Chapter Thirty-Seven
Alicia
Taking a deep breath, I roll my shoulders back and knock on Kat’s door.
Maybe I’m a shitty sister for letting my boyfriend fuck me repeatedly before going to make amends, but not only is Bridget like me and needs time to cool down, but she was also safe.
I sent a text to my neighbor when I first woke up to gauge this situation.
Alicia: Hey Kat. B doing okay?
Kat: Hey girl, yeah. She’s still asleep. Wanna talk about it?
Alicia: I do, but not until I talk to her first. Will you let me know when she wakes up?
Kat: You got it.
Kat: Just so you know, it’s going to be okay. Maybe not the shit with your dad, but you and B will be fine.
Alicia: Thanks Kat.
Her message gave me a little bit of hope, but now that I’m here, I feel more nervous than anything else.
Sure, we’ve fought and had our share of silent treatments, but never to this degree.
I’m not even entirely sure what to say. Obviously, I need to apologize for being so harsh, but what she did was reckless.
Maybe I haven’t done a good enough job of teaching her how to spot manipulation.
Just one more failure to add to the list.
The sliding of a deadbolt yanks me from my intrusive thoughts, and Kat’s face appears.
She gives me a small smile before stepping back to let me in.
Cautiously, I cross the threshold, eyes darting around the apartment so similar to my own in structure, but completely different decor wise.
Where mine is more bright and eclectic, Kat’s is muted and minimalist, probably from having a house full of rowdy boys.
Scanning the room, there’s a noticeable lack of anything fragile.
Apart from Bridget.
“Hey, B,” I murmur. The broken expression on her face guts me, and I want to launch myself at her, holding her like I did when our parents would fight. “Wanna go for a walk with me?”
Her watery green eyes meet my blue, and she nods slightly. I expected her to put up a fight. I nod back then turn to Kat.
“Thanks again for letting her crash here. I owe you one.”
She waves a dismissive hand. “Not a problem at all, Li. You’re both welcome any time—together or alone.”
Bridget slings her backpack over her shoulder and trudges to the door, stopping to give Kat a quick hug and a mumbled thanks. Kat whispers something in her ear that’s too low for me to pick up, but my sister nods.
When the door closes behind us, the weight that was momentarily held aloft settles back onto my shoulders. There’s so much to unpack.
“Can we go to the beach?” Bridget asks quietly, eyes never leaving her feet.
“Yeah, of course we can. Do you want to change first?” I nod toward the cutoff shorts and band tee she’s donning, along with her all black Chuck Taylors.
She shakes her head.
“Alright, let’s go.”
* * *
The beach is surprisingly empty save for the gulls and sand pipers scuttling over the sand in search of food.
The ocean is calm with gentle waves lapping at the shore, providing a soothing soundtrack.
I’m not sure if there’s another sound in the world that brings me as much peace as the ocean does.
I could sit for hours just watching and listening to the rolling and crashing of the surf.
Bridget and I have yet to speak. Even on the drive over, we kept to our own thoughts. It isn’t until the beach blanket is spread across the sand and we’re settled side by side, knees pulled up with our arms draping over them, that the silence is broken. It isn’t me that does it.
“I’m sorry, Li.” Her voice cracks, and out of the corner of my eye, I can see her bottom lip wobble. I open my own mouth to speak, but she continues. “I didn’t mean what I said. About wanting different family members and about you always being gone.”
“But it’s true,” I whisper. “I am always gone.”
“Not because you want to be, though,” she argues. “I know I’m just a dumb kid, but I’m not so dumb that I can’t see how much you sacrifice for us.”
I whip my eyes to look at her. “Bridget, you are not dumb. Not even close. Why would you say that?”
She hangs her head. “When Dad first asked for the money, I told him no. He made it sound teasing, but he said I was just a dumb kid that didn’t understand grownup responsibilities or what it meant to be a parent.
When I tried to argue with him, he started to get mean—not physically, but like his face changed—and I caved. ”
“That fucker,” I seethe. “Like he has any idea what either of those mean. Bridge, don’t take what he says to heart. He’s a selfish son of a bitch who will say or do anything to get what he wants.”
“I know.” She lifts her head again. “And I think I knew it then, but I was just so…shocked…to see him. And even more shocked that you didn’t tell me he was back.”
“B, I’m sorry. I was trying to protect you,” I confess. “I thought for sure that once he found out I wasn’t going to give him any money, he’d hightail it out of here. If I thought for even a second that he was going to find you, I would have told you right away. So, yeah, that’s on me.”
She turns to me, fear shrouding her face. “What are we gonna do, Li? About him? About the money? God, I think I am a dumb kid.” Bridget starts rocking back and forth, panic taking over.
“Hey, shhh,” I soothe, moving to sit behind her, caging her between my legs and wrapping my arms around her. “It’s going to be okay.”
Shoulder racking sobs spill from her, and I know that this is a storm she needs to ride out.
Neither of us are great at processing big feelings, more than content to just stuff if into our metaphorical backpack until it’s full, nearly bursting.
When the threads start to unravel at the seams, it will only be so long before it explodes. She’s been packing it in for so long.
When her sobs turn to sniffles, I begin telling her about the first time I met her. How from the moment I laid eyes on her, I claimed her as my own. Mom would have had me shouldering most of the care no matter what, but I had already made up my mind to give her more than what I received.
“Why are they like that?” Bridget asks, leaning back to rest against me.
Tightening my embrace, I tell her the only answer I have for their behavior. “Addiction changes people, and never for the better.”
“Are you going to report him to the police?”
Originally, I wasn’t going to, but the more I think about it, the more I want him to be held accountable for his actions. The likelihood of ever seeing a dime of that money is slim, but Rowan is right. He’d at least be behind bars again. Hopefully.
“Yeah, I am.” I shift, gently pushing against Bridget’s back to get her to sit up. “There’s something else I want to talk to you about.”
She turns her body so that we’re facing each other, and I can see the worry in her eyes. She’s afraid I have more bad news.
“Ro asked us to move in with him.”
Her eyes widen, but a smile stretches across her face. “What did you tell him?”
“Are you going to disown me if I say the answer was no?” I ask, keeping a straight face.
Bridget’s jaw drops right before she yells. “What the fuck is wrong with you, Li? Why would you do that?”
I lose it, bursting out laughing at her outrage.
“Chill, B.” I place my hands on her shoulders and relieve her fears. “I didn’t tell him no.”
The glare I get in return is made of ice, but the corner of her mouth twitches like she’s fighting a smile. “You’re a jerk.”
“I know.” I grin, then ask seriously, “So, you’re okay with moving into Ro’s place? You’ll have to change schools since it’s in a different district.”
“Are you kidding? I’m more than okay with that.
Ro lights you up, Li. Your smiles are genuine and you’re less tense.
As for schools, I’m thrilled to leave.” She stops short, backtracking.
“I mean, Mr. Kennedy is cool, so that sucks, but I want to start over and meet new people. Preferably ones that don’t pick fights with me. ”
My nose tingles with the threat of tears at seeing the hope in my sister’s eyes. Maybe this is the change we’ve been needing. A clean start, a fresh slate. Maybe letting someone help carry the load isn’t as shameful as I always thought.
No, not someone.
Just Rowan.
Ro didn’t bat an eye when I brought up Bridget moving in with us.
I don’t know why I expected him to. Obviously, if he’d said no, then his ass would be on the curb.
But he took to her immediately, drawing her into his bubble and not letting go.
He’s included her, fought for her, and…loved her. He even gave her an Irish nickname.
Mo stóirín.
When I asked him what it meant, he grinned. “My little darlin’. Because she’s the wee version of you, and you’re my first darlin’.”
By the time Bridget and I make it back to the apartment, Ro has a stack of empty boxes, packing tape, and a permanent marker sitting in the middle of the living room.
As we stare at him, he doesn’t even look sheepish about the fact that we hadn’t discussed a moving date yet.
On the contrary, he’s beaming from ear to ear.
“Well? Did ya tell her?”
Instead of replying, Bridget lunges toward him and locks her arms around his torso. He kisses the top of her head while hugging her back, then looks up at me with shining eyes.
* * *
Bridget and I sit awkwardly on the leather sofa facing Dr. Kristina Langston. It’s our first therapy session, and we have no idea what to expect. When Mrs. Jones gave me the contact information for a counselor, I put it in my purse and forgot about it until recently.
Dr. Langston smiles warmly at us. “I’m so glad you’re both here.
I know beginning counseling or therapy can be daunting, but this is a safe space for you to express yourselves, and if need be, find ways to communicate effectively.
I’m here to help mediate any challenging conversations and to process any experiences you’ve faced that trigger difficult emotions. ”
We both mutter our thanks, not sure what else to say from here.
“So, Alicia,” she proceeds. “You mentioned that you both experienced a troubling situation with your father. Would you like to discuss that today?”
“Oh, um, well,” I begin nervously. “Our father recently got out of prison and managed to find not only where I work, but where Bridget and I live.”
I go on to tell her about it all, letting Bridget add in her part of the story as well.
By the end of our hour long session, we’re both holding each other and weeping, and Dr. Langston didn’t even do any deep diving.
She only prodded us gently with innocent questions that forced open the flood gates.
We have a long way to go, but we leave the office feeling lighter and ready to start a new chapter in a new place.
Originally, we were going to have Rowan join us, but he insisted that we focus on the two of us first, and then once we feel more comfortable, he’ll start attending sessions.
In the meantime, he waits in the lobby for us, only asking how it went, but never pressing for details.
And he always takes us for ice cream after, stating that we deserve a treat for being brave.
Personally, I think he just wants an excuse to spoil Bridget.