CHAPTER 12
HAVEN
I pull at my clothing, again, even though there is nothing wrong with what I’m wearing. I’m just nervous. No, nervous kind of downplays what I’m feeling right now. It feels like my heart is going to escape up my throat and out my mouth. If it does make it out, I won’t be able to catch it.
The butterflies in my stomach have never felt this big. The strange thing is I’m not exactly worried about this date. It’s more like I’m anticipating it because I know it’s a big deal.
It could be everything and that is scary as hell.
After art class over the weekend, Knox sought me out with Wilde right next to him. He was holding a very bedazzled treasure box, looking rather smug. Did he know I was considering making a run for it, but would never admit it?
“Mommy,” Wilde declared, “check out the treasure box.”
He waved wildly in the direction of the box in all its sparkly glory. His excitement was written all over his face and I couldn’t help but chuckle at how eager he was. Knox’s grin was lopsided and cute as hell.
“It’s very sparkly.”
“Of course it is,” Wilde sounded affronted, “it’s a treasure box.”
“Treasure on the inside and the outside, huh?”
Knox chuckled and winked when I met his gaze. “I had some help glittering it up,” he admitted. “I asked Monroe to take care of that part.”
Even though it made zero sense, jealousy like I had never felt it before hit me right in the chest. It was such a sharp feeling that I reached up and rubbed the middle of my chest absently.
Knox’s eyes snapped down toward the action and then back up to meet my eyes.
He tilted his head which made it clear he was curious about my reaction to his words.
I wasn’t going to say it out loud. Hell no.
As if he could read my mind, Knox explained, “Monroe works at Vibrant Ink. She’s nice,” he told Wilde, “and her art is really unique. I have no doubt that she would love to meet both of you.”
When his eyes came up and met mine, I knew he was telling the truth and wasn’t trying to hide anything from me. It was refreshing.
And fucking terrifying.
“It looks like she enjoyed making it all sparkly,” I offered, my words like a bridge over my strange feelings of jealousy.
Knox’s smile was disarming as hell.
“I was grateful because the plain wooden box was not worthy of a treasure. She’s the craftiest one amongst us,” he admitted with a shrug.
There was something almost bashful about it. It felt so authentically him.
Which must have been why I gave him my number without a second thought when he asked. He didn’t stick around too long after I gave it to him. It was like he didn’t want to be around if I were to change my mind.
It was kind of sweet.
But if I could have talked myself into believing that he got out of there quickly because he wasn’t sincere about trying with me and our date, he didn’t leave any time for those doubts to take root. They couldn’t have when he was texting me before he even pulled away from Safe Home.
And he hasn’t let up. Somehow, his communication doesn’t feel too far over the top and comes off sweet instead of creepy. I have no idea how he manages to pull it off, honestly.
Within a few hours of the art class being over, he had finalized plans with me for our date. And now, here we are. I’m dressed, but I’m not even a little bit ready.
Not for this. It feels big. Somehow, though, it doesn’t feel too big.
Knox has been so open, even though we were only texting. He’s put in effort to start to get to know me but managed to keep it light. I haven’t felt any pressure to share how I came to Safe Home, even though I’m sure he has to be curious.
No matter how comfortable he’s made me feel the last few days, I’m still all aflutter. It’s him. I’ve never felt this way about a date before.
“You look pretty, Mommy,” Wilde’s voice pulls me out of my internal freakout spiral of doom.
I smile at my son and find him looking at me in a way I’ve never seen before. It’s more than happiness. Pride maybe?
My heart clenches because it feels damn good, probably better than it should. He’s only four, but if we didn’t get out a year ago and we were still there, he wouldn’t have reason to look at me the way he is right now.
That matters.
I take a deep breath and let it out slowly, centering myself by being around Wilde. “Thank you,” I tell him honestly. “It’s not too much?”
He looks me over, a thoughtful expression on his face. The shaking of his head starts slowly. “No,” he sounds so sure, “you look just right. Not too much, not too little. And pretty,” he repeats himself.
After sitting down next to him, I bop his nose which has him swatting at my hand and giggling. “Thank you, kind sir,” my words and the horrible accent I attempt has him giggling harder. My shoulders drop and I admit to him, “I’m a little nervous.”
“About spending time with Knox?” He tilts his head slightly as he looks at me. “That’s silly, Mommy,” he sighs. “Knox is nice, and he likes you. He’ll make sure you feel safe, just like he does with me.”
I can’t help but swallow hard, my voice breaking a little when I ask, “He makes you feel safe?”
“Oh yeah, he’s an awesome teacher.” He leans toward me like he’s about to tell me a secret. “He’s the best teacher I’ve ever had. Sorry,” he adds on with a frown since I’ve been doing his homeschooling instruction for the most part.
I don’t take offence. Figuring out how to get him to school next year, safely, is on my to-do list. He needs it. I’ve seen how much he’s thrived with being able to spend time with other kids.
“I’m sure it helps that he’s teaching you art,” I point out, unsure if such a nuance is going to go over his head.
“It’s not just the art,” he insists. His eyebrows pull together as he admits, “But it doesn’t hurt. I love art and he always takes the time to go over things more than once if needed. He’s never mad about it.”
The way his voice goes all serious at the end breaks my heart. But I also know he’s being sincere and sees how important Knox’s behavior is and, hopefully, how abnormal and unacceptable his behavior was.
“I’m glad he’s your favorite teacher,” I tell him honestly before wrapping him up in a side hug.
He leans against me and chirps, “And I’m going to have the best time tonight. We’re having movie night,” he almost screeches which makes me laugh.
I’ve seen the movie lineup and I’m a little sad to be missing it. I will always take the time to watch an animated extravaganza of storytelling.
I can’t even express how grateful I am because Wendy and Laura put movie night together to help put me at ease about leaving Wilde here under their care for a few hours.
As tempted as I was to take Knox up on his offer for his boss and his wife to watch Wilde, it felt like a lot. I already trust Wendy and Laura.
How could I not? The work they’re doing is so needed. Even if the protection from my ex wasn’t enough, the feeling of finding a new home is something that can’t even be quantified.
After a knock sounds on our door, Wilde runs over and swings it open. Wendy is standing there with a big smile on her face. When she looks at me, she gives me a thumbs up and whistles. All I can do is laugh and shake my head at her.
“I am here to pick up my date for the evening,” Wendy holds her hand out, “a one, Mr. Wilde. We have plans for movies, popcorn, and maybe a whipped cream treat cup.”
Wilde jumps up and down, his arms waving wildly above his head. He’s smiling so wide as he spins around. His excitement is palpable, and I get swept up in it.
“You have fun, Mommy. I’m going to have a wonderful time,” he giggles and grabs Wendy’s hand. “Let’s get going. Do we know what we’re watching first?”
“I think we’re playing some sort of game to see what is first,” Wendy offers and my son’s eyes light up.
The kid loves games. We’ve spent a lot of time playing all of the games he’s ready for in every shelter we’ve spent time in. I swear the kid has beginners’ luck because there is no guarantee I’ll be able to beat him at whatever we’re playing.
“Try not to have too much fun without me,” I pout which has Wilde shooting me a look.
“You’re going to be hanging with Knox,” he reminds me like I’m the one being ridiculous.
I hold my hands up in surrender. “You’re right.”
Wendy winks and then lets Wilde pull her away from our doorway and, I’m sure, downstairs. His voice, filled with excitement, follows him.
I take a moment and smooth my hands down over my shirt even though it’s not the kind to show wrinkles. There’s no place in my life for that kind of fabric. If this means I’m not dressed up enough for Knox, it’s better to get it out in the open now rather than later.
My steps are slow as I head downstairs. Just as I’m about to head into the larger living room area, which is where movie night is taking place, there’s a knock at the front door. Laura is there and glances at her phone before giving me a nod which tells me Knox is at the door and it’s safe.
The people who run Safe Home, especially Laura and Wendy, are big on safety. I’m grateful for it because it helped me to feel comfortable pretty much right away when I came here. I saw how seriously they took things, and the effort put in. It’s what everyone who comes here needs.
Even though my knees go a little weak, I force my feet to move toward the front door. I’m not going to run away. I do kinda want to though.
But I won’t.
Yet.
I’m torn between ripping the front door open quickly and hiding behind it as I allow it to swing open slowly. I go with something in the middle and peek my head around the door to see Knox.
The moment I do, I suck in a sharp breath. I’ve only seen the man in flannels and jeans. Tonight, he’s wearing slacks and a blue button up, the shade of it incredibly familiar for some reason.
He looks good. Damn good.
“Hey,” he breathes out as our eyes lock and goofy grins take over our faces.
When was the last time I smiled this much? I can’t remember a time when I did.