Chapter 19
CHAPTER NINETEEN
DEAN
Another five days spent pretending I don’t notice the woman living in my home.
If someone had told me a month ago that I’d be restructuring my entire routine to avoid my nanny, I would’ve questioned their sanity.
Now … it’s become second nature.
I leave for work before Aubrey finishes her coffee. I stay in my home office longer than necessary after getting home when Liana goes to sleep.
When I hear her laughter from the family room, I find reasons to walk in the opposite direction.
It’s pathetic.
Distance was supposed to make this easier. Instead, every day somehow feels heavier than the last.
Louis eases the SUV into the slow crawl of Friday evening traffic, the city glowing outside my window as the sun begins its descent between the skyscrapers.
I loosen my tie, resting my elbow against the door.
Normally, by this point in the week, my mind would still be on work.
The board meeting that dragged twenty minutes longer than it should have. The acquisition Sawyer insists will double our market share.
Three emails waiting for my approval on something before Monday morning.
Instead … all I can think about is a quiet knock on my office door on Tuesday evening.
When I looked up from my laptop, Aubrey was standing in the doorway.
She didn’t step inside. She simply stood there with one hand resting on the doorframe, almost as though she wasn’t sure she was welcome anymore.
It struck me then that she’d stopped walking into my office weeks ago.
She used to wander in, carrying Liana on her hip, asking if I wanted to hold her while she warmed a bottle.
Sometimes, she’d tell me something funny Liana had done. Sometimes, she’d ask how my day had gone.
Now … she waited for permission just to stand in the doorway.
“Do you have a minute?”
I nodded. “Of course.”
She smiled politely. “My friend Sydney was thinking about coming to visit this weekend.”
I set my pen down. “Okay.”
“I wanted to make sure you were all right with her staying here.”
As if she needed my permission to have a friend. The realization bothered me more than it should have.
“This is your home too, Aubrey.” The words slipped out before I thought about them.
For just a second, something softened in her expression, but it disappeared quickly.
“It still felt respectful to ask.”
I nodded. “She’s welcome anytime.”
“Thank you.”
That was it. There was no lingering conversation or asking how work had been. No teasing me for still sitting behind my desk at seven o’clock.
She turned around and quietly walked away. I watched her disappear down the hallway before realizing I’d spent the entire interaction hoping she’d stay another minute.
Then I went back to answering emails in an office that suddenly felt much too large.
I close my eyes now, leaning my head back against the leather seat. The memory leaves a hollow feeling somewhere beneath my ribs.
I wanted distance. Didn’t I?
That’s what I convinced myself of.
Protect her, Liana, and whatever fragile balance existed inside the penthouse. But somewhere along the way, I stopped protecting anyone. I simply made our home uncomfortable.
I let out a slow breath, watching the city blur past outside the window. I don’t know how to fix this.
Every time I tell myself I’ll talk to Aubrey … I remember Friday night.
Standing inches away from her. So close that I could still remember the warmth of her breath against my face.
Another thirty seconds, one uninterrupted moment, and I would’ve kissed her.
The thought still sends a wave of guilt crashing over me.
Not because I didn’t want to kiss her, but because I wanted to more than I’d wanted anything in a very long time.
That was the problem.
If I’d crossed that line, there would’ve been no pretending we could ever go back.
“Almost home, Mr. Ledger.”
Louis’s voice breaks through my thoughts.
I blink toward the windshield. The familiar entrance to my building comes into view.
I straighten in my seat, adjusting my tie out of habit.
Friday. Sydney should already be there.
For Aubrey’s sake, I hope her friend succeeds in getting her out of the apartment this weekend.
Because clearly, I haven’t made it much of a home lately.
Liana lets out an impatient squeal against my shoulder.
“I know,” I murmur, shifting her weight as I shake another scoop of formula into her bottle. “You’re convinced I’m moving slower than usual.”
She rewards me by tugging at the collar of my T-shirt with surprising determination.
I chuckle under my breath. “I promise I’m almost done.”
The kitchen is quiet, the soft hum of the bottle warmer filling the silence, and then the elevator dings. For reasons I don’t fully understand, my pulse immediately quickens, and the doors slide open.
I turn around to see Aubrey step into the foyer first, rolling a suitcase-sized overnight bag out of the elevator before turning to smile at the woman behind her.
Sydney. Long blonde hair with confident posture. The kind of woman who carries herself like she belongs wherever she happens to be.
Aubrey spots me first.
“Oh.” She offers a small smile. “Dean, Sydney made it.”
“So I see.”
Sydney walks forward, extending her hand without hesitation. “You must be Dean.”
“I am.” I shift Liana onto one arm before shaking her hand. “It’s nice to meet you.”
“You too.”
She smiles, but there’s something calculating behind it. Not unfriendly, but protective.
She’s studying me. Measuring every word. Almost as though she’s trying to decide whether I’m the man Aubrey described over the phone.
The realization settles uncomfortably in my stomach.
Aubrey talked about me.
I don’t know how much she told Sydney. Could be everything or maybe only enough to explain why things have felt so strained.
Either way, Sydney knows there’s a story here.
She glances from me, to Aubrey, then back again.
Her smile grows just a fraction. “So …” She folds her arms casually. “You’re the famous Dean.”
I raise an eyebrow. “Famous?”
Sydney’s eyes flick toward Aubrey for the briefest second. “She’s mentioned you.”
Aubrey immediately looks mortified. “Syd …”
“What?” Sydney laughs. “I said you mentioned him. I didn’t say what you said.”
Color creeps into Aubrey’s cheeks. “I also mentioned Liana.”
Sydney nods enthusiastically. “Mostly Liana.”
I can’t help smiling. “I was going to say, I’d be a little offended otherwise.”
Aubrey reaches toward Liana, who then kicks both legs excitedly.
Aubrey’s entire face softens. “Oh, there’s my girl.” She walks over, instinctively rubbing Liana’s tiny back before kissing the top of her head. “Did you miss me?”
Liana answers with more flailing of the arms and legs.
Sydney watches the interaction with an expression I can’t quite place.
“I think she did,” Sydney says.
Aubrey laughs. “I missed her too.”
The sound catches me off guard. I haven’t heard that laugh directed toward me in what feels like forever.
Sydney checks the time on her phone. “We should probably unpack before our reservation.”
“Right.” Aubrey glances back at me. “We’ll try not to wake Liana when we come in tonight.”
“You don’t have to worry about that.”
She nods once. “Okay.”
For a second, it feels like she might say something else.
Instead, she simply smiles politely and follows Sydney down the hallway toward her bedroom.
The apartment grows quiet again. Liana starts to fuss in my arms.
“I know.” I kiss the top of her head. “I miss her too.”
An hour later, I’m sitting on the family room floor, building an embarrassingly crooked tower out of soft blocks, which aren’t even age appropriate for Liana, when laughter echoes down the hallway.
My head turns before I can stop it. Sydney rounds the corner first.
She’s changed into a black jumpsuit with heels, looking very elegant.
Then Aubrey steps into view. My breath leaves my lungs.
She’s wearing a short burgundy dress that hugs her waist before flowing softly over her hips. Simple gold earrings catch the light every time she moves, and her hair—usually pulled into a ponytail—falls in loose waves over her shoulders.
For a split second, all I can think is that I never get to see her dressed for anything except what she wears around the apartment.
Oversize T-shirts with spit-up on the shoulder because she forgot to change after feeding Liana.
This woman is the one everyone else gets to see. Some stranger in Manhattan gets to look across a restaurant table tonight and think he’s the luckiest man in the room.
Something ugly twists inside my chest—jealousy again.
I almost laugh at myself. One minute, I want distance; the next, I’m irritated because she’s wearing a dress.
I’m becoming a human ping-pong ball.
Back and forth, back and forth, with every emotion contradicting the last one.
I want her close, and then I push her away. I don’t recognize myself anymore.
“We’re heading out,” Aubrey says.
I force my attention back to her face. “Have fun.”
Sydney smirks ever so slightly. “I think we will.”
Aubrey offers a small wave. “See you later.” She turns around and looks me up and down. “Oh, and … don’t wait up.”
Ouch. I know that’s a dig at me. She’s telling me she will not be texting me with updates on her whereabouts.
I don’t know how long I’m replaying her words when the elevator dings again. Sawyer strolls out first, Kayla right behind him.
“There he is.” Sawyer points at me. “The grumpiest billionaire in Manhattan.”
“I’m not grumpy.”
Kayla laughs. “You absolutely are.”
She immediately walks over and reaches for Liana. “Come see Aunt Kayla.”
“What are you two doing here?” I ask.
Sawyer tosses his keys onto the kitchen island. “We’re going out.”
I shake my head. “I’m staying in.”
“No, you’re not.” He walks into the family room and stands next to Kayla, who is currently kissing Liana’s cheek.
“I’m tired.”
Sawyer snorts. “No. I’ve watched you stare out your office window for two straight weeks.”
“I work.”
“You brood.” He claps a hand on my shoulder. “Kayla volunteered to steal Liana.”
“I did,” Kayla confirms happily. “I’m ordering takeout, watching movies, and spoiling her rotten.”