Chapter 8 #2
Something swooped in her stomach. That name.
Sekens saw it as a sign of respect to call one by their whole name or title.
But this was the kind of thing that Xaal gave to close comrades and family.
Kedar had bestowed it upon her like a gift.
Like a promise. That no matter what, they were always exactly who they thought they were to each other.
Comrades. Best friends. Something more that couldn’t be confined to a single word?
Fuck.
Before she could react, before she could force them into another roll, a scraping sound came from one of the tunnels. Kedar’s muscles tensed against hers as they both looked into the recesses of the cave.
“It’s probably a Vydera,” she snapped. “Get off.”
“It’s just the wind,” he murmured, and his abdominals relaxed. When he turned to face her again, she could almost imagine his lips parted beneath the mask. But she didn’t want to hear what was yet unspoken.
“Seriously,” she huffed as she pushed against his chest, all strategy forgotten. She was suddenly suffocating. Like he’d taken all the damn oxygen.
He rose to the knee that was planted between her legs. The hesitation was almost too much to bear. Then he stood and offered her his hand.
Vessa ignored him as she rose on her own and brushed off her suit. Kedar was already on the other side of the cave when she said, “I may not have Xaal senses, but I saw one of their nests down there. You’ve trapped us in a cursed Vydera lair.”
“I assure you, that was nothing.”
“Fine. Maybe you should go down there, make a bunch of noise, and prove me wrong.” She smiled innocently, trying to rid herself of the discomfort from just a few moments ago.
It meant nothing. Such things were expected when being confronted by the past. She didn’t hate him any less now just because he smelled the same and called her a stupid nickname.
Kedar laughed, a low, rolling thing. “Don’t misunderstand me, there are Vydera here. They’re in all the cave networks in this area. I’ve dropped dead Orcru down their trap tunnels for them to feed on or store away.”
“Excuse me? You’re feeding them? You’re in cahoots with the giant fucking spiders?” And there were traps? The thought that she could fall into one before she even realized her mistake was chilling.
“I feed them,” he drawled, “so they don’t feel the need to come looking elsewhere for a meal. Their exoskeletons act as armor that even a plasma dirk would have a hard time cutting through. Two or three would be an interesting fight—an entire cluster on the other hand…”
“Great,” she muttered as she strode back toward the flames. “Not only am I trapped with someone I loathe in an ice cave on a hostile fucking ice planet, there are starving Vydera in need of bribing so they don’t eat us.”
Kedar made a thoughtful sound. “You also lost.”
Vessa grabbed the warming blanket and wrapped it around her shoulders before finding her spot near the fire once more.
“Hardly. Ten seconds didn’t elapse before we were distracted by what was undoubtedly a murderous eight-legged creature lurking in the shadows.
I was close to either rolling you or gaining the dominant position on your back. ”
Kedar picked up his plasma dirk and spun the blade in his hand. She didn’t need to see his face to know he was far too proud of himself, smug smile and all. “You wouldn’t have made it in time. Accept defeat with grace.”
“I bet you add three inches to your dick size, too. If you want to call victory after seven seconds, go for it,” she said. “As for me, I’ll be sleeping. If any Vydera come, let them eat you first, will you? Since you’re so empathetic to their plight.”
“I have no need to lie about my size. It would work against me more than it would for me. As for the time, it was ten seconds by my count.”
Vessa refused to think about the size of his cock. She needed to fall asleep and forget the entire conversation.
But an hour later, she was still wide awake.
It was too cold and the past was too near.
Too loud. She and Kedar used to spar and joke like that all the time.
Their battles of wits were always deeply competitive and on the edge of flirtation.
There was an ease with him—the way they fed off each other, trying to one up the other.
They competed in everything they did, from kill counts to made-up challenges.
That ease shouldn’t exist anymore. There shouldn’t be a single moment she forgot who he was. What he’d done. Kedar was her enemy. That night he came to her faction, he’d spilled Seken blood.
The firelight glimmered off icicles hanging high above, and part of her wished they’d fall and impale her. Put her out of her misery.
Instead, the wind roared outside and echoed off the walls, bringing the past with it.
“Don’t bind yourself to Nikel,” Kedar said. “It is a great insult to you.”
Vessa couldn’t see him through the steam that rolled off the natural heated pool.
Though there were several of the raised, overflowing, bowl-like structures, they’d decided on sharing one so they could talk.
It wasn’t like the mist would suddenly part to expose their naked forms. Instead, it hung heavy and thick between them.
“I don’t have a choice.” She wanted to forget what the Elders had decreed just five days ago—she was to life-tie herself to Nikel, the favored son of Elder Fren.
He was considered the best male warrior of her age, but Vessa was better.
Far better. Regardless, the Elders had determined it was their obligation to give the faction future strong warriors.
Her skill was both her greatest pride and her condemnation.
“This has upset you. Not only do they insult you, they dishonor you,” he growled. She swore she felt the water vibrate with his voice. “I could kill him. Make it look like an accident. Stars, I could challenge him outright. Tear him limb from limb in front of everyone.”
There was no humor in his tone, but she laughed anyway.
“That’s absurd. I will do what is necessary.
As we both must.” Even if the very thought of letting Nikel touch her or being forced to bear his children made her want to vomit.
Even if it meant losing her best friend.
She was bound by duty and faction to obey.
Her heart had no place in it. “Enough of that, tell me something to cheer me up. Like how ugly you must be beneath your mask.”
Kedar groaned at the old taunt. Though Vessa was as close to him as any bruvya, she didn’t hold that title or the honor that came with it.
And she certainly wasn’t his mate. She would be forced to die without ever knowing what he looked like when he laughed or concentrated.
Without ever knowing his smile. And something about that left an ache deep inside of her.
Vessa pushed it away like she had countless times before. “Is it really that bad, then? Are you—”
He was suddenly beside her. The darkness and the steam had concealed him.
Kedar was so close that all she had to do was turn and she’d be fully pressed against him—skin to skin.
His bare chest brushed against her arm as he lowered himself to whisper in her ear.
“You’ll have to fight me and take it off yourself one day, Ves.
Until then, would it please you to know the color of my eyes? ”
“Yes,” she whispered. Her heart raced from the proximity and from the sacred knowledge she would soon possess.
“Violet,” he purred. “With golden flecks.”
“Like stars.” She said it so softly that she wasn’t even sure if he heard her.
And that deep, longing ache only grew.
Vessa could feel it even still. She rubbed her knuckles over her chest, trying to get rid of it.
All these conflicting things lived within her now, pulled out of dug-up graves.
Her body couldn’t understand that Kedar was both the Xaal who once told her the color of his eyes and the one who was the cause of her greatest losses.
That he was both the person who had made her the happiest she’d ever been and the one responsible for every incendiary molecule within her.
Hours or minutes later, Kedar shifted to the ground. With no blanket, he merely crossed his bulking arms over his chest.
She doubted he would sleep. When they’d hunted together, he only slept occasionally; otherwise, he had kept watch while she rested.
How many nights had she fallen asleep while talking to him?
How many nights had they watched the skies in a companionable silence while lying near each other, never quite touching?
And how many nights had she wished they would?
Kedar turned his head, caught her stare. “The move you did to bring me down, that was new,” he murmured.
“I’ve learned a lot these last seven years without you.
” Mostly, she’d learned how to pretend to forget.
How to numb herself with challenging missions while exploring star systems, and by watching shows that had years’ worth of episodes.
She’d learned how to survive, but barely.
There was a constant fear that one day, someone would pull down the mask, rip her armor away, and expose all her broken pieces.
She planned on killing him before he could do it, though.