Chapter 11
Nicky
I had such strange dreams under the moon. I felt like I was returning to my old self. I felt a part of me I had not felt in a very, very long time. As I open my eyes, I feel as though I am somewhere new inside myself. That doesn’t really make sense, but I know it’s true.
Then I try to move, get a little more awake, and I am filled with an ache that seems to come from every ligament, muscle, and bone at once.
I feel like I’ve been brutally assaulted.
Every part of my body feels like it has been taken apart and put back together.
When I swallow, I taste blood in my mouth.
Weirdly, my hand, which has been stuck in bandages since I broke it, is not only no longer bandaged, but completely healed.
I flex it and feel no grinding or pain at all.
Something about that trips the recognition in me. I instantly know what happened. I was asleep and…
“No!” I bolt upright.
“Easy, baby,” Rex says, resting his hand on my chest and pressing me back down against the bed. “Relax. You’ve been through a lot.”
“What did I do? Was it bad? How many were there?”
“How many were there what, sweetheart?” He brushes my hair out of my face gently, keeping his hand on my chest to keep me down because he can feel that I am about to pop right back up as soon as he lets me.
“Bodies,” I cry.
“There weren’t any bodies, baby,” he frowns. “You must have been having bad dreams.”
“I turned into a wolf. Right? I took my wolf form?”
“Yes. You did. And you were…”
“How did you stop me?”
“How did I stop you from doing what?” He looks genuinely confused.
“From attacking everyone and killing them?”
“You didn’t attack anyone. You certainly didn’t kill anyone,” he says. “You were asleep curled up with me. I brought you up to bed. You’ve been out of it. It’s very normal to be after the first shift. It mangles the body and it addles the mind. Don’t worry. You did nothing wrong.”
I don’t understand how what he’s saying can be true. My father told me over and over that when you shift, you have to kill. It’s inescapable. I wonder if maybe I just didn’t get a good chance at it. Maybe the fact I didn’t wake up saved this whole reserve from turning into a bloody massacre.
I try to calm down, but I am anything other than calm. I’ve started shifting, and it hurts. It hurts so fucking bad. I stop trying to get up because moving makes it worse.
I relax, and he takes his hand off my chest. “I wish you’d tell me what’s going on inside that mind of yours,” he says. “Sometimes I can hear the weight of your thoughts, but not the thoughts themselves.”
“Just as well,” I say.
It’s his fault. He did this to me. He fucked me and he turned me into a fucking monster. And now I have to hide even harder because if he ever sees what I’m capable of when I am awake…
He frowns slightly at me. “I will get you some orange juice,” he says. “You need some sugar and some protein. Does bacon sound good?”
“Bacon sounds great,” I say with a smile that is almost entirely forced.
The moment he leaves, I get out of bed. Every step hurts like absolute hell, but I can’t stay in bed.
I can’t stay at all. He’s going to make me shift in daylight.
He’s going to make me turn into a ravenous beast who can’t control herself, who destroys everything that is good, and who is eventually hunted to her death.
I have to assume that is what happened to my father.
I put my tracksuit on from yesterday, sneak out the outside door, and try to find my pack.
It takes a while, mostly because I can’t move more than a few steps at a time before I have to pause.
My joints feel like someone stretched them out on a rack.
I can’t believe people actually do this willingly more than once.
I don’t know what being a wolf really feels like, but I know this doesn’t feel good at all.
The pain does start to settle into an ache the more I move, but it’s still not good.
I eventually find my pack outside the large dining hall. They are sitting around, also in their tracksuits, chatting with one another about something or other, I can’t really hear because of the roaring in my ears.
I walk up to them, crouch down, and pretty much collapse at their feet.
“What the hell happened to you?” Laura says, looking at me with a frown.
“Bad night’s sleep,” I say. “We need to get out of here. Now.”
“How would we do that? We all came with Mr. Regent,” she points out.
“Then I need to call someone to pick us up. We have to get out of here.”
“Nicky. There you are.”
Fescue’s smooth voice cuts into the conversation. I forgot about him, absolute fucking ghost of inconvenience.
“Get me out of here,” I hiss to Laura. “Seriously.”
She gives me a look that I can’t read, and glances over at the guys. I don’t know why they’re all sitting stock still as if they don’t know what to do. I just told them what to do.
I decide not to throw a huge fit, because I don’t want to draw more attention to myself than is necessary. When you’re trying to escape your own fate, you’ve got to be subtle about it.
Instead, I sort of pretend to faint a bit. If you’re swooning, you can’t get in trouble. That’s just science.
Fescue picks me up. I am surprised that he is able to do that, but I realize as he lifts me from the ground as if I weigh absolutely nothing, that he is actually an incredibly strong wolf in his own right.
I say nothing to him as he carries me like a fireman. I close my eyes and pretend to be weak and addled, which is not really a huge stretch all things considered.
“I located your mate, sir,” he says, laying me down on the bed.
“Where did you go?”
“She was with her friends,” Fescue says. “Unable to stand, but still with them.”
Rex frowns at me slightly, as if he doesn’t quite understand why I just tried to leave.
“Were you worried about them? They are perfectly safe here. The reserve is secure.”
“I don’t know,” I mumble.
“Here, have some juice,” he says, helping me to sit up. He puts the glass to my lips, as if I am an invalid. I do drink, because I am thirsty. I am also absolutely fucking desperate to get out of here. Hydration first. Escape next.
“I think I just need to nap,” I say. “Maybe I could lie down?”
“Of course,” Rex says. “Call for Fescue if you need anything, okay?”
I almost feel guilty for how nice he is being, but I do genuinely have to get out of here. It’s best for everybody. We are all on the verge of a huge tragedy if I don’t escape.
They leave me to sleep, and I do actually get something of a nap in. Maybe I’m a method actor. Maybe I was just really tired. Regardless, the next thing I am aware, someone is tapping at the window at the end of the room.
“Pssst! Boss!” It’s Simon’s voice.
“Yeah?” I answer without opening my eyes.
“We got a car!”
I roll out of bed and go out through the garden door. Simon leads me down through trees to a clearing, where he and the guys have just what I asked for.
It looks like an old Jeep. Fun car. Perfect for tooling around the tracks, I bet. Probably used for property maintenance, if I had to guess.
“Alright. Let’s go. I’ll drive,” I say.
“Nobody is going anywhere.”
Rex’s voice goes through us all like lead bullets. Simon actually makes a yelping sound as he turns around.
There are five guys behind Rex, and I’m going to guess there’s more out in the woods. We’re caught in a trap that we should never have been able to be caught in. How the hell did we not scent trouble? That’s what all of us do. We all know how to get away with things.
But they were one step ahead of us.
And they’ve come in numbers enough to stop us. I feel a cold chill running down my spine as Rex’s eyes run over all of us. He has the look of a man who is deciding between several options and none of them being pleasant.