Chapter 11 #2
I grin and carry on. “Say a straight guy lives with a gay guy. They get along well. Really well, actually. But the straight guy sometimes brings women home, and the gay guy is…uncomfortable with it. Not confrontational, just acting a little weird and stiff. So…” I trail off for a bit.
“What do you think the straight guy should do about it?”
There’s a lengthy pause. Not a thoughtful one—a confused one, as is Seth’s expression.
“Why exactly would he be uncomfortable? Is he a prude? Or asexual?”
“Definitely not a prude.” Jamie’s books and toys speak for themselves.
“And unlikely to be asexual.” The fact that he’s had a boyfriend and enjoys stimulation isn’t a clear indicator, but the fact that he’s called me attractive kind of is.
“I mean, maybe the part he’s uncomfortable with is that it’s women the straight guy brings home? ”
Seth stares, then laughs. “So you’re basically asking if us gay folk find it uncomfortable to be around pussy.”
I choke a little on my own saliva. “I wouldn’t say it like that…”
“Yeah, yeah.” He waves me off before fixing me with a look. “I can’t speak for everyone, but no. Gay people aren’t generally made uncomfortable by straight sex. It’s you straights who feel weird around anything gay.”
Okay, that’s kinda reassuring. But also not. Because Jamie is either in the minority that is uncomfortable with it, or it’s something else. Which means I’m missing something.
“Gee, you have no idea, do you?” Seth says, sighing deeply. “Guess it’s true about brawn and no brain.”
“Huh?”
“Honey, this isn’t a straight vs gay kinda issue,” he says patiently.
“Okay?” Was that supposed to clear things up?
He sighs again. This time, it seems to be coming out of his soul. The palpable exasperation reminds me of my English teacher from the fifth grade.
“He’s creating distance, right?” Seth continues. “Spending more time in his room. Being careful not to touch you by accident.”
Damn, how did he know?
I don’t bother reminding him this is supposed to be just hypothetical.
“He’s not uncomfortable,” Seth says, taking my silence for agreement. “He’s protecting himself.”
Protecting himself? From what? Me?
Probably seeing my clueless expression, Seth grumbles, “Fuck’s sake, I can’t believe I have to spell it out.” He leans in, voice about a whisper. “Tyler, if your gay roommate doesn’t like you sticking your dick in other people, it’s because he wants it inside him.”
I blink, then freeze. Then do something I never do outside of workouts: go beet red.
“W-what?”
“And he has feelings for you, by the way. I should’ve clarified. Unlikely that he’d be moping if it was just sex he’s after.” When I only stare at him like a moron, he chuckles. “Did I break you?”
“Jamie doesn’t have feelings for me,” I say when my neurons reconnect. Seth just regards me impassively. “He doesn’t. In fact, he recently went through a harsh break up. He’s recovering.”
“Hmm, yeah, I see.” Seth rubs his chin. “Nursing a broken heart, feeling dejected… And I bet you’re a stellar roommate. That you’re there for him, let him pour his heart out, give him some nice words of encouragement.”
“I mean, yeah, of course. He needs a friend.”
“No, he needs you to back off,” Seth says firmly.
Something flashes in his eyes that gives me pause.
I’m not used to seeing him this serious.
“I get that you care and that you’re trying to help, but you’re making it worse.
Give him all the space he needs, and don’t try to push.
Honestly, it’d be better if you went your separate ways. ”
A sharp sensation pierces through my chest at the idea of Jamie moving out. “I don’t want that,” I whisper.
“That’s not really your call, though. And if you care at all, you’ll do what’s going to hurt him the least.”
“He never said anything about moving out.” I’m starting to get defensive now. “And you’re probably wrong, anyway. Just because he’s gay and I’m a guy doesn’t mean he’s into me.”
Seth gives me a flat look. “Modesty doesn’t suit you.”
This shit again. “Fine, I get it, I’m hot. Everyone wants a piece.” I roll my eyes. “Come on, Seth, you should know better. Just because you flirt with me doesn’t mean you have feelings for me.” I laugh.
Seth doesn’t.
His lips form a thin line, his gaze dropping to the floor.
My eyes widen. “Oh my God, you don’t, right? Right?!”
He bites his bottom lip, which trembles. I start to panic, then realize it’s trembling because he’s suppressing a laugh.
That. Little. Shit.
“Just messing with you! Geez.” He lets out a booming laugh and wipes away a stray tear. “Don’t take it the wrong way. You’re totally swoon worthy, but I don’t do feelings. I just want your dick.”
I pinch the bridge of my nose. This conversation was supposed to help me, instead, it exacerbated the stabbing pain that’s now moved behind my sockets.
Fuck. For a minute, I really panicked, thinking back on all those times I played along, encouraging Seth’s flirting.
I’d hate myself if it turned out I’ve been inadvertently hurting him by stringing him along.
“That’s not the case for your roommate, though.”
“Huh?”
“I said,” Seth repeats, “that’s not the case for your roommate.
From what you’ve told me, about your relationship and the way he acts around you now, it’s obvious he’s in deep.
You know I’m right,” he cuts in before I can object.
“Stop pretending otherwise just because you don’t want to deal with the potential fallout. ”
My teeth snap together. Is that what I’m doing? Pretending? Have I known, on some subconscious level? Have I overlooked the signs? I want to believe I’m not that type of cowardly person, but…
“He never said anything,” I repeat.
“Of course he didn’t,” Seth says quietly. “Most of us don’t, when we know the answer already.”
Most of us? Didn’t he just say he doesn’t do feelings? He’s making a face I haven’t seen on him before, not a trace of humor or mischief to be found.
He looks like a totally different person.
“So, have you decided what to do?” he asks.
Decided? I’m still processing this whole exchange.
“I guess we’ll need to talk? And come up with an alternative to Jamie moving out.
” The mere idea makes my stomach plummet.
I really don’t want that to happen. But is there actually anything I can do?
If bringing women over when he’s not home didn’t help, then me going out to meet them somewhere else is not going to solve anything either.
And I can’t physically stop having sex, given my condition. So, what options are left?
“It’s a good starting point,” Seth concedes, though it’s obvious he doesn’t have much faith in talking being the solution. Damn, for such a cheerful person, he sure can be a cynical grump.
“What if you’re wrong? What if the problem is something else?”
Seth shrugs, skepticism rolling off him. “Then you’ll have a slightly awkward conversation. But it’s still preferable to the alternative, because if I am right, and you keep ignoring it, you’re letting him suffer in silence while pretending everything’s fine.”
Yeah, no, that won’t do. If it’s true, and I’ve been hurting Jamie all this time, I definitely don’t wanna do that anymore.
“Yeah, you’re right.” I summon a weak smile. “Thanks, Seth.”
“Happy to save a fellow gay from heartache over a pretty but dumb straight guy,” Seth teases. “See you around, you hot dumbass.” He winks and strolls away.
I huff, but even that small action sends a stabbing pulse of pain through my brain. Time to wrap up and sleep this shit off before it gets worse.