Chapter 15
Damien
Four Days Later
‘Who’s Laughing Now’ – Hollywood Vampires, Alice Cooper
Pain explodes from every angle. My knuckles, wrists, shoulders, back, head, ears—pretty much anywhere I can touch on my own body.
I only meant to be here for a few minutes, but I can tell it’s been much longer.
Every time I punch the bag, all I can imagine is someone’s face.
Their eyes stare at me as if they’re really here, and it’s not just the victims from my assignments.
It’s all of them—everyone I’ve ever killed.
They rose to the surface of my mind, and now they call out for me like they’re demanding another.
The blood that coats my vision is a mirage, a facade, and I know that.
Somewhere deep down, I understand that, but the old urge to spill crimson is clawing at my demons and calling for sacrifice.
I’m not ready. My time in the woods proved that.
A part of me wants to go back to work—needs it, really.
But the spirits that lie dormant in my head are in a battle with one another.
They tell me that I should, and then I shouldn’t.
Every urge is fought off with a memory, and that’s slain by a compulsion. I’m at war with myself.
I should walk out right now. Today is not the day. Everything is supposed to be perfect.
I was doing so well. Breakfast was ready and waiting for her by the bedside when she woke up, and I’ve made sure she hasn’t needed to lift a finger today.
We laid in bed while she ate and watched her favorite movies.
It was the bare minimum, but seeing her face light up made the walls around my heart crack under the pressure of her love.
Her birthday has always been something that’s haunted her.
I wanted to make sure she didn’t have to feel that way anymore—starting with this one, today.
If she knew I was in here, it would ruin everything.
Zeke and Carter have been keeping her busy upstairs while Serena and I decorated the first floor.
Everything is almost perfect. There are pumpkins and fake webs spread across the entire open floor, bats are strung from wall to wall, and there are enough black flowers to buy out every florist in the city and all surrounding areas.
She deserves more. I should be getting ready to take her to a five-star dinner, painting her belly orange to watch the trick-or-treaters downtown, and renting out a theater for whatever new horror release was this month.
I planned all of that…and then the memories came back.
All I could see was the footage of her car exploding and images of me flying through the air.
I thought of them coming after us again.
Shame weighed my body down as I told Serena that I couldn’t do it—I couldn’t let Ashia leave.
I knew that as her best friend, she wouldn’t approve.
She didn’t say anything to make me think that, but I know how Serena is.
Even when she ran out to grab theater snacks, popcorn, and digital movie codes, I knew what she was really thinking.
“Damien?” Speak of the devil. “Everyone’s almost here.
Are you ready?” Serena asks in a chirpy tone.
I heave against the sand-filled bag, attempting to pull myself together.
This will be the first time I’ve been around so many people, but I know it’ll make her happy.
I’ve seen her phone. Emmett, Jaimie, the other barbers, hell, even Grease, have all been texting her to check up.
Serena suggested we invite everyone, now that Emmett is healed and pretty much back to normal.
How could I refuse, knowing how much it would mean to Ashia?
“Yeah…” I finally reply hesitantly. “I’m ready.” I tear myself away from the bag and turn around, only to be met by angry, emerald green eyes.
“Knock that shit off, Damien.” She crosses her arms and juts her head forward.
“I’m trying, Serena,” I seethe.
“I’m not talking about being nervous or upset.
You have every right to feel that way, but stop hiding it.
It’s only making it worse for you and for her.
” She smooths her dress and looks back at the door, watching out for lingering ears before she turns back to me.
“It’s okay to not be okay, Damien. I know that sounds like some cheesy, nurse-y bullshit, but it’s true.
Start telling us what you need. I know today is Ash’s birthday, but if you can’t handle this, she’ll understa—”
“No,” I hiss, cutting her off. “I cannot keep holding her back. What she can do today is already limited by my inability to cope. I will not ruin the little bit that she does get.”
“You think she’ll see this as only a little bit? Do you not know how much your effort means to her?” She tilts her head like she truly can’t believe she has to say this to me.
My head shakes on its own, and I force myself to turn away.
I know she’s tired of this, that everyone is sick of dealing with me.
I can see it on their faces—especially Victoria’s.
I shouldn’t give a damn about what she thinks of me, but after learning of the message she received, I’ve felt like even more of a failure.
While I’ve been trying to pull myself together, staring at a weeks-long countdown, it turned to only days in the snap of a finger.
A little girl is counting on me to save her, and my ability to do so is riding on how I do today.
I’ll just have to take Serena’s beratement and move on before this party starts.
When she inhales deeply, I know it’s coming.
“What’s Ash’s favorite color?” she asks, taking me by surprise. My heart sinks at her empathetic tone.
“Black,” I answer, not even having to think about it.
She loves red, that dark, deep, garnet red, but that’s only a close second.
Black is her favorite because of its versatility.
It’s elegant, raw, and harsh, but can be made soft and simple.
The hue can take both everything and nothing at all. It’s consuming, yet void.
“Do you know what the color black actually is?”
“It’s the absence of color…” I answer her again, more disappointed this time now that I realize the point she’s trying to make.
It wasn’t too long ago that I was giving Serena the same comparison.
I wanted to show her what she means to Ashia, and now that she’s trying to turn the scenario to show me the same, it only proves that I’m not worthy.
“Not exactly.” I turn around to face her, confused by her reply.
“In terms of light? Yes. It’s the void of illumination.
But if you’re talking about color? It’s everything.
” She takes small steps towards me. “The color black is total absorption. That’s what you’ve done for her.
You’ve taken her sadness, her loneliness, all of the hurt she carried…
” She stops in front of me, looking up at me like she’s actually grateful for my presence.
“You took all of that away. Hell, you took over her whole world. You are all of her colors, Damien. Even orange, as much as it pains me to admit.” She sprouts a shit-eating smirk, displaying her playfulness.
At some point, our relationship has shifted, and I’m not really sure when.
Serena and I have put up with each other for Ashia’s sake, but her words weren’t necessary.
She’s not saying them to appease her best friend.
Serena Anderson might actually give a shit about me, and it hurts to accept how much it matters to me that she does.
It might just mean that I have a real chance, that there’s a possibility I could be what Ashia deserves.
For the first time in a long time, I feel like I’ve done something right. I just wish I knew what that was.
“What about light?” I raise a brow, fighting a proud smile, so as to not give her the satisfaction just yet.
“Well, you know she’s always loved the darkness, anyway.
” Her smug grin only grows, and she shrugs her shoulder like it’s no big deal.
I never thought a pep talk from the world’s sassiest nurse would make me feel better, but it worked better than I anticipated.
“Now, let’s go give our girl a good birthday!
” She rolls her eyes, turning around and flinging her hair as she walks away.
She can act like we’re back to uneven ground all she wants for appearances and all of that, but the truth still lingers, and I’ll hold onto that while she gets red in the face.
After I swallow the lump in my throat, I follow her, soon meeting all of the hushed voices spaced throughout our home.
The large cake Marla made is set out on the kitchen island, the dining table is set with dark themed tableware, and everyone is gathered, stretched throughout the living, dining, and kitchen areas.
I notice Alex first, giving him a curt nod as I step in his direction.
“Hey, D,” he whispers and leans against the counter, inviting me over with a jerk of his head. I settle in beside him and lean over to whisper back.
“How’s everyone at the Attic?” I’m curious about how things are going with Satori, since they’ve kept me out of the loop for so long.
Ashia never told me what she was talking to Alex about that early morning, but it sounded like he was causing more problems. I shouldn’t be so surprised, considering how he was before I was abducted.
Who was I to think that he would stop just because I was gone?
“It’s alright. There have been a few hiccups, but it’s nothing we can’t handle.
” He tries to reassure me with a nonchalant tone and crinkled shoulder.
It’s not happening tonight, but I need to know what I’ve missed.
If we’re going to get back to our normal lives, I need to start transitioning back to work.
Perhaps if I fill my time with tasks, this urge to kill again will dissipate.