Jolie
“This is so fun.” Caroline beams at me, jiggling in her seat like she always does between quiz rounds.
My mom used to tease her about having ants in her pants when we were kids. It took me a few years to get what she meant, but I definitely see it now. When Caroline’s buzzing about something, her body shows it too.
A bit like mine. I’ve always struggled to sit completely still for any length of time.
Even though we’re not related by blood, Caroline and I share so many similarities. I’ve always looked up to her like an older sister. She was adopted by my mom’s brother and his wife before I was even born, and we’re as close as cousins can get.
I smile at her, then catch the way Casey’s trying not to laugh at her. It’s sweet how much he adores his girl. Even just the way his arm is slung over the back of her chair, his fingers lightly brushing her shoulder.
I wonder what that must feel like.
A surge of desperate desire runs through me. What I wouldn’t give for a boyfriend! Heck, even a date would be nice. I just want some romance in my life. To know what it’s like to be looked at like I’m special, to be kissed… touched… like I matter.
I’m so curious about the whole intimacy thing.
I know I shouldn’t want that until I’m married, but I do.
Caroline’s tasted that forbidden fruit earlier than we were taught to believe is right… and it’s turned out great for her.
“Okay, let’s start Round Three—Movies and TV.” The guy at the front of the room gets our attention, and everyone at our table preps for the first question.
Caroline and Lani’s quiz night happens on Tuesdays in this bookstore café.
They don’t go every week, but they try to get here at least twice a month, and Caroline has started inviting me.
I don’t know why, as it’s not like I’m much help.
The only answers I do know, everyone else seems to know as well.
Lani and Asher are super competitive too, so they’re always trying to be the first to say the answers.
I glance across the table at the stunning beauty.
She’s Caroline’s roommate, and, just quietly, I’ve been afraid of her ever since we met.
I don’t know if it’s because she’s so pretty or if it’s because she can be a little standoffish or sharp-tongued.
Whatever it is, she’s intimidating without even meaning to be, and her sophisticated boyfriend is the same.
They honestly look like a pair of supermodels, sitting across the table from me all slick and chic and—
“Dawson’s Creek.” Asher leans in.
“Are you sure?” Caroline glances at him before writing the answer down.
“Definitely. Ethan used to watch it with his mom. I’m telling you, I’ve heard him talking about how Pacey and Joey were supposed to be together. Some shit like that, anyway.” Asher tuts when Caroline gives him a doubtful frown. “Just trust me and write it.”
Lani smirks at him. “If you’re wrong, I’m going to have a field day.”
“But I’m not wrong, Boo.” He flashes her a grin. “And I’m looking forward to telling you I told you so.”
She rolls her eyes but then giggles when Asher leans forward and kisses her neck.
I can’t help brushing my fingers over the place his lips would have touched on my neck if he was my boyfriend—I mean, I don’t want him to be my boyfriend.
I’m not lusting after Lani’s man. I just…
you know, if I had a boyfriend and he kissed me all sweet like that and—
“Question two: What was the first color film to win Best Picture at the Oscars?”
I wince, leaning in because I think I know, but now I’m all nervous that I don’t.
Caroline looks at Casey, who just shrugs, so I tentatively say, “Wizard of Oz?”
“Oh yeah, that’s a good thought.” She starts scribbling down my idea.
“I feel like that’s right.” Lani points at the paper, and Asher nods as well.
A little burst of… I don’t know… usefulness flares through me? Until the end of the round and the guy starts reading out the answers.
“Gone with the Wind.”
Aw crap. My shoulders slump, and it’s impossible not to notice Lani’s frown. We got a few wrong in that round, but thankfully it wasn’t our bonus one.
“Six.” Caroline circles the number, then gets ready for Round Four, and I start to wonder if I should bail.
I’ve put forward all of two answers so far tonight, and both of them have been wrong. What am I even doing here?
It’s not like they need me.
And sure, I enjoy a good quiz night, but not when I’m playing fifth wheel, and not when I know this was just a sympathy invite because Caroline’s even more worried about me now that Julia’s moved out.
Apparently, I’m getting a new roommate this weekend, but I don’t even want to think about that right now.
What if she’s horrible?
What if we can’t stand each other?
What if she makes everything a million times worse?
I can’t remember her name. The RA told me this morning, but I’ve already forgotten.
Ugh. Whatever.
I just want to go. I’ve got four nights of the room to myself, and I shouldn’t be sitting here as an add-on. I should be back at my dorm moping over a good movie or something.
“Hey, I might take off.”
“What?” Caroline whips her head around to look at me. “Why?”
“I, uh… I’ve got some studying I want to do and… you know. I don’t want to fall behind.”
Caroline’s face bunches. “But the quiz still has five rounds to go. We need you.”
No, you don’t.
Instead of laughing at the ridiculous comment, I force a closed-mouth smile, then murmur, “I’m sorry. But let me know how it goes, okay? Text me after?”
Caroline’s frown gets a little deeper, maybe sadder? I can’t tell, but I look away from it, grabbing my bag.
“Wait, you can’t walk home in the dark by yourself.”
“I’m going to catch an Uber.” I start digging out my phone, grunting when I can’t find the damn thing. Seriously, this bag is like a vortex.
“Well, maybe I should go with you,” Caroline says.
“Cherry Girl,” Casey softly murmurs, almost like a quiet reprimand. “Just let her go. She’ll be fine. You can track her on your phone.”
See. Even he wants me to go. They don’t need me. I’m such an add-on, it’s almost embarrassing.
“I’ll call you if I need you.” My fingers finally wrap around my phone and I hold it up to her, making sure my smile is bright.
“Only if you’re sure.” Caroline’s words get lost as the quizmaster starts up Round Four.
“Okay, well, I’ll see you guys.” I wave at them, shuffling away from the table.
I can feel Caroline’s eyes on me and glance back to smile at her again before slipping out the door.
The other three are hunched in together, discussing the first question while Caroline gives me a sad smile.
Then Lani tugs her sleeve, and she’s forced to write down an answer. Hopefully it’s the right one.
Slipping out into the chilly night air, I pull my denim jacket a little tighter around my body. It’s going to be time to break out the winter coats soon enough. It’s only October, but winter will be here before we know it.
Tucking myself against the side of the building, I order an Uber.
I’m only about a twenty-minute walk from Buckley Hall, but I don’t want to upset Caroline, and to be honest, walking around town in the dark by myself isn’t that appealing anyway.
Knowing me, I’d get lost, and I seriously suck at reading maps, even if there is a blue dot to follow, and ugh…
Biting my lips together, I think about how safe and easy it was to live at home.
I was born and raised in the same town, in the same house.
I went to one church, one school. My parents wanted me to have a Christian education, so I went to a private school that started at kindergarten and went all the way through twelfth grade.
Everything about my upbringing was safe and small.
The only reason my parents agreed to let me come to Nolan U was because Caroline was here, and even then, they were dubious about it.
Although Caroline had a very similar upbringing to mine, her parents are slightly more liberal, and Mom thinks Caroline has been too wild since getting to college.
The fact that she has a boyfriend who she obviously sleeps with is kind of scandalous in my parents’ eyes, and I’m sure they’re worried she’ll wear off on me.
But it’s highly unlikely.
Caroline has the extreme advantage of being a thousand times cooler and more confident than me. Even if I did want to live like her, which I guess would be kind of exciting, I don’t think I could pull it off.
Guys don’t notice me.
Girls don’t want to hang out with me.
I grew up with a few close friends… and none of them are here with me.
In fact, I’ve barely heard from any of them since starting here. I think we’re all trying to adjust to life on the outside of our precious little school. Although, they have the advantage of being together. I, of course, had to be different and come to Nolan.
Why did I fight so hard for that?
Because you wanted to break free. To really embrace life the way Caroline has.
She goes to parties. I know for a fact that she’s slept with more guys than just Casey. She wasn’t opposed to one-night stands before scoring her boyfriend. I’m not sure if my parents know about that, but they would seriously die if they did.
Caroline told me before she left for Nolan U that she was so sick of being sheltered and couldn’t wait to spread her wings and experience everything. And boy, has she. That girl has thrown herself into college life. And, I mean, now she has Casey, but before that…
I guess I am kind of curious about that whole side of her experience that I have yet to… well, experience. But who would invite me to a party? Caroline seems determined to protect me from them, which is kind of ironic considering what her first couple of years here were like.
Besides, it’s not like any guy is ever going to ask me on a date.
“Jolie?” My head pops up, my insides flushing when I recognize Kieran walking toward me.
Why is he walking toward me?
Does he know who I am?
Of course he does. He sees you all the time at the Nolan U Star.