Chapter 14 Calla #2
We lay there in silence after that, both awake, both aware of the other, both trying not to reach across the space between us. The hotel's heating system hummed. Cars passed occasionally on the street below. The world continued on while we stayed frozen.
Sometime around four in the morning, exhaustion finally won. I drifted into uneasy sleep, my dreams a tangle of almost-kisses and words I should have said differently.
When I woke at dawn, we were tangled together.
My head was on his chest, rising and falling with each breath. His arm was wrapped around my waist, holding me close. Our legs were intertwined, knees and ankles slotted together like puzzle pieces designed to fit.
For one perfect, painful moment before full consciousness returned, it felt like coming home.
Then Cassian's phone alarm shattered the silence, and reality crashed back in.
We separated quickly, rolling to opposite sides of the bed, not meeting each other's eyes. My face burned. My heart raced. I could still feel the ghost of his warmth against my skin.
"Sorry," he muttered. "I didn't mean to."
"Neither did I."
But we had. Our bodies had found each other in sleep, drawn together by a memory deeper than conscious thought. And that said more than any conversation could.
We got ready in awkward silence, taking turns in the bathroom, moving around each other like strangers. I packed my bag. He packed his. Neither of us mentioned what had happened. Neither of us acknowledged what it meant.
At the hospital entrance, Cassian stopped.
"Calla."
I turned to face him.
"What you said last night.” He held my gaze, his green eyes steady despite the exhaustion. "I don’t know if I want you to heal either."
I didn't know what to say. Didn't know how to respond to words that felt like both a confession and a goodbye.
"We should get inside," I finally managed. "The patients need us."
He nodded, accepting my deflection. "Yeah. They do."
We walked through the doors together, and the hospital swallowed us back into its chaos.
But something had shifted between us. Something that couldn't be unshifted.
The morning passed in a blur of patient rounds and discharge paperwork. We worked separately, each of us assigned to different wings, but I felt Cassian's presence like a phantom limb. Knew when he entered a room before I saw him. Caught myself looking for him in crowded hallways.
Around noon, the Riverside chief cleared us to leave. Our patients were stable, transferred to their own staff, no longer our responsibility. Cassian arranged for a cab to take us back to Obsidian, and we sat in the backseat with careful distance between us.
The drive took forty minutes, and neither of us spoke. The cab driver had the radio on low, some talk show I couldn't focus on. I stared out the window at the passing city, replaying every word from the hotel room.
The things I'd said. The things he'd said. The way he'd pulled away when I tried to kiss him, gentle but firm.
I'd rather deny myself something real than take something stolen.
He was right. I knew he was right. But being right didn't make it hurt any less.
When we arrived at Obsidian, Cassian paid the driver before I could reach for my wallet. We climbed out and stood on the sidewalk, the hospital looming above us.
"I'll see you at the protocol meeting tomorrow," he said.
"Yeah. Tomorrow."
He nodded once and walked inside.
I stayed on the sidewalk for a moment longer, watching him disappear through the glass doors. Then I followed, keeping distance between us as we went our separate ways.
My phone chimed.
Mireya
Heard you're back. Coffee? I'm in the cafeteria.
Calla
On my way.
She was waiting at a table near the windows, two cups already in front of her. She pushed one toward me as I sat down.
"You look terrible," she said.
"Thanks."
"I mean it. Did you sleep at all?"
"A few hours."
She studied me for a long moment, her dark eyes missing nothing. "You want to tell me what happened?"
"Nothing happened."
"Calla."
"Nothing happened," I repeated. "That's the problem."
She was quiet, waiting for me to continue. I wrapped my hands around the coffee cup, letting the warmth seep into my cold fingers.
"I told him how I felt," I admitted. "And he said he couldn't. Not while he's still with Maya."
"That's kind of honorable."
"I know. That's what makes it worse."
Mireya reached across the table and squeezed my hand. "You two are going to drive each other crazy, you know that?"
"I know."
"And you're going to drive everyone around you crazy in the process."
"I know that too."
She sighed and released my hand. "For what it's worth, I think he's doing the right thing. Not because you don't deserve him, but because you deserve someone who comes to you free and clear. Not someone still tangled up in someone else's life."
I wanted to argue. Wanted to say that I didn't care about free and clear, that I just wanted him.
But she was right. They were both right.
And I hated it.
"What do I do now?" I asked.
"You wait. You let him figure out what he wants. And you try not to lose your mind in the process."
"That's terrible advice."
"It's honest advice."
I sipped my coffee and stared out the window at the gray afternoon sky.
Something had changed last night. Something that couldn't be unchanged.
And whatever came next, we'd have to face it.
Whether we were ready or not.