Chapter 10 #2
She spoke as if she were familiar with that world. “Then what’s with the box in the closet?” I didn’t want to think I was right about the real owner of the box, but I needed to hear the truth. “Who’s vest did I find?”
My mother’s eyes began to water. “Baby, everyone has a past. And some of them are meant to stay tucked away.” She patted my cheek softly.
“That doesn’t answer my question. Whose is it?” My stomach twisted in worrisome anticipation. I desperately wanted to know, but I was terrified of what I might have just unearthed.
She sighed. “It’s not my story to tell. It’s—”
My heart nearly stopped at the name that fell from her lips.
No.
I sat on my bed, wearing my usual pajamas, thinking about what my mother had said.
After hearing his name, I returned to the closet and repacked the box before finishing my chore.
I spent the rest of the day working in silence, trying to grasp what I had learned.
By the time I finished, the sun had fully disappeared and the moon had come out to play.
My mom left to spend Boone’s last night in the hospital with him, leaving me alone with my thoughts.
It wasn’t exactly the best time for me to be alone, but it gave me a chance to find my own answers directly from the person who owned the items in the box, just as my mom said.
I heard his footsteps walk across the front porch and near the front door.
He knocked a few times without speaking a word.
“Come in!” I shouted across the house, listening to the door squeak open and slam shut.
“I’m back here.” The footsteps carried through the house, echoing in the silence until they stopped in my open doorway. And I felt so damn nervous.
“Lucille.” He stepped into the room and walked over to me. The man crouched in front of me and tipped his hat before tipping my chin. “What’s wrong?”
I stared into his vibrant green eyes and felt a mix of emotions.
I wasn’t sure if it was from the chores, the work I’d been doing around the ranch, or the mental load I carried daily since coming back, but…
I was drained. And I didn’t have the energy to fight, but I needed answers.
I’d spent all this time back, diving headfirst into whatever was going on between us, and never once stopped to think about the facts.
And the facts were that in spite of being raised on the same ranch by the same people, I didn’t know anything about Forsythe.
I didn’t know his past before he came here, or when his birthday was.
I didn’t know what the story was with his birth parents, or if Creed was really his last name.
And the more I sat on those realities, the more I came to understand that I didn’t know this man at all.
The man, who had somehow found a way past my walls and saw the real me I kept hidden deep inside, was a complete stranger.
But the worst part of this internal suffering and these suffocating thoughts was that I realized everything was about to change. And it frightened me.
“I’m just…” I picked at my fingers nervously.
Fuck…maybe I can’t do this.
Forsythe cupped my hands with his. They were so warm, and the feeling of his skin on mine was oddly comforting, even though he was the whole reason I was nervous. And the more I looked up into his eyes, the weaker I became.
Why is this so hard?
“Lucille,” he whispered my name and my heart immediately jumped.
I can’t do it…I can’t.
A single tear rolled down my cheek.
Because if I do…if I open that can of worms and let them spill out all over the floor…
there’s no way I can put them all back. I didn’t want to admit it before, but the idea of losing whatever this was between us made me wither in pain.
I was a dormant flower who had just begun to blossom in his light.
If I did this, then I would be stuck in a storm cloud, drowning.
And no matter how much I wanted to hear the truth, I couldn’t stand the thought of wilting away and losing his light.
Not after all the life he’s breathed into me.
I don’t want to wilt away…I didn’t want to be alone.
I wiped my face and gently pulled his hands down, holding them within mine. “I’m just tired.” My head dropped as my eyes stared at his rough palms in my grasp. My fingertips traced the lines of his palm, feeling the scars and calluses built up from years of hard work.
“Then why do you seem so sad?” He gently tucked my hair behind my ear.
My hands began to tremble as I blurted out the first thing I could think of. “Because once Boone comes home and gets settled, I’ll have to leave.”
We sat there in silence for a moment.
Forsythe sighed heavily before finally speaking. “And what if I asked you to stay?” My eyes rose to his. “Would you?”
I didn’t respond, too stunned by his question to really think on his words.
He raised his hand and stroked my cheek softly with a heavy look in his eyes.
“Call me selfish, but I don’t think I could bear to watch you leave.
Not again.” His other hand raised and he cupped my face softly.
“I know it’s asking a lot, but stay with me, Lucille.
” He gently kissed my forehead and whispered, “Don’t leave… please.”
“But—I have to. I can’t stay here.”
He leaned back and tilted his head. “Why not? This is your home, after all. What’s keeping you from staying? From taking that jump?”
“Reality,” I breathed. “I can’t just forget everything up ‘til now. I have a whole ‘nother life, Forsythe. One far away from here. As much as you may want me to, I can’t just pretend it doesn’t exist.”
“I’m not asking you to pretend, Lucille. I’m asking you to finally let go of your past and step into the future. A future with me.”
A rush of mixed emotions flooded my veins as I looked up at his face. “What are you asking me?”
Forsythe fell to his knees and removed his hat.
“I’m not asking for a commitment, or for you to spend the rest of your life with me.
I’m asking for you to give this a chance…
to give me a chance. Don’t go. Stay here, with me.
I’ll work day and night to keep Bone Ridge running, and you can tell me what to do and be the one in charge, just like you always wanted.
I’ll make sure you won’t have to work another day in your life, you, your momma, and Boone.
All of you. I’ll take care of your family, Lucille.
Whatever you want…whatever dream you can imagine, I’ll make it happen.
All I ask is that you stay and give us a chance. ”
Us.
I felt a cold fear wash over me. My eyes burned from the overwhelming amount of tears trailing down my face at his words.
“What you’re asking—” I forced back a light sob.
“It’s completely unfair.” He looked up at me and I felt a pain in my chest. “What about my therapy? My healing? Do you realize what you’re asking me?
” I couldn’t stop my tears from flowing or the pain in my throat as I sobbed my words.
“This isn’t some fairytale, Forsythe. I can’t just move on a whim and hope for the best.”
His voice cracked as he spoke. “Why not? Why can’t this be a fairytale?”
“Because fairytales aren’t real!” My throat burned from how loud I shouted.
“You’re asking me to forget the ghosts of my past, but I can’t do that.
Being here is so hard…it’s so fucking hard!
” My head dropped into my hands as I cried.
“How am I supposed to live happily ever after when I’m constantly looking over my shoulder at the darkness I carry?
Being with you might make things easier, but no matter how much you try, you can’t erase that pain.
No one can.” I wiped my face. “I can’t live a happy life here, not long term at least. There are too many bad memories. ”
Forsythe pulled me against his chest and hugged me tight. His smell wrapped around me like a warm security blanket, and I felt myself clinging to it.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “You’re right…it was unfair of me to ask such a thing. But—” He pulled back. “I don’t think your daddy would want you to run from this place.”
I didn’t like the way he said that.
“I’m not running,” I snapped. “I’m just doing what I’ve been doing for years. What I should've done a long time ago. I’m taking care of myself, putting myself first. Healing isn’t something you can rush or ignore. And it’s not something I can do here.”
Forsythe returned his hat to his head. “Really? You’re telling me all this time you’ve been back, I haven’t helped you heal at all?
” He shook his head. “No, you’re running.
Just like you did back then. Running away from everything here, not because you want to heal, but because you’re afraid of what could happen if you stay. ”
“No.” I shoved past him and shot from the bed. “I–I’m just trying to keep a level head and make a decision based on facts instead of emotions. And the fact is my life isn’t here. Not anymore.”
He stood and faced me. “So you’d rather take off the first chance you can, leaving all this behind without even giving it a chance to work?” He scoffed. “Tell me, what’s that sound like to you?”
My cheeks burned with emotion. “It’s reality.”
He huffed. “Yeah, maybe for you, but that sounds an awful lot like running to me.” Forsythe stepped closer. “No more lies, Lucille. Admit it…you’re running from me.”
Everything inside me, every emotion, all my fear, it boiled over, and I felt a rush of anger surge through my entire body. I couldn’t control it, couldn’t stop myself from reacting like I did, and I snapped, unleashing all of it onto him.
“I think you should leave.”
“Lucille—”
“Leave! Get out! Go!”
He refused to listen. “I’m not going to leave you alone like this.”