Chapter 12
Chapter Twelve
Phoebe
“P hoebe. I can go with you. You don’t have to do this alone.”
I heard Kane’s words echo in my head, and I did my best not to pull away. It wasn’t his fault that my dad was dead. It wasn’t his fault that I felt as if I had no idea what I was doing. He had been wonderful, kind, and by my side for the last forty-eight hours as I came to terms with my dad’s death.
And the fact that I hadn’t spoken to him in weeks.
I wasn’t even sure if I had told my father I loved him the last time we spoke.
He had been in my siblings’ lives far more than mine. It was as if as soon as I was born, he decided he was done. It didn’t matter that I was so close to age in Emily that we had been best friends when we were little. When I was born everything shifted. He no longer worked from home when he could, when he wasn’t out on the road wheeling and dealing. He wasn’t on the conference circuit.
He had basically left us, and my mother had raised us.
I didn’t know my father. Maybe I should have. But I didn’t.
My father had died, and I didn’t have any words for my feelings. What words were there supposed to be? He was gone and there was no coming back from that. There were no second chances, or reconciliations. There would be no more time to tell him what I truly thought about him.
He hadn’t even given us his name. We had our mother’s last name, and I never truly understood why.
Then again, though my parents never married, Dad had always said he legally changed his name to her last name because he wanted their own version of a family.
“Phoebe?” Kane asked, his voice soft. He slid his fingers along my jaw again, tilting my head up so I could meet his gaze.
I loved when he did that. I loved him.
But it was hard for me to breathe.
“It’s just a meeting. I don’t know what it’s about, but Isabella and Mom said that we had to go.” I hid my resentment because I didn’t want to go to this meeting.
I wanted to hug my boyfriend, to be with my family, and try to make sense of what I was feeling.
Because it didn’t make any damn sense to me. How could I feel this pain for a man I did not know?
Why should I feel that way?
“I can go with you to the meeting. You don’t have to be alone when you’re there.” He cursed under his breath. “I’m not saying this right. I’m not good at this, baby. But I’m here.”
I sighed, that numbness that had settled in at my mother’s phone call starting to ease a bit.
“I know you’re here. I know. And I’m so grateful. But Isabella said it was only family. And I don’t think she meant that in a cutting way,” I clarified at the tightness in his gaze. “I just think that it’s the lawyer thing.”
Kane scowled. “I don’t understand why you have a meeting before the funeral.”
I pressed my lips together and shook my head. “I don’t either. But it has to be done. My dad had a lot of business ties, and maybe this was part of his will? I don’t know. Only Mom really knew him and all his business things. I didn’t even see him often. What kind of daughter does that make me?” Pain started to slide through me, and I let out a soft sob, moving away so I could pace. “I don’t know my dad’s favorite color, or his favorite flavor of ice cream. I know that he liked the coconut flavored chocolates when we would get that sampler at Christmas, when he stayed for Christmas. He would always have something else to do that evening, because he used to say he had very important business. Because people relied on him at his company, and he needed to make sure his workers, wherever they were, had time with their families. So we would get him in the morning, but not in the evening. I know he loved this one sweatshirt with bleach stains on the cuffs. He would wear it all the time when he was at the house, teaching Kyler how to use a hammer. I remember he would sit next to Sophia and try to help her work on her pointe shoes and sew her ribbons on, but then Sophia would knock his hands away with a laugh and say she could do it on her own because she knew how to take care of her feet. Because that’s what a ballerina did. They broke in their own pointe shoes. I remember him teaching Emily to ride a bike, while I followed behind with my little bike on training wheels, begging my daddy to teach me too. He said I wasn’t old enough but he would teach me later. Only he never did. He forgot. Or he got busy. I don’t remember. Isabella and Kyler taught me. I remember him sitting with Isabella and laughing and playing video games, and then going through her homework because she was so good at math that she was in an accelerated program. I remember all of this, but I don’t remember him sitting with me. I don’t remember anything about him with me. It was just always Mom and us. The six of us. And he would just sometimes show up. I can’t even call myself a child of divorce because they were never married. Their relationship worked for the two of them, but never for us. And I’m so angry.”
“You’re allowed to be angry. You’re allowed to be anything you need to be right now.”
“I know that. Of course I know that. And you’re being so kind and I hate that I’m so angry. I want to know why the heart attack had to take him when he was away. But he was always away. I want to know why Mom didn’t call me. Why she called Isabella. Because Isabella is the strong one, my mom put all of that on Isabella to tell us, because she wasn’t going to call us. Mom forgot that we were at Isabella’s house. She put all of that on Isabella so Mom could deal with this.”
“And Isabella was there for you. She held Emily and Sophia, just like you did.”
Emily had let out a keening wail at Isabella’s words. She had broken down into tears, and it was the first time I’d ever seen her do that. Even when Kyler had “accidentally” cut all the hair off her favorite Barbie, she hadn’t cried that hard. Not that those two were equivalent, but it was the last time I had seen Emily cry nearly as hard. Sophia had stood stoically, her chin held high, her strong shoulders rolled back, and she had run her hand up and down Kyler’s back, whispering to him that all would be okay. Even though it was a lie.
And Isabella had met my gaze and then Kane’s, and I watched the pain in her eyes slide away, because she had to be the strong one.
I hated the word strong. But that was what we were going to have to be in order to breathe.
“I don’t even know what this meeting is for. I don’t want to go. Because if I go then it’s over. I don’t want to deal with the paperwork of death and meetings. I just want to hold my siblings and make sure they’re okay. I want to be the strong one for once.” My voice raised at the end and Kane just held me in silence, my strength, my pillar.
And I would have to be strong for them. I knew I did.
Only I couldn’t breathe.
“You do what you need to, I’ll be here.”
I let Kane’s words wash over me, and I knew they were what I needed.
He was what I needed.
I squeezed his hand, kissed his cheek, and let him drive me to the meeting across town.
It was in one of the beautiful high rises of Centennial, and I had never been inside this one before. I had been to Centennial, of course. Everyone in Denver had been to nearly every single suburb that was the vast sprawl of Denver, Colorado. And if you needed to go to Parker or take I-70 down to I-25, you ended up through Centennial.
But I had never really spent time in this downtown-esque area.
It was beautiful in a glass-and-steel sort of way, but cold.
Perhaps there were other places in town that were much homier, but everything felt cold here.
Kane dropped me off at the front door and as I slid out, he reached for my hand again. “I’m going to wait in the parking lot.”
“You don’t have to do that. Someone will drive me home.”
“I’m going to wait in the parking lot. Call if you need me.”
I wanted to whisper that I loved him. But this wasn’t the time. Not when I saw Sophia walking towards me, her eyes downcast, her hand tight over her bag.
“I’ll come to you.”
“You better.” His lips twitched into a semblance of a smile, but it didn’t reach his eyes.
Everything hurt, but we were doing better. We had to.
I closed the door and gripped Sophia’s hand. She waved over her shoulder at Kane who drove towards the visitor parking lot.
“That’s a good man.”
I smiled over in his direction. “He is. The best.”
“Does he know you love him?” she asked.
I shook my head. “No. I was going to tell him, and then, well, this.”
I gestured towards the marble lobby, and Sophia sighed.
“You should tell him. We all need a little love I think.”
“I love you,” I said, and Sophia smiled.
“I love you too.” My tall dancer sister leaned forward and kissed me on the top of the head. I rolled my eyes, a smile playing on my face as we met Isabella in the lobby. She looked as if she had been crying all night, but with her strategic makeup, only those who knew her could really tell.
“Mr. Winstone said we can head on back when we all get here. I don’t really want to be here. Nor do I understand why we have to.”
“Because it’s in the papers,” Mom said, and I didn’t realize what I was doing until I ran towards her. My mother, all soft and warm, opened her arms for me and I clung to her. Tears threatened but I held them back. Kyler and Emily were behind Mother, having driven up with her, and I smiled at them, before sniffling once and squeezing my mom again.
“Let’s get this over with?”
My mom looked at me and I couldn’t read what was in her eyes. Did she know what this meeting was about?
No, I didn’t think my mom would. But what could this be about?
We followed Isabella to Mr. Winstone’s office and I looked around. “What are we doing here?” I asked, and Isabella shook her head.
“I don’t know. But I have a bad feeling about this.”
I slid my hand into hers, my heart racing.
Mr. Winstone was an older man with a shaved head, a goatee, and shrewd eyes. There was pity in them, and for some reason I didn’t think it had anything to do with just my father dying. There was something he knew, and I was worried what it was.
“I’m glad you’re all here. I know that this is an upsetting time, but per your father’s will, this meeting has to take place before the funeral can occur.”
“What are you talking about?” Isabella asked.
“Isabella, it’s time,” Mother said, and I froze, wondering what on earth she could be talking about.
Mr. Winstone sighed. “Come on and follow me. The others are already in the meeting room. They arrived just before you did.”
My spine stiffened, as did my siblings’.
“Others?”
“You’ll see.” He gave my mother a pointed look as she walked past us, chin raised.
I was so confused, and this didn’t make any sense. Isabella’s hand was so tight on my fingers, I knew I might end up bruised.
But I followed Mother into the conference room, my siblings all around me, and couldn’t believe what I was seeing.
The conference room was full.
The room was full of men. There was one woman with ice-blue eyes, and an even icier expression, but the rest were men with dark hair, narrowed eyes, and such similar features I knew they all had to be siblings.
However, as my heart raced, I realized their eyes were similar for another reason.
I knew those eyes.
Those were Kyler’s eyes.
But no, that couldn’t be right. Those were not my father’s eyes. Not my brother’s.
Everything started to crash into me, and my siblings began to mumble questions, confusion etched on their gazes again. The final person in the room who I hadn’t recognized at first, stood up.
“Phoebe? What are you doing here?” Ford Cage asked as he walked over and gripped my hands.
“I was going to ask you the same question.” I looked into Ford’s eyes, Kyler’s eyes, and my mouth went dry. “We’re here to meet the lawyer about my father’s death, Ford. Why would you and the Cages be here?”
But things began to click into place. Things that made no sense.
Because while my father had taken my mother’s name, each of us had the same middle name. The middle name he had said was his middle name.
Cage.
I was Phoebe Cage Dixon.
Ford staggered back, the other brother at the end of the table shot up demanding answers, and I nearly threw up.
“Phoebe, we’re here from my dad’s will reading. How? What the hell is going on?” Ford asked, and I looked around, my hands still in Ford’s as everybody stared at us, then at our lawyers.
But it was the woman who had to be Ford’s mother that spoke first.
“I don’t know why you’re acting so dramatic. You knew your father was an asshole. He just liked creating drama.”
“Melanie, stop,” my mom snapped right back, and I looked between them, my gorge rising as everyone continued to shout.
These two knew each other? No, this wasn’t happening.
“We had a deal,” Melanie Cage said, her voice laced with ice. “You would keep your family away from mine. We could share Lorne, but I got the name, I got the family. You got whatever else. But now it looks like Lorne decided to be an asshole again.”
“What are you talking about?” Isabella asked, her hands fisted at her side.
“Excuse me, will someone please explain?” the one who had to be the eldest of Ford’s brothers asked, and I tried to remember if I even knew his name.
“Well, I wasn’t quite sure how this was going to work out,” Mr. Winstone began, and everyone quieted, but no one sat except Ford’s mother. She glared at my mother.
It seemed like I knew nobody here.
“Lorne Cage has certain provisions in his will for both of his families. And one of the many requirements that I will go over today is that this meeting must take place. Lorne Cage had two families. Seven sons with his wife, Melanie, and four daughters and a son with his mistress, Constance.”
“We went by partner,” my mother corrected, as if that was the one thing that needed clarification.
“Twelve?” Ford asked incredulously.
“Busy fucking man,” one of the other Cages said, and I didn’t know which. But apparently he was my brother.
None of this made sense. I had to be dreaming. Only I couldn’t wake up.
I looked at my siblings, and then at the men on the other side of the table, and took a step back, and another, breaking my hold on Ford.
“I can’t do this.”
“Oh, stop overreacting,” Melanie said, and my mother glared at the other woman.
“Do not talk to my daughter that way.”
“It was always going to be an issue. All the secrets and the lies. And now the kids will have to deal with it. Because God forbid Lorne ever dealt with anything other than his own dick.”
Everybody started shouting, and I just kept retreating, and then I was running through the doors, my heels clicking down the hallway. Ford called for me, and then Sophia told him to back off, both of them shouting at each other.
But I kept running, through the lobby, past the stairs and the odd looks, and out the front door.
Kane popped up out of the driver’s seat as soon as he saw me running, and ran towards me, on alert from attack or danger.
I wanted to tell him that everything was okay, that I was safe. But it didn’t feel like that.
Instead the crushing pressure on my chest ached, and it felt like a hammer was slamming into me over and over again.
But then Kane was there, holding me to him.
“What is it? What’s wrong? Did someone hurt you?”
Someone did, but how could I explain that the man who hurt me was dead?
I tried to suck in air, and Kane looked over my shoulder at Ford, who had come running after me, and then Isabella who seemed to have chased him.
“What the hell is Ford doing here?”
“I—I don’t even…” I tried to speak but couldn’t.
Kane held me, whispering in my ear, “I’ve got you. I’ve got you. Are you safe?”
I nodded against him and gripped his shoulder, trying to let the panic attack slide away.
This couldn’t be happening.
I needed to wake up from this nightmare.
My dad had a second family. Except I was pretty sure we were the second family.
We were the secrets.
And nothing was ever going to be the same again.