12. Chapter Ten
CHAPTER TEN
MAE
I don’t know what to think about everything that’s been happening. So much has changed since Michael and Rylee found me in the woods. I have felt loved and taken care of like I never have been before.
Sure, Michael still frightens me sometimes, but it’s getting better. Rylee has been encouraging me to try and talk to him more so I can get to know him. It’s not easy since he doesn’t know a lot of sign language, and I don’t want Rylee to have to interpret everything. It would be uncomfortable to always have someone be a part of our conversation that isn’t part of the conversation. I wonder if we could type things on a computer or phone, even a piece of paper.
I don’t know, but I would like to get to know him better. He’s interesting, and the sparks that dance across my skin any time I touch him are addicting.
He’s my mate.
But I can’t figure out how that will work when I’m deaf and a rogue? Michael didn’t seem to like me when they first found me. What if he regrets his decision to accept me as his mate down the road? What if he wants nothing to do with me when he finds out what happened to my pack? What if he ends up being like the people who attacked my pack? What if he turns on me because I’m a rogue and don’t have a pack anymore.
Just thinking about what happened to my pack makes my breathing become shallow and fast, my heart rate skyrockets. I close my eyes and try to take several deep breaths to calm myself down.
My whole body freezes into a statue as someone touches my shoulder. Rylee’s standing in front of me with a worried expression on her face.
“Are you okay?” she signs.
I nod and make sure my eyes connect with hers to reassure her. Sure, I may not be fully okay, but I’m not going to tell her that. I’m not ready to talk about what happened to my pack.
“Michael told me to tell you thank you for helping with the dishes. He really appreciated it, even if you didn’t need to do it,” Rylee signs.
I crack a smile and look over at Michael. He’s sitting on a chair in the kitchen reading a book. I’m pretty sure it’s a sign language book. He’s been studying and reading those since he met me in the woods. Well, the day after he met me, but it’s the same thing.
I guess that could be a sign that he wants to take things further and doesn’t care that I’m deaf. I’m terrified to tell him everything about my pack, but after he hears all that went on, I hope he will understand why I am a rogue. Not that it was by choice, it was forced on me.
I never thought I would become a rogue. I dreamed that I would stay in my pack forever, find my mate, and live a happy, fulfilling life. But that’s not my reality.
“Is everything okay?” Rylee signs to me. “ Are you feeling overwhelmed? Need some alone time in your room?”
I shake my head. I don’t think I need that right now, but maybe Rylee sees something in me that I’m not even aware of. I definitely don’t need Rylee asking me a ton of questions right now. That is one sure way to make me overwhelmed. As much as I want to get to know her and have her ask me questions, I know the question Rylee wants answered the most is why I’m a rogue.
I’m not ready to get into all the details right now. I’m not sure I will ever be. Everything is so fresh and new. I can still smell the burnt flesh in my nose from the rogues setting people on fire.
Tears fill my eyes as I let that thought enter my brain. I quickly blink several times to get the tears to go away and stand up to take the attention away from my face. I need some fresh air to get the phantom smell out of my nose.
“Fresh air,” I sign. “ Need it.”
I’m so shaken that I can’t sign in a full sentence. I have to get out of here, and now. I need to know that the house isn’t going to go up in flames…I can’t smell that awful stench again, ever.
Rylee follows me to the front door. I can’t get it open fast enough. As soon as I step outside, I take in several deep breaths. Ever so slowly, the smell leaves my nose and memory, for now. I have no doubt that I’ll have a nightmare tonight and wake to that putrid smell all over again. If that happens, I won’t be able to walk outside.
A couple of days ago, Rylee told me that I need to either have her or Michael with me at all times if I want to go outside. I totally understand why because I don’t want to be blindsided or attacked by pack members here. I have no doubt they are asking questions as to why the alpha is allowing a rogue to live in his house. I also have no doubt that the alpha, Rylee’s mate, wants answers from me.
What happens if I don’t open up soon? Will he force it out of me? Will he torture me for the answers? Will Michael allow it?
There are so many questions running through my head that I start to get a headache. I need to stop thinking so hard about everything. I’m safe right now and should relax while I have this secure environment.
I don’t know how long I will be sheltered. When will Michael or the alpha kick me out and tell me to leave? Will Rylee allow that to happen? How much say does she have in this pack? She is a human mated to a werewolf, but she is also the luna. I don’t know how that works in a pack, and I haven’t had the courage to ask yet.
Rylee moves into my vision and gives me an encouraging look. “ Is everything okay? Are you good now?” she signs to me.
I nod my head and smile back. I still feel a bit shaken, but being outside in the fresh air definitely helped a lot.
Rylee’s face changes a bit and worry begins to creep in again. What is she about to tell me? Is she going to tell me that I’m not welcome in this pack? That I need to move on and not come back?
“Mae, I need you to know up front that I would have given you a lot of time,” Rylee starts to sign. “ Xavier, my mate and the alpha of the pack, needs to know if the pack is in danger because you are here with us. Is it?”
I stare at her hands, not knowing what to say. How am I supposed to know if the rogues that killed my pack followed me? I don’t think they did, but how can I be sure? I didn’t get a good whiff of their unique scent to know if they were following me or not. I was so focused on saving myself that I didn’t pay attention to much of anything else.
“I don’t know,” I sign back to her.
It isn’t the response anyone will want to hear, but I don’t want to lie. I really like it here already, and I don’t want to do anything that will ruin my chance of staying.
“We’ll figure it out.”
I look away and shrug my shoulders. I feel so defeated. The alpha is going to come sooner or later and ask me all the same questions and more. I don’t want to talk to him, and I definitely don’t want to be interrogated about the incident. It is still so fresh in my mind.
“I’m going to my room,” I sign. I don’t want to talk about this anymore, and I know if I stay, Rylee’s going to ask more questions.
There’s no reason for me to stay and get triggered again. It’s going to be so hard, so exhausting, so overwhelming when I do have to talk about it, but I don’t want to face it right now. If I have some more time to work through things, then maybe I can talk about it all without having panic attacks or flashbacks that are so vivid that I feel like I can smell and hear everything that happened.
“I’ll come get you for dinner when it’s ready,” Rylee signs to me.
I nod my head and make my way into the house, not looking over at Michael. I can feel his eyes on me, but I’m not in the mood to try and talk to him. Right now, I need to be on my own and to have some time alone to wrap my mind around everything. I am so overwhelmed and don’t know what to think or feel about anything.