Chapter 20
Gavriil
By the time I get to my bedroom that night, exhaustion weighs down every step that I take.
Preparing for a possible war is stressful, and I can only hope that all the plans that I’m making are going to pay off. The Irish will either back off or I will bury them beside the men they’ve already taken from me.
I use the soft light from my bedside lamps to navigate my way to my dresser, my eyes stinging from tiredness. I considered sleeping in my office after catching up on all the work Dominik no longer handles, but I need a good night’s sleep in an actual bed if I’m going to make sound decisions.
“You’ve been busy today.”
I turn to find Alina lying on her side, watching me with quiet focus, her hands tucked beneath her head like she’s been waiting.
“I’m busy every day.”
“Isn’t that exhausting?” she replies as she rolls her neck with a grimace.
“That’s why I’m going to bed,” I tell her before turning back to my dresser to rummage through it. I hear her mutter something under her breath, and I can only guess that it’s not anything nice.
I pull out a black t-shirt and a pair of gray sweatpants. I set them on top of the dresser and start unbuttoning my dress shirt, feeling Alina’s stare on my back. She enjoys watching me dress and undress, even if she hates me. Her attention makes me feel alive.
“Have you found the traitor who screwed over Leon?”
“Not yet,” I answer through gritted teeth. If we don’t find them soon, they could cause more chaos.
“Why are you planning to hit the Irish? Did they attack first?”
I smirk to myself as my fingers move lower and lower until my shirt is loose around my shoulders. I can’t blame her curiosity since I let her listen in on my meeting, but she doesn’t need to know everything.
That’s not why I had her there.
Luckily, my plan somewhat worked. At least enough to keep me from unraveling.
Having her close to me today helped me focus more since I wasn’t wondering what she was doing. All I had to do was look over to see her.
Granted, keeping my eyes off her took real effort. She looks lovely in the dress I picked out.
“They hit us first,” I say as I roll my shoulders, working my shirt off my body so that I can toss it into the nearby laundry basket.
“What happened?”
I undo my belt and slip it off my waist before hanging it on one of the dresser knobs like I always do. “If you want more information from me, then you’ll have to give me something in return.”
She sighs heavily.
Amusement warms my chest as I remove my pants and throw them into the laundry basket as well, leaving myself in my black briefs. I unfold my sweatpants and pull them on, feeling the steady quickening of my pulse as I hear slight movement behind me.
I can feel her still watching me, and it chips at my control one second at a time.
I walk around to the left side of my bed that’s closest to her, and not the side I usually sleep on. My eyes flick over to hers.
As expected, Alina’s gaze is locked on me, my chest and abs in particular. She quickly looks away, but she’s already been caught.
“Enjoying the view?”
“Gavriil,” she warns me.
I almost laugh. Watching her lose her composure is dangerously satisfying.
It’s cute when she’s flustered. It’s so easy for me to make her blush and I haven’t even properly touched her yet.
I walk closer to the cage, inspecting her as she shifts uncomfortably on the mattress. Her head shifts a few times as she rearranges her hands beneath it, failing to adequately replicate a pillow.
“You could sleep in my bed with me,” I say, testing the line between invitation and command as I wrap my hand around one of the bars. “It’s much more comfortable.”
Alina shakes her head, but I don’t miss the way that she hesitates for a second before doing so. “I’m just fine in here.”
Stubborn. I should let her suffer the consequences, but the thought doesn’t sit right. And I’m not going to be able to sleep if I keep hearing her toss and turn.
I grab one of the pillows from the head of my bed and slip it through the bars, holding it out to her. “Take it.”
A look of surprise fills her face. “What’s the catch?”
“I get a good night’s sleep because you’re not moving around so much.”
Alina doesn’t look satisfied with my answer, but she gets up and walks over to grab the pillow anyway. She clutches it to her chest like it’s something precious, and the sight lands harder than it should. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome,” I reply, lingering just on the other side of the bars from her. “The bed invitation is still there, though.”
“I’m sure it is, but it comes with too many strings,” Alina says, our eyes meeting. “What was today all about? The outfit. The meeting.”
“Would you rather sit in here in your lingerie?” I ask her.
I enjoy seeing the skimpy outfit on her, but she looks more comfortable in this dress. More confident.
Which is even sexier.
“No,” Alina replies pointedly. “Why let me get made up and everything?”
“You were going to sit in a room full of my men. I wouldn’t allow you to do that while in lingerie. That pleasure is all mine,” I assure her, feeling a flare of anger just at the thought. Their eyes would be all over her, and then I would have to pluck them out of their heads.
“I’m not yours,” she says, steady and unafraid.
“You’re certainly not theirs,” I say, and the certainty in my voice surprises even me.
Every man in this house knows touching her would be a death sentence.
They’ve been warned not to lay a finger on her. If anyone violates that, they’ll face consequences.
Severe consequences.
Dominik doesn’t play around when it comes to Alina, and in another way, neither do I. Only my brother has let things go too far with her, though. I won’t fall into that same trap despite what he thinks about her already being too distracting.
Alina chews on her bottom lip as she peers up at me, looking conflicted.
My eyes drift down to her mouth, my mind trailing in a direction that it often does. A path that I want to go down but haven’t found the opportunity to do so yet.
I could try now, but exhaustion weighs on me, and this isn’t the time. The right situation.
When she becomes mine, it’ll be because she chooses it.
“Sleep,” I tell her.
“Were you this bossy as a child too?” Alina asks me as she backs away from the bars.
I smirk as I turn away from her. “I wasn’t bossy. I just knew what I wanted, and I wasn’t afraid to say it.”
“Bossy,” Alina mutters.
A small smile lingers on my face as I pull back the covers. When I get into bed and roll onto my side to face her, I lose the smile, my face returning to its normal, straight expression.
Alina fluffs my pillow before setting it down on her mattress. She rests her head on it, letting out a pleased sigh as she finally gets comfortable.
I watch her eyes flutter shut, but I don’t try to sleep just yet, even as tired as I am. I just want to keep my eyes on her just for a little longer.
Alina quickly falls asleep, her lips slightly parting like they usually do when she dozes off, something I’ve noticed.
As I listen to her steady breathing, I feel an unfamiliar tug deep in my chest. That magnetic pull that constantly urges me closer to her.
There’s a part of me that wants to unlock the cage and pull her into my bed again, but sex isn’t even the first thing on my mind.
I remember how good it felt to hold her in my arms after how badly she scared me that night, and I want to do that all over again when she’s healthy.
I want to feel her melt into me like there’s nowhere else she wants to be.
I want her to succumb.
But not the way the others did.
They willingly fell at my feet out of a complicated concoction of lust, fear, and of course lots of money for their…inconvenience, but none of those things will work on Alina.
She may desire me, but she doesn’t want my money. And she certainly isn’t scared of me like the others.
That’s exactly why she’s dangerous.
I should want her to tremble at the mention of my name, but I like that she’s a little bit fearless. It turns me on like nothing else.
I know I don’t deserve adoration or affection.
That’s why, if she ends up wanting me, truly wanting me, it’ll feel even more rewarding.
My eyes drop from her as I internally shake my head at myself. My palm presses to my aching erection, causing me to groan softly. But I refuse to alleviate the pain myself.
Ignoring it unfortunately doesn’t make it go away.
I can’t do this. I can’t want her the way that I do. It’s too risky. Too close.
And I can’t afford any of that right now. Not with the Irish preying on our territory.
I rip the covers back and leave before I make a mistake I won’t be able to undo.
I don’t know if I woke her up or not. I don’t stop to check because if I do, I’ll end up in that cage, or she’ll end up in my bed. And it’ll be out of my control.
I can’t afford to lose control, not over her, and not over myself.
On my way to my office, I come across Pyotr as he steps out of the meeting room with a few folders tucked under his arm. “Pyotr.”
“Sir,” he says as he straightens up.
“I think we should reorganize our defenses. We have extra guards here that we don’t need. They could be stationed elsewhere,” I tell him, my mind splitting in a dozen different directions. As long as she isn’t the center of my focus.
“Sir, all of our important properties are well guarded,” Pyotr assures me.
“Our territory has a firm border. We need to defend it,” I tell him. “If we catch sight of anyone suspicious, we stop them before they infiltrate our territory even deeper.”
Pyotr rubs his jaw, eyes drooping with exhaustion. “I could shave down a few patrols to free up some men, and they could watch the border closest to the Irish’s territory.”
Is it overkill? Maybe. Is it the right move? I hope so.
All I know is that I have to do something. I can’t just lay in that room thinking about her. I need to be winning this war and not losing myself in my goddamn feelings.
“Do that,” I say with a nod. “We need to stay on top of things. If we can throw the Irish off, we’ll have an edge over them.”
“I’ll make a call before I head to bed. You should get some sleep too,” Pyotr encourages me.
I tried that, and it didn’t work. I think I’ll sleep in my office again tonight whenever my thoughts finally quiet down.
“In a little while. What do you have there? Anything I need to review?” I reply as I motion to the folders that he’s holding.
“Reports. Patrol maps. The usual,” Pyotr says as he flips open the folders to show me all the paperwork inside.
“I’ll look at it all,” I tell him as I take the folders. There’s no harm in brushing up on everything. Again.
Pyotr lifts his eyebrows in surprise, but he doesn’t protest. “Do you want to push the morning meeting back a little? So you can get some more sleep.”
“I’m fine, Pyotr,” I say, my eyes sharpening a degree.
“Yes, sir. Goodnight,” Pyotr tells me before walking away.
I head to my office, fighting back a yawn. Or a few of them. When I drop down into the chair at my desk and flip open the top folder, I nearly fall asleep reading the first line. Everything has been wearing me down more and more lately.
I’m just tired. That’s why I’m losing my mind a little.
All I need is sleep. That’s what I tell myself, anyway.
But I know sleep won’t come to me yet because there’s something else I’m too desperate for.
Tonight, I’ll give in. I’ll take myself in my hand thinking of Alina in her sexy lingerie, then tomorrow morning I’ll be back in complete control.
Or at least pretending I am.