Chapter 9
Jasmine
“Move your hiney, missy,” I snapped at Kate. She’d been hovering. Well, not just Kate; Jenna was around and underfoot all the time, too.
“You need to sit down—” Kate said.
“What I need to do is scrub my toilet.” And not think about how I’d embarrassed myself in front of Steve last week.
Why had I said those things to him? No wonder he left. I’d leave, too, if I had such a whiney, pathetic person practically begging me to stay. Didn’t matter I’d been loopy on drugs. I wrinkled my nose in disgust, hating my moment of weakness in the dark of night.
Steve had stayed. I remembered him holding my hand, I vaguely remembered him talking to me as I floated in that gray space between consciousness and sleep. He’d said something about being worthy of me. Hadn’t he?
I couldn’t remember.
Maybe the whole thing was a dream. Might as well have been since he’d disappeared after he’d promised not to leave me again. I frowned. He’d said something else, hadn’t he?
“Mama, you have a broken arm—”
My attention returned to my daughter, but the discomfort of my embarrassment and the everlasting hope churned in my belly. Dammit. I must let this dream of romance die.
I stared at the offending cast, willing it to be the image that broke my pathetic dreams once and for all.
No such luck.
“So?” I sighed. “I’m not dead.”
“Thank goodness for that, and no thanks to Frank-the-piece-of-shit.”
I strolled around her.
“Can’t you just rest a minute?” Kate asked, exasperation lacing her tone.
“Katharine Rose—”
She raised an eyebrow and pursed her lips. With a shock, I realized she was trying not to laugh.
“You used to quake when I said your full name,” I said with a sigh.
“Well, now, I’m the one full-naming my kids.” She smiled. “And don’t worry, they quake for me. It’s all in the tone, and I learned from the best.”
I shook my head, but I smiled, too. This beautiful young woman. I was so proud of her. “It’s just a bathroom, Kate. I’ll be ten feet down the hall.”
“Last time I was out of shouting distance, you got hurt.” Her lip quivered. “I don’t like how that made me feel, Mama.”
“You and me both, Katie Rose.”
She hated that nickname but didn’t comment, which told me how worried she still was about me. I offered her a side hug because I needed the connection as much as she did. She plopped her head against mine and I snuggled her closer.
I was so very lucky to have my children nearby.
“Don’t worry. Don’t worry, Cam has installed more cameras, and he has made a list of people who are allowed on the property. I even saw a couple of his guys on ATVs patrolling the acreage. No one’s going to hurt me ever again, sweetheart.”
She hugged me tighter to her, her palm landing on my aching biceps.
I froze, refusing to grimace at the pain her sweet pats caused.
This was why holding back on details mattered, but I didn’t want my girl to know what that lowlife snake Frank said…
or did to me. Even now, more than a week after the event, as I’d taken to calling it because I hated all the other terms the kids used—they made me sound like a victim.
I was not a victim. I’d taken care of Frank and I’d protected my family. That made me Super Woman.
So…it’d been a week and the bruised had faded, but the restless itch of fear fast, like a tidal wave.
I wasn’t Super Woman. I’d been lucky. I never wanted to need luck so badly again. The oily, ugly feeling in my belly rose as the helplessness chocked me.
Kate hugged me. “I’m glad you popped him one, Mama.”
“Never thought I’d need to hurt another person,” I said. “And, though I can’t remember, it was more like five times.”
“Yeah, well, he deserved it. I’ll never forget that image. It’s seared in my brain. You stood over him like a Valkyrie, eyes blazing. I never knew a lamp was such an excellent weapon.”
“It shouldn’t have to be.”
“You’re right.” Kate looked contrite. “It shouldn’t. And you should have been safe in your house, Mama. You never should have had to deal with this. Cam and I are so sorry—”
“Not one lick of that.” I gave her one last squeeze and a pat on the upper arm for good measure. “I’m the one who agreed to meet Frank. You know what? I don’t want to say his name again.”
Kate grimaced. “I call him Scum Bag.”
I smiled. “Perfect name for that horrible man. Scum Bag it is. But I must tell you, darling, that…event ended it for me. I’m done. No more men, no more dates.”
I’d thought Steve would return after staying the night at the hospital with me. But he hadn’t. I’d been wrong about him, and I just couldn’t continue along that path. Clearly, romance wasn’t in the cards for me.
Kate’s melancholic expression spread to her eyes. “Can’t say that I blame you, but that doesn’t mean I like it. We want you happy, Mama.”
“Great. The way I’m going to be happy is scrubbing my toilet bowl.”
I tried to dart around her so I could get to the stairs. Kate, though, was nimble and stayed in front of me.
I threw up my hands and groaned.
“Did you ever read the note Steve left you?” Kate asked.
I shook my head. What was the point? It would be another, it’s me, not you missive, and I just…couldn’t. I was the problem. I was unlovable as a woman. My kids loved me and I had strong relationships with all of them. Apparently, that was my limit. And I was going to be okay with that.
I was more than okay with that. Now, I just had to get used to being alone. That didn’t mean I had to be lonely.
“You should,” Kate said.
“You, my darling girl, need to mind your own business. And let me clean my bathroom!”
“Steve said he was coming back,” she said, her expression so earnest and lovely that I wanted to hold her, to keep her safe from the disappointments I’d suffered.
“He said that he needed to work through some things, but that he’d come back.
Mama, Steve’s always kept his promises to us. Believe in that.”
No, he hadn’t. He’d told me that he wanted more than one night when we slept together over a year ago.
I wasn’t falling for any more lies. In fact, I might well eschew men—outside my darling sons and grandsons—and spend more time with my horses.
They never broke their word, and they were always there for me.
Kate stared at me, her face expectant. I sighed.
“Well, he’s not here and my shower will mildew if I don’t give that a good cleaning along with the toilet.”
Kate clucked. “Mama. I know you’re hurting.”
I was. My arm ached something fierce, but it was my heart that was too battered to recover. I was so, so done with romance.
A knock sounded on the door before I made another attempt to get to my dirty bathroom.
“Are you expecting anyone?” I asked Kate, hating the trill of worry that sizzled over my nerve endings.
I inhaled sharply and blew out a breath, trying to push the fear aside. I was safe. I was fine, and I would remain so.
Kate shook her head, then headed toward the kitchen where there was a screen with the camera feed of my front door.
“Have fun, Mama,” Kate yelled. My mouth fell open when I heard her leave out the back.
“What on earth…”
Another knock. Clearly, the person there was someone Kate knew well. There was no other way she would have left me. I slunk toward the door. When I opened it, I gasped. My heart thundered against my ribs.
“Steve?”
He scowled so hard, the skin around the furrows in his brows turned white. “How’s your arm?”
“Healing.” My mind spun out as I tried to process him, being here, now. I’d just convinced myself he would not visit me again. Yet, there he stood. I blinked, unsure if I should believe my eyes. Steve remained. He was broad, solid…nervously tapping something that crinkled behind his back.
“I’ve worried about you,” he said, his deep voice vibrating inside my chest and making my nipples stand at attention. I was well past the time of crazy hormones and lovesickness. But damn if this man didn’t return me to school-girl sighs and giddiness—as well as achy lady bits.
The last revelation ticked me off, and I scowled back. “Then why did it take you almost a full week to stop back by?”
His long-suffering sigh fluttered my hair.
“Because I had to lay my demons to rest.” He studied me for a long moment, cataloguing my features and, no doubt, the stubborn twist to my lips.
“You didn’t read my note. I told you in there that I needed to accept my past if I was going to give my full focus to my future. ”
Oh, well. That I could understand. A trickle of hope slipped through my bloodstream, causing tiny bursts of fireworks throughout my body. “Did you?”
“I think so.” Then, he said, his tone firm, “Yes.”
I smiled, relaxing a little now that we’d worked that out. Kate was right; I should have read that note. Instead, I’d cried once I’d realized Steve was gone again.
“Well, good. I’m glad to hear that.”
Steve swallowed, and I watched the firm line of his throat, noting the broadness of his shoulders, the firm jut of his chin. He was such a good-looking man. I wished…
“Jasmine?”
He’d leaned in toward me, and I’d mirrored his action so that we were mere inches from the other. “Yes?”
“I’d like to take you out, please.” He shuffled his feet, which brought him close enough to feel the body heat emanating from him. “That is, if you’d let me.”
I straightened my spine so hard that something popped between my shoulder blades. “I’ve given up dating and men.”
“I don’t blame you after the experiences you’ve had. But I’d still like to take you out.”
I sputtered. He pulled his hands from behind his back and held up a gigantic bouquet of blue blooms—my favorite color—wrapped in cellophane. That was the crinkling noise I’d heard. “These are for you.”
“What…what the ever-lovin’ hell is going on?” Even I noticed the thickening of my accent, which was always noticeable.