Jolie #2
“You can’t fix it.” That was the last thing she said to me before she slipped out the door, pulling her suitcase behind her.
I know I can be annoying. I’m kind of hyper sometimes, I talk too much, I interrupt people, I’m useless at staying still.
One of my high school teachers suggested to my parents that I might have ADHD, but my parents didn’t feel like my symptoms were bad enough to warrant the cost of getting tested.
I’ve done a little of my own research, and I think I definitely have a few signs that might indicate I’m a hyperactive ADHD girl.
There’s not much I can do about it, and I swear I try to curb those impulses when I can.
But… I obviously don’t do enough.
I drove Julia away, didn’t I?
I’m pretty good at putting people off. And I proved myself once again this afternoon when I managed to alienate the entire basketball team!
Resting my back against the wood with a defeated sigh, I cross my arms and gaze at my desk.
I’m supposed to sit at that thing and study or write this article.
But what article?
What am I supposed to tell Jax?
She’ll probably just give me that smug smile of hers. “Oh well, I tried to include you, but… maybe you’re just not ready.”
I don’t know what I ever did to make her not like me, but ever since I walked into the Nolan U Star office and went around introducing myself to everyone, she’s had her nose out of joint about me.
Maybe I’m just too enthusiastic for her.
I know some people don’t like that about me.
Shoot. I just can’t get anything right, can I?
Closing my eyes, I shake my body with a whine, then slap a hand over my face.
Did I actually tell Darian he played for the worst team in the school?
Like… out loud?
I whimper, trying not to relive every harrowing second of my afternoon.
Do-do-do-do-do-do—do-do.
My phone sings to me, and I wrestle it out of my bag, hoping it’s not a text from anyone at the paper.
“Come on,” I whine, struggling to find the damn thing.
It sings again, alerting me to the fact that yes, I have a text, and I haven’t checked it yet.
Finally finding it, I pull it out and check the screen.
It’s from Caroline.
Cinnamon: Hey cuz. Just checking in. Hope you’re doing okay after the weekend. I can see you’re in your dorm. That’s great! You didn’t get lost today. Woohoo!
I let out a self-deprecating laugh, still grateful that she can track me on my phone. I got lost so many times my first week here that we set up Life360 on our devices so that I could easily find her and—more likely—so she could find me.
Ugh.
I was so excited to leave home and go to college, but I didn’t expect it to be this big and scary and… hard.
I had to fight to come to Nolan U. My parents wanted to send me to a sweet little Christian college that half my friends were going to, but I was so ready to spread my wings.
I wanted to get out into the real world…
and I wanted to be close to my cousin, Caroline.
She’s done so many things since she moved here, and although she’s more of a party girl than I’ll ever be, she just seems to be making the most of her life.
I knew if I followed my friends, I’d just end up stuck in the same sheltered routine.
I had to branch out, do something daring.
Finally, I won my parents over (it helps that Nolan U is less than an hour away from home), and I left with high hopes of making them proud and proving that I can become the kind of reporter who writes those articles that uplift and inspire people.
I want to be the sunshine on a page rather than the tragedy.
Every news outlet needs those articles that make you believe in humanity again, right?
And I’m going to be the one to write them.
If people will just give me a chance.
My eyes burn as I start to wonder yet again if I’ve made a huge mistake. Maybe I’m just not cut out for the real world.
Yes, you are! Stop moping and prove yourself!
Forcing a smile, I try to keep my tone cheerful as I reply to my cousin.
Me: Yep. Made it back in one piece. And arrived on time to all my classes today as well.
Cinnamon: How did the meeting at the paper go this morning? Are they finally giving you a chance?
Aw man. I don’t want to have to answer that right now.
Although I would have happily come back here and vented every little detail to Julia, I can’t tell Caroline.
One, because she’s so incredibly cool and I’m embarrassed to admit what I did, and two, because she’s trying so hard to make sure I enjoy college, and I don’t want to tell her about any more mishaps.
She’ll just worry and come over here and…
I look her up on Life360. She’s driving out of town, which means she’s in Casey’s car and they’re heading to Ponderosa, where her boyfriend now lives, to no doubt have sex in his pool house.
I can’t get in the way of that.
So I keep my reply simple.
Me: Meeting went well. Kieran actually spoke to me today, so that was good. Progress!
Cinnamon: Yay! That’s awesome. Just give it time. You’ll soon be their star reporter, I swear. You’re too good of a writer.
Me: Thanks, cuz. Love you.
She replies with a couple of funny “love you” GIFs, and I drop my phone back into my bag.
Ugh. What I really want to do is turn it off, close the blinds, and crawl into bed. Maybe if I shut my eyes and pretend the world doesn’t exist, my horrible day will cease to exist as well.
I whimper again, my face bunching as I stare at Julia’s empty bed and wish for a lot of things.
A lot of things that will never come true, like:
- a published article in the Nolan U Star.
- a roommate who feels more like a sister who I can hang out with.
- and a gorgeous, sweet guy to drive me to his pool house after class and make me feel like the only girl in the world.
My body flushes. Just the idea of what Caroline and Casey will get up to this afternoon makes my insides blush. I’ve never had a boyfriend. I’ve kissed a few guys, but that’s about it. I have a knack for falling for boys who aren’t into me.
I was hoping college might change that, but so far… no dice.
And after my disastrous afternoon, I won’t be surprised if every athlete at Nolan U starts to give me a wide berth.
Dipping my chin, I close my eyes and finally let them fill with tears.
There’s nothing wrong with a good cry when your world’s falling apart, right?