Chapter 13
JAMIE
What have I done?
I press a hand over my mouth, sliding to the floor with my back against the door as I marvel in sheer disbelief at my actions. Fuck. This is bad. So, so bad.
After weeks of keeping my distance, of limiting our interactions to what was necessary for peaceful cohabitation, I go and throw it all away. All that effort, wasted. Because I let my neediness get the better of me.
Not only did I propose sucking Tyler off—and was so fucking desperate and obvious about it too—I lost control.
In a way I never thought possible. What just happened had never happened before.
Yes, my mind has gotten fuzzy from pleasure before.
My body has experienced this buzzing sensation when I was doing something that felt really good.
But I’ve never lost it like that. I’ve never felt separated from my body to that level, all floaty and weightless, as if nothing mattered anymore, except for that moment.
I’ve definitely never drifted off with a cock in my mouth. There’s never been time for it. David would push me away the second he finished coming, and the guys I blew at glory holes always seemed to be in a rush to get out of there.
But Tyler…fuck. He just sat there and let it happen, let me do everything I wanted to him.
No, that’s not right. He wasn’t quiet, he wasn’t detached. He wasn’t a passive recipient. He…he touched me. Stroked my hair and face. He talked to me, low and dirty, murmuring how well I was doing, how good he was feeling because of me.
He wasn’t pretending I was someone else.
I feel a twitch in my cock, and within seconds I’m hard again. Shit.
I pull my pants and underwear off, both soaked through. Because I came, hands free. In front of Tyler. And he noticed. Oh God.
Not only did I do that, I warmed his cock when it was already spent and soft, suckling on it like a freaking pacifier.
I didn’t mean to do that. It just happened.
The second his load hit my tongue, deliciously sweet and salty, I was gone.
I swallowed it all desperately, and when there was nothing left, I just couldn’t bring myself to let go.
It felt so good to be filled, even if it wasn’t in the place where I craved it so much, but it felt amazing regardless.
Everything felt warm and nice, and so, so right, like a dream.
And then, reality hit me, as it tends to do, ice-cold shame chasing away the warmth.
I never meant to show Tyler this part of me.
I never meant to show anyone again, but especially him.
Is he going to look at me differently now?
Not just as a pathetic gay guy who’s got it bad for his straight roommate, but as a freak who’s into…
that kind of stuff? He will, won’t he? Of course he will, how could he not?
Should I…move out?
My insides twist at the thought.
It’d be the smart thing to do, but I really, really don’t wanna do that.
Tyler’s good to me and, despite my trying to suppress my feelings, I’ve never felt so happy.
In the short time I’ve lived here, this place has become my sanctuary.
I don’t want to give it up just because I can't control my stupid heart, or my stupid dick. At least I’m not hard anymore.
The thought of leaving here effectively killed my libido. For now.
I need to come up with a solution. I have to, if I want to stay here. I have to find something that will take my mind off Tyler, that will help me mitigate these useless feelings.
The most effective way would be to transfer those feelings onto someone else. Someone not off limits. And since I’m not going to find someone like that at glory holes…
I get to my feet and stumble over to the nightstand to grab my phone. I navigate to the App Store and start typing. In the next second, an icon with black background and an ugly yellow mask pops up. My thumb hovers over the install button.
With a resigned sigh and a bad taste in my mouth, I click on it.