Chapter 7 Roman
ROMAN
She’s unreal. Absolute fucking perfection.
I knew that before tonight. Knew it the moment I met her. Knew it every time I watched her dance or saw her scene with some unworthy Dom. Knew it when she performed just for me in the private viewing booth.
But I had no idea it would feel like this.
I’ve always been on the outside looking in. Close but never touching. I’ve seen her wet and wanting, seen her ass turned red as she took a punishment, but I’ve never been the one to make it happen.
And fuck, doing is so much better than watching.
She’s still trembling as I slide my fingers out of the wet clench of her pussy. Fuck, I’d been inside her. Felt that sweet little cunt flutter around my fingers. Felt her come apart around me. The very thought is enough to send chills down my spine. I spanked her and touched her and made her come.
And it was the best fucking moment of my life.
I look down at her, sprawled on the bed, and wish I could keep her like this for hours.
She looks amazing, her disheveled hair coming out of its ponytail, dress hiked up to her waist, ass red with my handprints.
There’s a sheen of wetness on her thighs that makes me want to finger fuck her all over again.
And the best part—her hands stretched over her head, restrained and tied to the headboard.
But I need to check on those wrists, make sure the restraints haven’t left a mark. And then the two of us need to talk.
I try not to let the guilt and dread seep into my stomach as I reach up to release her hands.
I just want to stay in that moment of pure clarity I felt when my fingers were inside her.
All the doubts, all the self-recriminations had faded away as I touched her, made her come.
In those short moments, for once in my miserable life, I’d been exactly where I was supposed to be.
And I don’t want to let that feeling go. Not yet.
There’s some redness on her pale wrists, but it’s not bad. Still, I rub them between my much bigger hands, soothing and bringing blood flow back to the area. She doesn’t complain. In fact, she hasn’t said a word yet. She’s slumped on the bed like a limp noodle, her entire body languid.
“Angel,” I murmur, brushing some hair out of her face. “You okay?”
She smiles against the mattress, eyes still closed. She looks for all the world like a blissed out, self-satisfied little kitten, and I can’t help but chuckle.
“Mmm-hmm,” she murmurs. The one eye I can see with the way her face is still pressed into the mattress opens, her blue iris peering out at me. “Are you okay?”
I give a shaky laugh. “Not really sure what okay looks like anymore, angel.”
She frowns a little and tries to sit up. I reach for her instinctively, needing to help, to take care of her. Once I have her in a seated position, she shoves her messy hair out of her eyes and peers up at me with a worried expression.
I want to wipe it away. I know it’s my fault she’s looking like that. She’s afraid I’m going to regret it.
As if that could even be humanly possible.
“Before you say anything,” she says, her voice shaky. “I just want to tell you something.” I nod and she straightens her shoulders, like she’s preparing. “What just happened? The way you made me feel? I think I’ve been searching for that my whole life.”
“Angel,” I groan, closing my eyes. It would probably be better for us to have this conversation with some space between us, but I can’t stand it. So I pull her into my lap, cradling her against my chest the way I’ve always wanted to. A wave of peace passes over me as she snuggles into me.
“Please don’t say it shouldn’t have happened,” she whispers, voice shaking. “Please don’t tell me it was a mistake.”
“Nothing about that was a mistake,” I tell her, smiling when she relaxes in my arms. “But, angel—”
“No,” she says, lifting her head and putting a finger against my mouth. “No ‘but, angel.’ ”
I chuckle and bite the tip of her finger, making her squeal.
“Let me talk for a minute, okay?”
She nods, still looking apprehensive. “I’ve wanted you from the moment we met. You know that, right? You had to have seen the way I was always looking at you.”
“I saw,” she agrees. “But I tried to convince myself it didn’t mean anything.” She shrugs. “Thought it might hurt less when you stayed away.”
I close my eyes, hating that I hurt her.
“I stayed away because I knew I wasn’t the right guy for you.”
“Roman—”
“You said you’d let me talk.” She pouts before nodding and I can’t help but lean down to kiss the tip of her nose.
“So fucking cute, angel.” Then I sigh. “Noelle, you have such a bright future ahead of you. You’re so talented, so beautiful.
So very sweet and kind. You light up any room you walk into.
I couldn’t stand the idea of ruining that. ”
“Why would you ruin it?”
“Well, first of all, I’m thirty-nine. That makes me seventeen years older than you.
” She makes a scoffing sound. “That’s a big deal, Noelle.
You’re just starting out in the world, you have your whole life to look forward to.
You should have someone more like you.” The very words are sour in my mouth, and I know I’m scowling.
“Look at us, angel.” I hold out my hand and wait for her to place hers in it. “You’re so small and soft and perfect and I’m…” I sigh out a chuckle. “I’m calloused and scarred. An unpolished, gruff, beast of a man.”
“I like you unpolished and gruff,” she mutters, and I shake my head.
“Those things are only the tip of the iceberg. What’s more important is that I’m not like you. I’m bitter and jaded. I’ve seen things, done things…” I trail off, trying to keep the images from invading my mind.
“In the special forces you mean?” she asks quietly.
I nod. “And after. My security company…sometimes we have to deal with people who aren’t worth the air in their lungs.
I’ve done some messed up shit, trying to protect the innocent.
” I let out a long breath. “It changed me. All of this shit in my head. It’s given me a piss-poor view of the world.
I don’t know if I can ever be normal again. ”
She peers up at me and I’m afraid to meet her eyes, afraid of what I might see there. But she waits for me and when I finally look down into her face, all I see is her normal calm sweetness shining up at me.
“Is it my turn yet?”
I let out a shaky laugh. “Sure, angel.”
She nods once, then looks away. “I’ve been alone for a really long time, Roman.
It was hard to make friends, moving as much as we did.
We came here to Charlotte so my dad could be in a clinical trial for his cancer.
Then he died anyhow and I was in this town I didn’t know, with no family…
” her voice cracks and I squeeze her tighter to my chest, wishing I could take that pain away.
“The first time I saw you in the club, I felt safe,” she whispers.
“It was the first time I’d felt safe in years. ”
“Angel,” I choke out.
“I’ve been so lonely, for so long,” she continues, voice stronger now. “I’ve been afraid and confused…like I didn’t have a tether, you know? Like there was nothing grounding me.” Her clear blue eyes meet my darker ones. “You ground me.”
I don’t even know what to say to that. A feeling I can’t identify is blooming in my chest and I try to tamp it down, scared of losing control.
Apparently, Noelle isn’t finished wrecking me, because she continues.
“No one has ever looked at me the way you do. All that shit you said about yourself?” She shakes her head.
“Roman, when I look at you I don’t see someone too old or too bitter or too unpolished.
” She rolls her eyes like the very idea is stupid.
“I see someone who I know will take care of me. Someone I know I can count on.” She gives me a sly smile.
“Someone I know will meet every one of my needs in the bedroom…and the playroom.”
I groan, pulling her around to face me, adjusting her legs so she’s straddling me. “You need to understand,” I growl. “I won’t be able to be casual with you.”
She laughs. “What on earth makes you think I would want casual?”
“I mean it, Noelle. I’ll be overbearing. Controlling. I might have a hard time even letting you out of my sight.” I sigh, feeling helpless. “I’m fucking obsessed with you, angel. I won’t know how to control it.”
She doesn’t look turned off by this in the slightest. “Sounds good to me.”
“You’ll have to move in with me,” I blurt out. “Like, right away. Tonight. And let me take care of you. You can still dance here, if you want, but no one else is going to touch you. I’ll fucking kill anyone who tries. So no scenes with anyone else or I swear to god—”
She giggles, the sound going straight to my chest and enflaming that feeling I hadn’t been able to name. I know what it is now—hope. No wonder I couldn’t identify it at first. It’s not something I’ve felt much of for a very long time.
“What’s so funny?”
Her eyes dance as she smiles at me. “I think we’re a little out of order here. You’re telling me I have to move in with you tonight and you literally haven’t even kissed me yet.”
I growl at that, my eyes going straight to her lips. Her plump, bubblegum lips that I’ve had more fantasies about than I could count.
“I guess it’s time I did something about that, huh?” I mutter, then attack her mouth before she can respond.
It’s hard to imagine anything ever feeling better than the wet heat of her pussy around my fingers, but this has to come close.
The second our lips touch I’m lost to her, only wanting to get closer, to soak up more of her.
She kisses me back just as desperately, clinging to my chest as I tilt her head, taking more and more.
“If you need more time, tell me now,” I say against her mouth. “If you want things to go slower—”
“Fuck slow,” she gasps, and I chuckle darkly.