Chapter 5 #2
Aya held my gaze. Her eyes were an unusual color—almost purple.
So lovely against her tanned skin and black lashes and brows.
She’d always been a stunning girl. She was prone to thinking for extended periods before acting, which made her Nash’s perfect foil.
Much as I loved that boy, he used to leap before he looked, which caused him all kinds of problems.
But Aya slowed him down, added a hint of caution to his life. More than a hint now that Levi joined their family. Nash doted on his wife and infant son—just as a man should.
“You’re telling us this because you want to pursue something with Steve?” Kate asked.
I turned my attention to my daughter. Her red curls framed her lovely, pale face. Her wide, lustrous eyes remained dark, as if shadows ate at her. Ones I worried I’d brought forth.
I lifted my hand and placed my palm on her hand, squeezing gently.
“I care for him, and I’d like a companion.” I sucked my lower lip into my mouth, wondering if it was appropriate to tell my daughter and the girls that I might be past my youth, but I had this desire to be touched, to be loved and worshipped just as I assumed they did.
“You’re lonely,” Kate said. Surprise colored her tone, and she frowned. “I didn’t realize.”
Kate was the only one of us to love her father; I’d tolerated Laurence for my kids’ sake but come to dislike him over the years.
Not so much because of his affairs—those left me numb and, at times, even thankful that I wouldn’t have to share a bed with him.
No, my anger stemmed from his treatment of Camden.
For that, I hoped Laurence burned in eternal damnation.
But I couldn’t tell my baby girl of my secret dreams for her father. She’d brought out the best in Laurence, and she’d had a loving relationship with him.
From the corner of my eye, I watched Jenna frown, and I marveled at how she walked the line between Cam’s disgust and Kate’s love for Laurence.
“My friendships dried up once I realized how bad the situation was between Cam and Laurence. I didn’t leave the ranch when they were both here because I didn’t want your daddy to hurt Cam further…
” I blew out a breath. “It was messy and…and difficult to navigate. And I did it wrong too often. I know that.”
“I never understood why you didn’t leave him,” Kate said, with a twist to her lip.
“I would have,” I admitted, sneaking a glance at her. “In fact, I planned to leave the day I found out Laurence hit Cam, but…well…he caught wind of my plans, I suppose, and he emptied out our joint bank accounts. I hadn’t been smart enough to put money in just my name.” I shrugged.
Jenna narrowed her eyes. “He took away your ability to leave?”
I shot Kate a glance, noting her deep frown and the misery that tugged at her mouth.
“I’m sorry I just realized that you don’t really go out with ladies your age,” Aya said, pulling us off the difficult topic that was Laurence. She shot me a sympathetic look.
“I never knew”—Kate’s mouth twisted—“if those women you used to visit with were friendly with you because they liked you or if they were friendly in order to have a reason to come out to the ranch and get real friendly with my father.”
“I know this is hard for you, Kate…”
“Don’t worry about me,” she said fiercely. “I know you love me. All of you.” She smiled, and it was bright. “And Rye’s the best thing to happen to me. Though I may be even more in love with Ike than I am with his daddy.”
“Smart choice,” Jenna said. “That boy is easy to love.”
“He is.” Kate turned back to me, her expression cloudy. “I hate that I didn’t realize how lonely you were, Mama. That you’d created and enforced an exile to protect us kids. You shouldn’t punish yourself for Daddy’s actions.”
Weighing my words against the history of my marriage, I inhaled for an extended breath and exhaled even slower. “I think you’re right, but I didn’t notice that was what I was doing. At the time, I was overloaded, trying to manage the days, manage the suffering.”
“Then you were licking your wounds,” Jenna said with a decisive nod. “But now that they’re healed over enough, you’re ready to find a lover.”
Kate grunted and pulled her arm free from my touch, crossing it over her belly. “I’ll get used to the idea, but I don’t think I’ll enjoy talking about you taking a lover, Mama. That’s a bit too real.”
I chuckled. “I thought of all that. Which is why we won’t talk about me dating outside that euphemism.”
“Better than your relations comment earlier,” Jenna quipped. When I frowned, she shot me a wink.
“Oh, don’t say that.” Kate shuddered. “You can date. You can hook up, but please don’t tell me more. I love you, Mama, but…gross!”
The rest of us howled with laughter. Kate shot a smile, but it was sickly thanks to her queasiness at the idea of my sex life.
Once we’d calmed and I’d topped off the girls’ tea, I sighed. “I’m not sure I’m going to get another chance with Steve.”
“I’m not sure you will either, Mama. I’m not sure Steve’s ever going to lower his guard enough to let you in,” Aya said, though it was with sadness and a hint of pity.
“Which is why I think we should set you up with some nice men,” Jenna announced.
Aya stared into the corner, lost in thought.
“I don’t know any men my age,” I demurred, mainly because I really didn’t like that idea.
“That’s okay. We’ll find you some,” Jenna said with a bracing smile.
“But—”
“I like it. You should meet a few gentlemen before you set your heart on Steve,” Kate said. “He’s not emotionally available, and I don’t want you hurt again. Or worse. So, get out there. Meet some men.” She wrinkled her nose. “Scratch the itch.”
I shuddered. She did, too.
“I won’t say that again,” Kate said.
I shot her the look. “Good.”
“But…you get my point. We’ll find you some nice men to go out with—”
“None of whom will be who she wants,” Aya said. She turned back and her eyes gleamed. “You’re already in love with Steve.”
I dropped my head into my hands. “I think I am.”
I heard the chairs creak. No doubt the girls were leaning back, frowning at me and my ridiculous, masochistic heart. I really should have learned to make better choices by now.
“I still think it’s a good idea, though. For you to date,” Aya said into the silence.
I lifted my head. “Why is that?”
“Because Steve is Nash’s father, and Nash has a competitive streak wider than this state.
That’s what makes him the best in his musical genre.
” Aya pursed her lips. “Steve tried to tamp his own competitiveness down but look at how he competes with you when it comes to cooking. He’s always making me try new recipes because he’s dead set on making something taste as good as your food. ”
I gasped even as warmth blossomed around my battered heart. “That cheater! He’s not supposed to taste-test.”
Aya smiled, seeming deeply satisfied. “Exactly. But he does it anyway. Because, under all that reserve, is a man who may be even more focused on winning than my husband.”
“What’s that got to do with Mama meeting other men?” Kate asked.
Aya smiled. “He won’t like you dating. Whether he wants to admit it or not, we’re already family, and…well, I think he’s claimed you.”
I sniffed. “No man claims a woman.”
“Your son claimed me, and I’m not complaining,” Jenna winked. She sobered quickly and leaned forward, her gaze serious. “I get what you’re saying, though, and I agree. No man owns a woman, especially not her thoughts and emotions.”
“Darn tootin’.” I mashed my lips together. “I may need to have a word with Camden.”
“Don’t you dare,” Jenna gasped. “I’m quite pleased with his behavior.”
I grunted. She smiled again, wider this time, much like a cat who’d caught the canary.
“Yes, the reality of you dating other men will drive Steve nuts.” Aya nodded, satisfied with her conclusion. “He craves control, but he can’t control you, just like he can’t control his feelings for you. They just are. So, now, you’ll be pushing him into a choice.”
“One he may not make,” I said, shoulders slumping again. “And I’m not sure forcing his hand is the right choice. It feels manipulative. Wrong.”
“He doesn’t have to play the game,” Aya pointed out.
Kate knocked her shoulder against mine. “My money’s on you, Mama. Especially because we’re going to help you.”
She rose from the table and strode across my kitchen, returning with a pad and pen. “I have some ideas.”