Chapter - 30
The first hour passed in a way I had not expected at all, not slowly in the sense that I was bored but slowly because there was so much happening around me that my mind was trying to catch up with everything at once and failing just a little.
I sat beside Sagar with my notebook open, my pen moving almost constantly as he explained how their reporting system worked, and the more he spoke, the more I realised that this place did not function on guesswork or approximation the way our college assignments sometimes did, everything here was precise, structured and pretty intense and this was not the kind of work I was exposed to in Deloitte.
"This is the weekly financial summary that goes to Yuvaan sir every Monday morning." Sagar said, slightly turning his screen toward me so I could see better
I leaned in, focusing on the sheet.
"There are three main sections," he continued, scrolling down slowly, "revenue tracking, cost analysis and variance."
"Variance?" I asked, pausing my pen.
"The difference between what we projected and what actually happened." he explained.
I nodded and wrote it down, underlining it once.
"Do not try to remember everything today." he added after a moment, glancing briefly at my notebook, "Just understand how the information flows."
"I am trying." I admitted honestly.
"That is enough for your first day." he said with a small smile.
I leaned back slightly in my chair after a while, letting out a quiet breath as my eyes moved across the floor again to find everyone almost deep diving into their screens in front of them in total discipline and that made me sit back straight.
"Here." Sagar said after some time, placing a file in front of me, "go through this when you are done with your notes."
I looked down at it.
"What is it?"
"This is last quarter's financial report. Start with the summary, do not go too deep into the details yet." he replied.
I nodded.
"Okay."
I opened the file and began reading.
At first, it felt like a lot, pages filled with numbers, tables and graphs that looked more intimidating than they actually were, but slowly, as I moved from one section to another, it started making sense.
I lost track of time somewhere between understanding the summary and trying to connect it with what Sagar had explained earlier, and before I realised it, the initial nervousness had settled into a kind of complete focus.
Sagar explained things when needed but mostly left me alone when I seemed to be understanding and occasionally asked me questions just to make sure I was following.
I spoke to Riya once when she showed me how they built investment models and even though I understood only half of what she said, I made a note to come back to it later.
By the time it was afternoon, I realised I had not thought about being nervous for at least an hour.
Lunch was quick and slightly awkward, mostly because I did not know anyone well enough yet, but they tried to include me in small conversations and I found myself relaxing a little more than I expected and thankfully, no one mentioned once that I was married to their boss which was a relief.
By the time I returned to my desk, the second half of the day felt easier.
Not simple, just easier.
I was going through the same financial report again, this time with a better understanding of what I was looking at, when I noticed that the light outside had started to change in the sense that the sun was almost right in my face, giving me a golden hour glow.
I closed the file for a moment and stretched my fingers lightly before opening my notebook again to make a few more format based notes when I heard Yuvaan's voice.
"How is your day going Bhabhisa?" he asked, taking a seat just opposite to me and I was a little shocked at his use of the word but there was no one around us to really listen.
"Good. A little overwhelming, but good." I replied after a moment, adjusting the notebook in front of me as if that would somehow make me look more composed.
He nodded, leaning back slightly in his chair, his eyes briefly moving to the open file in front of me before coming back to my face.
"That is expected. If it ever feels too easy on the first day, it usually means you are not being shown the right things." he said calmly and that made me smile a little.
"I think I am definitely being shown the right things then." I replied and his gaze softened just a fraction.
"Sagar is good at what he does. He will not rush you, but he will not let you stay comfortable either." Yuvaan added, glancing in his direction for a brief second.
I nodded.
"I noticed that."
Then he leaned forward slightly, resting his forearms on his knees, his tone shifting just enough to make me pay closer attention.
"If anything feels unclear, you come to me directly," he said, "do not hesitate because you think you are new or because you think it is a small doubt."
I nodded again, more seriously this time.
"I am so glad that you are here, honestly. I don't know if this makes sense but after everything that has happened in these past few months, I have mostly lost all the confidence in myself." I confessed to him in total honesty.
"It does make sense, Bhabhisa. What we have...." he started but I shook my head to stop him from speaking anything further and he did stop.
"Nahi baat karte hain ab jo bhi hua. Jo hona tha, ho gaya hai. Ab ek nayi shuruwat karte hain." I gave him a smile which he gladly reciprocated.
"That is a deal done." he said, extending his hand to me and I shook it.
"Done deal." I repeated and we smiled because I was closing this chapter of hatred for once and all.
He was telling me some interesting things about the company when his gaze went past the side of my head and I squinted my eyes at him, wanting him to finish the story where he had mixed mentos with coke in his boss's glass when he was training.
"Tell me na, what happened then?" I asked immediately, leaning forward a little.
There was no response.
"Yuvaan?" I frowned, waving my hand lightly in front of him, "Hello? You cannot just stop the story there, that is illegal."
He blinked once, like he was being pulled back into the moment, but his eyes flickered past me again for the briefest second.
"Finish it." I insisted, tapping the edge of my notebook with my pen, "what happened next?"
He pressed his lips together, clearly trying not to smile.
"Bhabhisa....."
"No, do not Bhabhisa me," I cut him off, narrowing my eyes slightly, "you started absolutely have to, have to and have to finish this story."
That did it and his smile slipped through and that is when I realised that something was off because he was not even looking at me anymore, just beyond my head.
That made me turn to follow his gaze and for a second, my mind just stopped processing things the way it normally did, like it took me a moment longer than usual to understand what I was seeing.
Ranaji was standing a few steps away from us and he had clearly been there for a while, Standing still like he had stopped midway and simply decided not to interrupt and the first thing I noticed was not even his presence, it was his expression.
Because it was not what I had seen so far.
There was no sharpness in it and no unreadable calm that usually made it impossible to tell what he was thinking.
There was something else and it took me sometime to realise what exactly it was.
It was the lack of distance, almost the absence of it.
It did not feel like he was on the other side of whichever side I was on and that made my fingers tighten slightly around the pen in my hand because I did not know what to do with that kind of attention from him where there were people who could see us who knew that he was my. ....husband.
Yuvaan stood up beside me then, finally breaking me out of my trance and I realised that I was staring at him and immediately turned back away from him.
"Bhai, you are back." he said, like this had all been completely normal.
"I am." he replied and his voice contained his usual control and calmness.
"How was Mount Abu?" Yuvaan asked.
"Productive."
I looked down for a second, adjusting the file in front of me for no real reason, just to give myself something to do, something to focus on that was not him.
Yuvaan stood up then, picking up his tablet as if that had been his cue all along.
"I will leave you both and Bhabhisa, we are finishing that story later." he said, his gaze moving between us for a brief second, like he knew exactly what he was doing.
I straightened immediately.
"You better."
He smiled.
"I will." he said and then he walked away.
I watched him go and then immediately looked down at my notebook again, pretending to read something I had already read twice just so I would not have to look up and acknowledge the fact that I was now sitting alone with Ranaji in the middle of his office where people could very easily look in our direction if they wanted to.
I could feel it though, his presence because he had already made his way from where he was standing to right in front of me now as I saw from the corner of my eyes.
He did not say anything, just looked at me and that did something very strange to my thoughts because I suddenly became very aware of the fact that I had been laughing a few seconds ago and now I did not even know what my face looked like.
Then he pulled the chair back, the same chair Yuvaan had been sitting on and sat down right in front of me and for a second, neither of us spoke.
I kept my eyes on the notebook even though I was not reading anything anymore, just staring at the same line and pretending it made sense, until I realised that avoiding looking up was only making me more conscious of the fact that he was sitting right in front of me.
So I looked up and immediately wished I had given myself another second.
Because he was already looking at me.
"How was your day?" he asked me, his eyes softening.
"Things went pretty good and I was okay after my nerves had settled." I told him.
He nodded once like that was exactly what he had expected to hear.
He did not ask me anything at all then, letting me finish my final notes that I was jotting down while he continued to sit there.
"Are you not going to your office?" I asked after a few minutes when he showed me no intention of leaving me alone.
"No. I am waiting for you to finish up so that I can walk back home with you." he said simply.
"I can ask for help from the staff Ranaji. I know that I am bad with directions but you don't have to make fun of me for that." I bit my lower lip, fighting a smile.
A very slight change came over his expression at that, not exactly a smile but something close enough that I caught it before he could hide it again.
"I am not making fun of you." he said.
"Then?" I asked, tilting my head slightly, still holding on to that half smile I was trying not to show too much.
He did not answer immediately.
"I am waiting for you because I want to go home with you." he said.
Simple.
Straight.
My smile faded before I could stop it because I did not know how to react to his words but in the pit of my stomach, I felt something close to like a million butterflies and my heart was suddenly beating a lot faster than it was used to.
Really Parthvi?
"Oh." I said, and immediately looked down at my notebook again, even though I had already closed it.
That one word was all I could manage.
"Chalein?" he asked after realising that I was done and not writing anything anymore.
"Ji, chaliye." I replied and nodded quickly, pulling my bag to put my notebook back inside.
I stood up and he did at the same time and we walked out of the floor together and I could feel a lot of eyes on us but I kept my eyes focused straight ahead.
Once we turned into the inner corridor and towards the our wing of the palace, I felt myself relax just a little.
We were walking in silence when his voice broke it, "You should keep your hair like this more often."
Ranaji said casually, almost like an afterthought, like he had just noticed it and decided to say it out loud without thinking too much about it but I heard him clearly.
"What?" I asked, a little more quickly than I intended, my brows pulling together in confusion.
He did not answer immediately.
He kept walking for a step, maybe two, and then glanced at me.
"Aap khule baalon mein behad khoobsurat lagti hain." he said, as if clarifying something obvious.
"It suits you." He added it simply, without looking at me this time.
I didn't know what to tell him so I kept quiet but I could feel the heat rushing to my cheeks from his words and a smile threatening to come to me.
We kept walking side by side, looking straight ahead when accidentally, my hand brushed against his and our fingers touched, barely.
That may or may not have sent a shiver down my spine. (of course not.)
I instinctively stilled for half a second, my fingers curling slightly like I was about to pull my hand away, like that was the obvious thing to do.
But I didn't and neither did he. We just kept walking like nothing had happened.
Except now I was aware of it.
The next time our hands brushed, it was not surprising.
It happened again and again.
Just every few steps, when our pace matched in a certain way, when the space between us stayed just that little bit closer than before.
I kept my eyes ahead, trying to act normal, trying to focus on something else, but it was getting harder because now I was thinking about it before it even happened, almost anticipating that small contact And every time it did, my fingers reacted the same way, a slight movement, a hesitation, like they did not know whether to move away or stay still.
My heart was beating so fast for some damn reason! Calm down, Pri!
He did not react at all. At least, not in a way I could see.
When we reached the door, he stepped ahead slightly, his hand moving away completely as he pushed it open for me.
"After you." His voice was calm, the same as always, like the last few minutes had been completely normal.
I nodded quickly, stepping inside before I could overthink it, walking past him and into the room, my focus shifting immediately to something else, anything else, just to steady myself.
He closed the door behind him and I made my way to the closet to change and hid myself in the washroom.
Hiding from what exactly, I wasn't aware.
I exhaled slowly, leaning back against the door, my eyes closing for a brief moment as everything from the last few minutes came rushing back all at once.
The walk.
His words.
The way he had said it so casually.
The way my hand had kept brushing against his.
And the worst part,
The way I had not moved away.
"Get a grip." I muttered under my breath, opening my eyes again and looking at my reflection in the mirror.
My hair was still open, falling over my shoulders just the way it had been when he had said it.
Aap khule baalon mein behad khoobsurat lagti hain.
I stared at myself for a second longer than necessary, my fingers automatically lifting to tie it up, to fix it, to do something normal but then stopped midway.
My hand hovered there for a second and then slowly dropped back down.
"Great, Pri. You don't even know what to do with your stupid hair right now." I muttered to myself in annoyance, looking into the mirror.
I looked at myself for another second, like I was expecting the mirror to give me some kind of answer.
It didn't, obviously.
I let out a small breath, turning away before I could stand there any longer and think about it more than I already had.
"Bas. Enough." I said softly, almost like I was scolding myself.
I quickly changed, doing everything a little faster than usual, like finishing the task would somehow settle whatever was going on in my head.
It didn't.
I washed my face, the cold water helping for exactly three seconds before my mind went right back to the same place.
I turned the tap off and stood there for a moment, my hands resting on the edge of the sink, staring down at nothing.
Then I straightened.
There was no point hiding here.
I picked up the towel, wiped my hands properly this time, and walked toward the door.
For a second, my hand paused on the handle again.
"Normal. What is even wrong with you?" I asked myself.
And then I stepped out.
Ranaji was on a call, thankfully, standing near the window this time with one hand in his pocket, the other resting lightly against the frame, his posture relaxed.
He did not turn around which made it easier to walk out.
I stepped into the room quietly, closing the washroom door behind me without making any noise, my eyes instinctively going to him for just a second before I looked away again.
His voice was low and controlled, the kind he used when he was discussing something serious.
I didn't try to listen.
I moved towards the dresser instead, picking up random things and putting them back, just to settle myself into the space without drawing attention and then I picked my phone, deciding that doomscrolling was what I needed to do at the moment.
I stared at my phone for another second, then shifted slightly, turning onto my stomach across the bed without really thinking about it.
Diagonally.
One leg bent, the other stretched out, my hair falling forward over one side of my face as I rested my chin lightly against the pillow.
Much better.
I unlocked my phone again and opened instagram reels, letting the mindless scrolling take over.
One video.
Then another.
Something funny.
Something completely pointless.
Something I didn't even register properly before swiping again.
Ranaji was still talking over the phone as I adjusted slightly, my cheek pressing deeper into the pillow, my arm folding under it as I kept scrolling until I did not even realise that I had stopped looking and listening as my eyes got heavier and heavier by the minute, the last thing I heard was Ravi Shastri's voice declaring that India had won the world cup after twenty eight years.
______________________
I entered the room a few seconds after her and closed the door behind me. Parthvi did not turn back even once and walked straight to the closet, picked out her clothes and went inside the washroom. The door shut softly, but the intent behind it was clear enough.
I stood there for moment before moving further inside, loosening my cuff slightly out of habit.
My phone was still in my hand but I had no reason to look at it until it rang and I had to receive it but even while speaking to one of the board members, my mind was still on my wife and how easy it was for her to talk to anyone but me and I was the one who had given her the entire reason for the same.
When she was with me, more often than not she watched every word she spoke which only left me with a very few instances where she was actually herself in my presence, this morning being one where forgot to guard her words and actions while arguing with me.
In the office, Yuvaan was telling her something about mixing mentos with coke during his training days, and she had been listening like her entire career depended on that single piece of information.
It was refreshing.
Her energy was refreshing in that office, in this palace and in my life.
"Shift the review to tomorrow evening. I want the revised figures before that." I said, cutting straight to the point after Khanna was done describing why delay in the numbers and why the report had not been finalised yet.
He tried to push back, saying the current version could still be presented.
"Then do not present it incomplete. Hold it." I replied, not raising my voice, but leaving no space for discussion.
He adjusted immediately after that.
"I will review it tonight. Send everything across."
He agreed, and I ended the call there, lowering my phone as the room settled into silence again.
When I turned, Parthvi was on the bed on her stomach, one leg bent slightly, the other stretched out. Her hair was spread across the pillow, falling over one side of her face, covering part of it.
My eyes moved to her face, taking in the softness that had replaced her usual guarded expressions, the way her brows had relaxed completely and her lips rested slightly parted like she had forgotten to hold herself together even in sleep.
There was something about seeing her like this, without hesitation, without awareness, just being, that held my attention longer than it should have.
I walked closer, stopping beside the bed. Her phone was still loosely held between her fingers, the grip barely there as if she had fallen asleep mid-scroll without even realising it.
I reached forward and took it from her hand carefully, slow enough to not disturb her. Her fingers moved slightly as the weight left them, curling in for a second before relaxing again and I placed the phone on the side table.
A few strands of her hair had shifted further across her face, resting lightly against her cheek and moving slightly with each breath she took, rising and falling that drew my attention more than it should have.
It was not something that needed to be fixed and it did not matter whether it stayed there or not but I still leaned forward.
My hand moved before I thought about it long enough to stop myself, my fingers brushing those strands aside and tucking them back neatly behind her ear, my fingers grazing her cheek in the process.
She did not react.
There was no shift in her expression, no indication that she had felt anything at all. Her face remained relaxed, her breathing steady and for a moment, I just watched her. The complete lack of awareness on her part made it easier for me to remain where I was without needing to justify it.
My hand did not move away immediately.
It stayed there, resting lightly against her cheek. There was no reason for it to stay and no reason for me to keep standing there like this, but I did not pull back. Her skin was warm under my fingers and the fact that she did not react at all only made the moment last longer than it should have.
My thumb moved then, once, just under her eye, a small movement that I did not think through before doing. It was not enough to wake her and not enough to disturb her in any way, just enough to register the contact before stopping.
She remained asleep.
I watched her for another moment, my hand still there, before I finally pulled it back steadily, trying not to wake her up.
I straightened after that, stepping back and putting that distance between us again, but my eyes returned to her once more, taking in the same relaxed expression and the same unguarded stillness, before I finally looked away.
I wanted to get to know this woman, my wife. I wanted her to want to get to know me too but for the first time in a long time, I did not know how to get what I wanted.
She intrigued me as much as she scared me because once again, in a long, long time, I had no idea how to read a person with whom I had spent as much time as I did with her.
She was not an open book and I was not going to rush anything so everything had to wait until she was ready to take one step towards me. The rest, I would walk towards her.