Chapter 12
Chapter Twelve
KIT
It was as if Red had punched him in the gut with that one word. Kit doubled over, sucking in a breath that felt too big for his lungs. His eyes prickled and his mouth went dry. He felt like he was going to pass out.
“Kit.” Then Red’s arm was around him, holding him close, supporting while he gasped through the pain.
No! No!
Kit shoved Red away hard. The last thing he needed was comfort from the man who’d just told him he was walking away from him.
He wrapped his arms around himself, tears spilling onto his cheeks despite his best efforts to hold them back.
He refused to meet Red’s gaze as he wiped away angry tears.
He needed to man up like Tony always told him.
“I thought you’d find the bad guys,” he said, hating the way his voice shook. He clenched his jaw, desperate to regain control, and sucked in a few breaths before he continued. “I thought that would be it. I’d go back to my life, my brother, another shitty job.”
Red didn’t interrupt. That almost made it worse. It didn’t give him any hope. And the pity in his eyes…Kit hated that. The pity made him want to curl up and die.
“That could happen.” His tone said otherwise. “But you have to be prepared for the worst, Kit.”
The worst? The worst part wasn’t the danger. It was being alone with no familiar safety net.
Kit let out a short, broken laugh. “Prepared,” he echoed. “Sure.”
His throat burned. “The worst is I lose my home. My brother. Everything that keeps me grounded. I can’t see my brother again because he was a fucking asshole.”
“I’m sorry, Kit.”
“Sorry.” Kit snorted. “You’re sorry. Well, that makes it just peachy.”
Red stayed silent.
Why wasn’t he yelling at Kit for being rude?
Kit’s hands clenched at his sides, nails biting into his palms. He needed to say the last part before he lost his nerve.
“So that’s it,” he whispered. “You just… disappear and I’m alone. I thought you were responsible for me. Like Mo and Quinn and Craig. They didn’t walk out on their boys. They protected them. They stayed by their side.”
Red stepped closer, but Kit didn’t want that, couldn’t have his solid body close to him, offering support while wrenching his world apart.
“Don’t,” he ordered, one hand out, keeping him away, the other going to his mouth.
Red hesitated, staying where he was. But that’s not what Kit wanted either. He needed Red to haul him into his arms and promise that he’d never let Kit go.
“There’s a difference between the other Daddies and me, and you know that. It’s in my contract—”
Kit shook his head, interrupting him, ignoring Red’s scowl. He reveled in that scowl. He didn’t care if he upset Red, not if the man was going to desert him. “Not in the beginning. None of them wanted the Daddy assignments but they stayed with their boys.”
“I’m not a Daddy, not now. I left that world.”
“You protected me and Ti in the club,” Kit pointed out. “Just like a Daddy would.”
“I’m a bodyguard. That’s what we do.”
“Is that all you are?”
“That’s all I can be,” Red said, steady as stone.
Kit’s faint hope of Red being by his side crumbled. He took a step back, needing to get away from him. “Leave me alone.”
Red didn’t move. “If you survive this—and you will, you don’t need me standing between you and the rest of the world. You’re strong, Kit Monroe. You know you are.”
Kit shook his head. He felt as fragile as his mom’s spun glass vase that had shattered into a million pieces when Kit had knocked it off the shelf. “You don’t get to decide what I need.”
“No,” Red said softly. “But I get to make sure you live long enough to find out. That’s my job.”
That was when Kit broke again. “It’s not fair,” he said, his voice cracking. “You don’t get to be the only safe thing I have and then walk away.”
“I know,” Red replied. “But you deserve a life that isn’t built around fear. Even if that means I’m not part of it.”
Kit wiped at his face angrily, then he launched himself at Red, thumping his fists on Red’s chest, sending a tidal wave of anger at him. Red took each blow, standing immoveable and solid.
“You don’t get to walk out and leave me.”
Each word was punctuated by a thump to Red’s solid chest.
“No!” Thump! “I!” Thump! “Won’t!” Thump! “Let!” Thump! “You!”
Red took each blow stoically, as if he were pacifying a small child, which made Kit want to hit him even harder, but it was like thumping wood. It probably hurt him more than Red.
He yelled and thumped for an eternity, but Red just stood there and took it.
The harsh reality facing him made him want to crumble into a million pieces.
He was going to end up somewhere far away from Seattle, alone.
Kit was young. It wouldn’t take him long to settle somewhere new.
But right now, the prospect was terrifying.
Exhausted, Kit collapsed against Red’s chest, dissolving into racking sobs that seemed to tear through him. Red wrapped his arms around Kit, holding him close, and murmured soothing noises in his ear. Kit should push him away, this was such a bad idea, but he was too tired to move.
“It’s all right, you’ll be all right,” Red crooned.
“It will never be all right.” Kit buried his face into the crook of Red’s neck, hot tears slaking his skin.
Red held him tighter. “It will. I promise.”
The tears seemed to go on forever. Red maneuvered them around, so he leaned against the counter, giving him some support. It gave him a chance to take Kit’s full weight.
Kit had no idea how long they stood like this, but eventually his sobs eased to shudders and the occasional hiccup.
“Let me clean you up,” Red suggested.
As Red eased Kit onto a seat, there was a loud thump at the door. Kit jumped up and clung to him, panic in his tear-filled eyes.
“Baxter? Is everything all right?”
“It’s Mo,” Red said, holding onto Kit. “Come on in, Mo.”
He heard the door open, Mo had the code, then Mo and a younger man with a buzz cut and bright green eyes appeared.
Mo looked at the two of them, then took a closer look at Kit, putting two and two together. Kit probably looked like a cross between a chipmunk, all red-eyed and swollen cheeks.
“You didn’t check in.” He addressed his comment to Red. He didn’t ask about Kit. That was for Red to handle.
“Sorry, we were going to have breakfast and then we got distracted.”
Red had forgotten all about the regular contact he was supposed to do.
Mo gave a curt nod. “Okay. There’s no news overnight. Don’t miss another check-in.”
“Who’s monitoring the screens?” Red asked.
“Doug and Pablo are. You’ll meet them later.”
Kit sniveled and mopped his eyes. “Sorry, it was my fault. It all got too much.”
“Understandable,” Mo assured him. “That’s what Red is there for.”
“Not for long,” Kit said bitterly. He tugged out of Red’s arms. “I need to wash my face.”
Ronan stepped forward. He couldn’t be much older than Kit and gave off a sun-tanned surfer vibe, his wheat blond hair tumbling over his shoulders.
He was taller and broader than everyone in the room, yet it was clear from his body language that he deferred to Mo.
“Hi, Kit. I’m Ronan. Can we talk for a moment? ”
Kit gave a weary nod. Whatever. They wanted to get rid of him. He got it. He caught Ronan’s quick glance to Red and the older man’s nod. What was that all about?
Then Ronan herded Kit toward the panic room, but he didn’t touch him.
“He’s not my Daddy,” Kit grumbled as Ronan shut the door behind them. “You don’t have to ask his permission to talk to me.”
“Yeah, I do. He’s the lead on your protection.”
“I need to change that.”
The last thing he needed was more time sharing this cabin with a man who was going to walk out on him.
Ronan turned to him. “Are you making a complaint?”
Kit blinked. “I thought he was here for me.”
“Red? He is here for you.” Ronan looked confused. “He’s taken care of you since the shooting at the club.”
“Because he’s my bodyguard.”
“Yes.”
“Not my Daddy.”
It was kinda weird to have this conversation with a straight guy—Kit saw the wedding ring—but Ronan worked for the Biker Daddy Bodyguards. It wasn’t as if Ronan didn’t have a clue about the Daddy/boy dynamic.
Ronan’s expression softened and Kit ground his teeth together at the pity he saw in Ronan’s gaze.
“Give it time,” Ronan murmured, leaning forward and making sure the older men couldn’t hear him.
“They’re all the same. Huffing and puffing about being out of the Daddy game and saying no at every opportunity.
” He gave a wry smile. “Mo still says no, but that’s when Joseph is acting up. Which happens a lot.”
Kit folded his arms across his chest. His world was falling apart. He didn’t care about Mo and Joseph. “Your point being?”
Ronan rolled his eyes. “Anyone with two working eyes can see he’s desperate to hold you and take care of you. He was scared out of his mind when you ran away. He’s holding back for some reason.”
“Then why is he talking about dumping me somewhere?”
“Because that’s protocol.”
“Not for the Biker Daddy Bodyguards.”
“Red’s still at the huffin’ and the puffin’ stage,” Ronan said. “He’ll work through it. They all do.”
“I wish I had your confidence,” Kit muttered.
“Give him time. Let him protect you. Red’s still working through what happened with Davie.”
“Did you know Davie?”
“In passing. The security world is a small one. We met at an awards ceremony.”
“He was a member of the Evergreen Wolves.”
“I didn’t know that. I’m surprised your brother didn’t go to Monaghan’s.”
“It was a long time ago. He knew Red better.”
Ronan nodded. “Guess that must be it. Listen, I pulled you away for a reason. Do you want to do a workout session with me later? I’ve got time between shifts and it will use up some of your energy while you’re confined to the cabin and give Red and Mo the chance to talk business.
Kit was exhausted from balls to bones, and the last thing he felt like was working out. But he wouldn’t be clubbing anytime soon so the exercise would do him good. “Sounds good. What do you want to do?”
“We could do yoga,” Ronan suggested.
Kit gave him the side-eye. “Yoga?”
“Not yoga? Okay, okay, what do you want to do?”
“Mixed martial arts?”
Kit figured a bodyguard who looked like Ronan had to have hand-to-hand skills.
“Let’s agree it with Red first.”
Kit pressed his lips together. “It’s not his decision.”
“Daddies, even ones that don’t think they are, are kinda funny about men laying their hands on their boys. You should see Quinn when someone touches Cade, even accidentally. Let’s keep them happy, yeah?”
All Kit wanted to do was keep Red happy. It just seemed a shame Red didn’t feel the same way.
Ronan opened the panic room door and waved him through.
“You’re a kinda sheepdog. You keep herding me,” Kit grumbled.
Ronan chuckled. “It’s not the first time I’ve heard that. My co-workers call me Lassie.”
Kit snorted at the thought. Then he heard Red talking, well, more growling, and he froze.
“Why don’t you just let me do my job of taking care of Kit and quit trying to play Cupid?”
“Because I need to know you understand what you’re doing,” Mo said.
“I do. He’s safe with me.”
And Red sounded so sure, so confident that for the first time, the knot that had gripped Kit’s belly since Red’s one-word rejection, eased.