Chapter 006 Lennie
Being able to read people is a gift, I suppose. It keeps you safe. It fills in the gaps when the world goes silent. But sometimes, it’s a burden. It’s not always easy knowing the banter going on between two people when you aren't supposed to know it, when the words are meant to be private, wrapped in the dark intimacy of a barn shadow.
The look on Levi’s face said it all. His jaw went slack, eyes wide and panicked in the security light. Oh, shit.
I touched his arm, grounding him. "Are you not happy for them?"
He blinked, tearing his gaze away from Liz and Wyatt. "Um, no, it’s not that." He stammered, his lips moving a little too fast, nervous. "I just... it’s nothing. Let’s get out of here before they figure out that we’ve been eavesdropping."
"Okay." I nodded. I felt bad for him, though I wasn't entirely sure why yet. The panic in his eyes wasn't just shock; it was something heavier. Guilt, maybe. Or fear.
He led me toward the stable, moving quietly. His boots barely made a sound in the dirt, or at least, I didn't feel the vibrations of them. We skirted the edge of the barn, giving the happy couple a wide berth. Inside the stable, the smell hit me—sweet hay, old leather, and the musky warmth of large animals. It was a comforting scent, grounding.
Levi moved with a practiced ease, unlatching a stall door. A large, dark horse huffed, tossing its head.
"Is this a boy or a girl?" I asked, trying to break the thick tension that had followed us from the barnyard.
"Oh, my apologies." Levi patted the horse’s neck, his demeanor softening instantly. "This is Digger. He’s a good boy. And that over there is Mazy, and Sprout is her son."
I looked where he pointed. Two other horses shifted in their stalls, watching us with liquid, curious eyes. "Aw, they’re mother and son? How sweet."
He smiled, but the expression didn't reach his eyes. They remained flat, guarded. No crinkles at the corners. "Yeah. Family."
He hauled a saddle off a wooden rack. It looked heavy, leather groaning as he swung it up onto Digger’s back. I watched him work, the efficiency of his hands. He tucked my camera bag into a saddlebag like it was made of glass, then secured the tripod on the other side.
He pulled a wooden mounting block over to Digger’s side and turned to me, offering a hand. "Alright, Lennie. Up you go."
I hesitated. The horse looked enormous from this angle. "I've never done this."
"Trust me."
I took his hand—it was rough, warm, calloused—and let him guide me up. The saddle was large, a two-seater, plenty of room. I settled in, gripping the horn like a lifeline. Levi paused before climbing up behind me. He looked up, his face serious in the dim light.
"It’s going to be impossible for you to read my lips while I’m up here behind you," he said, enunciating clearly. "So if anything is wrong, or you get scared, just tug at the back of my shirt, okay? Two tugs means stop."
"Okay. I got it."
He swung himself up behind me with a fluid motion that spoke of a lifetime in the saddle. The horse shifted under the added weight, and I felt the solid wall of Levi’s chest against my back. It was startlingly intimate. I could feel the heat radiating off him.
Digger moved out of the stable at a slow walk. Once we cleared the structure, Levi clicked his tongue—I assumed—and the horse picked up the pace into a trot.
It was liberating. That was the only word for it. The wind rushed past my ears, cooling the heat in my cheeks. It was dark, but the moon was full and high, casting a silver-blue wash over the ranch. It was like a natural flashlight, illuminating the rolling grass, the dark smudge of the woods, the fence lines.
I didn't need to hear the hoofbeats to feel the rhythm. It vibrated up through the stirrups, into my bones. I gripped the saddle horn, a smile stretching across my face until my cheeks hurt. It was perfect. Even a half-blind person could see the beauty in this, and I saw everything.
We rode for maybe ten minutes until the horizon opened up near a line of trees. I saw the glint of water—the brook Levi had mentioned. He slowed Digger to a walk, then a halt.
He slid off first, then reached up for me. "Easy now."
I swung my leg over, sliding down. For a brief second, I ended up in his arms, my hands on his shoulders to steady myself. His grip on my waist was firm. His gaze held mine, blue eyes searching my face in the moonlight. The air between us felt charged, static electricity snapping on a dry day.
I stepped back, smoothing my shirt. "Thank you for bringing me here."
"It’s my pleasure," he said, letting his hands drop. "Now, show me your magic."
I loved that he was genuinely interested. Most men I’d met found my job intimidating, or they treated it like a cute hobby. Levi treated it like a craft. He might even have had a little crush on me, though I tried to squash that thought as soon as it bloomed. A man like this—handsome, rugged, employed—had to be spoken for. There was no two ways about it.
I watched him tie the reins to a sturdy low branch. He was beautiful, in a rough-hewn way. Honest eyes, full lips that looked softer than they had any right to be. I was glad I had a camera to hide behind; otherwise, I’d be staring like a fool.
"It’s going to take a few minutes to set up," I said, pulling the tripod from the saddlebag. "I think the sky needs to be a little darker for the long exposure, but we can work with it."
"Anything I can do to help?" he asked.
"No. But do you mind telling me something, Levi?"
"Sure." He pulled a blanket from the saddle and shook it out.
I paused, holding the camera body. "How come you reacted so strangely when I told you about Liz saying she might be pregnant? Are you not happy about that? Or is that not good news?" I tilted my head. "Because it looked to me like she was a little nervous about it, but not unhappy. You looked... devastated."
Levi spread the blanket on the grass and sat down, crossing his long legs. He picked at a loose thread on his jeans. I waited. He looked up, catching my eye, then looked away.
"Well," he started, turning back to me so I could see his face. "I probably shouldn't be telling you this, Lennie. But since I don't know you that well, maybe you can help me out with it. So long as you can keep a secret."
I screwed the camera onto the mounting plate. "As long as you feel comfortable telling me, sure, I can keep a secret. Being able to read lips has made me the keeper of a lot of secrets, as a matter of fact. People forget I can see what they whisper."
"I don't doubt that." He sniffed, rubbing the back of his neck. He looked nervous. Vulnerable. "See, I’ve got myself into some trouble. It’s the worst kind, too, and I don't know what to do about it."
I stopped fiddling with the aperture ring. "I’m listening." I smiled softly. "Okay, I’m watching."
He smiled back, a fleeting thing that lit up his eyes before vanishing. He swallowed hard. "My girlfriend is pregnant."
My hands went still. My face probably went blank. "Oh."
He waited, letting me digest it.
"It’s not that I don't want it," he said, his hands moving as he spoke, agitated. "But we don't know each other that well, see. It happened fast."
I sat down on the edge of the blanket, abandoning the gear for a moment. "Is she the one for you, Levi?" I asked honestly. I could feel the hurt radiating off him, the confusion.
"I don't know yet. That’s the thing. I’ve never been in love before, and I don't know if I feel it for her or not."
"Not that I know anything about being in love, either," I admitted, pulling my knees to my chest. "But from what my mama and daddy have told me, and all the romances I’ve watched on television... if you have to second guess it, it isn't love."
He nodded slowly. "That’s my guess, too, actually. But... is it wrong to have a baby with someone you don't love?"
I looked down at my hands. This was heavy territory. "Levi, please don't judge me for saying this, but I have to be honest with you." I lifted my gaze to his and reached out, touching the back of his hand. It was cold from the night air. "I was raised with strict morals. Tight rules, but lots and lots of love. That being said, my folks raised me to believe you should be with someone you love. So to me, the whole act of making love with someone you don't love... well, that’s wrong. For me. Not necessarily for you."
I squeezed his hand. "All I know is that if you raise the child out of love, even if it’s not necessarily love for the mother, it’s still okay. Love is the important part."
"What about obligation?" he asked, his brow furrowed.
"If you love your child, then it isn't an obligation, Levi."
He looked toward the water, where the moon was reflecting off the ripples. "What if she wants to raise it on her own and I never get to see it? What if she takes it away?"
"That’s something y'all have to arrange with her first. If you need to, get a lawyer. Fight for it."
He nodded, turning his hand over to squeeze mine. "Thanks."
"You’re welcome." I smiled and pulled my hand back, though part of me wanted to leave it there. "What does your family say about all this?"
He sighed, a heavy exhale that seemed to deflate his shoulders. "Well, I tell my daddy as little as possible. Hell, he doesn't even know that I’m in school, and he sure as hell doesn't know about Shelly."
"Oh." That surprised me. In this town, family was everything. "You’re not close with your daddy?"
He shook his head and scoffed, a bitter, ugly sound. "Sometimes I think life would be so much better if that man were dead."
My eyes widened. "I’m so sorry to hear that. I’ve heard a thing or two about your daddy—rumors mostly—but I had no idea it was that bad."
His expression twisted into a sneer, finger stabbing the air for emphasis. "The only reason why that sumbitch ain't going to prison for good is because that damn Braylynn thought she was doing my brother Nash a favor by throwing him a bone. Dropping the charges. But she’s a fool. He damn near killed her. And he’s going to end up killing someone at some point in time. No two ways about that. At least this time, the sheriff took his license away."
"There’s that," I murmured.
"And he’s being forced to go to rehab for two rounds, his expense," Levi continued, the anger pouring out of him like poison. "Of course, 'his expense' really means mine and Nash’s expense, but at least this time it might not be a waste."
"You just have to think positive, Levi. I know it’s hard."
"And now you see why I can't tell my daddy a lick about what’s going on in my life. He’d burn it down."
"I do understand." My hand found his again. I couldn't help it; he looked like he needed an anchor. "Can I ask... what do you think prompted him to start drinking to begin with?"
He shrugged. "I don't really know. Probably because my mama’s been fooling around on him for years. But I can't figure out which came first, the bottle or the cheating, if I’m being honest."
"Wow. What a mess." I shook my head. "I’ve never been able to figure out what tears a family up, seeing as I’m so close with my folks."
"Well, I can tell you what, Lennie," he said, his voice dropping to a rough whisper. "It’s because your folks already had a challenge. They were taxed with a deaf child. And they made the best of it. Some people are cut out for shit like that, and others aren't. It’s just the way it is."
He looked at me with a strange intensity. "My daddy had a great job all his life. And my mama had a good thing going on with her job, until she screwed it up by screwing a dentist in Dallas. A relative of her boss. A long removed relative, but word gets around."
"I believe that life is about choices," I said softly, squeezing his hand intermittently. He didn't pull away. "Some of us make good ones, and some of us make bad ones. But we always have a choice."
He covered my hand with his free one, trapping my fingers in warmth. "It’s also about goals, Lennie. And the choices y'all make in order to reach those goals."
"Exactly."
He smiled then, a real one this time. "Thanks for the talk. But you ought to get set up, or else you’re going to miss your chance for this shot."
I noticed his eyes kept flickering to my lips. It was distracting. It was... nice. It made my stomach do a little flip. I’d only ever had crushes from a distance. No man had ever been courageous enough to date the deaf girl in my circle. Even in college, guys would talk to me until they realized the work involved, then they’d drift away. But Levi was still here.
"Right. The shot." I stood up, dusting off my jeans.
I gave him a short tutorial on the equipment, showing him how to frame the shot. I took a few test images of the moon reflecting on the water, checking the histogram on the screen. Then, on impulse, I turned the camera toward him.
"Stand there," I instructed. "Look out at the water."
He obliged, tipping his Stetson back slightly. I snapped a few frames. The moonlight caught the sharp angle of his jaw, the brooding line of his shoulders. I took a couple of us together, too, holding the camera out at arm's length. I’d have to be careful he didn't catch me staring at the previews later, but I knew I’d be keeping these. Nothing says sexy more than a cowboy in a Stetson and a great pair of jeans. And Lord, did he wear them well.
He came up behind me as I checked the viewfinder. "Is your girlfriend going to have a problem when she finds out that you’ve been with me tonight?" I asked, keeping my eyes on the screen.
"I won't tell her," he said. "She doesn't need to know."
I turned to face him. "Are you sure that’s the right thing to do? I mean, she is carrying your baby, Levi."
"You and I, we’re just friends, Lennie. And I don't want to upset her if I don't need to. Besides, she sort of gave me the cold shoulder today, so I think maybe she’s mad at me already."
"Shouldn't you be over there talking it out with her then?"
"There’s nothing to talk about. She had no business looking at the receipt from the picture to begin with. She should have just given it back to me when it fell on the floor. I explained to her that I bought it for the ranch and that’s that."
"No offense," I said, tilting my head, "but why do you think she’s mad at you for that? Isn't it up to you what you spend your money on? You said yourself you haven't been together long."
"I suppose." He frowned, looking annoyed. "But we’re not even at whether or not we’re keeping the baby yet, so I’m not sure. It could be just the hormones, too."
"Did you say who you bought it from? Maybe she’s jealous because I’m a woman."
"No, she doesn't know. And she’s not from around here, so she wouldn't even know that the studio is yours."
I bit my lip. "Levi, if you want me to refund the picture... if you think it’s going to be a problem, just say the word."
He lifted a hand, cutting me off. "No. Now, I bought that fair and square. I’ll deal with Shelly."
I sat back down on the blanket, crossing my legs. "Can I ask you something else?"
"Sure."
"Have you given any thought as to whether or not you want to keep the baby?"
He was silent for a long moment. I watched his throat work as he swallowed. "I’m not sure. I know that I’m not ready to become a father. Especially with the fucked up version of a father I have."
"Do you have any role models? Men you look up to?"
"Buddy’s one of them," he said instantly. "Also Billy, and all his brothers. Plus my own brothers, Nash and Wyatt. Yeah, I suppose I do."
"Maybe if you were in love with Shelly, that would make a difference?"
His eyes went wide, like dinner plates. "Maybe. I mean, hell, Billy’s brother Cassidy and his girl Crystal are having an unplanned baby together, and they’re as pleased as punch about it. In the beginning not so much, since she was puking her guts up and just about as bitchy as a rodeo bull, but now that she’s over that spell, things are different."
"But they love each other, right?"
"Oh, there’s no two ways about it. They’re crazy for each other."
"And were they in love before they found out they were having a baby?"
"One hundred percent, yes."
I sighed. The math was simple, even if the feelings weren't. "Well, Levi, I hate to say it, because I’m having such a good time with you tonight... but y'all should be with Shelly. I understand you think she’s angry about the picture, but I think you being out here with me tonight is only going to make matters worse."
"What, I’m not allowed to have a friend?"
"In my eyes, you are. But I’m not your girlfriend."
He stared at me, his gaze dropping to my mouth again. He looked like he was fighting himself.
"It’s no different than if I was hanging out with Crystal or Jade or Piper," he argued.
"Are any of them girls single?" I pointed out.
"So what if they’re not? Are you telling me that there’s a law against a man having a friendship with a woman, just because she’s single?"
I watched his body language. He wasn't angry; he was pleading. He was reasoning with me, leaning in closer.
"I just wouldn't want to be the cause of any trouble between you and Shelly, is all."
"I’ll see to it that it’s not. Okay?"
He reached over and touched my face. His fingers were gentle, trailing along my jawline. He searched my eyes, and for a second, the world stopped spinning.
"Okay," I whispered. I leaned into his touch involuntarily.
Except for my daddy, no man had ever touched my face like this. His lips looked so soft, so inviting in the moonlight. I wanted to kiss him. God, I wanted to kiss him. I wanted to lean forward and taste the hesitation on his mouth. But I knew he wasn't mine. He had a baby on the way, a girlfriend waiting, a life that didn't include a deaf girl with a camera.
My phone vibrated violently in my back pocket.
I jumped, the spell shattering like dropped glass. "Sorry," I gasped, pulling away. "I just need to check this."
I yanked the phone out. It was a text from Trisha: Just got off. Coming over?
Thank God for Trisha.
"I should go," I said, scrambling to my feet. "I have all the footage I need. My friend Trisha is meeting me."
He looked disappointed. The mask was back in place, but I saw the crack in it. "Sure. I’ll take you back. It’s getting pitch dark out anyway. I bet it gets difficult for you to read lips once the moon shifts."
"Not really. My eyes adjust."
"So, what they say about people that have a lessened sense... that they have a heightened sense to compensate. That’s true?"
"I guess it is. My vision is incredible. Night vision, too."
"That’s a given, considering the eye you have for what you do."
"That’s a good point."
He helped me pack up, his movements slower now, reluctant. He lifted the heavy bag effortlessly, securing it back on Digger. Then he turned to help me up.
His hands grasped my waist, lifting me. For a moment, I was suspended in the air, his face level with my chest. A tickle started in my belly, a warm, heavy pull that had nothing to do with gravity. I cleared my throat to stifle a gasp.
I settled into the saddle, and a second later, Levi swung up behind me.
The ride back was torture. In the best way. Every step Digger took pressed Levi’s chest against my back, his thighs bracketing mine. I could feel the heat of him seeping through my clothes. I bit my lip, focusing on the destination. Going to meet Trisha had suddenly become very important. I needed to tell someone about this before I exploded.
"Should I take you back to the store or home?" Levi asked, his voice vibrating against my spine. I turned my head slightly to catch the profile of his lips so I could verify the words.
An idea sparked. Trisha would be at my place. If I showed up in a massive truck driven by the finest cowboy in Copper Cove... well, the look on her face would be worth a million bucks. Plus, since Buddy had driven me earlier, I didn't have my car.
"You can just drive me home, if it’s all the same to you," I said.
"Sure."
I smiled into the darkness. Priceless.