me.
Rylee smiles at me before handing me a bowl of cut up grapes and bananas. Violet is already awake, so I sit her up on my lap. I take the small spoon and pick up some pieces of grapes. I bring the spoon up to her mouth, and she opens.
It takes Violet a while to eat all of her food, but she eats everything. While she’s holding onto one of my fingers, playing with it, I start to eat my food with the other. I have gotten pretty good at eating with Violet in my arms. Anytime I’m here with Rylee, and the kids are here, I always help Rylee either feed Violet or take care of Alexander.
It’s the least I can do. There’s no sense in me just sitting around not doing anything when I can make Rylee’s life a little easier.
It’s also good practice for me to get used to kids, and it gives Rylee a break from paying attention to both kids at once. It’s a situation where both of us gain something. I don’t mind helping with the kids at all. I’ve secretly always wanted kids. This makes me want them even more but satisfies the need for now.
The rest of the afternoon passes by fairly quickly. I’m sitting in the kitchen waiting for Rylee to come back downstairs from putting the kids to bed and helping Mae. Rylee encouraged me to stay downstairs so Mae is more comfortable.
It breaks my heart every time Rylee says that I can’t be near Mae or that I’ll scare her.
“Michael,” Xavier says, walking through the front door.
I stand up and bow slightly. “Alpha.”
Xavier walks up the stairs and into the kids’ room. I sit back down, waiting for Rylee. When I became Rylee’s guard, the first time Xavier came home, I left right after he arrived. The next morning, I got an earful from Rylee, saying she hadn’t given me permission to leave. Now, I make sure to wait for Rylee to come downstairs and tell me whatever she needs to before I leave.
I don’t want to feel her wrath again when I can avoid it.
I hear footsteps, and I look up to see Rylee walking down the stairs. She stands in front of me, exhales, and smiles.
“I first want to say thank you for helping out with the kids. You do a lot for me throughout the day with them, and I really appreciate it,” Rylee says.
“It’s no problem. You know I love taking care of them,” I reply.
“Well, the kids and Mae are asleep. You can go home now since Xavier is here. You have a safe trip home and get some rest.”
“See you tomorrow.”
I walk to the door and open it, but before I can walk outside, Rylee speaks up again.
“Before you go, I want to let you know something. Mae was watching you intently when you were playing with Alexander and holding Violet. She also asked about you before she went to sleep,” Rylee says, walking up the stairs.