Chapter 20
Aspen
B efore you can reach the sun, your entire body will explode due to the excessive heat. There wouldn’t even be remnants of ash to remember you by. That’s how explosive Nikolai’s kiss is. Whatever fight I had moments ago evaporated when his lips fell onto mine.
It’s hot and desperate and longing. Instinctively, my arms fold around his neck and his hands lift my face up, deepening the kiss. His shadows circle around my waist and bless mankind because my body missed them.
My body missed him.
He pulls his lips away and places his forehead on mine. “We can’t work if you won’t trust me,” he says, too low to be a whisper.
If it wasn’t for his breath with every word he said, I wouldn’t have known he was saying anything.
He closes those penetrating silver eyes, the whites bloodshot red. “I don’t want to use force on you, Malyshka.” He stands to his full height, peering down at me. His wavy platinum strands flow messily below his chest. “But I will.”
His voice is gentle, but I hear it for the threat it is.
Turning away from me, he walks out the door, leaving behind nothing but the soft click of the door being closed. I was left staring at the spot he had just occupied, rubbing my lips with my fingers .
This was never going to be a year, Malyshka. This was always going to be forever . His words echo in my head. As crazy as it may seem, I believe him and I hate myself for it.
The way he looked, I’ve never seen him like that before.
He’s always put together, Mr. Cool and Collected.
Never rumpled or in disarray. Today his beard was longer than usual and his hair was freaking down.
That man has always worn his hair in a low tucked ponytail, maybe a man bun.
There may have been loose hair here and there, but never completely down.
How much did he fuss over me this time?
I shrug the thought away. I don’t care about any of that.
Aspen, you can’t fall for the sadistic goblin, you just can’t.
Shit.
I think it’s too late.
***
“I think we need to start over,” Nikolai says from the bedroom doorframe.
He left me to my thoughts in the hospital bay for a few hours before he came back to bring me to our suite here at the compound. He must have left to clean up since he looks like his usual self again. He may have needed a break from me too.
From our bed, I draw my knees to my chest. “Start over? From where exactly?”
He steps into the room and stands at the foot of the bed with his hands in his pockets .
“Let’s pretend we met before you were kidnapped. Let’s start there.”
I suck my teeth, he can’t be serious. “How Nikolai? Can you please be for real for a moment?”
His right eye twitches. “I am very serious. Listen— that wasn’t how I wanted to start our marriage and yet here we are.
” He palms his face before walking to my side of the bed.
“Aspen, I am trying here. Can you, for once, just try with me? What do you have to lose? If we don’t work out in a year, you can still leave—”
I throw my hands in the air. “Oh, please Niko that’s bullshit and you know it. I couldn’t leave before, I can’t leave now and I damn sure can’t leave in the future.”
“And what’s wrong with that?” he bellows. “What’s so wrong with me wanting to keep you? To keep my wife?”
We let his words ring throughout the room along with our panting.
Closing my eyes and rubbing my temples, I resign. “Why are you fighting for a woman that’s dying?”
I feel his weight on the bed before I feel his hands holding my face. “Look at me, Malyshka.” Slowly, I do. “I’m not fighting for a woman. I’m fighting for you, my wife. And you’re not dying. Even if you hate me for it, I won’t allow it.”
He kisses me gently, as if he’s sealing a vow. The kiss lingers even after he pulls away. My lips feel the ghost of his touch.
“So,” my eyes flutter open to see his. Clearing my throat, I work to pull myself together. “Starting over. What does that look like exactly?”
He runs his thumb across my lower lip and my lower stomach heats. “It means I court you properly this time.” He studies my face, his raw silver eyes searching mine .
“What times are we living in?” I snort, ignoring how my core pulses under his gaze. “The Industrial Age?”
“I was born at the end of the Gilded Age and raised to be a traditional man.” His thumb now traces my jawline. “Let me do this right, this time.”
“What will happen if I say no?” I didn’t mean for the words to come out so breathlessly.
The corners of his lips curl up, and his shadows wrap around my waist,their hold is warm and possessive. “Then I’ll keep resetting us, making us start over until you say yes.”
My cheeks heat and I avert my eyes to the darkened sky outside the window. “Do you ever take no for an answer?”
“No.” He stands, offering me his hand. “Come. You haven’t eaten since you woke up.”
The butterflies in my stomach are too distracting to even think about eating right now, let alone how my core is becoming hotter by the second.
“I’m good. I’m not that hungry.”
My stomach chooses this time to betray me. It growls so loud that even the servants and soldiers outside our door could hear.
His lips twitch.
Rolling my eyes, I place my hand in his. “Fine. But this isn’t a date.”
“Say what you want.” He pulls me from the bed, tucking a braid behind my ear. “But we know the truth.”
Nikolai bangs around in the kitchen, grabbing this and that, ingredients for dinner.
“You hate sauerkraut, right?” he asks over his shoulder .
“Yes.” I lean against the counter next to the stove, watching him place a large pot on a burner.
“I’ll make shchi with cabbage then.”
I stand watching him cook with his long black sleeves pulled up to his elbows, showcasing those beautiful tattoos on his hands and arms.
Every now and then, he lets me taste the broth. He blows on a spoonful of broth before bringing the spoon to my lips. I open my mouth and wrap my lips around the spoon. When the broth hits my tongue this time, I let out a satisfying groan.
This man knows how to season food. Maybe in another life he could have been some kind of master chef.
He places a kiss on my forehead before he goes back to the stove to turn off the burner. “Take a seat, I’ll serve you a bowl. Do you want bread on the side?”
“Mm. No, not this time.”
I wait at the table while he busies himself making my food. The smell of vegetables and potatoes fills my nose as he brings me my soup accompanied by warm water.
“What’s this for?”
“It’ll help you digest the food better.” He takes his seat across from me and waits for me to eat first.
“You didn’t poison this did you?” I say jokingly.
“You would have known by now since you’ve already tasted four spoonfuls.”
I slap his hand playfully.
He pulls his phone from his pocket, placing it on the table then pushing it towards me. I look at it before carrying on eatin g
“What?” I ask between bites of cabbage.
“It’s yours,” he says before sipping his water.
“What does that mean, Niko?”
“It means this is a part of starting over. We can’t move forward without trust.”
I look from him, to the phone, then back to him.
“Are you serious?”
“There’s a tracker on the phone. But it’s strictly for safety.”
“So, I can come and go as I please?” I test.
“Within reason.” He continues to eat his food while I sit here stunned.
“Which reasons?”
He tilts his head from side to side. “Right now, you can’t leave the country, we are still dealing with threats. But you can go shopping, visit cafés, whatever it is that Aspen does outside of home.”
Freedom. He’s offering freedom, as limited as it is, it’s something.
I can try to find someone that my mom is connected with through the Syndicate.
There should be a Syndicate Consulate near the embassy.
If I can get there, I can go home. Surely mom would know how to release me from my blood contract.
“What if I want Roman to come here?”
He shrugs. “He’s family, that shouldn’t be a problem. His number is already in the phone.”
Creasing my brow, I cross my arms over my chest. “You would let him know the compound location?”
“Why not? Do you consider him a threat to our family?”
Hell yes, he is.
Not just him but mom too. The strife between the Syndicate and the Bratva is beyond dangerous. My family having access to the compound would mean total annihilation of the Volkovs.
Nikolai’s full attention is on me now, studying me intently.
“No, of course not.” Planting a small smile on my face, I ask, “do you mind if I call him?”
He shakes his head.
I dial Roman’s number. Placing the phone to my ear, I wait for him to answer. When Roman answers, I’m met with a worried older brother. Nikolai told him about my illness and the coma. I reassure him that I’m fine, I’m recovering and being taken care of very well.
When Nikolai leaves the suite, giving me privacy, Roman must have heard the soft click because he starts to go off.
“Tell me where you are right now, Pen.”
“I can’t.”
“You can’t or you won’t?”
“Telling you will only start a war, I won’t risk it.”
“You are in enemy territory. Do you remember why mom eliminated their kind in the first place? What if you end up as food? What will you do once he wants to feed on you, huh?”
“Nothing.”
“Nothing? Why?”
“Because it already happened, Roman. Nothing happened. There was no big change as far as I can tell.”
“As far as you can tell,” he mutters in the receiver. “This is exactly what I’ve been talking about, you do things without thinking, Pen. Everything you do has a cause and effect. What if you became a Ravenger, huh? ”
Sighing, I say. “But I didn’t. Plus he didn’t take much. Just enough to counteract the wolfsbane in his bloodstream when he was shot by the Yakuzas.”
“That doesn’t matter,” he seethes. “You’re not like us but you’re not human either. You don’t know what could have happened. You can’t be so reckless!”
“With all due disrespect, I don’t care what you think. I did what was needed to save him.”
“You didn’t need to do anything but figure out a way to get away from him and the Bratva! You are in danger. Fuck that. Tell me where you are. Exactly.”
“I said no, Roman.”
I can imagine him blowing his lid from my defiance.
“You want to go the hard route, huh?”
“Bye, Ro.”
“As—”
I disconnect the call before he could finish saying my name.
I take a long breath in, recentering myself before I head down to the gardens to meet with Sorcha and Viessa.