Layla – Present #2
I reach out. My hand moves up his arm. Before I have a chance to stop myself, I press my lips to his.
There’s a slight pause before he starts to kiss me back.
It’s a delicate kiss, tender, almost like he’s testing the waters, waiting to see if I’m going to change my mind.
I push my hands into his hair at the nape of his neck, and he pulls me closer, his own hand tangling in my hair, the other taking hold of the blush pink fabric around my waist.
He pulls us apart for a moment, just long enough for those hazel flecks in his dark green eyes to stare into mine, as if he’s asking me, is this real? He must find his answer there, because when he lowers his head again there’s nothing at all delicate about the way he kisses me.
My legs press against the back of the balcony wall. The mix of emotions that are always swirling through my mind fall silent.
He presses his forehead to mine.
“Layla.” His voice is a whisper, thick with emotion, like he’s afraid I’m going to change my mind.
Whatever this is, whatever we are to each other, I want it.
My finger traces a line along his jaw, down to the scar on his neck. He leans down, his nose touching mine. He smiles, then kisses me again. His hands are in my hair, on my neck, around my waist.
“They’re doing the bouquet and garter toss!” someone shouts to us.
“We should go back inside,” I say.
He nods, his fingers playing with mine before he closes them together, starting to move us back inside. I tug his arm, pulling him toward me. He leans his head down and gives me what I want. I’m wrapped up in him, and I don’t want to be anywhere else.
When the wedding party pour out onto the balcony, we part.
Maria passes out the sparklers.
Amie and Parker move to the front, Parker’s jacket draped over her shoulders.
The sparklers are lit as the fireworks begin to go off.
But I can’t focus on them.
I hand my sparkler to the lady next to me and grab Jacob’s hand. “Lets go.”
The elevator takes its time getting to the bottom floor, and when it finally opens, a group of people push their way out. I step inside next to Jacob, my confidence beginning to wane. He hits the fourth floor, and the doors close us in.
The moment they do, his lips are on mine.
He kisses me everywhere, along my cheek, down my jaw, to my neck, and then back up to my lips. He holds my waist, his fists gripping the fabric of my dress.
The doors part. Another couple steps inside as we make our way out.
He reaches to the inside pocket of his jacket and takes out the room key, pulling me against him, he peppers me with kisses as he opens the door.
I push off his jacket and it falls to the floor. His mouth doesn’t leave mine.
I start to play with the buttons on his shirt, failing miserably at removing them until he helps me. He takes his shirt off and it joins the jacket on the floor.
I shamelessly touch along his abdomen, over every toned bit of muscle. His hands move down to my thighs. Then he picks me up. I wrap my legs around his waist, and he carries me to the bed.
His hands press into the pillow on either side of my head, holding his weight above me.
He lowers his head and kisses my neck, sending a rush of chills down my spine.
His tongue slides along my neck, and I let out a soft moan.
That seems to shatter every ounce of his composure, making his kisses more urgent.
I wrap my legs tighter around his waist, the fabric of my dress bunched up to my stomach.
His hand moves from my head to my thigh, touching the bare skin there.
He leaves a trail of kisses from my neck to my jaw, then he kisses the corner of my mouth before finally his lips are back on mine. Right where they belong.
He pulls me up to sit on his lap and helps me lift my dress over my head.
I’m still wearing my bra and panties, and even though he’s seen me in a bikini before, this feels far more intimate.
The way he looks at me, the way his eyes have darkened, I feel a heat low in my core, I want him.
I want him in every possible way I could have him.
He lowers me down on the bed, his hand traveling back to my thigh, I want him to touch me.
As if reading my mind, he drops his hand to the thin lace at my hips.
He stops kissing me for a moment, pressing his forehead to mine. We both take in a slow breath. When he lifts his head, his lips linger above my own. His mouth touches mine in a slow and careful kiss, like he’s kissing me for the first time and savoring every moment of it.
His hand slips under my panties, and I freeze.
He pulls his hand away and rests it on my stomach.
“Layla, what’s wrong? Are you okay?” He moves off me. While I answer him with a nod, I have no idea what just happened.
He repositions himself, his back pressed to the pillows against the headboard. He opens his arms wide and pulls me to his chest.
“Talk to me. Did I do something wrong? Something you didn’t like?”
I shake my head. “No. You did everything right. I…” I exhale. “It’s not that I don’t want to. I do. I want to, believe me, I do. I just… I…” Apparently, my body knows more about what’s going on in my head than I do. I cover my face with my hands. What’s wrong with me?
“Hey.” He touches my wrists, pulling my hands away from my face. “It’s okay.” He kisses the tip of my nose. “We’ll take it slower.”
I peck the corner of his lips. “I’m sorry. I’m a complicated mess.”
He smooths down my hair, the back of his fingers gliding down the bare skin of my arm.
“You’re not complicated.”
“I disagree.” I rest my head on his shoulder.
“Then you’re wrong.” He kisses the top of my head.
Sometimes I don’t understand how all of this works.
My heart’s been torn from my chest. It’s been beaten so much I’m certain it has permanent scars.
It’s not even whole anymore. And yet I can still feel it beating.
I can feel the flutter when Jacob speaks to me.
And I wonder how much hurt and pain and grief a heart can handle, because it’s more than I thought I’d be capable of.
I look down at my wedding ring and feel guilt piercing through me. The reason I froze when Jacob touched me like that has nothing to do with him.
Jacob hooks his finger under my chin, forcing me to look at him.
“I want to hear it, Layla. I want to know what you’re thinking.”
“I don’t think you do.”
He shakes his head. “Yes, I do. I want to know everything you’re thinking. I want to know when you’re happy and when you’re sad. I want every single part of you, Layla.”
I sigh. “I’ve…” I pause. “I’ve only ever done this with Ben.
” I press my lips together. God, this is embarrassing.
“I thought I was ready, but when you touched me, I… I don’t know, I panicked.
It felt like I would somehow taint what I had with him if I do this with you.
I know that probably doesn’t make any sense.
But I don’t want to ever betray him. I don’t want to feel like I am.
” I try to push back the emotion bubbling to the surface.
He strokes my hair again and I curl in closer to him, burying my face in his chest.
“That won’t happen.” His voice is soft. “Nothing will ever take away what you and Ben shared together. He’s a part of you, Layla, he always will be, and as much as I want all of this with you, I wish you never had to go through the pain of losing him.
If I had to go the rest of my life without you in it, but you wouldn’t have to go through yours without him, I would do it. ”
His thumb gently wipes away my tears. “Please don’t cry.”
“You deserve much more than me, Jacob.”
He shakes his head. “I don’t think I’ve ever deserved you.”
I lean up on his chest. “That’s not true.” I sniff. “I shouldn’t have been so selfish with you. I should have told Nicole the truth. You should be with someone like her, someone that can do this with you without a breakdown.”
“Nicole?” He raises his eyebrow.
“She’s beautiful, and she doesn’t come with the baggage I have. She’s probably still down there, if you hurry you might still have a chance.”
He sits up puts his hands on both sides of my face. “Are you done?” he asks. “I don’t want Nicole. I want you, Layla. I’ve only ever wanted you.”
He touches his lips to mine, and for all the ways I want to argue that Nicole would be better for him, I can’t seem to think of any.
I’ve only ever wanted you.