17. Ellis
SEVENTEEN
ELLIS
I collapse onto the couch, pinching my eyes shut, trying to rid myself of the memory of finding Scarlet just now.
But it’s no use. The vision of Scarlet wet, naked, shaking, and sobbing in the empty bathtub will haunt me for the rest of my life.
Something about seeing her so fragile, so vulnerable, so broken is really fucking with me.
I'm talking like rewiring-my-brain-chemistry fucking with me, and I’m not sure how I feel about it.
For the longest time, I thought she was impenetrable, like nothing could get to her. God only knows, she used to give as good as she got, but here lately, even she’s seemed softer, fragile even. And that’s not even taking everything with her stalker into account.
It's crossed my mind a time or two that our banter is less fun now that she seems to take everything so personally, but at the same time, I guess I understand why.
Either way, seeing her so utterly shattered, broke something in me. And worse yet, every single atom inside of me is demanding that I find a way to fix this, to help her, to make it all better. Too bad I don’t have the first clue where to start.
What I do know is no one deserves to feel the kind of fear she's feeling. Even though I saw some pretty fucked up shit during my time on the force, stuff that definitely has come up in my therapy sessions, it’s somehow different knowing the victim.
It’s different seeing the firsthand effects of it all.
Fuck. I scrub a hand over my face and groan. It’s pretty rare for me to be at a total loss for what to do, but right now, that’s exactly where I am. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to help. And I don't like feeling useless.
I jerk upright at the sound of footsteps in the hall. My heart launches itself into my throat as I scramble to think of what to say. But Scarlet beats me to it.
“Sorry about that,” she says, refusing to make eye contact. She's once again dressed in a pair of barely-there pajamas, but this time my eyes don’t linger.
I'm on my feet in an instant, crossing the room toward her. I slide a knuckle beneath her chin, so she has to look me in the eye. “Said it before, you have nothing to apologize for.” My voice comes out harsher than I mean for it to. “Do you hear me, Scarlet? Not a single thing.”
She flits her eyes away from me, causing my hand to fall. She stares at the wall like it holds the answers to the universe. “You sound mad.”
Despite standing close enough to feel the rise and fall of her chest, I have to strain to hear her. “Not mad, at least not at you.”
“Then who?” she asks, rubbing her hands over her arms as she shivers.
I lift a hand, as if to pull her closer, but think better of it at the last second. “Mad at the piece of shit tormenting you.” I spit the words out through gritted teeth.
“Oh.” The softly spoken syllable hangs between us as she drags her teeth over her lower lip. “It’s okay.”
“It's not okay.” This time I don’t resist temptation and raise my hand to cup her cheek. My fingers flex lightly against her soft, warm skin as she leans into my touch. Focus, Ellis. “Nothing about this is okay.”
“No, I know,” she says. “Truly, I do. But to be honest, I'm just kind of spent. My brain feels like it’s swimming up through mud in search of sunlight.”
Suddenly, I know exactly what to do. “You know what, why don’t we veg out on the couch, and watch Gossip Girl?” I lift my brows and grin at her. “Guaranteed, the drama happening on that show will take your mind off of everything, at least for a little bit.”
She contemplates my words for a moment and then smiles. I’m counting it as a win, even if it's watery at best. “Yeah, sure. That sounds... perfect.”
“Do you want snacks?” I ask, thinking about her barely eaten sandwich. She's got to be starving.
“Um, maybe something small... and sweet?”
“What if I told you I made cookies yesterday.”
Her dark eyes flash with delight. “I’d ask what kind?”
“Strawberry chocolate chip. They’re soft and chewy on the inside with perfectly crisp edges, gooey white chocolate chips, and strawberry cream cheese frosting.”
“That sounds really good.” She licks her lips, and, while I want nothing more than to track the movement like a hawk, I force myself to keep my eyes on hers. “With milk?”
“Obviously.” I take a step back from her. “Go get cozy. I'll get us snacks, and then I'll introduce you to the Upper East Side.”
She shuffles over to the couch, grabbing the throw blanket and wrapping it around her shoulders, while I head into the kitchen for cookies.
I may not know much about comforting an upset woman, but the little I do know, I learned from my mother. And I'd like to think she taught me pretty damn well.
In the kitchen, I plate up a few cookies for each of us before grabbing my best milk cups—stainless-steel tumblers—and filling them to the top. I grab some napkins and head back into the living room, setting the goods on the table in front of us.
“Here we go.” I nudge Scarlet’s glass toward her as I claim the seat next to her.
“They look good.” She reaches for one, breaks off a piece, and pops it into her mouth. “Oh, wow,” she moans, her eyes comically wide.
“I know, right?” I hunch forward, trying to hide her reaction’s effect on me.
“This might be the best thing I’ve ever put in my mouth.”
A million and one ill-timed dirty thoughts race through my brain, but I slam a wall up around them, locking them away. Because, holy shit, it is not the time.
“I’m not one to say I told you so, but—”
She laughs. “Yes. You so totally are.”
I throw my hands up in mock surrender. “You got me. Now, are you ready to be amazed?”
She looks up at me from beneath her lashes. “I’m ready for you to try. Give it your best shot, Ellis.”
Something about the way she says my name has my toes curling in my socks. What the hell, man? Shake it off. “Challenge accepted.” I grin, grabbing my remote to pull up the right streaming service.
Scarlet gasps as the screen loads.
“What is it? What's wrong?”
“You actually kept it.” The shock in her voice throws me, because what in the hell is she talking about?
She nods toward my lap, and I glance down at the bedazzled universal remote she got me for Christmas when we did Secret Santa. “Oh, yeah. I kept it.” I wiggle the remote her way. “The gemstones have proven useful. I actually haven't lost it since you gave it to me.”
The first real smile I've seen all night breaks free, and I swear to fucking god, it's like the clouds parting for the sun. It lights up the room. I feel like a goddamn schmuck for thinking it, but I can't come up with a better way to describe it.
“What about the console?” she asks, referring to nifty snack and beverage holder she also got me.
“It’s air drying on the counter. I spilled my coffee in it this morning.”
“Wow.” Her lips kick up in a barely-there grin. “You really do use them.”
“Every day,” I confirm, as I navigate through the different screens and streaming services until I find Gossip Girl. I was in the middle of a rewatch, so I have to scroll back to season one. “This shit’s addictive. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”
As predicted, she's hooked within minutes. I’m talking completely engrossed in the drama unfolding on the screen. But by the second episode, her eyes are starting to droop, and her head’s resting on my shoulder.
“You good?” I ask under my breath.
“Mm-hmm,” she murmurs sleepily. And sure enough, moments later, she's out cold.
I let the show play for a few more minutes before pausing it and grabbing a pillow to slide under her head.
But the second I move, she jerks awake, her face pale and eyes wide with terror. “Please don't leave me,” she cries, clutching my arm to her chest.
“Hey. Hey, calm down, Princess,” I shush her the same way I do James. “Calm down. You're okay, I’ve... got you.”
“Please don't leave me alone.”
My heart clanks against my ribs, almost as if it’s trying to escape my chest to go to her, which is fucking wild. “I won't leave you,” I promise. “I'm right here.”
“Will you just...” She glances down, her cheeks blooming a bright pink. “Stay with me?”
“Of course.” I open my arms, and she settles back against me. I trail a finger along the slope of her shoulder, up and down, until she finally relaxes.
It takes a little while for her to fall asleep again, but when she does, she's completely snuggled into my side with her arm around my waist and her head on my chest. I can't explain it, but the feeling of her curled up next to me has a rightness to it.
I can’t make heads or tails of it, but for some reason, I like how she feels next to me.
Filing this little tidbit under things never meant to see the light of day.
Clearly, I've been body-snatched. It's the only plausible explanation.
Because stranger things have never happened, fucking ever, at least not to me.
Once I'm sure she's settled, I try to slide out from under her again. But just like earlier, she panics—hard—and clings to me like I’m the only thing between her and the thoughts plaguing her dreams.
“Fuck,” she cries. “I'm sorry. I don’t know what’s come over me.”
“I think we both know.” I brush her hair away from her face.
“Yeah, I guess you’re right.” She shrugs her shoulders and then crosses her arms over her chest.
“Usually am.” I wink.
And she rolls her eyes, before blinking up at me. “I feel really, really stupid even asking this, but I... I don’t really want to be alone right now. Could you... stay?”
“No way in hell I’m sleeping on the couch, Princess.”
“Oh, okay.” Her throat bobs as she swallows. “Yeah, sure. No worries.”
“Up you go.” I lean down and scoop her into my arms.
“Wha-what are you doing?” she squeals, wrapping her arms around my neck.
“I said I wasn’t going to sleep on the couch, but that doesn’t mean you have to. My bed’s big enough for the both of us.”
“Oh my god, stop!” Scarlet squeals. “Put me down.”
“No can do.” I take a step toward my room.
“What are you even doing?” she asks, throwing her arms wide, causing me to stumble.
“Whoa.” I brace myself, tugging her tighter against me as she wraps her arms around my neck. “Maybe don’t try to kill us both? I’m only trying to take you to bed.”
“I’m sorry, what?” she barks, her eyes bigger than the moon hanging in the sky.
“Dead serious, baby girl.” I keep my eyes locked on hers, showing her exactly how much I mean what I’m saying.
“Ellis, that's crazy.”
“Why? We've done it before,” I mumble. “The only person making it weird is you.”
She stares at me like her brain's short circuiting, and no lie, I kind of love it.
“Let me break it down for you. You want someone to comfort you, to stay with you, to give you security. That person happens to be me. I am a grown-ass man, over six feet tall. I am not sleeping with you on a couch. So, we are going to go to my bed, which is a king-size bed with nice ass sheets and soft ass pillows, and we are going to sleep there.”
She starts to argue, but I press on. “I'll stay on my side. You'll stay on your side. Easy peasy.” Except the opposite of easy is hard, which is how I woke up last time we shared a bed.
Scarlet seems to be on the same page because she snorts and says, “You know that's a lie.”
I decide to play her game. “You know what? Maybe it is. But if cuddling you is the cost of you getting a good night's sleep and not having nightmares all night, then I'm willing to take one for the team.”
“Oh, wow.” She pretends to swoon. “You're so generous.”
“I've heard that a time or two.” I shift my hold on her ever so slightly. “Now, can I take you to bed, or are you going to keep arguing?”
“You did not just say that,” she says, but her words are lacking any real heat.
I shrug, and the motion jostles her, making her tits jiggle. “Pretty sure I did. Also pretty sure I'm tired. Pretty sure you're tired. So why don't we stop arguing and go to bed?”
“You're insufferable.”
I start toward the bedroom. “I've heard that a time or two, also.”
This time she just smiles. She might not ever admit it out loud, but I amuse her. I know I do. “Fine, Ellis. Take me to bed.”
A grin splits my lips as I cross the threshold. “Thought you'd never ask.”
Awkwardness descends as soon as I set her down at the foot of my bed.
“Um... Do you prefer a certain side?” she asks.
“Typically, the middle.” I smirk. “But, obviously that's out, and since you're the guest, your choice.”
She flips her hair over shoulder. “Aren't you a generous host?”
“Always. My mama would have my ass if I wasn't.”
“Okay, well, here goes nothing.” She climbs into the bed on the side farthest from my nightstand, giving me a spectacular view of her lush ass.
Serena, Dan, Chuck, Blaire... I work my way through the main cast, trying to think about anything other than her ass. It works mostly—I’m only halfway hard.
I strip my shirt off and she chokes. “What are you doing?”
“Getting ready for bed.” The duh is heavily implied as I pop the button on my jeans.
“Um...”
My lips lift in a salacious smirk. “You mean to tell me you can sleep in that? Nearly fucking naked. But I can't be comfortable in my own home, in my own bed?”
“We've been through this. I'm not nearly naked.”
I roll my eyes down the contours of her body. “I can see your nipples, Princess.”
She glances down and crosses her arms over her chest. “Fine, whatever.”
I finish unbuttoning my jeans, tug down the zipper, and kick them off before scooping up my dirty clothes and depositing them into the laundry basket in the corner of my room. Then I head to the bathroom to brush my teeth and wash my face.
“You need to get in there?” I ask as I come out.
“Oh, yeah, that would be a good idea.” She darts back into the living room and grabs her bag and then rushes into the bathroom, shutting the door behind her.
I make myself comfortable on my side of the bed and settle in to wait. When she finally emerges, she crawls back into bed next to me, fluffs her pillow, and then flops onto her back.
“Why is this so awkward?”
I roll to face her, sliding one arm beneath my pillow. “Only as awkward as you make it.”
“Well then, I guess I get a gold star, huh?”
My lips lift in a sleepy smirk. “Go to bed, Princess.”
“I'm trying.” She fluffs her pillow again and then chops it like they do when they’re staging on Enemies & Escrow.
I lean over, stretching to turn off the light, plunging the room into darkness. “Try harder.”
The only sounds in the room are us breathing and the gentle rustle of the covers as Scarlet tosses and turns. Finally, I can’t take it anymore. “C’mere,” I say, rolling onto my back with an arm extended her way.
“Are you sure?” she whispers.
“I’m sure I want to go to sleep. So come on and snuggle up. Let me hold you so you know you’re safe.”
She stiffens and sighs before scooching over, laying her head on my chest. “Thank you, Ellis.”
I stroke a hand through her hair and settle it on the dip in her waist. “You’re safe, Scar. Go to sleep.”