Chapter 21 Sera
Sera
The appointment is at ten.
I've been awake since six, too nervous to sleep. Not about the baby, the baby is fine. I can feel it. The nausea has finally passed, replaced by a constant, low-grade awareness of the life growing inside me.
No, I'm nervous about Adrian.
He's been different since our dinner three nights ago. He's had breakfast with me every morning. Asked about my work in the library. Sat with me in the evenings without his phone constantly buzzing.
It's almost normal.
Almost.
But today is different. Today we find out if we're having a boy or a girl, and though no one has said anything, I’m not stupid. I know that this type of things matters in this world.
A boy will be an heir. A girl will be…I’m actually not sure, but from the way Gemma sometimes looks, like she’s haunted, I’m not sure which I prefer.
The anxiety of the whole thing is taking a wonderful moment and making it much scarier, which seems to be par for the course in this family.
I'm standing in front of the mirror, trying to decide between two dresses, when there's a knock at the door.
"Come in."
Adrian enters, and I'm struck again by how different he looks when he’s not playing the mob heir. Today, he’s wearing black pants and a gray cashmere sweater. The color makes his eyes pop, and they look bluer than silver right now.
"You're not dressed," he observes.
"I can't decide what to wear. It feels like a big moment.”
I expect him to laugh at me, but instead, he crosses to the closet and studies the two options I’ve laid out.
"The blue one. It’s nice. The color brings out your eyes.” He hands me the dress. "We need to leave in twenty minutes."
"I'll be ready."
He lingers in the doorway, watching me. "Are you nervous?"
"A little."
"About the appointment?” A look of concern crosses his face. His brows knit together, and there’s a small crease between them. “Is something wrong?”
I shake my head. “I don’t think so. All my appointments have gone well.”
“Then, what is it?”
I want to tell him it’s nothing, but we’ve been trying to work on things, and I know that means I need to be honest.
"What do you want?" I ask. "A boy or a girl?"
"I’d like a healthy child,” he says.
"Adrian—please.” My shoulders slump. “I thought that we were trying to be honest.”
"I am." His jaw tightens, a sign of his irritation.
"In this family, a son matters. He would be the heir. It's expected that we’d keep trying until we had a boy.” The idea of that does not appeal to me, but I remain quiet.
But Sera?" He tilts my chin up, so I have to meet his eyes.
"I don't care. Boy, girl—as long as they're healthy and you're safe, that's all I want. "
I search his face for the lie. For the performance.
I don't find it.
"Okay," I whisper.
"Okay." He kisses my forehead. "Now get dressed. We're going to be late."
The doctor's office is in Midtown. It’s private and exclusive. The kind of place where celebrities and billionaires go when they don't want their medical information leaked.
Leo drives us, and two additional security cars follow. I feel like the President, and I try not to think about how much protection we had for a simple ultrasound.
Adrian and I haven’t talked about how things are going with Gabe. I’ve wanted to stay out of it, but I’ve noticed an uptick in the guard force around the house. It makes me wonder if there’s more threats out there, but I’m too scared to ask.
I’m just getting used to this life. I cannot add more to it.
"Have you thought about names?" I ask as we sit in traffic in an attempt to get my mind off of scarier things.
Adrian's hand tightens on mine. "Not yet. You?"
"A few. But I wanted to wait until we knew—" I stop. "It feels more real if we know."
"It's been real for me since the moment I saw the heartbeat," he says quietly.
I look at him, surprised by the admission.
"What?" he chuckles. “Did that moment not feel real to you?”
“Of course,” I say, swatting at him slightly. "I've just never heard you talk about the baby like that. Like you're—" I search for the word. "Attached."
"Of course I'm attached." He sounds almost offended. "This is my child. Our child. How could I not be?"
"I don't know. You've been so focused on everything else. Gabe. The business. Keeping me locked up for my own good." I don't mean for it to come out bitter, but it does.
His expression shutters. "I'm trying, Sera."
"I know." I squeeze his hand. "I'm not—I'm not attacking you. I'm just—" I stop. Start again. "Sometimes I can't tell what you're feeling. If you even want this baby or if it's just another piece of the empire you're building."
He's quiet for a long moment.
"I didn’t exactly have the best parental role models, Sera.
I’m not sure how to do all of this.” He’s not looking at me.
Instead, he’s looking out the window. "I want this baby.
" He turns to look at me, and there's something raw in his eyes.
"I want this so much it terrifies me. Because wanting something makes you vulnerable.
And I've spent my whole life trying not to be vulnerable. "
I don't know what to say.
So I just hold his hand tighter.
The ultrasound tech is a woman in her forties with kind eyes and efficient hands. She's done this a thousand times. Knows exactly how to position me, where to put the gel, how to angle the wand.
The baby appears on the screen.
Bigger than last time. I can see the curve of the spine. The flutter of the heartbeat. Tiny hands and feet.
Tears spring to my eyes. This is real. I mean it always has been, but seeing the baby on the scream does something to solidify this for me.
"Everything looks good," the tech says. "Strong heartbeat. Good measurements. Right on track for twenty-weeks.”
"And the gender?" Adrian asks. His hand is gripping mine so hard it almost hurts.
The tech smiles. "Let me see if baby is cooperating today."
She moves the wand, clicks a few buttons, studies the screen.
"There we go. Clear as day." She turns the monitor so we can see better. Points to something I can't quite make out. "Congratulations. You're having a boy."
A boy.
A son
Adrian's son.
The future heir to the Nero empire.
I look at Adrian. His face is perfectly controlled, but his hand is shaking in mine.
"A boy," he says quietly. Like he's testing the words.
"A boy," the tech confirms. "Would you like pictures?"
"Yes." Adrian's voice is rough. "All of them."
We sit in the car afterward, neither of us speaking.
Leo is behind the wheel, giving us privacy via the partition.
"Are you okay?" I finally ask.
"I don't know." Adrian stares at the ultrasound photos in his hands. "A son. I'm going to have a son."
"You sound terrified."
"I am." He looks up at me. "What if I'm like my father? What if I fuck this up? What if I—"
"You won't." I take his face in my hands. "You're not your father, Adrian. You're not weak. You're not cruel. You're—" I stop. "You're trying. And that matters."
"Does it?"
"Yes." I kiss him softly. "It does."
He pulls me against him, burying his face in my hair. His whole body is shaking.
"I'm going to protect him," he whispers. "Both of you. Whatever it takes. No one will ever hurt either of you. I swear it."
And I believe him.
For better or worse, I believe him.
We have lunch at a small Italian restaurant Adrian knows. The kind of place where the owner greets him by name and doesn't ask questions about the security detail outside.
"We should tell Bianca," I say over pasta carbonara.
"She already knows."
I set down my fork. "How?"
"I called her from the car while you were in the bathroom." He has the grace to look slightly sheepish. "She wanted to know immediately."
I roll my eyes.
"Of course she did." I take a sip of water. "What did she say?"
"That she's pleased. That a male heir secures the succession. That—" He stops, shaking his head slightly.
"What?"
"That she's proud of me." He sounds irate. “As though I’ve done something amazing.” He sips his water, and I can tell her response was not what he wanted.
"Are you pleased?" I ask. "That it's a boy?"
"I'm pleased that you're both healthy. The rest—" He shrugs. "A son. A daughter. It doesn't matter to me, Sera. But yes, I'm happy. In this family, having a son means you're—" He stops.
"Safe?" I finish. "Untouchable?"
"Yes."
"Because I’m mother to your heir?”
“Yes.”
It’s all so antiquated.
“My mother will want to talk to you,” he says. “I didn’t want to say too much about this, but a son changes things.”
I push my food around on my plate, not sure of what I should say. "Your mother is very focused on power dynamics,” I tell him, trying to be diplomatic.
He reaches across the table, takes my hand. "But you don't have to play her games, Sera. You don't have to—"
"What if I want to?"
That stops him.
"What?"
"What if I want to figure out how to survive in this world? Not just survive—thrive. Be more than just your wife. More than just the mother of your child." I take a breath. "What if I want to build something? Be someone?"
He studies me for a long moment.
"Then I'll help you," he says finally. "Whatever you want to build. Whoever you want to be. I'll help you."
"Why?"
"Because you're my wife. Because you're carrying my son. Because—" He stops. "Because I want you to be happy. And if figuring out your place in this world makes you happy, then I want that for you."
I squeeze his hand.
"Okay."
"Okay."
We finish lunch in comfortable silence. And when we get back to the mansion, Adrian kisses me at the door and tells me he has to go to a meeting, but he'll be home for dinner.
I believe him.
I go upstairs to change, already thinking about my workshop. About the projects I want to start. About the business I could build.
And when the summons from Bianca comes the next morning, I'm ready.