10. Leo
CHAPTER 10
Leo
It’s been a few weeks since I’ve been home, and it has been like nothing has changed. It’s like I wasn’t just in prison for the past three years. Everything feels right, except for the fact that my mother isn’t here anymore.
While I’ve been home, I haven’t been able to visit her grave. Able isn’t really the word I should use. I choose not to visit her because I feel too ashamed. I know I asked for her forgiveness before everything went down, but that doesn’t mean she gave it to me in Heaven.
For all I know, she is sitting up there wondering where she could have gone wrong in raising me. A son who made all the right decisions, doing a complete 180 and making the biggest life mistake.
Today, however, I am mustering up the courage to see her.
My dad gave me a job at the shop because I couldn’t secure a career as a psychiatrist again. I looked in the paper and online to see if any local businesses were hiring, but everyone turned me down when they saw my criminal record. I was ready to jump through all the hoops I needed to return to the working world.
It is just really upsetting—all the hard work I put in to make something of my life, only to have it stripped away from me because of one reckless decision.
And what's even worse is that no matter how hard I try, no one seems to want to hire me, even though the news outlets believe that Veronica manipulated me or brainwashed me into helping her escape.
They are painting me as a victim in everything that happened with her, but they are not willing to give me the second chance I desperately need right now.
They can think whatever they want; they can paint me as a victim, believe that she came up with this master plan to escape, and use me to help her get out, which I only did because I had so naively fallen for her tricks.
That might have been her plan, but I knew what I was doing.
And I have to live with that.
Dad gave me the day off today, and Myles and Chloe are working, leaving me alone. I had paced my childhood bedroom for a good twenty minutes before I gained the courage to leave the house and go to the cemetery.
Using my mother’s car, since mine is currently in the shop getting worked on, I drove around for another fifteen minutes until I found myself at the cemetery entrance. Although it has been three years, and I have only been here once, I still know where to go.
The last time I was here, we buried my mother. There was no headstone when we laid her to rest, but now I see a beautiful black granite fixture when I walk towards the burial site today.
Tears spring to my eyes as soon as it fully comes into my vision because they had a photo of her printed on the slab. It is one of my favorite pictures of her. She had been working in the garden on a relaxed summer afternoon while Chloe and I played on the swing set.
My father came out with a glass of wine for her to enjoy as she planted new flowers. As she sipped on the Merlot, he sat beside her on the grass and pulled out his film camera. She attempted to shoo him away and told him she was in no state to be photographed.
“You look absolutely beautiful while you garden. It doesn’t matter if you have a smudge of dirt on your cheek,” he tells her.
Her eyes widen, and she lifts her ungloved hand to her cheek. One of her fingertips touches her skin, and she narrows her eyes at him. “I don’t have anything on my cheek, you liar!”
She playfully shoves his shoulder and laughs.
That’s when he brought the camera to his eye and snapped the picture.
Dad was right. Mom always looked beautiful while she gardened, but there was something about that night. Maybe it was how the sun was setting behind the trees, casting a golden glow in the backyard.
My mother looked like an absolute angel.
I sit by the headstone, running my hand across her photo, when I feel a tear roll down my cheek. There is no point in wiping it away since more will come.
I trace my fingertip over her name carved in the granite, then over the words: "Beloved wife, mother, and grandmother. "
“Hi, Mom.” I finally allow words to fall from my lips. “It’s been a while, and I am so sorry. Sorry for the time I was away and for the reason behind my absence. I thought things were going to be different…”
I drop my hand from the stone and rest my head in my hands. I stare at the grass I’m sitting on, watching an ant weave through the tall blades. I swallow hard, trying to gather my thoughts on what I want to say to my mom.
Inhaling a deep breath, I lift my head and stare at the sky in the distance. “I thought I was doing the right thing for me. I fell in love with her. A forbidden love that I knew wasn’t right, but I still fell anyway. I didn’t think she would have betrayed me the way she did, not with how she acted with me. I thought she loved me in her own crazy way.”
I begin to blindly pick at the grass as I continue, “Was it stupid for me to think someone like Veronica could be capable of love?” I let out a breathy laugh. “I had hope that she was the light in my dark time. That Veronica was the person I needed to fight to be with. Now, I know that isn’t the case.”
I lower my eyes from the sky, looking directly at my mother’s gravestone.
“Her and my love story ended in flames. I gave her the match without realizing it, and she lit it, burning us to the ground. That’s what I intend to do to her. She isn’t going to get away with this. I won’t let her.”
At this point, I’m not sure if I’m talking to myself or my mother.
“I’ll make her pay, and for that, I will ask for forgiveness from you. This time, though, I won’t be leaving again.” I clench my jaw, my teeth pressing hard together, before I force myself to relax. “So, please, hear me when I say how truly sorry I am for being a stupid fool in love and making the worst life decision. And please show me forgiveness for what needs to be done.”
I allow my words to soak into the Earth, sending them up to the Heavens, where my mother is hopefully listening to me. Silence sits around me until I notice the purple pinwheel next to her grave that I hadn’t seen before I sat down.
Carter probably put it there, thinking Grandma would love it since it’s the same one from her garden at home. Lightly, it begins to spin.
I cock my head to the side, watching it turn the tiniest bit until it picks up speed. Glancing around the cemetery, I see no trees moving; nothing else sitting by the other gravestones is moving.
There is no breeze on this hot June day.
Dropping my eyes to the pinwheel that is now spinning out of control, I can’t help but smile. This is her sign of forgiveness for what I have to do.
I just need to find Veronica.