Chapter 30 #2
I protected her. Claimed her as mine in front of my own men. Like she means something to me. Like she’s more than my reluctant prisoner.
Fuck.
I’ve been treating her that way this whole time because I want her to be more.
Ever since she nearly died in my arms, she’s held me captive in a way that may very well ruin me.
And soon, everyone will know it thanks to my reaction.
“Get out. Both of you,” I say before I make things worse. Eduard and Valentin hurry out, shutting the door behind them.
“Everything okay, Pakhan?” Matvei asks, sounding confused.
“Anything else to report?” I bite out.
“No, sir,” Matvei says. “Not on my end.”
“Not yet. We’ll keep at it, though,” Pyotr adds.
“Do that,” I tell them before pressing the button to end the call. Silence fills my office as I hang my head for a long moment to try and compose myself.
When I walk around my desk toward her, Alina watches me but doesn’t say a word. Her thighs tense, though, squeezing closer together.
That doesn’t help me remember how to breathe.
I stop in front of her, my eyes narrowing a degree. “What did you say?”
Alina cocks an eyebrow at me. “You need Dom, Gavriil. He can help you win this war.”
I almost scoff at her. The fucking nerve on her is something, but I can’t bring myself to punish her, not even for insinuating that I’m not doing enough, for saying that I’m not enough on my own, in front of my own men.
“You know I’m right,” Alina adds as if she hasn’t publicly emasculated me enough already. “You should push aside your pride and apologize. Ask Dom for his help. Things are getting bad. I can see it written all over your face.”
I don’t like that she can read me so easily. That’s a downside of letting her sit in on these meetings. She’s quietly analyzing me the whole damn time.
“I’ve been doing this for fifteen years. This isn’t my first war,” I state. “Everything will be back under my control soon.”
Alina gives me a pointed look. “Are you really going to let your pride get more people killed?”
If she were anyone else, I’d be pissed enough to see red. But her curious eyes and full lips let her get away with a lot. Too much. I let her say what she wants because I want to own her mouth in every way possible. I want to own her, more than I’ve ever wanted anything.
But she’s in love with my brother.
“Dominik would rather stab me in the back than help me,” I remind her, especially after the shower stunt I pulled with her.
Alina’s face softens as she shakes her head. “I don’t think so. I think you just need to admit that you were wrong, that you went too far. You know…apologize.”
I tilt my head at her as I step even closer, my body nearly grazing her knee. “For?”
“You know what,” she says pointedly. “Imprisoning him to start with. And um, then what we did.” Her eyes stray briefly, flickering to my mouth before darting away.
She can feel the pull that’s always lingering between us. Is it as difficult for her to resist as it is for me? I think so, whether she wants to admit it or not.
Alina hasn’t forgiven me. She sure as fuck doesn’t trust me. But for some reason, after everything I’ve done, she still wants me.
She likes knowing that she has this kind of power over me. Loves it even. So much so, I’m certain she craves more of it now. Everyone does once they get a little taste of it.
How far is she willing to go for more?
My fingertips brush her knee as my little remaining self-control crumbles away. Seeing the way her thighs press together threatens to literally bring me to my knees, and I don’t bow to anyone. I’m doing everything that I can to not rip open her tights and fuck her on my desk.
“Why would I apologize for something that I plan on doing again?” I ask her.
“Gavriil…” Alina breathes out as my hand slides farther up her thigh, coaxing her legs to uncross.
When they do, I step between them, our bodies gravitating closer and closer. I can see the glint of guilt in her eyes, and I know that she’s thinking about Dominik right now, even with me so close to kissing her again.
“I don’t need him,” I tell her as I take her chin between my fingers, keeping her wide green eyes on mine. “And neither do you.”
Her breath hitches as I lean down to capture her lips, her mouth slotting perfectly with mine. This feels even better now that I’m not a few too many drinks in. Her lips are pillowy soft, and she tastes like mint.
Alina doesn’t jerk away from me. She places her hand on my wrist, but she doesn’t pry my hand away from her face. She’s satisfying her desire to touch me as well, without going too far.
Without doing what she truly wants.
When is she going to stop holding herself back from me? When am I?
My hand slides lower, my fingertips grazing the column of her neck before pausing. My fingers settle around her throat, possessive, controlled.
She’s mine right now.
Mine.
Alina lets out a faint moan that I almost miss, but the sound hits me in my soul. She’s determined to make me lose control even more than I already have.
I need to turn the tables, to make her let go, to give in to me.
I drag my teeth along her bottom lip while squeezing her throat tighter to earn a whimper.
“I-I told you…we couldn’t…we can’t do this again,” Alina whispers. I almost groan when her nails dig into my wrist.
“I never agreed to those terms,” I say before surging back into the kiss, my tongue breaking past the seam of her lips, swallowing her gasp. “The saint will forgive you again, printsessa,” I assure her since she’s still hesitating.
Alina finally lifts her other hand to rest on the back of my neck, and her tongue teases mine. She tightens her thighs around my waist, caging me in.
Desire thrums through me, intensifying by the second. It’s just a kiss, but I can’t remember the last time when my heart raced this quickly or when I kissed someone for this long. Just kissing is too intimate. Too close.
I want it, but it’s too much.
Yet not enough.
I break the kiss, but I don’t step away from her. My hands lower to rest on her hips as we gaze at each other, quietly catching our breaths. I know that her mind must be as loud as mine right now.
I’m afraid that she’s right. I think I may need Dominik for a guaranteed win because I’m failing in this war. I can’t see the enemies’ weak spots like my brother can, and I can’t predict their next moves. It’s a hard truth to face.
When it comes to wartime strategy, I’m not my brother. And that may cost me everything.
I may very well lose this war on my own.
Alina’s face softens a little as her eyes search mine, curiosity flickering within hers. She could’ve said what she did more harshly, but she was honest and direct with me. She doesn’t spare my feelings like others do.
I think she knows that it’ll take a lot more than a few harsh truths for me to be really pissed at her, and that just shows how attached I’ve gotten to her.
She isn’t just leverage anymore. She’s my liability, and I protect what’s mine.
If our enemies find out that she has anything to do with either me or Dominik, they’ll make her life hell. My cage will feel like paradise compared to what they might do to her, and the thought of that makes my stomach lurch.
I can’t let that happen.
I’m going to have to start making some tough decisions soon.
The clock is ticking.
Alina’s fingertips reach up, grazing my jaw.
Just that little touch pulls me out of the dark place in my mind, and my eyes automatically sink down to her tempting lips. Who knows when I’ll have the chance to kiss her again?
I lean forward again, but she puts her hand on my shoulder and pushes back against me enough to make me pause.
“You’re wrong.”
Confusion is not something I often feel. “About what?”
The sides of her mouth turn up so slightly that I barely notice. “About Dom. Despite what’s happened, he doesn’t want his brother to get himself killed. You don’t think that would destroy him?”
My expression hardens as I prepare to deflect but stop myself. All I can do is gaze at her, seeing the hope in her eyes. She so badly wants us to come together for this, and I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t miss Dominik’s help running things.
But what if she’s wrong?
What if I’ve pushed Dominik past the point of no return, and he’d rather take Alina and run away than stay and fight by my side? Or worse, slice my throat first before taking over as Pakhan?
Could I really blame him if he did either of those things?
“I know that you hate weakness,” Alina whispers to me as her thumb glides past the corner of my mouth. “But being at odds with him is creating that. Your enemies have already heard the rumors. They’re going to take advantage of it.”
When did she become so familiar with our world?
She’s a glowing light in a landscape of pure darkness, and I’m starting to realize more and more every second how unsafe she is here with me.
But I’ll protect her. One way or another. Even from myself.
I press my lips against hers, silencing any more war talk. I don’t want to think about it or my brother any longer. I just want more of her while I have her.
Alina pushes her fingers into the hair on the back of my head eagerly as I slide my hands down her sides and along her thighs. She sucks on my bottom lip, her other hand gliding up the front of my chest under my suit jacket.
A faint groan breaks from me before I can stop it, heat rolling through my body. I need more. More blissful noises from her. More shudders. More pleasure.
I want her to come apart at the seams for me.
“Lie back,” I tell her, my lips grazing hers as I speak. It’s a command but one she could easily refuse.
“What?” Alina asks, looking a mixture of eager and nervous.
A smirk lifts my lips. “Don’t worry. I’m not going to fuck you until you’re begging me for it.”
Her face flushes, but with her eyes on mine, she leans back until she’s resting on my desk with her thighs still around me.
I know exactly how to break her.
This war won’t wait for me to decide what I want.
And neither will she.