Chapter 8
Mei
I’ve been rejected. Again.
Okay, so maybe that’s a little dramatic, but it certainly feels that way. Owen doesn’t have a cruel bone in his body, however, his avoidance after last night hurts.
It really, really hurts.
His smiles this morning for his children and Penny are real and genuine. He has trouble looking at me, though. Shame contorts his features into something unrecognizable anytime our eyes meet. The man wears his emotions for all to read and he’s struggling with what happened.
Except, nothing actually happened.
Not fully.
Not like I wanted.
Sure, we kissed, hot and heavy, and he put his mouth on my breasts, but it didn’t go any further than that. We’d been interrupted. I’d raced out of there, afraid and also ashamed. But his awkwardness toward me today is killing me.
The intimate moment almost wasn’t worth it since by taking a step forward, we took two steps back.
My heart aches but I have no idea what to do about it. We didn’t meet naturally. He’s my mom’s new husband. Fake or not, it’s messy. There’s nothing easy about any of it.
I hate that he feels the need to retreat from me, though it’s probably for the best for both of us.
“I have to go into work early,” Mom says when she breezes into the kitchen smelling of new perfume and wearing more makeup than usual. “I’ll take Penny to Carol’s but I’ll need for you to pick her up, Mei.”
I frown as Penny stuffs more bananas into her mouth. “She’ll be over there for a long time since today is my late class day. You sure you don’t want me to drop her off in a few hours when I go in.”
Mom stiffens as if I’ve said something wrong. I can feel Owen’s curiosity at our exchange.
“I know it’s hard to believe,” Mom says icily as she cleans the banana goo off my sister, “but I’m the mother here. Not you. Do as you’re told.”
The kitchen goes quiet at her snappy response. My emotions are already a mess, so this sends me over the edge. Tears well in my eyes and refusing to let them fall in front of an audience, I dart away from the table, making a hasty exit to the privacy of the bathroom.
Mom has always been difficult to connect with, but lately, it’s worse than ever. It’s as if she resents me for being a part of her family. With the bathroom door safely locked, I slide down the door to the floor, bury my face in my hands, and quietly cry.
Just when I find a little brightness in my life with Owen, like last night, I’m reminded that I’m not meant to have happiness. It’s must my lot in life.
So why do I get surprised by it and let it hurt me each time?
School was a blur. I listened numbly to my professors and diligently did my assignments, but aside from that, I don’t remember much else. The highlight of my day is getting to see Carol and Penny. And, thankfully, the creepy silver sedan isn’t parked outside.
The air is frigid but at least it’s not snowing at the moment. I climb out of my warm car and hurry up the freshly shoveled driveway to Carol’s house. Since she’s expecting me, I let myself inside, eager for warmth, smiles, and sweet treats.
“Hello, Mei,” a man says softly as he rocks my sleeping sister in his arms. “How was school?”
Carol’s son Christopher is a cop and is already dressed in uniform.
With him holding Penny, it worries me that maybe Carol isn’t doing that well.
I’ve lowkey been worried about when Carol gets too old to sit for Penny.
The thought of taking her out of a loving home and thrusting her into a crowded daycare has me wondering if I should quit college altogether.
Mom and Dad would freak out if I skipped out on college to babysit Penny.
“Carol okay?” I ask as I set my purse down gently on the coffee table as not to make too much noise.
He chuckles and it makes Penny stir in his arms. “The woman never sits still. She’s making muffins.”
Penny is usually fine with playing in the kitchen while Carol works. Seeing her son help with the sitting rubs me the wrong way for some reason.
“I can take her,” I tell him, holding out my arms.
His eyebrows knit together and a brief flash of emotion washes over him.
It makes me feel kind of mean for wanting to take her away from him.
I suppose she is pretty adorable and easy to get attached to.
Owen and his kids are already in love with her, and they’ve known her far less time than Christopher has.
“First, let me check on Carol,” I say in defeat. “Be right back.”
Relief flickers in his eyes and he rewards me with a bright smile. I stifle a sigh and make my way into the kitchen. Carol is licking batter straight from the spatula. She’s such a cute old lady. I’m grateful to see her up and about and perfectly well. The idea of losing her one day hurts.
“Hey,” I greet as I enter her space. “How was Penny today?”
Carol flashes me a wrinkly smile and tosses the spatula into the sink. “Get over here. I need a hug.”
I eagerly go to her, letting the elderly woman embrace me with a warm, motherly hug. We both know I’m the one who needs it. She squeezes me tight and kisses my head.
“Are you okay?” I ask, refusing to let go of her until I have to.
“Right as rain, sweetie.”
Emotion clogs my throat. “Why is Christopher helping with Penny?”
Carol stiffens slightly, but I notice it. I pull away from her so I can see her face. If she’s struggling, I need to know. Her eyes travel over to the oven, as if she’s checking on the cooking muffins. I know it’s because she’s avoiding eye contact.
Why?
“Carol…”
She chuckles and waves me off. “I’m fine. You know how Penny is. Loves everyone. Even loves Brandon, the mailman. Of course, that’s because he always shows up with a lollipop for her.”
Carol is right. Penny clings to anyone and everyone. My guess is it’s because our mother is emotionally detached, though she’s less so with Penny than anyone. Still, the kid’s getting her love elsewhere.
Kind of like me?
I briefly think of Owen’s soft lips on my breast, tongue teasing my nipple, and a blast of heat burns over my skin.
Or maybe it’s just the oven heating up the kitchen.
Liar.
The ride home, with Penny babbling happily behind me in her car seat, my spirits lift some.
Today was a weird day, but I don’t have to continue to let it bring me down.
I’m also determined to break the silence between me and Owen.
I need to know how he feels about last night.
Also, I want his promised hugs when I’m down.
Up ahead, I notice a silver sedan parked in front of a Wendy’s. When I pass, its headlights bounce as it drives out of the lot and onto the road behind me. All the hairs on my arms stand on end.
Is it him?
The creep who was at Carol’s?
And now he’s following me?
My blood pumps hard and fast as I apply my foot on the gas, hoping to evade my follower. While alone at Dad’s, I spent a lot of time traveling down true crime podcast rabbit holes. I’m suspicious of everyone now.
When a light turns yellow, I accelerate, recklessly running through it as it turns red.
I’d normally not do something so stupid with my sister in the car, but the sedan freaks me out.
I let out a rush of air when I notice they get stuck at the red light.
I’m able to turn down a street and then another, hopefully losing them altogether and for good.
By the time I get to Owen’s—er, home—I’m confident I’m no longer being followed.
Once inside, and stripped of our coats, me and Penny make our way to the kitchen that’s bustling with madness.
Owen is having a playful conversation with Cason, who’s sitting on the counter like he’s six instead of a full-grown teenager.
Addison and Rhett are arguing over who gets the last Coke.
The smell of whatever Owen is cooking makes my stomach growl.
“Oh, hey, girls,” Owen greets, voice cheery and smile wide when he sees us. “Come join the craziness. My oldest and youngest are about to duel it out over the last can of Coke. Are you a spectator or a contender?”
“I’ll have water,” I say, smirking. “Where’s Mom? Her car is here.”
Owen’s easy smile falters and he clears his throat. “In her room. Headache. Why don’t you get Penny in her highchair? I can put you to work prepping the salad.”
He’s acting as if everything is normal. Nothing about this family dynamic is normal. And, furthermore, nothing about what transpired between the two of us was normal either. How can Owen be so chill and unaffected?
Sickness roils in my gut, chasing away my appetite. Maybe our moment last night was more one-sided than I thought. He’s a grown, experienced man. Getting sexual with a woman is probably second nature to him and not something that needs to be read into.
For me, it stopped time.
It’s all I can think about.
But, I’m also, inexperienced and attention deprived.
Oh, God, I really hope it wasn’t something I blew up bigger in my mind.
Dinner, much like school today, goes by in a blur. By the time the kitchen is cleaned, and Penny has been captured by Addison, Owen has disappeared.
We have to talk.
I meander through the house until I find him in the laundry room sorting clothes into piles.
He’s no longer dressed for work and is comfortable in a pair of sweats and T-shirt.
The material of his shirt stretches over his hard-earned muscles.
At his age, I know a physique like his doesn’t come naturally.
It’s something to be honed and refined. He works hard at it, and I, for one, appreciate the finished product.
“Do you regret touching me?” I croak out, voice barely audible.
Owen drops a towel and then drags his eyes over to me. “What?”
Since I know he heard and he’s not stupid, I cross my arms over my chest and wait for an answer. His eyes briefly skate over my body before settling at my lips. How a man can manage to set me on fire with just a heated look is beyond me.
I shiver under his intense stare. “You promised me hugs. I’m cashing in.”
At this, he softens and opens his arms to me.
I all but run to him. As his arms wrap around me, I inhale his scent and bury my face against his chest. He rubs his hand up and down my back until I melt in his arms. Just when I think things might progress, we hear footsteps.
Both of us jerk away from the other. Rhett passes the laundry room without so much as a hello, but the moment with Owen is gone.
“Mei,” Owen says, voice rough and pained. “We should forget what happened last night. It was wrong.”
His words dig into my flesh and then rip through me, flaying my heart open to him. Rather than tenderly taking it like I want him to, he sighs sadly and continues with his laundry sorting.
“Right,” I murmur, voice wobbling. “Night, Owen.”
It takes everything in me to keep the tears at bay as I go to find Addison. She reluctantly passes my sister to me, sensing my emotional stress, and starts to say something. I force a polite smile before ducking out.
Penny grunts when I squeeze her hard to my chest. I relax so I don’t make her angry, and pat her back to calm her. I’m almost to her and Mom’s room when I hear my mother’s voice through the door.
“You promised,” she hisses. “Why would you do that? You know people can’t see us together. It’s too risky.”
I can’t hear the response, but whatever was said, Mom huffs in frustration.
“I know. I want to freely see you, too, but we have to be discreet for now.”
Penny cries out and smacks the door my ear is leaned toward. Mom ends the call before opening the it, regarding me with a tired gaze.
“Who were you talking to?” I ask softly.
Her expression hardens. “Bed time, Penny. Let’s go.”
I pass off my little sister to our mother and try not to let it affect me when the door is closed in my face.
At this point, loneliness is my only friend, lover, and parent.
And I hate it with every fiber of my being.