6. Chapter 6
Chapter 6
When Gonzo left for the game later that afternoon, Bailey stood in the empty apartment and looked around the spacious room.
What would she have done without him? She trailed her hand along the back of the sofa as she walked toward the balcony. As she reached for the door handle, she caught a glimpse of her reflection in the glass. Her hand flew to her head, flattening the hair that stuck up in every direction in the back. She removed her hand and the hair sprung back up. Oh god. Had she really gone out in public like that? She tried to flatten the hair, but it seemed to have a life of its own. Maybe it didn’t really look as bad as she was envisioning.
Changing direction, she made her way to the bathroom. The second she rounded the corner and glimpsed herself in the mirror she pulled up short. Yikes, it was so much worse than she’d pictured. Who knew a reflection in the window could be so forgiving? She dropped her gaze to her baggy, stained T-shirt as it clung to her stomach. What the hell was the point of baggy clothes if they were going to stick to your flippin’ rolls? That was the whole point of wearing baggy. They were supposed to camouflage, not emphasize the damn things.
Taking a deep breath, she flipped on the bathroom light and winced. Wow, it just kept getting worse. She puffed out a breath and stood squarely in front of the mirror. Bailey fingered her hair in the half-in-half-out messy bun. She’d always loved her hair and been proud of how thick and shiny it was. Women regularly asked her about the color and how she styled it so artfully casual. Those days were clearly long gone.
Stepping closer to the counter, she leaned toward the mirror. She could practically park a car in the bags under her eyes. Everything about the way she looked said she’d given up. And honestly, she had.
Tears burned as they fought to escape. She’d wallowed in being dumped before she moved. She should have moved on already. San Diego was supposed to be a fresh start. A new Bailey. A chance to reinvent herself and instead she’d become this. Gonzo was right, she’d become a person she barely recognized.
Fuck that. Brad had ruined their relationship, but he didn’t get to steal her new start from her as well.
Bailey ripped her hair out of the bun and tossed her hair elastic onto the bathroom counter. It was time for a new Bailey. Time to practice what she taught. She couldn’t be an empowered woman if she hated what she saw in the mirror. If she wanted to wear stained clothes, she was going to do it by choice, not because she just didn’t care what she looked like anymore.
She pulled her phone out of her back pocket and searched for hairdressers in the area. Finding one with a good rating, she pushed the call button. Several minutes later, she leaped at the chance to fill a cancellation the next day.
Her gaze landed on her bare nails and a rush of excitement ran through her. Painting her nails was exactly what she needed to feel powerful and in control. Brad had always hated when she decorated her nails. Told her she made a spectacle of herself by painting them anything other than a plain pale color. Well, screw Brad. He wasn’t here anymore, and decorating her nails made her feel beautiful. So fuck him. She’d spent enough time letting that asshole affect her decisions.
Eyeing her toiletries on the bathroom counter, she realized she was missing everything she needed. Well crap, guess she was hitting the storage unit.
Forty minutes later, Bailey let herself back into the apartment with her box of nail supplies. The fact it hadn’t made the original list of must haves spoke volumes about her state of mind when she’d grabbed her stuff the day before.
It wasn’t that long ago she’d painted her nails every week. Slowly over time, the more Brad commented, the less she’d enjoyed doing it until it got to where she’d just stopped completely. How had she not seen what he was doing even back then? Chipping away at who she was until she’d become almost unrecognizable. Never again.
Bailey set her box on the kitchen island. Grabbing her phone, she scrolled through her library until she found the female empowerment playlist she used for her class. Perfect. She synced her phone with Gonzo’s stereo and “I Will Survive” blasted through the speakers. Bailey grinned. Damn, that was a good sound system.
She turned the volume up a little louder and shimmied over to the cupboard in search of olive oil. May as well go all out and hot oil her hair while she did her nails. Bailey pulled it out and poured some into a small bowl and stuck it in the microwave. When it beeped, she grabbed the oil bowl and carried it to the bathroom. Bailey eyed her stained shirt. At least she didn’t need to change first. She doused her hair in warm oil, piled it on top of her head, and clipped it in place.
Back in the kitchen, she rooted through her nail supplies. What was she in the mood for?
Spotting the black polish, she grinned. Hawks. That was perfect. Decorating her nails for one of Gonzo’s games had been what started her love of nail art. While the other girls were out dating in high school, she’d been elaborately decorating her nails. No one in her family had been safe, not even her dad.
Man, he’d been so annoyed when he found out she’d been painting designs on Gonzo’s toenails instead of his fingers like the rest of them. But Gonzo had refused to let her do his fingernails after the guys at school teased him mercilessly after the first time he’d shown up with nail art. He’d said the guys could fuck off if they wanted to make fun of his feet. His logic had made no sense to her, but he’d still been willing to be her guinea pig, so who was she to question it?
Just thinking about it made her smile. They didn’t make guys like Gonzo very often. It’s not every guy who’d let her paint his nails. Heck, Brad hadn’t even liked her to paint her own. There was no chance he’d ever let her paint his.
The more Bailey thought of all the warning signs she’d missed with Brad, the dumber she felt. She’d been so desperate to fall in love and get married like her sisters, that she’d settled for someone who made her feel like shit about herself and then cheated on her, anyway. According to her sister, Deanna, she should just be happy someone wanted to marry her, like she was somehow undeserving of a faithful partner. Screw that.
Bailey hoisted herself up on the stool and spread her supplies across the island.
A big glob of paint fell on her thumbnail. Holy cow, she’d become right dominant over the past few years. Doing her right hand was a lot harder than she remembered.
She bobbed along to the music as she carefully decorated her thumb in a team color design, then added different designs with team colors on her index and ring fingers. She drew a Hawks’ logo on her middle fingers, and a baseball on her pinkies. Finally, after a lot of trial and error, she had her fingers decorated just how she wanted. Bailey held her hand out in front of her and wiggled her fingers excitedly.
For the first time in a long time, she felt like herself. She was still admiring her handiwork when her phone rang. Seeing her favorite sister’s name on the screen, she swiped to answer it. “Hi Jen,” she said as she connected the call.
“Hey how’s the new place? You all moved in?”
“Slight change of plans. Just let me grab my earbuds.” Bailey hustled down the hall to her bedroom and grabbed her earphones off the bedside table and shoved them in her ears. “Okay.”
“What do you mean, you had a slight change of plans?” her sister asked.
“That place was disgusting. No chance I was going to live there.” Just thinking about the smell in that room made her stomach churn.
“Then where are you living?”
“I’m living with Gonzo until I find something better.” She wandered over to her bedroom window and looked out at the ocean view. It sure as hell didn’t get much better than this. Gonzo had said there was no rush to move, and honestly, she didn’t want to. The idea of living with Gonzo till she got her feet wet in the city was really appealing.
“I’m sorry, did you just say you’re living with Gonzo?” Jen made a whooping sound. “Yes! Please tell me you’re finally going to climb that man like a tree.”
“Oh my god, we’re friends Jennifer. There will be no sex.”
“Well, that’s a damn shame because I’ve seen that man and, mmm, if anyone could help you get over Brad, it would be him.”
“I was over Brad the second I found him fucking my best friend.” She dropped onto the mattress. “Ugh, I’m an idiot. For two years, I let that man chip away at my self-esteem in all these insidious little ways until I became this person I don’t even recognize.” Tears welled in her eyes. “I saw it and I let it happen. I know better. I teach this for god’s sake.”
“Just because you have a PhD doesn’t mean you’re immune to it.”
“I know. It’s just… I didn’t think I’d be here. I got all this education and did years of therapy just to end up here. I feel so stupid.”
“You fell in love with the wrong guy. You trusted him with your insecurities, and he used them against you. That doesn’t make you stupid, sweetie. It makes him an asshole.”
“But did he have to cheat with my best friend?” Her throat burned. “How did I not see it, Jen? How could I not know? She was my best friend.” Her eyes burned as tears fought their way to the surface.
“Oh sweetie, no one expects their best friend to do something like that. She’s such a bitch,” Jen muttered. “That should never happen. You trusted her. Of course it didn’t occur to you she’d do something like that. Why would it?”
Well, it would now. Tears streamed down her cheeks, and she brushed them away. Brandy’s betrayal almost hurt more than Brad’s. “I don’t know how the hell I’m supposed to make friends here when I feel like I can’t trust anyone.”
“You can trust Gonzo.”
“Yeah, I can. “
“So trust him until you learn to trust your own judgement again. He’s always had a good bullshit meter. Hell, he hated Brad on sight. I always thought it was because he was jealous, but maybe he picked up something about him we missed.”
Bailey snorted. “He definitely wasn’t jealous.”
“I don’t know. You guys have always had this weird thing between you.”
“It’s called friendship.”
“Mmm-hmm. Well, I think there’s always been something more to it than that. I mean, you practiced kissing your pillow, pretending it was him.”
“Oh my god, I was thirteen, let it go already.” She laughed.
“I’m just saying the best way to get over someone is by getting under someone else is a thing for a reason. And I can’t think of anyone better for you than Gonzo. You know you can trust him. He’s anti-relationship, so you know it doesn’t mean anything. It’s perfect.”
There was no way she could have meaningless sex with Gonzo. If they ever had sex, it would mean everything. How could it not? At least for her. “Gonzo would never have sex with me.”
“Interesting that you said he’d never have sex with you, not that you don’t want to have sex with him.”
“Good lord. Can we please stop talking about this? Gonzo and I are friends. End of discussion.”
“Fine, but I think you’re missing a great opportunity,” Jen grumbled. “What’d Mom and Dad say about you living with Gonz?”
“Haven’t talked to them yet. So far, you’re the only one who knows.”
“Oh my god, Deanna’s gonna be scandalized.” Jen laughed.
Bailey’s mouth turned down as she thought about talking to her oldest sister. They hadn’t talked since she’d broken up with Brad.
“Have you talked to her since you hung up on her?” Jen asked.
“No.” And Bailey sure as hell wasn’t going to be the one to call. Her sister had been a bitch and until she said sorry, they had nothing to talk about.
“I’m sure she’ll call once she hears you’re living with a boy. She won’t be able to help herself,” Jen said.
“Probably.” Bailey could almost hear the lecture that would come out of her bossy siblings’ mouth. “I can guarantee she won’t be telling me to climb Gonzo like a tree.”
Jen snorted. “Probably not, but she should, because that’s damn good advice.”
“Eh, is it though?”
“Trust me, it is, and you’re an idiot if you don’t see it,” Jen said.
Oh, she saw it alright. She had no doubt sex with Gonzo would be amazing, but that was one line they’d never cross. Nor would he ever want to. Thinking anything along those lines would only lead to her getting hurt, and she’d had more than enough of that to last a lifetime.
“So what’s Gonzo’s place like?” Jen asked.
“Swanky.” Bailey wandered into the living room and snapped a photo of the room that also showed the ocean view and sent it to her sister.
“Holy shit. I know you and you’ll be thinking about how you need to find your own place as quickly as possible and all that, but damn, if Gonzo had let me stay there, he’d have to forcibly remove me from his apartment. I’d be claiming squatters right and I’d hunker down for the long haul. That place looks amazing.”
“Yeah, it is. Gonzo’s been super cool about everything. He said he’s barely here during the season, so no rush on finding my own place. I think I’m going to take my time and make sure I find the right apartment.”
“Gonzo has always been one of the good ones,” her sister agreed. “I’m gonna let you go. I love you. I’m here if you need to talk anytime, you know that.”
“I do yeah. I love you too.”
“Give Gonzo a big wet kiss from me,” Jen teased.
Bailey snickered. “Bye loser.”
“Later,” Jen sang, then disconnected the call.
Damn her sister and the stupid climb Gonzo like a tree crap. Now that was all she could think about. She ripped her earbuds out of her ear. Nope, that line of thinking was just stupid. And contrary to her relationship with Brad, she wasn’t an idiot.