Chapter 23 #2
“Fuck you, too!” Zander yells back at her, then snaps his head back to us.
Well, Damien, really, because I let go and step closer to Kelsey.
The moment I release his hand, Damien jumps over to Zander and wraps his arm around his shoulders humorously.
His smile only grows into excitement, but Zander yelps as Damien scratches his scalp with his knuckles.
The moment they start to wrestle, Zeke catches my attention and walks over to me.
“Well, that didn’t take long,” he chuckles and wraps his arm around my shoulder.
“It sure didn’t,” I reply proudly and lean into him, taking in his brotherly affection.
Tears actually spring to my eyes as I watch Damien interact with everyone.
They all practically dog-pile him once he gets Zander to the ground.
I’m just grateful these tears are happy ones this time.
He’s been in so much pain the past few weeks…
I’ve wanted nothing more than to see this genuine bliss on his face.
He even reaches through the heap of men to pet the dogs as they patter up to smell everyone.
Zeke stands next to me and continues to laugh, taking in the moment with me.
For the first time in a long time, Damien finally seems whole again.
I take in a deep breath, absorbing this feeling as if we’ll never experience it again, even though I’m sure we will.
There’s not a doubt in my mind that we’ll have more moments like this, that this tiny instant is a glimpse into the rest of our lives.
I really like this vision.
Like a shadow, Satori descends upon us. He walks up to the group just as they help Damien back up, and I hate the little rattle that shakes its way down my spine.
Zeke’s grip around my shoulders only tightens, telling me he feels the same uneasiness as I do.
Anger starts to conjure in my chest the moment Damien locks eyes with him and the delight on his face vanishes.
Kade walks up with Satori, but he stops short and gives me a worried look paired with tight lips.
Satori surprises me when he holds his hand out to shake Damien’s. He’s trying to appear respectful to everyone else, but I can pick up the resentment behind it.
“Glad to see you’re doing well,” Satori says confidently, overselling his friendliness, if you ask me. There’s a split second of hesitation in Damien’s eyes, knowing what trouble he’s been lately, but then he shakes his hand anyway, maintaining his demeanor.
“Thanks. It’s good to be back,” Damien replies sternly. Just when I think he’ll get stuck in another stare-off with him, he pulls his hand away, leaving Satori standing there in disbelief as he walks over to us.
That one choice has made me even more proud of him. Satori wants a fight. He wants Damien to lose it in front of everyone to carve his insanity theory in stone. My man isn’t going to let that happen, though. He’s too damn smart.
“Are you ready to go to the conference room, baby girl?” he asks as he takes my hand, pulling me from my brother’s hold.
“You got it.” I smile up at him and squeeze his hand, glancing back at Zeke to make sure he’s following.
“Come on, Kade.” Damien jerks his head in the direction of the door, but he’s sure to glare at Satori as we walk through it.
The rest of the morning isn’t going to be near as much fun as the last few minutes was, but I still feel pretty good about it, knowing that Damien is soaking up his confidence once again.
Zeke manages to shove Kade through the door before he turns the upper half of his body and throws his middle finger in the air, directing it at Satori.
I just shake my head and keep walking. At this point, I’m not going to stop him.
Trying to put a lid on Zeke is like trying to extinguish a firework that’s already going off.
My only concern is if it bothers Damien, but by the chuckle leaving his lips, I don’t think he minds at all.
Damien shuts the driver’s side door and leans back against the seat, sighing through his frustration.
Our joyful day back took a stressful turn.
I knew Satori was messing with the routes and downtown operations, but I had no idea it was this bad.
There were gaps all over the place, leaving vulnerable areas without protection.
That’s easily fixed, but what isn’t simple to solve is the insubordination from some of the men.
None of our usual guys caused any problems, thankfully.
It was pretty much all of Satori’s soldiers.
The push back they gave about the not-so-new routes—that they still had hours to prepare for—really caught us off guard.
It’s not that we didn’t find their concerns valid.
Of course we did. It was the hostility behind it, and the question of who they should listen to.
The answer should always be Damien. Satori’s influence over them has really started to breed some culture problems within the organization, and it made Damien very upset.
He’s treated them the same way he treats all of his men.
The only person who’s exempt from that is Satori himself, and that’s because he’s earned this agitation.
Whenever we’ve turned our backs, he’s slithered in like a snake and tried to change how we operate.
For a while, I really thought he was going to start working with us, and not against us.
That clearly isn’t going to happen, though.
I could see the sadness on Damien’s face when we had to talk about what happens if they disobey their orders tonight.
He’s never had this problem. His men respect him and put him on such a high pedestal that I’m not sure he ever thought he would have to discuss something like that.
He’s thinking about going out on patrol with them to encourage their compliance.
But I’m not so sure that’s a good idea.
It could be my own selfishness. A part of me just isn’t ready to sleep without him again, and I’m not sure that I could if I tried. I know this is just as important to him as anything else, though. His men’s opinions of him matter, and there’s no doubt that the hostility today has rattled him.
“Maybe’s Satori’s right…” he whispers as he pulls out of the parking lot, taking me by surprise. “I’m not the same person I was before. It’s been almost three months since I’ve been inside that building. Maybe I just don’t know what they need anymore…”
Now, that—that doubt—instantly pisses me off.
“Damien, you shouldn’t think like that. You started this organization.
You know this area and how it works. When you make these decisions, you keep everyone in mind—the citizens, the guys, and what trouble either one can run into.
Satori’s routes are shit. You know that.
” I try to reason with him, but he just shakes his head again and reaches his hand through the window to unlock the main gate.
“It’s not just that…” We pull out and turn back onto the main mountain road towards the house.
“I went through everything since the moment they took me. Every route logged, every inventory count, and every submission that was put in…” He glances at me, then back to the road.
“You did so fucking good, baby. So God damn good, and I’m so proud of you…
but it makes me feel like shit.” He clears his throat, twisting my heart. “You shouldn’t have had to do it…”
His grip tightens on the steering wheel, making the leather creak beneath his palm. It breaks my heart to have his mind swirling this way. He finally just found his footing again after everything that’s happened, and now, he feels like he’s taking steps backward instead of forward.
“DeLuca said something about me turning you into a monster… That I did nothing but cause you more pain.” He turns his head away from the road, but looks out of his own window instead of me.
He’s quick to adjust it back to the road, but I can tell by the tautness of his neck that he’s trying to avoid looking at me.
“Sometimes I can’t help but think she was right… ”
“Don’t stop at the house,” I blurt out quietly, unable to stop myself.
He’s felt like this before, even before DeLuca threw it in his face every chance she got.
Before he was taken, I thought I was starting to break the surface on that, beginning to prove to him how wrong he is.
Now, I’m determined to finish that point.
“What?” He turns to narrow his eyes at me.
“You heard me.” I meet his gaze, partially already regretting this decision, because I know he’ll be mad at me when he learns the truth. “Just keep going down the mountain. I’ll tell you when to turn.”
His face doesn’t soften, but he doesn’t argue, either.
I look back to the road and pull his hand to rest on my stomach, knowing we both need the comforting touch.
When we drive past our long driveway, I don’t miss how he presses into my belly just a little more.
He knows where we’re going, but I still tell him to turn at the bottom of the mountain like he doesn’t.
I rub the outside of his hand with my thumb, trying to give him some type of reassurance.
Words bubble up in my throat and dance on the tip of my tongue, but I force myself to stay quiet.
For the first time, probably ever, I don’t want to tell him that everything is okay—that he’s safe.
I want him to feel it. I want him to know it.
There is nothing here that can hurt him anymore, and until he experiences that, I’m not sure either of us will be able to break through this wall he’s built.