Chapter 28
28
Torrin
“T orrin!” Sophie rushes into the room, looking panicked. I shoot up in bed, yanked from my fog. “Your mom’s been trying to reach you.” Yeah, I know she has. She’s been calling and texting for weeks, but I don’t want to talk to her. She wants our family to go back to the way it was, but I can’t give her that. “Your stepdad had a heart attack and he’s in the hospital.”
What? I scramble off the bed searching for my phone.
“Is he okay? What did she say?”
“He’s going to be okay but they’re keeping him in ICU for now. She sent you a text with the address of the hospital.”
“Does Lukas know?” I wonder if she picked up the phone to tell him about his dad.
“Lukas is on his way there now.”
I bet he’s terrified. His father is, or I should say was, his rock. They were so close. Just like me and my mom. I wish he had called me. I could’ve driven with him. But he doesn’t want to see me.
“I need to find my phone, and clothes, and what else do I need, Sophie?”
I’m so upset I can’t think.
“Why don’t you go in and take a quick shower, and I’ll get everything ready for you?”
I nod, turning and walking into the bathroom. It’s been a few days, and I need to clear my thoughts before I get on the road.
* * *
He’s standing outside the door, looking terrified to go in. Looking broken. I rush to him.
“Luke!” He looks up and his eyes are swollen and red. He’s been crying. And my heart breaks for him. “He’s going to be okay. The doctor said he’s going to be fine.”
He shakes his head, clinging to me. “I did this to him, Torre. If it weren’t for what I did, he wouldn’t have had a heart attack. I’m such a bastard.”
“No, you aren’t, Luke.” My mother’s voice has us turning. “The doctors have been warning him for years that if he didn’t change his diet, he was going to find himself in cardiac arrest. He didn’t listen to the warning. This wasn’t your fault.”
He shakes his head. “But the stress over what I did brought it on faster.”
“No, Luke.” I grab his cheek, turning him to look at me. “You didn’t do anything. We fell in love. We didn’t mean for it to happen. You’re not some evil person. Please stop blaming yourself.”
The tears fill his eyes. “Sophie said you won’t get out of bed, babe. She said you’ve been crying your eyes out for weeks. All I wanted was to come and comfort you and tell you it was going to be okay, but I don’t even know if that’s true. I couldn’t handle lying to you when I don’t even believe it myself. Nothing feels like it’s going to be okay. And I couldn’t bear to watch you break again when I had to leave. I’m so sorry, baby. I’m so sorry for hurting you.”
The pain loosens its grip as his words settle in. I thought he was moving on. I thought he wanted this. But I don’t think he does.
“I don’t blame you, Luke. You’ve got the weight of the world pushing against you. I’m sorry that everyone is blaming you.”
“They should. I’m older. I’m supposed to be wiser. I was supposed to protect you.”
He may be older and wiser, but he’s human. You can’t stop your heart from falling in love. I know I couldn’t.
“You did protect me. I had never felt so safe or so special than when I was with you. You made me so happy. They were the best moments of my life and I’ll cherish them forever. I’ll always be so thankful for you and for what we had. No matter how short, I got to experience true love in my lifetime. And I’ll never regret the choice that we made.”
“You’ll have it again, Torre. In time, you’ll be happy again.”
No, I won’t. He was the one. Is the only one. But the fates are against us, and all I can do is pick myself up and try to get through another day. Maybe eventually the pain will numb. But finding love again… I don’t ever want to taint what was so perfect. Nothing can replace the feelings that are burned into my soul.
“Lukas.” My mom’s voice reminds me that we just had an audience. I don’t even care. She can think what she wants. Her anger and disappointment no longer penetrate this world of pain I’m in. “Your dad wants to see you.”
Lukas nods, swallowing hard. He’s nervous about facing his father. He thinks this is all his fault. He lets me go and walks slowly into the room, looking like a boy about to face his biggest fear: rejection.
My mom comes walking over, and I wish she wouldn’t. I’m barely standing upright as is. Barely holding on.
“Torrin,” her voice begs me to look at her. “I’m sorry, sweetheart.” The tears slip down my cheeks and I quickly wipe them away. “My daughter has been suffering from a broken heart, and I couldn’t see past my confusion and anger to be there for her. I just wanted my family back.”
But the thing is, she had us. We were happy. We were better versions of ourselves. The relationship between me and Luke changed, but our love for our parents didn’t. And in some ways, it was better. Lukas wanted to be a part of their lives. He was making more of an effort. And he was smiling all the time. We both were.
“We were always a family, Mom. Still are. You guys are the ones who decided we weren’t. You told him he wasn’t welcome in your home anymore. You believed he was a monster.” And I saw the pain in his eyes. It cut him straight to the core that they would think that he would hurt me.
“You have to understand, Torrin. We were shocked by what we were seeing and afraid and we didn’t know what to think. It all happened so fast. We needed time to process everything. I think I have a better understanding now though. It’s still a lot to take in. And it’s still difficult to accept. But I know you two never intended for this to happen. And based on what I just saw, I’m not sure anything could’ve stopped it. There’s something between you two. I can see it in both of your eyes.”
It’s called love. What she sees is pure, unadulterated love.
“We thought that by keeping you away from each other, it was best for the both of you. But I hate seeing you in such pain. And I don’t know what is right anymore.”
I don’t either. All I know is that I can’t get out of bed. I don’t want to face another day of it. So, I sleep until I wake up in a panic. Reality crashes in again and then it starts all over. I cry until the exhaustion takes me under. And I pray that when my eyes open, the nightmare will have passed.
“I love him, Mom. And it hurts so much.”
She comes in, cupping my cheeks. “I know, sweetie. I’m so sorry you’ve been suffering all this time and didn’t have any support. And I’m sorry for even thinking for one second that Lukas had done something wrong.”
“He’s the one that deserves to hear that, Mom.” I know he didn’t do anything wrong. He tried to do what’s right.
“I know.” She nods. “And I plan on talking to him too. Walter’s talking to him now. Being given a second chance at life, he wants to make amends with his son. We want our family back. Whatever that may look like now, we’ll adjust. But we love you both very much. And at the end of the day, we just want you both to be happy.”
I wrap my arms around her waist, hugging her tight. Needing her comfort. And the tears rock through me. It’s been so hard. Losing Luke. Losing her. Knowing that Walter hated him. But this doesn’t change anything for us or for my broken heart. He didn’t just sever things because of their demands. He ended things so that he could have a future. A life without media ridicule. Getting to pursue his football dreams and become a star. He broke things off because it’s better for him. Our parents cutting him off was just the slap in the face of reality he needed. It’s done, and there’s no going back. And it hurts so much.
“It’s going to be all right, Torre. It doesn’t feel like it now, but I promise everything will work out.”
If only her words alone could mend a broken heart.