Chapter 36
Zoe
Last year, I was afraid. Every single day. Not because of what happened, but because of the consequences. I was afraid I’d never be able to dance again, and I don’t think I would have been able to survive that.
—Zoe
Something is wrong. I want to believe that I’m exaggerating and have been trying to convince myself of it for hours. Unfortunately, I don’t buy it.
Not after being an involuntary witness to the conversation between Jase and his father.
Skye and I didn’t agree to stay after class; we just did it.
Just like we both left the room together as soon as Jase and his dad disappeared.
There’s no way we could have known that they’d stop to argue in the middle of campus, or that the wind would carry their words in our direction.
But we moved on, both realizing that Jase wouldn’t want us to hear it.
Now I wish I’d stopped and waited for him, offered to talk. But I didn’t, and now he’s gone. He’s not in his room and hasn’t answered my calls or texts.
My phone beeps, and I collapse onto my bed. But the message that pops up on my screen isn’t from Jase; it’s from my brother.
Caleb:
I’m about to die of excitement. If you don’t like Parker, we’re going to have a problem!
I stifle a groan. Damn it. I totally forgot. Caleb asked me two days ago if I wanted to go out to eat with him and our parents so he could introduce us to Parker. I said yes because, at the time, there was no reason not to.
Hopefully, there’s still no reason not to because Jase is doing okay.
But I’m worried, and spending the evening with my brother and his new boyfriend feels wrong right now, and that bothers me.
Part of me wants to stay here and wait for Jase to get in touch.
The other part knows very well that he won’t show up today.
That he won’t sleep next to me in my bed and wake up next to me tomorrow.
My chest tightens. He was with me the entire week.
It’s crazy how fast I got used to having him sleep with me.
How strange it is that he’s not lying on my bed right now, listening to music in his headphones and playing with my hair as I read.
A new message pops up on my phone. It’s Caleb again.
Caleb:
Zoe? I can see that you read my message! Calm me down! Please!!!
I sigh and type a reply. Staying here won’t do any good. Besides, I shouldn’t spend the evening by myself right now. I would just overthink everything.
Zoe:
Stop worrying. I know I’m going to love Parker. Mom and Dad are probably already planning your wedding.
Caleb:
That’s somehow not as comforting as you probably thought it would be . . .
Zoe:
Everything’s going to be fine, I promise!
I send him a few hearts, throw my phone back onto my bed, and get ready. When I finally leave my room, I still haven’t heard from Jase.
* * *
I’m the first one to arrive at the little Italian restaurant where we’re meeting for dinner.
It’s Caleb’s favorite. We’ve spent every one of his birthdays here, except for one year when he was in bed with a stomach flu; I ate his birthday cake almost all by myself.
As a little sister, that was practically my job.
He saw things differently and returned the favor on my next birthday.
By then, however, I was too into dancing to even think about eating more than the two pieces I had allowed myself as a treat.
Still, I would kill for a piece of that sticky-sweet chocolate cake with the liquid center, no matter how little it fits into my diet plan.
“Zoe!” I turn to look when I hear Caleb’s excited voice. I’m already sitting at our usual table in the back left corner. I don’t know how, but Caleb and my parents always manage to get the same table.
Allesandro’s is small and cozy, with dark wooden floors, exposed brick walls, rustic furniture, and dark-green-and-white checkered tablecloths. The low-hanging lamps bathe everything in a soft, warm light.
Caleb walks up to me with a big smile, a dark-haired, absolutely gorgeous guy in tow. I get up as the two of them approach the table and hug my brother before Parker hugs me. A little surprised, I return his embrace.
“Mom and Dad are going to be a little late. Mom got stuck at the office. Maybe that’s not a bad thing, so you two can get to know each other a little. Then we’ll have an ally if Mom and Dad ask questions that they shouldn’t,” Caleb says. I have to smile. He’s totally smitten.
“Don’t worry, I’m always on your side. And I’m really happy we finally get to meet,” I say to Parker after we sit down.
He looks stunning with his jet-black hair and fair skin.
His eyes are an almost-unnatural blue, framed by long, thick lashes that I immediately envy.
Everything about him looks British, from his clean-cut facial features and the shape of his lips to the burgundy-colored chunky knit sweater he’s wearing.
“I’m happy too,” he replies, and he even has a slight British accent. His smile is so sweet that I completely understand why Caleb is smitten. “Your brother tells me you’re a ballet dancer?”
I sigh exaggeratedly and give Caleb a reproachful look. “Is that the only thing you can say about me?” I tease him.
“No, but I’m proud of you, so let me be.” He taps my nose.
I have to laugh, but it doesn’t feel entirely genuine. “That’s not fair—I can’t be mad at you that way.”
“You’re not supposed to be,” Caleb says with a grin, reaching for Parker’s hand. Their fingers intertwine, and my heart quickens as I think about Jase. He still hasn’t reached out, and I’m really starting to worry.
“He also showed me videos of you, if that helps in any way to be mad at him.” Parker winks, and I push my worries about Jase aside. He’ll text soon. I’m sure he will.
“Unfortunately not.” I sigh. “But thanks for your help.” I’m pretty sure I know which videos he means. Mom and Dad have seen and taped every one of my performances, but my brother knows exactly which videos are allowed to be seen and which are not.
“It was worth a try,” Parker says with a shrug, while Caleb looks from him to me, relieved.
He gives me a silent thank you, and I smile at him because Parker really is great.
* * *
“It was so nice to meet you all,” Parker says with a warm smile as we say goodbye to each other outside the restaurant a few hours later.
“It was nice for us too,” Mom says, hugging him. She’s beaming. She’s been doing that all evening, as have Dad and Caleb.
I can’t help but feel like I wasn’t quite present this evening, and I have a terribly guilty conscience about it.
“Everything okay?” Caleb whispers, so no one else can hear him. “You seem a little distant. Don’t you like Parker?” A worried expression crosses his face, and I feel a stab of guilt.
“Of course I do! He’s wonderful, honestly. You’re perfect together.”
“Then what’s going on?”
“Nothing at all,” I lie, because I can’t tell him about Jase. Not today.
Caleb doesn’t look convinced, but he gives in. “Okay.”
I breathe a sigh of relief.
“Zoe, can we give you a ride back?” Mom puts a hand on my shoulder.
“That would be great, thank you.”
“Of course. We’re going in the same direction.” She winks at me, smiling.
I hug Parker and Caleb and follow my parents to their car.
The whole drive, they talk about Caleb and Parker, and while Dad isn’t quite planning the wedding yet, the next family celebration will certainly be a vacation together.
I only listen with half an ear, mumbling in agreement from time to time so they’ll at least think I’m taking part in the conversation.
But I’m checking my phone every few seconds.
But—surprise—Jase still hasn’t texted.
“Zoe? Honey?”
I look up. Mom is looking at me questioningly. “What? I’m sorry, I was thinking about something.”
“We’re here. Is everything okay?”
“Yes,” I say, lying again. I squeeze out a smile. “I’m just tired.”
“Then off to bed with you.”
“Good plan.” I lean forward to kiss her, then Dad, and get out of the car.
I’m just about to go to the dorm when I realize there’s still a light on in the practice studio. Upstairs, in the little studio where Jase and I usually meet for our extra practice. My heart leaps. I can’t see him in the window from down here, but I’m pretty sure that he’s up there. It must be him.
I start moving without thinking about whether or not he’ll actually want to see me.
I just want to find out if he’s okay. Aside from me, there’s no one out right now, and I’ve never been in the practice building so late.
On the first day, we all got a chip card so we could practice any time of the day or night, but this is the first time I’m using it.
The building is dark, and something in me resists switching on the lights.
Instead, I take my phone out of my pocket and turn on the flashlight.
I hurry upstairs. It’s a bit creepy to be here so late, especially alone.
But I’m not really alone. Jase is up there. Or if he’s not . . . well, who knows?
The steps to the little studio creak under my feet as I climb up. I can hear the music echoing through the room. It’s angry, with a pulsing bass. I hesitate at the door. My pulse has already adjusted to the music, and my palms are sweating. I carefully open the door and peer in, and there he is.
He’s dancing. And I can’t help watching him.
He’s not wearing a T-shirt, just leggings.
Sweat is shimmering on his skin; his hair is hanging damply on his forehead.
There’s an expression of unbridled rage on his face.
And boundless pain. His movements reflect his feelings, powerful and strong.
He is so damn beautiful. And so, so angry.
I should leave. I should leave him alone, but I can’t take my eyes off him. I’m completely frozen. And then he notices me. His gaze meets mine in the mirror, and he pauses, breathing heavily. His eyes widen.
“Pixie.” His voice is hard and just as angry as his gaze.