Chapter 1
You know those feelings you get in the pit of your stomach that tell you to stop, drop, and roll?
No?
Cool. Love that for you.
Because that was exactly the feeling I had right before I walked into a middle-of-nowhere convenience store to grab a cold bottle of water and maybe a few bags of jerky.
In retrospect, the univers had probably already filed this entire situation under 'Things That Were Somebody Eles's Problem'.
Unfortunately, that somebody appeared to be me.
And yet.
Despite the fact that I had been walking for what felt like the entire length of the planet with zero luck getting a ride, my spirits were just high enough that I ignored my gut completely.
I pushed through the glass door and did a small, internal happy dance at the cheerful jingle of the bell above it.
I had to find my joys where I could, okay?
My mood skyrocketed even higher when the air-conditioning hit me. I'm not saying I nearly cried. But I'm also not not saying that.
The cool air wrapped around me like a blessing, and I was already drafting my next blog post in my head. Something truly poetic. Something profound. Something about the unsung heroism of small roadside shops that invest in the proper climate control for their weary travelling clients.
If they also had a decent slushie machine?
Oh, I’d absolutely name-drop them.
Eventually.
Like, in a few weeks.
After I was far enough away that no internet weirdo could track me down and try to harvest my skin for a bodysuit.
The internet has taught me many things. Mostly that the galaxy contains far more aggresively strange lifeforms than anyone warned me about.
Even more aggressive than Ravenous Bugblatter Beasts if you would believe it.
Which, by the way was now unfortunately, a legitimate concern for me. My travel blog ‘A Hitchhiker’s Guide to Surviving the Road’ had blown up over the last six months, and while most people were lovely, there were definitely a few who were… enthusiastically unsettling.
Anyway.
I was so busy composing literary genius in my head that I didn’t notice him at first.
Not him.
And definitely not the situation happening around him.
Nope. Not a clue.
I wandered in, made a beeline for the fridges, grabbed the biggest bottle of ice-cold water I could find, and then turned in search of the slushie machine that was about to change my life.
That's when he cleared his throat, and my gaze zeroed in on him.
Holy hot Batman alert.
Okay, so not Batman. More like a cross between Batman and Alfred (snort!) in the best way possible.
He was tall. Like, really tall, with shoulders so broad I feel like he could throw me over one of them and still have room to spare. His hair was salt-and-pepper perfection, and his beard leaned heavily toward the 'I chop wood for fun' aesthetic.
In short?
Sir. Respectfully. Wow.
The man was pure perfection. Except for the gun.
Although an argument could be made that the piece of deadly metal in his hands only enhanced his hot rating, because he obviously handled it like he knew how to... You know... handle it.
Now, the creep facing off with Batman? He looked like he was about five months overdue on his haircut and shower. If it wasn't for the fresh air in the shop, I was pretty sure the rancid smell coming off of him would have melted me down to a puddle of goo.
If Mr. Batman's hotness didn't do the job first.
So.
To recap.
Hot, grumpy mountain man with a gun.
Versus.
Human embodiment of a bad decision.
And me.
Standing there with a bottle of water, mildly dehydrated, slightly heat-exhausted, and apparently making zero good choices in life. This was in fact not how you survived on the road.
Now, considering my dehydration and heat exhaustion from trekking down an endless road, and my ever present and always favourite book's most famous quote 'Don't Panic' I could not be held responsible for what happened next.
I waved.
Yup. You heard that right. I waved. Like I had just walked into a casual social gathering and not… whatever this was.
Mr. Batman's eyes flicked to my hand, his scowl deepening like I had personally offended him.
Creeper McBadLifeChoices, on the other hand, noticed me immediately and took a slow step in my direction.
Oh. Fun. Was this it? Was this how I finally went out? Not with a dramatic speech or a heroic sacrifice, but because I wandered into a convenience store and waved at the wrong person?
Creeper was about two steps away from getting his hands on me, with me just standing there blinking owlishly at the happenings in front of me, both frozen and speechless for the briefest of moments, when he suddenly wasn't there anymore.
I blinked.
Once.
Twice.
Okay.
That was… deeply impressive. It happened so quickly I had a quick thought to ask if Mr Batman had use of a probability drive.
Because… How exactly did he just disappear, you ask?
Well, that would be because Mr. Batman suddenly had him pushed up against the floor, hands already hogtied behind his back.
I had a sudden, visceral reaction upon seeing Mr. Batman tie up Creeper one-handed with nothing but a few plastic tie-like things. My cock perked right the hell up, and I had the overwhelming urge to beg him to be my Daddy and tie me up like that.
But that would be an inappropriate reaction.
Right?
Mr. Batman grunted, drawing my attention from his sexy fingers manhandling Creeper up to his scowling face.
“Uh… hi,” I said, because clearly my brain had clocked out for the day.
Obviously, this meant that Mr. Batman threw himself at my mercy and begged me for the privilege of fucking me into the closest bed. Or maybe even the damned bathroom in the back of the store.
Just kidding!
Nope. Mr. Batman grunted at me again before his scowl deepened more.
Then he pushed himself up from the floor in one fluid motion while simultaneously pulling Creeper up with him.
Before I could wow him with further witty banter, he shook his head at me disdainfully (look at him playing hard to get) before pushing Creeper out through the front door without uttering a single word or offering to marry me and make me Mrs. Mr. Batman.
I watched as my future Daddy left, taking my heart with him, all thoughts of slushies and jerky gone with the wind. Or more accurately, gone with Mr. Batman and Creeper.
I couldn't believe it. I'd quite possibly met the man of my dreams. And he hadn't so much as asked for my name.
A soft throat clearing pulled me back to reality. I turned to find the cashier watching me with wide eyes behind a pair of slightly crooked glasses. "So..." she said slowly. "Did that just happen?"
I snorted and walked over, setting my water bottle on the counter. "I mean, you can pinch me if you want," I offered. "I'll confirm whether or not I just hallucinated the most attractive man I've ever seen in my entire life."
She laughed, shaking her head as she scanned the bottle. "Is this all you want?"
I leaned slightly on the counter, already recovering. "Nah," I said. "Tell me you've got a super-sized slushie situation going, and I'll make Mr. Batman out there name our first child after you."