15. Chapter Thirteen
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
MAE
I ’m worried. Michael told me a couple of days ago that they need to ask me questions about my past. I believed him, but I didn't think they were serious or would actually follow through with it.
They tried before and I had a complete meltdown. What if I have another meltdown? It’s all still so fresh, so new, so real, and I’m worried. Really worried.
I grab the whiteboard and start to write.
I don't know if I can do this, I write.
What if I completely break down? Will they throw me out of the pack? I mean, I’m not actually part of the pack, but they’re letting me stay here for a little while. Will they throw me out of the territory and make me defend myself, alone?
I was never taught how to fight. Being deaf makes it impossible for me to know when people are coming, rogues specifically. Even when I transform into my wolf, I still can’t hear. It’s not fair, but it’s my life. I do know I can mind link with people, or at least I could in my pack. I don't know if I’ll ever be able to do that again.
Tears fill my eyes, and I take in a shaky breath. Everything’s starting to get overwhelming. If it’s getting overwhelming now, how am I going to be able to handle lots of in-depth questions?
Everything’s going to be okay. I'm going to be with you every step of the way, I read as he writes.
If he would have told me that a week ago, I would have laughed to myself. Well, I actually wouldn't have laughed. I would have cried and backed into a corner. When I first arrived here, I knew almost immediately that he was my mate, but that didn't matter. I was absolutely scared out of my mind and didn't know if I could trust him, trust them. I still didn't know if I can fully.
Sure, they’ve been so nice to me and have taken me in, but when they find out the truth about what the rogues did, will they send me out? Or will they keep me safe?
I can’t say for sure, and that terrifies me. To know that I can’t do anything to defend myself. Would Michael come after me or would he leave me to die?
There are rogues looking for you and the alpha needs to know if we're in danger or not. He needs to know if they’re going to come after us and if we need to prepare for a battle, he writes.
I sigh and close my eyes. Those are all valid reasons. I don’t know where they are or if they’ll attack this pack. I do know the rogues recognized that my pack was weak when they attacked us. I overheard some of them talking as I escaped.
My mind and body ache at the thought of me escaping, alone. My mom and dad made sure I got away. Made sure that I reached the border of the pack, and they defended me as I crossed over. They wanted me to have a chance to live. To live a full life. Did they know I was suffering? Did they know I lost everyone I knew my entire life in a matter of minutes? Did they know I felt every single person die through the pack bond?
Did they know? Did they feel the same things I felt before they died? Or did they not know?
Michael gently touches my arm, and I flinch, which brings me out of deep thought. It’s so hard not to react when I’m not expecting to be touched. I wish I could hear his voice in my head and know when he’s coming into the room or when he’s about to touch me. Then I wouldn't flinch and feel like I am dumb.
You’re okay, he writes on the whiteboard. I can be with you the whole time the alpha’s talking to you if you want. But if you want it to do this alone, with Rylee and the alpha, I completely understand.
I shake my head. I don’t know if I’ll be able to do it without him in the room. He brings peace and calm when I need it the most.
Grabbing the whiteboard, I clean it off before starting to write.
You can be in the room. When are we doing this?
All I see is his hand moving and pointing in front of me. There stands the alpha, staring directly at me. I shrink back and cast my eyes down.
My old alpha was okay with us looking into his eyes, but I’m not sure about this one. Every alpha has different preferences, different expectations. I don’t want to make him mad just by looking into his eyes.
Michael places his hand on my leg, and I look at him. He grins at me before giving me a thumbs up. I wish he was fluent in ASL. I crave being able to talk to him instead of writing every word down. It takes so much time and effort. It would make everything so much easier if we could just sign everything.
I need to be patient. I don’t want to rush things when I don’t know if he will want me after he hears everything. He might be okay with my past, but he may never be okay with me being deaf.
“Ready?” he signs.
I scrunch up my lips, squint my eyes, and raise my shoulders. I honestly don’t know if I’ll ever be ready. They were going to give me an option on when I wanted to talk about it, but it’s now. It’s today or they will probably kick me out.
Michael helps me stand up and holds onto my hand as we walk to his office. I’m really going to talk to them about this. How is my body going to react when I start reliving the horror? Will I have another panic attack like the last time?
Everything is so fresh, and I’m definitely not ready.
Rylee’s tender eyes give me some comfort as we walk into the alpha’s office. There’s no turning back now. Not unless I want to be off their pack grounds where the other rogues can get to me. I am sure I would be dead in less than five minutes.
“I’m sorry we have to do this right now, so soon,” Rylee signs.
“It is what it is,” I sign back.
Her mate, the alpha, is facing a huge unknown and is under tremendous pressure to keep his pack safe. I know where he’s coming from, but I wish I didn’t have to share the gruesome details.
I glance over at the alpha sitting in a chair behind his desk. He’s speaking, but I can’t decipher what he’s saying. Is he speaking to me? Out of the corner of my eye, I see Rylee walk to him and stand by his shoulder.
Ah. He wants her close. No doubt to keep her calm while I talk about the horrible things that happened. If I’m going to struggle through it, she probably will as well.
“Can I just write things down?” I sign. “ I don’t want you to have nightmares or cry.”
Rylee shakes her head and speaks. Probably translating for Michael and the alpha. It would be so much easier to write it down. Then he wouldn’t have to wait for Rylee to translate it.
“I’m doing this. We’ve already decided, so I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be fine. I’ve got my mate just like you do. Let him touch you while you’re talking to help you calm down,” Rylee signs.
I had already planned on doing that. There’s no way I will be able to get through all of this without him. As much as I would like to try so I don’t get attached to him, there is just no way.
“Ready?” Rylee asks.
“No, but let’s start.”
Rylee speaks for a second, and I don’t pay any attention. Reading lips has never been my strong suit. As much as I have tried, if people talk way too fast or don’t enunciate things, it’s almost impossible for me to read their lips.
“Are you from the Lunar Pack?” Rylee signs.
“Yes.” I nod my head.
They already knew that, though. Were they trying to see if I would lie? I’m not going to.
“I’m not going to lie,” I sign. “ What information do you already know?”
I just want to get this over with. I don’t want to tiptoe around everything.
“Just ask me the questions. Let’s get this over with.” My hands move with short and sweet signs.
Rylee looks at me, worried. “ Are you sure?”
I nod my head. It’s either directly now or them tiptoeing around the whole subject until they eventually flat out ask. So, why not just ask bluntly right away?
“I’m really sure. I don’t want to tiptoe around things. Just ask the questions,” I sign.
Rylee gives me a weary look. She doesn’t want them to flat out ask me the hard questions, but I need them to. I watch as Rylee’s lips move, and I try to catch what she’s saying, but her head is slightly tilted. She’s talking to the alpha.
I look over at Michael, and he gives me an encouraging smile. Right now, I wish I could hear his voice, that we could mind link and communicate. My mom talked about the voice of my dad and how it calmed her down.
While Michael’s touch on my thigh is calming me down, I’m still nervous. I crave to hear his voice and let it calm me down. Maybe if he marks me, I could hear it, or maybe once I became part of the pack.
I’m not sure if they will allow me to join. After hearing what happened, they might not be interested in me being a part of their pack. The alpha could demand that I leave immediately and that would be that.
What would I do, then? Not many people know sign language, and no one’s going to trust a rogue. Even if I made it to one of the human cities, the rogues would follow and kill me before I even got close to one of those cities.
I look back over at Rylee to find her already looking at me.
“Ready?” she signs.
I nod my head.
“Were the rogues the ones who went after your pack and killed them?”
Closing my eyes, I take a deep breath. I’m really going to tell them about this. Are they ready to hear it?
“They came out of nowhere. So many of them. They attacked when we were least expecting it. So much blood.”
I can feel my heart rate picking up with each word I sign. Tears fill my eyes, and I blink several times.
“I remember one of them had a scar across his face before he shifted. My parents were able to get me away safely. I could feel the strings being pulled away from my chest with every person dying.”
I grip Michael’s hand and squeeze really tight. I can smell the burning flesh in my nostrils, and with each death, a string breaks in my heart all over again. Whimpering, I close my eyes shut as tight as I can get them, trying to block out every memory. I don’t want to remember all this, to feel it all again. It was such a horrible day.
Michael’s thumb moves against the back of my hand, bringing me back to the present. I take several deep breaths before opening my eyes and looking at him. His eyes ask me if I’m okay, expressing worry as they look at me.
I smile and nod. I am anything but okay, but we need to move on to the next question. Looking over at Rylee, she looks concerned.
“Are you okay?” she signs.
I nod my head, not ready to let go of Michael’s hand yet.
“You didn’t technically answer the question. Were the rogues the ones who went after your pack and killed them?” Rylee signed once again.
I shrugged my shoulders before letting go of Michael’s hand. “ I don’t know. I haven’t been outside since you found me, so I don’t know. Does one of them have a scar across his face?”
Rylee speaks to the alpha and Michael for a second before turning back to me. “ Yes, one of them did. Not as tall as Xavier but was muscular.”
My whole body turns to ice. They found me. I hoped she would say no, that it was just some rogues looking for one of their pack or something, but I should have known. I should have known they would track me down and finish me off. Finish off the last of the Lunar Pack.
“I’ve got to go,” I sign quickly and stand up.
Rylee tries to sign something to me, but I don’t pay any attention. I need to get out of here and fast. They were already here once, no doubt looking at this pack and figuring out the routines. Trying to see where they are weak so they can attack.
Will they attack the whole pack or try to draw me out? I am certain they are crazy enough to attack the whole pack to get to me.
Michael stands and wraps his arms around me to keep me from leaving. I try to fight him off. Clawing and tugging at his arms to let me go. Right now, I wish I could hear and talk so I could yell at them all to let me go, but it’s no use. I don’t speak, and I don’t hear, and Michael has my arms pinned down. I’m helpless to communicate what I’m feeling, what I need.
The sparks surround my body, forcing me to relax. I don’t want to relax, though. I need to get out of here and run away. Maybe I can ask them to go talk to the rogues, and then I could slip past them. Would they do that for me?
I thrash my head back and forth, trying to rile myself up and not calm down. But with every passing second, I calm down even more. Tears of frustration and anxiety fill my eyes.
Micheal tightens his hold on me, holding me closer than ever but allowing my arms to be free. I look over at Rylee and the alpha, pleading with my eyes. Both of them are concerned, I can see it in their eyes.
“I really need to go. I can’t stay here,” I sign quickly, giving up my fight against Michael’s hold on me. “ Can you tell him to let me go? I really do need to go. I’ll leave the pack quickly. I won’t cause any more trouble.”
Rylee shakes her head. “ No. Xavier says absolutely not.”