Chapter 26
“But it’s like you never listen. You let her dictate way too much. Everybody thinks that you this big boss ass nigga, but when it comes to your son, it’s always Raven this or that,” Tyra fussed, as she sat on the passenger’s side of my Benz.
I was trying my best to practice some restraint, but this broad was pushing me to the max.
For days, she’d been blowing up my phone, which was a burner I had specifically for her to call.
After realizing that she wanted nothing, for real, I’d stopped answering for her.
And now, she’d pulled up to my brother’s carwash, on the bullshit.
Not wanting muthafuckas in my business, I opted to sit in the truck to holler at her, and she’d been working my fucking nerves the entire time.
“Why the fuck do you constantly have her name in your mouth?” I wanted to know. “Raven aint your problem, nor your enemy. She literally don’t fucking know of your existence, for real. You just a face of many to her. So, it sounds fucking nuts when you go on and on, with this one-sided beef.”
“Cause maybe it’s ‘bout time that she gets to know me,” Tyra snarled. “Then maybe you’ll be a real daddy to our son.”
Angrily, I curled my lips. “Bitch, if you go anywhere near my wife, I’ll fucking kill you.”
She gasped, probably a bit shocked. Normally, I was laid back, and would let her run her mouth. But as time went on, and the threat of her turning my life upside down seemed inevitable, and I took her threats to heart.
Muthafuckas on the outside looking in often thought that I could skate with whatever, and I had a weakling at home, but that had never been the case.
Raven was always my biggest fucking problem, as she kept me on my toes.
Her having five kids had done nothing to water her down.
She was still raw and uncut. Pure. The finest muthafucka I’d laid eyes on, and I wasn’t saying that because she was mine.
If anything, I sometimes hated how gorgeous she was, as I could never get comfortable, and assured that she’d go nowhere.
So, yeah, I did the most to keep my gal happy.
If she called, then I was dropping everything.
If she asked for it, then it was hers. And if Raven demanded my undivided attention, then everything and everybody had to wait.
Including Tyra and JJ. Then ironically, Raven’s spoiled ass didn’t even see it that way.
She held grudges, and one misstep could have her punishing me for months.
Even if I didn’t verbally share this with another soul, most people would never understand the depth of my love for that girl…
except for maybe Tyra. Tyra knew that I might’ve been that nigga on the streets, but Raven had me wrapped around her finger, and whatever she said, went.
And Tyra knew this like no one else, because this was often the reason that I couldn’t show up for her.
Truth be told, I spent most of my time with my wife.
She was my best friend, and I enjoyed her company.
Shit, it had been a long minute since I’d cheated, period, but you couldn’t pay Raven to believe that.
On the cool, I was more in love with her than ever before, and I preferred keeping her close.
Besides, it was a known fact that Raven didn’t know how to act when she’d go outside, so I kept that clubbing shit to a minimum, on both ends.
And that’s probably why I was extra aggravated with Tyra, right then. I’d been texting Raven the entire time Tyra had been sitting in my car, and Raven had been taking forever with her responses. I had mentioned us stepping out that night, and she hadn’t responded, which had my antennas up.
“Oh, wow. Every time I feel like you can’t go no lower, you drop down another level,” Tyra claimed.
“Say, fuck with chu talking about.” I waved her off.
“This shit is redundant, honestly. You pulled up on me to talk about me not spending time with JJ. Meanwhile, you aint got him your damn self. Probably done pawned him off on one of the hood rats you run with. Like I don’t see through your bullshit.
This aint about no JJ. You just wanna be in my face.
And if I said that I wanted to spend some time, then I bet that the last thing on your mind would be going to get him.
You’d be riding my dick from sunup to sundown.
But it aint happening. You aint my bitch, Tyra.
So, stop popping up, making these scenes.
And keep Raven’s name out of your fucking mouth. ”
Her nostrils flared. “I hate how you put her on a fucking pedestal. Like she’s too good for me to mention—”
“It aint her fault that you want her nigga. You can never make that make sense, man.”
“No, you got it twisted,” she claimed. “I love you and all, but this aint about that. If you was the daddy that you’re supposed to be for JJ, then you’d have all the act-right out of me.
I’m fighting for my baby, because I know what it feels like to be rejected by the ones that’s supposed to love you the most. And I don’t want my son to grow up, and be all fucked up, like me.
So, yes, I’m on your ass, Jahrein. Because if I let up, then JJ would never see you. Hell, he barely knows you now.”
“Okay, and you honestly believe that showing up here is gonna change anything?”
“Yes, and no. This was just to remind you that I can easily pull up, and it could’ve easily been while you were with Raven.
And honestly…the more I think about it, the more I think that I’d prefer that she knows.
Y’all might go through something, but then you’d have no reason to exclude him.
I’m cool with JJ going over to y’all house. ”
I narrowed my gaze. “You know damn well that shit would never be that simple. As much as you muthafuckas try to paint her out to be weak-minded or gullible, she’s none of that shit. She wouldn’t just welcome JJ in with open arms. And I wouldn’t expect her to.”
“Okay.” Her lashes fluttered. “So, what happens if she finds out, regardless?”
“Ion know.” I shrugged.
She bit the corner of lip. “What if she doesn’t want you to deal with JJ?”
I shrugged again.
Her eyes lowered into slits. “The fuck does that mean? What would you do if she told you that she can’t accept JJ, Jahrein?”
“Shit, she just wouldn’t accept him, then.” I bucked my eyes.
“And that wouldn’t be a deal breaker for you?”
“A deal breaker?”
“Yeah. I mean, I know that he’s a secret, but you provide a roof over our heads. He sees you, and knows that he has a daddy. So, I wanna know if that would change, if she ever found out.”
“Ion know, Tyra.”
“You don’t know?” Her lips angrily curled. “So, you sitting there saying that you might walk away from your son, if she said so?”
I scratched the side of my face, keeping my thoughts to myself, because I knew that I was wrong as fuck.
Little did she know, but her not telling Raven was probably the best thing for her.
Because if Raven knew about him, then there would be nothing to hold over my head.
And then I’d probably do nothing more than serve as a wallet.
Because the threat of telling Raven was all the power she had on her side.
“Look, man, we’ll cross that bridge, if and when we get there.”
“So, you don’t have no real plans of letting JJ meet your other kids?”
“Not anytime soon.” I kept it real.
She sighed. “Is there a part of you that’s okay with walking away from JJ?”
I didn’t answer that.
She took a deep breath. “What if you had to choose?”
“What chu mean?” I furrowed a brow.
“I’m saying. What if Raven made you choose? Either her or JJ.”
“Ion know how you want me to answer that.”
She clenched her teeth. “I want the fucking truth.”
“Well, the truth is that it’s not just Raven and JJ. I have five kids—”
“Six!” She shouted, while loudly clapping her hands. “You have six fucking kids! I’m tired of you fucking excluding my son!”
“Man, calm all shit down. If you would’ve let me finish, then it would’ve made sense.”
“Okay,” she huffed. “Continue.”
“Yeah.” I licked my lips. “Like I said, I have five kids with Raven. So, me and Raven coming to a end means that my kids are in the middle of that. It would affect them. So, Ion give a fuck what a muthafucka say. A nigga who tries to stand on principle when he’s dead wrong is a nigga who was ready to leave his family, regardless.
The fuck I look like forcing Raven into a uncomfortable space by demanding that she accept my outside baby?
Or better yet, the fuck I look like removing myself out of the home where I got five kids, because my wife don’t accept your one?
Who’s really fucking winning in that equation?
Cause aint no way in hell can I be present like that with six kids, and Ion live under the same roof with none of ‘em. I guess that I’m supposed to be miserable.
Raven is supposed to be miserable. The kids are supposed to be miserable.
As long as JJ gets acknowledged. Of all people in this equation, the only person who shouldn’t have to make adjustments is you?
And if we decide to be selfish and put ourselves first, then we wrong?
Nah.” I shook my head, getting pissed just thinking about it.
“Fuck that. On some real shit, you better pray that Raven never finds out. Cause if you ruin my life, then you’ll be raising JJ completely on your own. ”
“You muthafucka!” She gritted, before swinging at me.
I grabbed her hand mid-swing, because I wasn’t about to go home and explain why my face was bruised up. There’s no way that Raven would miss that, and would want answers. “Say, keep your hands to your fucking self!”
“No!” She shouted. “I can’t believe the shit that just came out of your fucking mouth. The fuck is wrong with you?!”
I flung her hand back across the console. “Man, look, clearly you can’t handle the truth. So, don’t ask next time. Now, it’s time to get the fuck outta my truck.”