18. Chapter Sixteen
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
MAE
ONE MONTH LATER
I t’s been a month since I spilled my guts about the rogue attack on my pack. A whole month of getting to know Michael, my mate, better.
I was accepted into the pack and met some wonderful people that day. Though, that was the only time I’ve really had the opportunity to go out and meet people. It’s hard when the three other people who know sign language aren’t around a lot.
Okay, that’s a lie.
Rylee and Michael are around me a lot, but when I want to go walk around the pack grounds, not close to the border or in the forest, they don’t come for a variety of reasons. I understand, but it’s hard. People want to talk to me, but they aren’t very interested in writing and reading a conversation.
I haven’t tried mind linking anyone but Michael and Rylee. I learned how to block everyone but a few people in my old pack. I know I shouldn’t do it, but without Rylee or Michael, I don’t really want to try it with anyone else.
I get all anxious and weird. Okay, maybe not the weird part, but I get anxious. They are still interested in talking with their mouths, expecting me to know how to read lips, but they don’t take into consideration that they have to be facing me, and they need to talk clearly, using their mouth and lips to make the sounds. It’s hard, and I get tired of reminding them to enunciate and speak slower.
Looking over in Michael’s direction, I watch as he plays with Alexander. Both the kids are home today, and we’ve been watching them. Well, there really isn’t much watching going on. They’re well-behaved kids.
“I can feel you looking at me,” Michael mind links me. “ What’s up?”
I quickly look away. This is the second time he’s caught me looking at him. Since our first mind link, he’s taken advantage of that. Any time he feels my eyes on him, he’ll mind link me to check on things.
More than likely, he just wants to hear my voice.
I don't even know if that’s how my real voice sounds or if that’s how his real voice sounds, but I’m not going to question it. Nothing makes sense, and I have to accept that.
“Mae?” he mind links me again. “ What’s going on? Is everything okay?”
By this point, he has stopped playing with Alexander and is studying me. I nod my head, and at the same time, scrunch up my shoulders and tilt my head.
“Are you sure? Do you want to talk about something?” he asks.
I shake my head. I don’t have anything to talk about.
“Mae.” he raises his eyebrow.
Okay, maybe I do.
“I really want to walk outside! In the forest,” I mind link back.
Things have gotten a bit more intense lately. The rogues are still approaching the border in different places, apparently gathering more information. I don’t know when they’re going to try and take care of things, but Michael seems to think it will be soon.
This means I’m not allowed to walk in the forest alone. I am not trained to defend myself, and I’m not comfortable walking with any guard other than Michael.
I trust him to have my back. While I trust everyone else in the pack, I know I would be on edge and looking around a lot with someone else. I want to go on a walk and enjoy it, and the only way I can do that is if Michael comes with me.
“The alpha should be here soon. Once he comes, we can go on a walk. Can you wait that long?” Michael asks.
I nod my head and go back to reading the book on my lap. I’m not actually reading it since my mind is racing with everything else but the book. It’s hard to concentrate when your mate’s so close and yet so far.
I’m being overdramatic right now. I am just antsy to get outside and walk around.
Michael has continued to diligently learn sign language. Whenever he wants to practice, he signs to me, and we can carry on full-blown conversations now. At times, he stumbles over a word, but it’s much easier to correct him or help him out now. We don’t have to rely on the whiteboard at all, which is nice.
It was so exhausting to write every conversation on the whiteboard. It is so small, and if I was trying to explain something, sometimes I had to stop midway to show him what I wrote so I could erase and finish my thought. I can’t complain too much. It was a way we could communicate at the time, and I was and am grateful for that.
I don’t know many deaf people, and I figure it’s like this a lot of the time when people don’t know sign language. To have this barrier is hard.
“Are you ready to go?” Michael mind links me.
I flinch as I hear his voice in my head. I was so deep in my thoughts, I didn’t realize so much time had passed and the alpha had already come back.
I know it’s been a month, but I’m still not fully comfortable around the alpha. We don’t get to interact much, and he’s just so intimidating. Rylee and Michael have told me several times that I don’t need to be afraid of him, but his first impression has stuck with me.
I don’t want to get on his bad side. Especially since I live in his house right now. I know it must be hard for him and Rylee to have me here all the time. It’s one of the reasons why I go on walks with Michael after the alpha comes back home. I want to give their family time to talk with each other and be alone without me there.
“Are you okay?” he asks.
I nod my head. “Fine. Just was deep in my thoughts.”
The more I get comfortable around Michael and Rylee, the more I find myself getting lost in my thoughts. I think it’s because I don’t feel like I have to be on alert when I’m with them. I know things will be okay and that we don’t always have to be doing things together to be ok.
It’s nice to relax after having to be on alert for several months, not ever getting a break. Even when I was sleeping. Not that I got much when I was a rogue. It’s so hard to be on the run, all alone and with nowhere to go.
Always trying to be one step ahead was exhausting, especially when I didn’t know much.
Part of me wishes I had fought harder to learn things when I was in my pack, but I know I can’t live in the past. But it would have been nice to learn some skills to protect myself better.
I’d like to ask Michael and the alpha if I can participate in some of the warrior drills. I realize things would have to be adapted for me since I can’t hear, but I want to learn. There’s only one other pack member here who is deaf, I wonder if they have done something special for her. I want to learn how to defend myself so I’m never in a situation where I feel helpless again.
“Are you ready to go?” Michael asks.
I place my book down and stand up, stretching my arms to the ceiling and bending over to touch my toes. My body needs some movement right now. I’m going to share my thoughts with Michael and ask if he thinks I could start learning some self-defense things. Part of me knows he’s not the one I need to get permission from, but I want to see how he’ll react before I speak to the alpha.
They are kind of similar in personality. I don’t know the alpha well, but when I watch them interact, and when Michael speaks about Xavier, they seem to get along super well, which makes me think they are kindred spirits.
Michael grabs my hand, and we walk out of the house and straight for the forest. I take a deep breath and close my eyes for a second. I absolutely love the smell of fresh air.
Opening my eyes, we continue to walk down the path we normally take. It isn’t really a path, but we have gone this way so many times we can see where we’ve started to wear the grass down.
I just can’t get myself to go a different way. This part is so beautiful.
“Is everything okay?” Michael asks, breaking the silence.
I turn and give him a nervous smile. He can always tell when I’m holding back or need to talk about something. It’s like he can feel my emotions through the mate bond.
I’m confused and amazed at the same time. Can he feel my emotions through the mate bond?
“How’d you know something was off? Can you feel my emotions through the mate bond?” I ask.
He gives me a sheepish look before nodding his head. “ Yeah, sometimes I can. Only when they’re really strong. What’s up?”
I stare at him in shock. How come I can’t feel his emotions? Is there some way to turn it off, block it like I could when I didn’t want to mind link some people? I’m going to have to ask him about it later or ask Rylee. She’ll probably tell me how to block it before Michael does.
“I have a question, and I don’t know how you or the alpha will react,” I gently say through the mind link.
“So tell me. I won’t get mad at you for asking a question. I never will,” he replies.
I had a feeling he’d say that. Part of me feels like it’s something mates have to say to each other, but deep down, they don’t actually mean it. Maybe I’m just being paranoid and don’t know what I’m talking about, but it’s a feeling I have.
Michael can feel my strong emotions through the mate bond, but I can’t feel his. Does he not want me to? Does he want to keep me in the dark? Does he not trust me enough? Does he hate me so much that he doesn’t want me to know? But I know the last part isn’t true or I hope it isn’t true. He hasn’t been anything but kind and nice to me, so he can’t hate me, right?
Is his whole plan to make me fall in love with him, and then give me to the rogues? Is he keeping me in the dark about everything and only telling me good news so I trust him?
There are so many questions going through my head, and I don’t know what to feel. I want to believe that he’s a good person and really wants me for who I am. He seems genuine, but knowing he’s been keeping his emotions away from me, it makes me worried.
It makes me feel like he’s trying to hide something. Something he knows I’m not going to like and would end things badly.
“Mae? Is everything okay?” Michael asks.
I smile and nod my head. Hopefully, I’m wrong about all the negative things I was thinking about him. All the questions I have in my head. Hopefully, they aren’t true, and he’s just keeping his emotions away from me because he had a bad past and doesn’t want to cause me more pain.
“I’m okay. I’m just nervous, and I don’t want you to get mad,” I reply honestly.
Michael stops walking and grabs my hands. The tiny sparks dance across my skin, and I start to relax.
“You can tell me anything. I promise I won’t get mad. If I don’t like something, then we’ll have a conversation about it. I won’t get mad at you for asking a question,” he says.
I take a deep breath in and nod. He sounds so sincere, and I know he’s telling the truth.
“I’m wondering if I can start training. I want to learn how to defend myself.”
He blinks several times as he tries to process the words. Or at least that’s what I think he’s doing.
“I can keep you safe. Do you not feel safe around me?” he asks.
I shake my head. “That’s not the reason why. I have always felt safe around you, even when I first got here and was afraid of you. I just, what if you aren’t near me and something happens? What then? I don’t know anything, and I’d like to be able to defend myself, at least until you can get to me,” I explain.
Everything in me hopes he doesn’t take it the wrong way. I don’t want him to, but this is really important to me. Who wants to be helpless when something goes wrong? Not me. I want to be able to fight and not panic.
“Can I ask what brought this up?” he asks.
I sigh. “ I feel like something is off, something bad is coming, but I don't know what. Maybe it’s just me being paranoid, but I want to be prepared. You can let me start off with the little kids so I can learn the basics. I don’t want to become a warrior, I’m at a disadvantage, but I would like to have some training.”
He continues to stare at me. I hope he says yes. I don’t know what I’ll do if he doesn’t. Will I try and do it on my own? Find someone who can train me in secret?
“I’ll train you,” he finally mind links me.
“When?”
“We can wake up earlier or stay up a bit later. I bet we could also find some time in the day to do it. The alpha wants to come by for lunch every day to spend time with Rylee and his kids.”
I must admit, I’m so relieved. It’s actually going to happen. I honestly didn’t think it was going to be allowed and I’d have to sneak behind their backs or beg the alpha to let me.
“Do I need to ask the Alpha?” I ask.
“No. I’ll mention it to him, but since I’m training you in our free time, it won’t matter,” he replies.
I’m not convinced. I don’t want to go behind the alpha’s back on this. Is it wrong for Michael to tell the alpha instead of me? I’m the one that brought it up, and I want to do it.
“Should I tell him? It was my idea,” I hesitantly ask.
Michael shakes his head. “I’ll let him know, but if you don’t want to talk to him, then I can. He won’t care.”
I can’t help but smile as I look ahead of us. I can’t wait to start our lessons and learn some basic self-defense moves.
As we continue walking down the path, that horrible feeling creeps back into my body and grows with every step I take. Maybe it’s something I ate that’s upsetting my stomach. We’ve had the same meals for the past couple of days, so I wouldn’t think it’s that.
“Michael?” I call through the mind link.
Looking back, I see him scanning our surroundings. He looks concentrated and concerned. What’s wrong?
“Is everything okay?” I ask.
Michael doesn’t acknowledge me. What can he possibly be looking at? I look around, trying to figure out what it is, but I don’t see anything out of the ordinary.
Is something wrong? Is he just playing a trick on me?
“ Michael. You’re starting to freak me out. What’s wrong?” I mind link him one more time.
At that moment, panic sweeps across his face, he looks me directly in the eyes and says one word. “ Run!”
I stare at him in shock. Run? Why’s he telling me to run?
“Run, Mae! Run back to the house!” he yells through the mind link.
I quickly turn my body and start to run toward the house, but I don’t get far. Arms wrap around my waist, unfamiliar arms. I know they aren’t Michael’s, there are no sparks.
Fight. Fight. Fight. I chant in my head. Just fight a little bit. Everything’s going to be okay.
That’s what I keep chanting to myself, but in reality, I’m actually panicking and not moving at all. What do I do? How am I supposed to get out of this person's arms?
“Baby. Move. Claw at his arms. Hit him with your head,” Michael instructs me through the mind link. “ I’m coming to you.”
His words snap me out of my frozen state, and I do exactly as he says. I start to claw at the man’s arms, trying to get out of his grip.
I wheel my head around in Michael’s directly only to see my worst nightmare. There are four guys fighting against him.
“I’m coming for you. I promise. I’ve called for reinforcements. Just continue to fight,” Michael says as he briefly makes eye contact with me.
Dread fills my stomach as he continues to fight them off. It doesn’t look too good. The chest of the guy holding me starts to rumble. I whip my head to the side, trying to see who he’s talking to.
I see nothing, I see no one.
I continue to claw at his arms, digging my fingernails into his skin to try and get him to release his grip on me. Nothing is working. He isn’t phased by anything I do. He just continues to walk off with me in his arms.
Swinging my head back, I make contact with something, but it doesn’t deter him. If anything, his grip tightens around me, and I’m the one left in tears. I can hardly breathe. I push at his arms, bending his fingers back, but he doesn’t budge.
“Please. Help,” I call out to the whole pack.
I continue to try and fight off the man, but his hold is too strong.
“I’m trying, I’m really trying to get out of his grasp. I promise, I am,” I tell Michael through the mind link. “I’m so sorry.”
“I’m almost there. Just continue to fight ,” he replies.
But as I’m able to glance over at Michael, I can tell he isn’t going to get to me in time. There are still three men fighting him. My whole body is starting to grow weak as I try to escape the man's hold.
Tears pool in my eyes as it starts to dawn on me. Michael isn’t going to get to me in time, and I’m not going to get out of this man’s grip.
I lock eyes with Michael just as the man puts something over my nose and mouth. I struggle harder, thrashing my head right and left to get it off, but his hold is too strong.
“I love you, and I will find you,” Michael mind links me.