Chapter 2
Connor
My own daughter hates me. I’m sure of it. No matter what I do, it's not right. She is screaming nonstop unless she falls asleep, which I'm sure is from pure exhaustion. Then she wakes up and eats, screams for hours, and then the cycle repeats.
Every time I call Maddie, I swear she's nowhere near where she should be. Of course, I want her to be safe and take care of herself, but I need her here just as much.
Faith has been crying for an hour, and I'm about to lose my mind when the door opens and in walks Maddie. In that moment, I'm thankful that we're still on good enough terms that she didn't feel the need to knock. But when the door closes behind her, I swear an angel has stepped into my apartment.
I know she's been on the road for days, but she looks so damn beautiful. For just a moment the rest of the world fades away. My crying daughter sounds a million miles away, and in front of me is this angel that's coming to rescue me.
She offers me a shy smile before stepping forward and gently taking the baby from my arms.
"Everything that you've told me to do or that you've sent me; I've tried. I've even looked up a few of my own to try and nothing is working," I say in a bit of a panic.
With the baby in her arms, she starts making a rocking motion with her body and a shushing noise that calms Faith right down.
Standing there, I’m in complete shock because this girl has been here less than five minutes and she got the baby to calm down right into sleep. When Maddie's eyes look up and lock with mine, I do the only thing I can do.
I fall to my knees in front of her and grab her hips so she can't move.
"Please don't leave. I can't do this... I can't do this without you," I choke out. Then, for the first time in years, I start to cry because I have no other outlet for my emotions from the past few days.
As she moves away I start to panic, but she just sets the baby down in the little makeshift bed I have for her in the living room and turns her attention right back to me. She kneels down in front of me so that we're at eye level and runs her hands through my hair.
"I'm not going anywhere. Even after all of this, I've decided I'm going to stay here. This is my home, and I should have come home long before now. But you can do this, and you will learn how. It's not something that can be learned overnight."
Closing my eyes, I focus on the moment, enjoying not only her being here but her hands in my hair, which has always been able to calm me down. When I open my eyes again, I think I catch some longing in her eyes, but I know I have to be imagining it.
"When you start to panic and get frustrated, the baby can sense it.
I know it's not easy, but you have to stay calm for her.
If you're relaxed, she will think everything is all right and she will fall asleep.
But if you panic, she picks up on it and thinks that something is wrong, which in turn, makes her cry and scream. "
Wrapping my arms around her waist, I pull her to me, resting my head on her shoulder. For a few moments, she lets me hold her. Something about her presence always calms me more than anything else. Sometimes just her being in the room or being nearby is all I need.
"That’s easier said than done, but I promise I'll try to learn," I say without letting go of her.
"Why don't you go outside for a moment to get some fresh air? Bring up the stuff from my car, and I will fix us some food. Then you can tell me the story of how this beautiful little girl came into your life."
I get up and do what she’s asked. Because really, what else can I do?
When she stands, I grab her car keys to go get her things.
Stepping outside, the sun hits my skin and I breathe in the fresh Montana air, and I know that she was right.
After being cramped up in my apartment for several days, I needed this.
I find her car parked next to mine in the parking lot.
Leaning against it for a moment, I look around and enjoy seeing this neighborhood that I've always loved.
There are so many small joys in watching one of my neighbors walk their dog while another gets in their car and drives off to work.
Finally, I grab Maddie's bags and head upstairs.
It only takes me a few trips to bring all her stuff inside. When I come in from bringing in the last of her things, I see she's sitting on the couch with the baby in her arms, feeding her. I swear I've never seen a more beautiful sight.
At that moment, I wish more than anything that Maddie was the mother of this child. I'll never forgive myself for allowing one night to screw up everything; the plan for the future that I had in mind for us. It’s gone and all my fault.
Taking a seat on the couch, I begin telling her everything, from how much I had been missing her, getting drunk, and the one-night stand. How I never saw her again. Then about how the other morning the baby just showed up on the doorstep, along with the paperwork which led to me calling her.
By then Faith is finished eating and she's been burped, but the look of concern on Maddie’s face isn't for the baby, it's for me. She gives me one more look before she stands up and walks away.
Maddie
His emotions are all over his face as he tells me this story, and it breaks my heart for him, and for this little girl whose mother didn't want her. But most of all, for the situation in general.
Now that Faith is done eating and has given me a few good burps, I stand and lay her down. The poor girl is so tired, she falls right asleep.
Then, walking over to Connor, I sit beside him and pull him into my arms. This causes him to break down and cry in a way I haven't seen him cry since his grandmother's funeral.
"I'm so sorry for sleeping with her. It's only ever been you. I was so lonely and missing you so much, but it's no excuse."
"Connor, look at me," I whisper. After taking a moment to get his emotions under control and wiping his face, he looks at me.
"I'm not mad. We weren't together, and I'd be lying if I said I didn't try to forget you, too."
I let the unspoken meaning hang in the air, and his shoulder sags when he understands.
"That said, I'm not going anywhere. I'm not leaving you, especially not like this. We will have time to talk and time to work this out if you want. But we don't have to do it now. We have time."
His grip on me tightens for just a moment before he nods and lets me go.
"Okay." He takes a deep breath and looks around like he has no idea what to do next.
This is my sign to step in and get him moving in the right direction.
"Call your doctor. You need to get a documented DNA test just to make sure. Then call your sister and tell her the story. She will know what to do next."
His sister is a lawyer, and her firm does family law, so she will be our best resource.
"Have her come over tomorrow. I will make dinner, and we can all talk."
He nods, and pulls out his phone to start on his marching orders.
Connor
Watching her take control like this has me so turned on, even in my overly tired state. I do as Maddie says and set up the DNA test, which is the easy part. Calling my sister, not so much.
"I have five minutes before my next meeting." She answers without even a hello.
"This isn't a family call," I tell her. Then give her the cliffs notes version of what has happened over the last few days.
"Well, shit," she says when I finish.
"Maddie said she will make dinner if you can come tomorrow and talk about it some more."
"I’ll be there and will want to see the papers. Let me know about the DNA test as soon as you hear back. Once we have that, I will move forward on everything else."
We hang up, and the wall of exhaustion hits me.
"I've got the baby. Go get in the shower and get some sleep. Tomorrow we will go shopping and get you everything you need." Maddie says as I hang up.
I nod, standing and going toward the bedroom.
As I shower, I try to reconfigure my apartment. I have a guest room that I know Maddie will need, so that leaves my office for the baby's room. I don't use it much, so the desk can be moved to my room and the books to the guest room. Maddie will love having them close.
Money isn't an issue, either. I have a good job at a marketing firm, but to say my financial planning wasn't ready for a kid is an understatement. Hell, my life wasn't ready for a kid.
But it has to be now. And I know I am more than ready for Maddie, even if the timing is horrible.